Do people tend to like one of your twins more than the other?

Isabella is SOOOO easygoing and gets along with everyone - she goes with anyone and is a silly girl. Everyone loves her instantly!!

Sophia is very demanding. If she doesn't get her way she screams at the top of her lungs. She is very skeptical about everyone and it takes her a while to warm up to you, but on the other hand she is the "motherly" of the two. She loves to "help" me fold clothes, get diapers when I'm changing her sister, pick up. If Isabella is crying she will bring her her cup and blanket or pat her on the back. She loves for me to do her hair. She likes to give me the clips when I am rolling my hair in the morning. She seems to be the older soul of the two.

In a way I wish thier personalities were more alike - I had a lady from their school tell me "I'm gonna steal your baby!" I said, "Which one?" and at the same time we both said, "Isabella"...well what about my Sophia? She is sweet too and funny! She just takes a little longer to warm up to you!

I felt bad for Sophia

 

:hug: That's so hard!!! My dd is my shy one that literally hides anytime someone new comes. She doesn't go to others easily and it takes a LONG time for her to even speak when someone else is in the room. Even though with us she talks all the time. So everybody does go towards Jake, because he's the one saying hello to everyone and giving hugs and will talk your ear off.
My friends and family that are over a lot have really gotten to know Aly and love her just the same (if not more because she's the only girl), and I find that special.
I know it's hard though! :hug:

 

It is very tough, but keep in mind that this can change! When Jack was like 8-12 months old he had so much more personality than Nate. Nate was sweet, but pretty bland; he was working on a lot of milestones and just not that engaged with people, so everyone flocked to Jack. All my funny stories were about Jack, the best pictures, etc. and all anyone talked about was Jack Jack Jack!! It made me feel really badly for Nate.

Then Nate worked through his stuff, started to talk a bit, and suddenly became a huge goof, while Jack started teething like mad and became super clingy, whiny, and easily frustrated. Now it's all about Nate Nate Nate! :gah:

I fully expect them to go back and forth in their likability, as developmental phases come and go. When one of my guys is not getting the positive attention that his brother is getting, I make a point of telling a cute or funny story about him. This makes me feel better, and hopefully diverts some of the good attention to my other boy.

In a few months Sophia may blossom into a charming helpful young lady, while Isabella might start cutting molars and become a grump!

 

Like PP said, to this point it has changed a couple of times for us and I am sure it will in the future too. Right now dd is in a very outgoing stage where she says hi to everyone, chatters to people who talk to her (and even went to some strange man and asked him to pick her up to go bye-bye the other day - yikes), and is just a complete clown. Only a couple of months ago, though, she was clingy and shy and ds was the one getting the attention for being so sweet and smiling all the time. Some parts of their personalities have stayed true pretty much since they were born - ds is more observant and quieter but so sincerely sweet and sensitive to others that it is endearing whereas dd really is a funny little thing who really enjoys being the center of attention when she gets over whatever holds her back at times like separation anxiety or teething, etc. I expect that those will always be central to their personalities, especially since they seem to each take after one of us - me or dh. What drives me crazy is the labeling when we are out - people will say oh, he's your shy one, she's your happy one, he's your smart one, she's your bad one, etc. and it makes me want to scream. They are not one or the other - they are like everyone else with lots of different aspects to their personalities and good days and bad days like every other human. All of that to say that I know exactly how you feel, but that I don't think people always mean what they say and I also don't think that anyone will ever really know how precious each of your children are and all that they have to offer because that special knowledge is reserved for moms and dads and that's ok, I think!

 

I agree with Valerie, during the FY DD was the one with more personality and DS was the quieter one, the more observant one. DD got all of the attention during that time and it did bother me. As time passed one, DD can get overwhelmed around a large crowd and DS is our social butterfly who warms up to people right away. He says hi and bye to strangers, waves and people coo over him. I agree that it is an ebb and flow.

 

It's not too difficult for people to flock a little toward Cameron cause he'll say Hi first and smile as long as he's got all the attention. Kiefer is a little more skeptical, but it doesn't take too long for him to warm up. For a while, Kiefer was much more shy. My family does not flock as much to Cameron as strangers do. What I think has helped are the frequent email updates. I often write down and mass mail to family what the boys are up to. So while Kiefer is more shy, people already know what he's capable of and give him lots of attention. It helps him feel more secure cause people pay attention to him and ask him to do things they hear about him from the emails. He perks up pretty quickly when people know how to approach him and give him attention. Cameron will always get attention. I give plenty of stories about what he's up to, but with these emails, it makes them more equal to family members. They don't feel rejected when Kiefer doesn't smile at them right away. They just talk to him. Then give him a minute and he'll boast the biggest smile he can muster.

So that's one idea if you want family and friends to view both your kids the same. Otherwise, you know your kids the best. You can make sure the one that gets the less attention from friends and family gets more attention from you during those times. That's what my brother did. His oldest has always been the more difficult child. More needy of attention, while his middle child was more needy of affection. With a third child in the mix, it was hard to give each child the attention he needed so one would feel left out more often. Especially his middle child. It happens a lot with three kids, but he still needed his attention. So when his grandmother would visit, she'd make sure to go shopping or do an errand with him specifically so he'd get the attention he wanted. It really has helped his confidence to get that individual attention. He becomes less needy of "everyone's" attention.

 

Hmmmm I'd think it would be weird if it didn't happen some outside of family,even ID twins are not the same person...

That said, yes, it does happen but fortunately for us it's not one more than the other- jsut different people perfering one more than the other. At their daycare they got split- the daycare owner called Twin A ‘her baby’, her daughter called Twin B ‘her baby’. Similar thing happened at their new daycare… 2 sisters (around 10 and 8) informed us that when they started they decided ‘Twin A is MY baby and twin B is my SISTERS baby.’ Fortunately so far it seems to be fairly subjective…. Some people are drawn to Twin B’s mischievous smile and curious way of exploring everything, others are drawn towards Twin A’s sweet and very cuddly behavior.

 

I find that with my two at the younger age that because they were so different -- then different people would be drawn to one or the other. If you like kids that are active, exploring, the person in the class that you will remember.... then that is my one daughter. If you like a more quiet, happy all the time, sweet, petite, less busy more interested in making you smile.... you get the other twin. I used to feel bad for the one, but in time it switches back and forth who gets more attention from others. I don't like stories I've heard on here where the family prefers one or the other.... that makes me sad.

Heather