Do people constantly nag you about how.....

your twins were concieved? I work partime. I work with another woman that found out I have b/g twins. She has b/g twins as well. She made a point of going on and on and on.....etc about how she had them spontaeously and never used any kind of assistance. I hardly knew her name, but I knew ALL about how her twins were concieved AND how she carried them to term. Blah! Blah! Blah! After having to suck it up and endure all this unsolicited information. <_< , she asked me straight up if my twins were spontaneous or IVF. As if it can only be one or the other. It really caught me off guard, and I really don't care to discuss how my twins were concieved. First off, I don't think it is of any importance or it matters. I told her that I took medication and that they weren't spontaneous, but I told her that they weren't IVF. I felt it was highlty inappropriate that I was asked this. A week later, a friend of hers asked me if my twins were IVF? It seemed as if her friend didn't believe me when I told her they weren't and so they are trying to find out? I can't understand whey this other women wants to find out if my twins were spontaneous? If hers were, why is it so hard to believe that mine could have been. I actually admitted that I took drugs to enhance my egg production, but left it at that.

I wish I had a good retort when confronted with those kind of questions that leave you stammering over your words, but I never can. I am so irritated by people that want to get into your sex life and find out your personal life. Ugh!!

How does anyone else deal with it. I know that others with twins must be dealing with these questions, too. Once my kids start school, I am sure I will be confronted with these issues again. Just want to not be caught off guard. Don't want my kids to hear these questions either.

Help

Song

 

yes people do ask me did you need "help" to have twins and i say no my husband and i knew what to do. then they say oh you know what i mean were they ivf i say actually twins run in the family we planned on having kids and were blessed with 2.

you don't have to tell anyone they were ivf if you don't know them or even want to say so. that is your private business. i just can't believe some people will actually get that personal.

 

I really hate it when i get the , "were they planned" Like in DUH yes you know we just had lots and lots of sex.
And teh one "so who has the twins in the family" Mine are frats so even if my hubby's aunt and uncle are twins it does not come from his side because his sperm is not that good to make my ovaries ovulate two eggs at the same time.I got a strange look at the that answer.

 

I just tell them I found them on my doorstep one day!

 

It is so strange to me what people will choose to be proud of as if it gives them value. I have never had that question posed to me and I have never actually thought to aske another twin mom that questions. It seems irrelevent.

 

You could always say "I don't usually discuss my sex life with strangers." It's a nice way of saying "Your nose, it's in my business. Please remove it."

 

People don't usually ask me that, but when they do, I tailor my responses based uponhow well I know them or what I think their reason for asking is. If they are just nosy, sometimes I give them more detailed/graphic information than they asked for, and that usually halts the conversation right there. I guess they get embarassed by too much info! :lol:

 

It never bothers me, but when asked, I usually tell the whole graphic details - I like talking about it all! LOL

I like the "I usually don't talk about my sex life" Sounds like a good "shut up" to me! LOL

 

I usually say something smart *ssed like I don't know I was not there.. Or my famouse response if anyone asks something I don't feel like answering is "Why do you ask???" I find that stops people in their tracks no matter what they asked. Did you concieve them naturally? Why do you ask? Uh um Uh um.... make them squirm instead of you!!!


LOL

I still hate the, "boy do you have your hands full" uggghhhh I have NEVER heard that one!!!

 

Many times I have found that people ask, simply because they are stuggling to get pregnant, and are fishing for info. It could be that the friend is struggling, and looking for a doctor to help, but is embarrassed to ask straight out--I have found that to be the case more often then not when someone tries to continue the conversation beyond the initial question.

 

my twins were conceived naturally, and doesn't make them more special or less special than those that have had infertility issues. That said... I just say.... I had lots and lots and lots of sex with a really devious look on my face. That usually shuts people up. Twins do run in my family, both identical and fraternal, and both sides of my family. My mom has identical twin sisters (rip), and my father is a fraternal twin. His twin died shortly after birth to a farm accident. Back in the 40's they really didn't think much ahead. Anyway, my twin neices (identical) and my twins (fraternal) are all natural. As are the 3 sets of cousins kids that we have (twin sets that is). I come from a fertile bunch. Honestly though, I had been on an ovary suppression drug( aka menopause inducing drug), hadn't even had a period. And things weren't adding up. Finally went to the dr, and 9 weeks pregnant. Two days later twins. What a shock. My oldest son was a result of birth control failure.

Teri

 

I"m in the same boat. Didn't do IVF, but weren't 'spontaneous' either. My response to her?? "What if they were neither?? Where's the grey area at in between?" or something really smart like, "well, we conceived so-and-so on this date, and her brother was conceived a month later. And it was planned that way!" Or heck, even tell her that they ARE identical, Dr.'s proved it with DNA test (very rare, but a few cases do exist)

As for the friend, tell her to go research infertility on the 'net and the different ways of overcoming it. It's none of their business HOW your kids got here. They're here right??

 

I say with the most straight face that I can get..........."well, it start with a two eggs and two sperm (in my case)....wow, I thought by this age you would know what causes babies" :lol:


In every case, it is true that it took egg/s and sperm/s to make the babies.....who cares if you had them with no help, with drugs, or with IVF (or other means)..............I turn it around on them and make them squirm.....LOL

 

I think you should say anything you are comfortable with. Don't feel you need to directly answer the question with the facts of the conception. I've taken to saying "strange things happen when there is a full moon"...with a smile and a wink. People don't know what to say to that, so they stop

I like both of these and may might snag them for my own:

QUOTE(2xthelove @ Apr 3 2008, 10:38 AM) [snapback]702644[/snapback]
yes people do ask me did you need "help" to have twins and i say no my husband and i knew what to do.


QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Apr 3 2008, 11:40 AM) [snapback]702776[/snapback]
You could always say "I don't usually discuss my sex life with strangers." It's a nice way of saying "Your nose, it's in my business. Please remove it."


Joyful - It's amazing to me that no one asks you this. I get asked at minimum 2-3x/week

Sharongl - I love your posts. They are so kind and you seem to find the good in everyone!! Maybe because I don't let the conversation get that far usually...but to me most people just seem like they are trying to think of something to say other than commenting on the weather (most people that ask me this are stangers when we are out & about) but I don't appreciate random people asking this as a way to make conversation.

Edited to add: Joyful - I just checked out your profile, I think people might assume mine are IVF because I'm 37. I bet they don't ask you because at 25 they assume yours were spontaneous.

 

every time someone asks my sister if she plans on having kids (she's 38 and no she doesn't plan on any) she looks at them and asks them "do you pee in the shower? kind of a personal question - like the one you just asked me"...that generally ENDS the conversation :rofl:

 

If someone asks you if you had "help" conceiving your twins, you could always say with a smile..."my husband helped me...if you know what I mean...!!!"

If they go on to ask "no..I mean did you take fertility drugs" I do like the response above "why do you ask". If they are just being nosy, like these women at your work, you could say that you don't discuss your private business with people. If they want to know because they are having fertility problems..that is different.

I just don't get why people think it is more "special" to conceive twins naturally. I conceived mine naturally and was very surprised...but just like everyone on here...I carried two babies..which is the hard part and makes everyone special...not how they were conceived.

I never really discuss how they were conceived with people..but if someone were to ask, I would say I had the help of my husband...

 

In the past I'd go with "why do you ask?" yes it works everytime. But you all gave me some great NEW ideas. tee hee. now I feel like I am waiting for someone to ask so I can try them out.

 

I don't get asked this either, but I think few people in my area know that there is such a thing as IVF.

I think if I did get asked this I'd adopt a "Why do you ask?" approach. If they are just being nosey they will squirm, if they are struggling with infertility the may tell me. I didn't need any fertility treatments, but I've learned so much hanging around with all of you, (Thank you for being so frank with us btw) that I could at least tell someone where to start if they were in that situation.

 

I always get -- do twins run in your family?

Who cares, we have them.

Or people act like we wanted twins or multiples and purposefully tried to have them. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but we don't set out to multiply by two like crazy rabbits. Life just happens.

 

I get the "do twins run in your family" a lot. I always say yes, because they do, even though that had NOTHING to do with how we had our twins! But why would I volunteer our IVF journey? I have had the experience of helping at least 2 other women by telling them our story when they asked, so I am sensitive to women who want information about fertility procedures.

I like the "why do you ask?" approach, but would add: "why do you ask? are you having trouble conceiving?" It neatly turns the tables on them and hopefully they would realize what a personal question it is when YOU ask THEM!
I love having twins, and it does not matter in the least to me how anyone has their babies. Nobody goes up to random people with children to ask if they adopted, why is this any different?

 

A nosey older lady asked my DH one day "how we got twins?" He simply told her we had sex twice in one day. She turned beet red, stammered and left. He laughed all the way to the car.

 

QUOTE(Joyful @ Apr 3 2008, 10:16 AM) [snapback]702734[/snapback]
It is so strange to me what people will choose to be proud of as if it gives them value. I have never had that question posed to me and I have never actually thought to aske another twin mom that questions. It seems irrelevent.


I think you're right about the lady in the OP. It's kind of sad, actually, that she has to find value in something she didn't really have any control over.

QUOTE(AmynTony @ Apr 11 2008, 11:35 AM) [snapback]716872[/snapback]
every time someone asks my sister if she plans on having kids (she's 38 and no she doesn't plan on any) she looks at them and asks them "do you pee in the shower? kind of a personal question - like the one you just asked me"...that generally ENDS the conversation :rofl:


I LOVE this response! I didn't get married until I was 36 and endured all the same questions about getting married and having kids, as if that is what defines a person. One of my sister's acquaintances that I would see occasionally at my niece's bday parties always asked that the first moment she saw me. "You're the sister who's not married, right?". I about started a brawl at a kids' bday party! I came to realize that since that was the only way she felt validated (as a wife and mother), she really just had nothing else to talk to people about. Now, I just find her sad.

I think I'll use the "why do you ask" response. I really does make people realize the invasiveness of their question. And, if it's someone struggling with IF themselves, they will usually sheepishly tell you that's why they're interested and I have no problem talking to them about it.