do I need help ? really ?

Do I really need a baby nurse ? I will probably get NO help, and husband will get no time off. Should I hire someone or wait and see. Spoke with agency and nurses at drs, and they are stressing me out with ifo about how id. twins are hard to feed, after the c-section etc. Any advice please ?

 

my spouse will only get to be off for about 4 days after my ID boys are born so im having mil stay with me for a week and then my grandmother stay with me for a week or two, after that i am hoping i have healed enough to do most of it on my own. i will be having an c-sec as well thats my plan of attck anyway

 

Thats great, I am happy for you.
As I said I haveno one who is able to come....should I get help ????????




QUOTE(Babies On The Way @ Dec 7 2007, 04:35 PM) [snapback]525193[/snapback]
my spouse will only get to be off for about 4 days after my ID boys are born so im having mil stay with me for a week and then my grandmother stay with me for a week or two, after that i am hoping i have healed enough to do most of it on my own. i will be having an c-sec as well thats my plan of attck anyway

 

QUOTE(snow73flakes @ Dec 7 2007, 04:30 PM) [snapback]525184[/snapback]
Do I really need a baby nurse ? I will probably get NO help, and husband will get no time off. Should I hire someone or wait and see. Spoke with agency and nurses at drs, and they are stressing me out with ifo about how id. twins are hard to feed, after the c-section etc. Any advice please ?



Hey,

Honestly I think you will some sort of help at least for the first week. I don't know if you need a baby nurse per say, but some one to give a lending hand will be much appreciated by you and your DH since he will still be working.

Your twins might be hard to feed or real easy, it's hard to say till they are here. If you do get a c-section your mobility might be some what compromised, and you'll be a little slow but you'll be fine overall but once again the help will be nice.

I had help for the first two weeks the boys were here (my mom came to stay with me), and I have to say it really helped. It gave me a chance to get them into a routine (more or less) and to figure out what I am doing. I still get help during the day since i'm up all night with them but I am starting to phase that out as i'm starting to get a handle on things.

I say if you can afford and it's not breaking the bank or you have a family member you can con into staying at least the first week. I say take it. If anything it'll help your sanity and give you breaks during the day and night you'll need as you are getting use to everything.

 

I didnt get a c-section, but DH was only home for a day or 2... I had no help from then on..

 

i am so glad you posted this… I am having this discussion now with my DH… but I’m thinking a night nurse for the week I come home… but my husband said he won’t be able to sleep with a stranger in his house watching his babies… I said I need at least a few hours sleep for recovery, I have a son who will be ten around the time they are due… but my DH has points… our neighbors just had fraternal twin boys (I know its gonna be a crazy cul-de-sac) and one twin was home 6 days before the other was allowed home, what do you do then? Wait until they are both home… but your recovery is further along… we have had some interesting conversation on the topic… but EVERY mom who has had twins, and few just with singletons say getting a night nurse was the best money spent (one said she would gladly sell her favorite purse to have a night nurse again should the situation arise)… sooo I think if you can afford it, do it… I am going to be hiring a nanny after the New Year (it looks like I’m heading down the bed ridden road), so if I don’t get sleep I can sleep during the day while my oldest is at school…. :lazy:
I did try the “wait and see” if I need help when I had my son, and let me tell you it was hard to get my act together to even make the call to agency’s and then set up interviews while my infant is screaming… he probably even scared a few prospects away ardon:
And don’t let the agency scare you (this is their business… but I’m always a skeptic)… yes it will be hard, but many women (on this site) have done it (bless them)… and we can too… I will be curious to know what you decide..

 

QUOTE(AshleyLD @ Dec 7 2007, 04:39 PM) [snapback]525204[/snapback]
I didnt get a c-section, but DH was only home for a day or 2... I had no help from then on..

You go girl… I was trying to figure out what was more impressive, no c-section with twins or jumping in with no help… I think the no help wins… you ARE impressive… and proof it can be done...

 

I obviously haven't had my twins yet, so I guess I don't have much experience in this area. However, my mom had twins (me and my brother) and my grandma had twins as well. Neither of them had any help and my mom says she really really wishes she had had the resources to have hired someone. It was really hard. I think if you are able to afford someone to help you out, that you should do it.

 

If there is no way for your husband to get any time off, I'd really consider seeing if you could even arrange for evening (or day) help a few times a week. If you can get some rest during the day even (and day help may be easier/cheaper to finagle), then the nights up aren't so overwhelming.

I was fortunate in that my husband could take off for three weeks, and we had my MIL and mom for some additional help, but since I was BFing, I was up every 3 hours anyway regardless of help. Suppose the comfort in that is that it CAN be done (and as posters above have indicated, it's been done in the past... )

Hee hee, emauro, I had to giggle a bit -- your husband may not be able to sleep because he has twin babies in the house...whether a stranger is there or not!

Everyone DOES find what works for them...perhaps the best thing is to be prepared (and know resources) to ask for help if needed.

Good luck to all of you -- you will all be FINE!

 

dont be brave woman if u can afford go for it a baby nurse or any help will be a tremdous releif for u for any peace of quiet for yourself-the Bn will help u cope with 2 babies, show u how to nurse them, some tips and tricks; get u some rest/food/things u will need u might forget things for yourself Im getting a nanny and seriously myself i know i cant do it let alone 4 kids!

 

QUOTE(Darren&Sarah @ Dec 7 2007, 06:14 PM) [snapback]525296[/snapback]
Hee hee, emauro, I had to giggle a bit -- your husband may not be able to sleep because he has twin babies in the house...whether a stranger is there or not!


Yes that would seem to be the obvious... :laughing: ... BUT sadly he could sleep through anything... seriously...2 screaming baby's = :lazy:

 

Yes, I would get help. I had my husband for the first two weeks and my mom for two weeks after that and don't know what I would have done without them. Don't be stressed, everything falls into place. But if you can afford the help, get it for sure. Take some pressure off.

 

My DH was only home for 3 days after the boys were home with us, and I've been on my own since. That's including 2 days a week when I have the babies and my 4 year old DD. Honestly, I haven't found it to be that hard. I was terrified because everyone kept telling me there was no way I could do it without help, but it's not true. DH helps when he's home, but I do it by myself all day long and also do all of the night feedings and diaper changes. I've taken the boys to the doctors on my own a few times, and have even gone grocery shopping with them AND my 4 year old and no other adults. You just figure it out as you go.

We have no family nearby and couldn't afford help if we needed it anyhow. I'd take that wait and see approach, personally -- not everyone finds they need outside help.

Good luck!!

 

If you don't have any help, you will still manage to survive. I did.

My boys were full-term and nursed well from the start and I was tandem feeding by the time I came home from the hospital. DH went back to work after one day off. I had a C also and it really slowed me down but it was possible to still do everything. That said, when my folks visited for a week, I took full advantage and it was MUCH easier simply having someone to fetch me food/water, change diapers, and do a little cleaning.

I'd suggest doing the research now and have numbers on the ready in case you decide you want to hire help. I'm not sure a night nurse would have been my choice because they're expensive and I chose breastfeeding which limits their usefulness. A mommy's helper and a weekly cleaning service, though, that would be nice.

 

QUOTE(snow73flakes @ Dec 7 2007, 04:30 PM) [snapback]525184[/snapback]
Do I really need a baby nurse ? I will probably get NO help, and husband will get no time off. Should I hire someone or wait and see. Spoke with agency and nurses at drs, and they are stressing me out with ifo about how id. twins are hard to feed, after the c-section etc. Any advice please ?


I didn't read the other responses. But if you can afford it then you should definitely get some help! My boys have been home for 3 weeks now (after 8 weeks in the NICU). My husband works at least 12 hours a day and I have no family within 800 miles of us. My mom did come down for the first 2 weeks. Since she left we have had a post-partum doula come for 8 hours a night. I do get up to help with feedings (I bf one while she bottle feeds the other) but I am basically getting 8 hours of sleep. Thank God because the days are hard!

I highly recommend a doula - I like their philosphy best as they are there to "help the family" and not just care for the baby. They will do whatever you need them to do. Laundry, dishes, help with babies, etc.

At first my dh and I had trouble "justifying" the expense but we are both WAY happier now that we're getting some sleep and we are enjoying our boys so much. Once they are sleeping through the night or maybe just getting up for one feeding, we'll stop having her come at night and probably have her come for a few hours in the day to give me a break (so I can maybe get a shower?).

Cary

 

I think every one adjusts to twins differently.....
as you have seen by reading all the PP's......

So if you can afford it, and you think
you need it get help.

I am another of the ones that had no help.
My DH was home for 2 weeks, then it
was just me and my boys. And it was hard
at first, but I look back now and feel like
wow, what an accomplishment.

 

Wowsers, you all are making me feel so lucky - my DH will get 12 weeks off work when the babies are born!! California has a Family Rights act which allows 12 weeks off within the first year of birth for the sole purpose of bonding - and it's totally separate from the regular 12 weeks of FMLA. So he was able to take 5 weeks off earlier in the pg when I first got put on bedrest, to help take care of me and care for our 2-yr old son - that was all FMLA, and since he had tons of paid sick leave saved up, he got paid that entire time. He still has about 600 hours of paid sick leave on the books (he's been at his job for 20 years and rarely used sick leave), so he'll get paid the entire time he's off after the babies come as well.

That said, when my DS was born, DH only took 2.5 weeks off after the birth, then I was on my own during the days - but that was just one baby, and it did seem like I couldn't get anything else done besides take care of the baby. (The reason he did that was that he took another 9 weeks off when I went back to work, and he stayed home with baby so we didn't have to put him in daycare right away.)

I can only imagine how much harder it will be with twins; I know if DH was not going to be off work, I would definitely want additional help around. I plan to BF the twins, and I remember how much time BFing took in the beginning with just one baby, so I'm anticipating that will be very time consuming.

I say definitely if you can afford it, to get the extra help, at least for a few weeks in the beginning until you have a schedule established.

 

I would go for the help. I am the type that functions fine on little sleep but I really wanted someone there to even just talk to sometimes! When my twins came home (one came home a month before the other), I wasn't recovering so it may be completely different, but taking care of twins itself is going to be easy, you may need help with you recovering? Just having someone help to lift the babies for you if you are really sore. I had a 2yr old and 5 yr old at home and even they were a big help (well somewhat!). I say go for it and if you find you don't need it, let her go!

 

Can you do it? Of course! Lots of us have!
Do you want to? I doubt it!!!! It's lot more fun and doable with help. I honestly don't think you will EVER regret getting help - and you can always cancel it! (Or take a shower and go to the bookstore to read for an hour - WOW!)

I'd prepare for help the first week and then decide. You and your babies deserve to enjoy each other with all the relaxation you can!

 

I know for us, hired help isn't an option. DH is going to take some parental leave from work for a few weeks or so, as well as I have my mom,step-mom,sister,MIL,FIL,ex-FIL, all coming into help. I'm hoping we'll be able to space them out so that we don't have 7 people in the house all at once. With my DS though, I was a single mom, and had no help past the first 4 days. I stayed with parents for those few days, then on my own. It's doable on your own, just tiring.

 

What kind of work does your DH do? Depending on the size of his company and how long he's been there, he is possibly eligible for Family and Medical Leave which he would be allowed up to 12 weeks off of unpaid leave. Granted, he probably doesn't need that much time off, but if he is eligible and you can afford a week or two off unpaid, I would go that route.

You may not need a ton of help that first week, but it would sure be nice. My girls were in the NICu for 17 days. DH worked that entire time...I would spend all day at the NICU and he would meet me there fora few hours every evening. Once the girls came home, he was home for one week (by the end of that week I was READY for hime to go back..lol). The second week home, he worked 2 whole days and 3 half days to help me out. Other than that, we didn't have any additional help.

 

QUOTE(twinzmom2b @ Dec 10 2007, 11:20 AM) [snapback]527688[/snapback]
What kind of work does your DH do? Depending on the size of his company and how long he's been there, he is possibly eligible for Family and Medical Leave which he would be allowed up to 12 weeks off of unpaid leave. Granted, he probably doesn't need that much time off, but if he is eligible and you can afford a week or two off unpaid, I would go that route.

You may not need a ton of help that first week, but it would sure be nice. My girls were in the NICu for 17 days. DH worked that entire time...I would spend all day at the NICU and he would meet me there fora few hours every evening. Once the girls came home, he was home for one week (by the end of that week I was READY for hime to go back..lol). The second week home, he worked 2 whole days and 3 half days to help me out. Other than that, we didn't have any additional help.



He JUST changed jobs. Actually, he was unemployeed (horrors) for 2 months. Was very stressful, so money is tight...as for my family, they are in a different country. And his , well we are in the middle of a family drama of sorts. My teenage niece has gone off the deep end (very long story, will post it for advice).....all the family energy and time are going to her..........

I do feel better after my babycare/breastfeeding class and ALL the wonderful ladies who are saying they did it on there own ! thanks

 

If you can afford it, I'd get the help. But it can be done without help.

Mine were in the NICU 5 and 6 weeks, when the first one came home I had her all by my lonesome and I managed part-time work that week too. Then when the second one came home, it was on a Saturday and DH was back to work on Monday and I was on my own.

What helped me was a cleaning service and lots of takeout that DH brought home (plus food my mom/sisters brought on the weekend). And most of all, DH and I took shifts at night so we both got some semblance of sleep.

 

In my opinion it would be better for you to engage a baby nurse for you.Nurse will be a great help for you.

 

QUOTE(Stellaluna @ Dec 8 2007, 07:54 PM) [snapback]526003[/snapback]

My DH was home for 2 weeks, then it
was just me and my boys. And it was hard
at first, but I look back now and feel like
wow, what an accomplishment.


Ditto. My mom is coming twice a week for the first six weeks when DH is in school at night for a master's class - otherwise neither of he or I would get much sleep. I would suggest a minimum of one week of help, but two would be better. More would be even better.

 

It would be batter for you to hire a nurse for your twins for their better care. Your husband will not be able to help you a lot though he is willing to do so.

 

I am a very efficient person and thought that I would be able to get into a routine easily after the babies were born. I have always had upper management positions and thought "how difficult could this be, I've run entire companies" well I was wrong. Not that I couldn't handle it myself, it is just a lot of work especially when trying to recover from a c-section on no sleep. DH was home with me for a good 3 weeks and I had a lot of help from my mom and extended family. I was really exhausted not to mention emotional which made everything 10x worse. I don't want to scare you but I also don't want you to have a nervous breakdown after the babies are here. I just wasn't prepared for what it was going to be like. Adrenaline and excitement got me through the first week but after that wore off I was just worn out. I would hire someone to help even for a few hours during the day just so you can go in another room and sleep. Your body adjusts to not getting a lot of sleep and a couple hour nap can do wonders for your overall wellbeing. It is so exciting and great being a twin mom. We couldn't afford a nurse or a nanny or I would have plus I did have a lot of family to help. I would try and find some sort of help for the first month to six weeks what ever you can afford it is worth it! Congratulations and good luck with everything.

 

Yup...I agree with Ericka on all fronts! Get help if you can because it will make things easier for you. I didn't have any trouble recovering from my c-section, but I was so sleep deprived, any time my mom or MIL showed up to help, I went straight to bed for four hours! Often it was the only sleep I got for days!
You'll figure out a system that works for you...good luck!

 

OMG yes yes yes! I'd have to say I'm pretty qualified on the mommy front. My opinion is if you can afford help then get it. I had help for 3wks and I was still exhausted. Dh got up with me all night every night. He waited on me hand and foot and it was still overwhelming. Even if your nursing if your done nursing and you have a screaming baby a night nurse can pace the floors while you recover in bed. I figured with dh and then my sil and finally my grandparents helping out the first 3wks I'd be just fine but I still could of used more help for a longer period. Granted I had other children to take care of but OMG you will be sooo busy and still in pain. I remember I was just 100% taking care of the babies and everyone else took care of the other kids. I was sooo busy pumping nursing changing clothes,etc etc that I kept forgetting to eat.

 

thanks, snowflakes, for asking this question! and, thanks to everyone else for your responses. they are so helpful!

my dh works for himself and won't have a lot of time off BUT we will be staying w/my parents after the babies are born (long story that comes down to convenience and location!). we therefore won't have to worry about cleaning, running errands or taking care of a home. i plan to bf, however, so we might hire a doula for some help if we need it.... anyways, it really does sound like veryone's situation is different, and we all have to just plan ahead as well as we can. and also, do whatever we can afford to do!

goodl uck!

 

QUOTE(Scare Crow @ Dec 10 2007, 06:07 PM) [snapback]528378[/snapback]
In my opinion it would be better for you to engage a baby nurse for you.Nurse will be a great help for you.


I have heard that "baby nurses" are not really nurses at all and really aren't the best thing (just what I've heard - you should do your own research). I have hired a doula and love her!

 

I refused help for the first week, we brought Becca home, Jake was in the Nicu. My cleaning person had told me she had twin experience, but I was on maternity leave and wanted to do it on my own. Also, my husband worked from home and i figured he could help out.

We brought jake home on the 8th and by the 10th (?) i was on the phone begging my parents to come and hired our cleaning lady to help 10-15 hours per week. It was so hard. Part of it was our small apartment (laundry downstairs, barely any kitchen space) and stairs up to our apartment - but it was just hard. In the abstract it's hard to imagine it. I really commend the women here who have done it with little or no help - I couldn't do it, I just couldn't.

As others have said, do what is best for you - but baby nurses are expensive. My nanny was 15/per hour and we had her come during the day. There are other options for help. I didn't find the nights that bad. She usually came from 4-5 hours, 3x a week. I also learned a lot from her on how to care for the babies. another thing that worked for us was I usually went to sleep around 7:30 and my husband tried to handle stuff until midnight, then I handled from midnight until whenever he got up.

Finally - all that aside, WHATEVER YOU CAN DO to make your life easier - paper plates, take out, extra bedding for the cribs..extra bottles, anything you can do, will make it that much easier to focus on the babies.

 

Like some previous posters have said all babies are different but I know I could not have done it without help. I has family members taking turns helping for the first month. One time my DH was out of town and I was completely alone for 48 hours. It was horrendous and I was literally counting down the hours til he came home. If you can afford it, get help.

 

I had a c-section and came home with babies early. I didn't have help (and DH didn't really help at night as I nursed.) Its do-able, we spent most days laying in bed before and after we got DS1 to school... I had a basket of snacks and a large bottle of juice near me. After the stitched healed then we did more and more. My Mom came out but I had to cook for her and she didn't like small babies, so it was worse than if she had stayed home!

 

If you can swing help, even if it is during the day, I would.

Actually, your husband may be able to sleep through two crying babies in the another room, but, not in the same bed! that or knees to the sides work too!

Seriously, your husband will be home in the evening to help. I would try to get help in the day, in case you are not healing like you would hope, or just to have another set of hands, or to take a nap and feel secure that someone is keeping an eye out.

The first day DH went back to work I was by myself all day and that was the LONGEST day of my life. I remember being on the floor. One baby on each leg, looking at the clock and going " Yeah, only three more hours!" It got better. The rest of the week I had people set to check in and it was so much better, just took some of the pressure off.

We did a split shift type thing too.
DH took the 10-11 feeding I did the over night and he did the first AM feed. He actaully like the time with them by himself in the morning.