Do any of you work outside the home?

If so, how do you manage it all? I have very helpful husband, family and such, but i am a fourth grade teacher and feel like i'm not good at anything, teaching or mothering. I try to cover all bases, but it's hard focusing sometimes. Yesterday, at the girls' first Christmas, (they'll be one on January6th) i found myself getting overwhelmed and tired. This morning i still feel the lethargic from yesterday and we go back to school next Tuesday.
Any of you feel the same way? I have to work to pay the bills, so staying home is not an option for me.
Thanks for listening.

 

If so, how do you manage it all? I have very helpful husband, family and such, but i am a fourth grade teacher and feel like i'm not good at anything, teaching or mothering. I try to cover all bases, but it's hard focusing sometimes. Yesterday, at the girls' first Christmas, (they'll be one on January6th) i found myself getting overwhelmed and tired. This morning i still feel the lethargic from yesterday and we go back to school next Tuesday.
Any of you feel the same way? I have to work to pay the bills, so staying home is not an option for me.
Thanks for listening.

 

You know fortunately I don't have to work, but I was wanting to do SOMETHING without the hours or responsbility, that comes along with a "real job" and I found it! I met this mom at my girls dance class and she too was a SAHM, but she also was working a stay at home business and was doing REALLY good, so her and I got to talking, and needless to say I started up mine. It's simple, it's easy and it's what's going to allow us financial freedom, and I am just so fortunate to have met her, and to have found out about such an incredible opportunity!!


I know a lot of moms who feel that way and who are just so overwhelmed, and I just wish they knew that there IS an alternative. And there is. I found it. You should PM me, and I can tell you a little more about what an incredible opportunity that I came across.

Susan

 

I work full time from home [State employee with home office] and often feel the same way. The first year was the hardest -- I think I am managing better in yr #2 so hang in there. I also have a commuting husband that leaves home at 5 AM and returns at 6:30 PM so all of the day-to-day stuff falls on me. I think the thing that helps me the most is exercise and "me time". I started exercising again when the twins were 12 months and feel so much better, both physically and mentally. I run on a treadmill before the kids wake up in the AM and days I don't run I am tired and totally unfocused. I don't get much time alone, but try and get out for a couple of hours each weekend and that helps. Misery also loves company and I have met some great Moms through a local multiples group. Because I work, I don't make it to many of the functions, but still have email contact with a number of Moms.

Good luck!

 

I'm in the same boat. I teach third grade and sometimes feel I'm not doing justice to my girls or the children at school. Mine are a little older and I'm finding it just now starting to get easier. Before I got married, I would be at work until 6:00 many nights. I put everyting into my job. When I married DH, I backed off a bit and stayed to 7:00 only on the nights he was at the firestation for 24 hours. I found a good balance that way. With the girls, late nights like that are no longer possible. When I'm at home, I want to be with my girls not correcting "Charlotte's Web" comprehension packets! There are times I feel like I am drowning under paperwork! My severe PPD made everything even more overwhelming. With that under control now, I'm functioning better and trying to be more efficient so I can keep up with my school work. I correct papers at work, avoid the staff room during my planning times so I can work instead of visiting with co-workers, I eat lunch with my co-workers but score work at the same time. I also have students self-correct math computation sheets so I don't have to.

Know that you are not alone and that you can do it!

Angela

 

I work full-time in an office. It is hard sometimes to juggle everything. Fortunately my job is pretty easy (easier than taking care of the kids would be) -- I can recharge, have some adult time, and run errands at lunch. And my job doesn't come home with me. It would be a lot harder if it were something high-energy like teaching -- I admire you for doing it!

Anyway, what helps us a lot is being very organized in the evenings after the girls go to bed (at 7:00). We get all their food ready for the next day (though that is easier now because from 1 year up, the daycare feeds them), restock diapers or whatever, make our own lunches, etc.

I think it's also just not possible to be good at everything all the time, especially when your kids are very small. I know I've been slacking off at my job, but I just decided that's OK -- I'll make up for it when I'm getting more sleep and the kids are a little more independent. Hang in there -- I hope it gets easier!

 

I work full time, but I don't know that I have the answers you are looking for in terms of "how to manage it all". I just do.

A couple things that have helped here:

* Good child care (we have been very lucky with nannies/au pairs).
* Major shopping on weekends, with set menu.
* A lot of quality time in the evenings and weekends.
* TIME! My girls are nearing 2 1/2.

 

Yes, I work away from home 3 days/week (long days) and it is overwhelming. I constantly feel like if I was home, they'd be napping better, sleeping better, happier all around. But alas, for now I am not always home.

No suggestions, I'm also hoping the second year is a little more manageable than the first.

 

Yes, I work 32 hours a week as a nurse. I work 3p-11p which allows me to stay home during the day with my twins. My mother provides childcare from 2pm-6pm when my dh gets home. It is a little like being a single parent at times, but it works right now. I have a wonderful husband who pitches in alot. We have a cleaning person every week for 2 1/2 hours, we have groceries deliverd using stop and shop peapod, and we do once a month meal preps at Dream dinners which simplifies cooking. It is hard to feel like you are doing a great job at all your jobs. I find it easier to feel like I am doing the best I can and appreciating the days I feel like I am doing it all great. Don't beat yourself up this is really hard and we can only do what we can do, no right or wrong here.Hang in there...

 

I so remember my first year! It was rough and to be honest year 2 wasn't much better. However, now finally at age 3 everything is clicking and things are much more organized. It takes a long time to get things under control. I cut out any and all uneccessary work. I stopped balancing my checkbook (I've done it for years and years and never had a problem so now I manage everything online) I can see all pending transactions and what bills are scheduled to go out. I check often to make sure only authorized transactions hit our account.

I use a basket system and throw away almost every piece of paper I don't need for tax purposes. I have a basket for bills that need paid and once they are paid they get pitched. If I get a late or past due statement I can always check online and send them proof of payment that way.

My husband is also a big help when it comes to cleaning. I like to spend my time in the evening playing with my boys since I am at work all day.

I know it will be hard for awhile, hang in there.

 

I work full time and first year I was in total survival mode at work and home. It was very hard maybe I am more a toddler person than a baby person. The second year was easier because they eventually start sleeping through the night so at least you get some uninterrupted sleep most of the times unless they are sick and you are not in that zombie state anymore.

I got my DH very involved to the point that he can stay with them a whole week (with the nanny's help) while I am traveling on business. He even cooks for them. It did not come natural to him to be so close with the babies and in the first year I made sure that we did it together (for example we would take them out together any chance we would have) and I let him make decisions regarding the babies and involved him as much as I could and it paid off.

the issues with the second year is that I need to spend more time managing the relationship with the nanny and making sure that we stay consistent on discipline and how we do that as well as well as other issue (e.g. how to work on DS speech delays)

We spend most of our non working-time playing with the babies and cook after we put them to bed and do most of the shopping on line including groceries and baby stuff to save time. Out family is overseas and I wish I could have my parents closer to help me sometimes in weekend but that’s not an option for now.

You dont need to be perfect in everything just be clear to yourself on what your priorities are through the day.

 

I too am a teacher, high school theater, and have recently decided that while I still want to teach, I can not do theater any more. The extra-curricular stuff is a full time job in itself. I will be switching to full-time art next year, if there is a posision available.

I am always exhausted, and lately in physical pain due to torn muscles around my rib-cage. I do not have the heavy grading that other curriculums do, and even refuse to do a final test (I do final projects that I can grade along the way) so I do not have to do a huge grading session on the last day of classes. I know that there are a ton of ways to ease the grading load for teachers. There are ways of assessing and portfolio building with out having to attach a letter to each peice. Look into Marzano's (sp?) best practices, he has great ways of cooperative learning, vocab..etc, that may ease some of that.

The excersize for me is a biggie, finding time to do it is really rough, but my DH (who works from home 2 days with the kids) has promised me that I can come home a little later those 2 days to give me a chance to go to the gym. I also plan to email all the teachers with a common plan hour as me and find a walking buddy, that will give me excercise and a chance at a adult conversation that maybe will not have to be about work since that person will not be in my department.

I do online bill pay...most of it automatic, so that helps that time issue. DH and I split the laundry an I never worry about the kitchen until all the kids are asleep. The rest of the time we live with dust and grimy windows until we are expecting company, and that's just life. I am able to concntrate on my kids when I am home.

It is so hard, if you had offered me a chance to be a SAHM 2 years ago, I would have said no, I love to work too much. But now, with 3 so little, I would love to be able to give all of me to them. Not that I think its easier, far cry from it, but they deserve all of my effort and concentration on them, not split in 40 directions like it is now.

 

Yes, I do. DH is home during the day. As soon as I get home, he dashes out the door to go to work. I don't sweat the small stuff. I choose my battles wisely. I focus more on their night routine than the house. I do all that after they go to bed.

If you feel that you have excessive fatigue, then see your doctor. I have apnea, and use a CPAP. I am not always good about using it...but when I do...I feel great!

 

I work full time outside the home. For me, what has made it work is a great nanny so I don't have to do the whole driving them to daycare and picking them up...saves me a bunch of time. My nanny is also our housekeeper so I don't have to find additional time to do chores around the house. We keep the girls on a pretty set schedule (have since they were two months old) at night. So, even though it's totally hectic when I get home from work and the girls wind up eating chicken nuggets an awful lot, I know that by 7:45pm, the evening is mine and my DH. My DH also helps out a lot with the girls and is part of the routine...sure I do more than half, but he definitely pulls his weight. The nanny wakes up the girls in the morning and my DH waits for her to arrive so I get to leave early and go to the gym before work. So, when I'm exhausted at night, I don't have to worry about exercising on top of everything...I can just plop down on the couch and watch my tv shows. Oh, and we started doing Let's Dish so making dinner is much nicer. Before that, I would wind up just making a sandwich or something quick because I was too lazy/tired to make a whole meal. Now, we can all eat a good meal since they are little work and cook fast. Good luck. Once you get your groove, it will be fine.

 

I also teach 3rd grade and I frequently get overwhelmed with it all. It is so hard at times to balance family life with being a good teacher. I also have to work to pay the bills and dh just got his first teaching job, so we're going through it all with both of us. I just agreed to take a student teacher as well (who used to be an excellent aide) at our school, so I'm hoping that she'll be more help than anything.

Some things that have helped is having the kids grade as much as possible at school, esp the math. It really cuts down on the monotonous paperwork at home. I've toyed with the idea of paying a middle/high school student to be a mother's helper and really help me more with grading than with my own children. It is an idea???Planning is always hard. I try to stay late one or two days a week to get planned and I'll sometimes use a 30 minute educational video at work to get a bulletin board started/done. I only have a 30 minute prep before the kids arrive, so I try to use that time to review for the day and make last minute copies. I don't have an aide or "good" parent help this year, so that has been harder to deal with for copying, etc. But I think that my kids(students) are learning and maturing. I'm not the same teacher that I was prekids, but no one is. Our time is divided and while it is hard, I know that my children are growing up happy and well cared for with Daddy before and now Grandma. As your babies get older, some things will start to get much easier.
At home, we have a lady that comes once a month to clean and dh and I sort of split the household load (mostly evenly). He does most dinners and I do a lot of the housework. I try to get out and walk/play with the girls frequently, if not daily, because it does make a big difference mentally. Getting a good night sleep is also vital. My girls go to sleep pretty easily and the transition to big girl beds went pretty easily because of that. They are now in bed by 8pm and that gives me time to grade, clean, or hang out with my dh.

I wish you the best. Just know that you are not alone.
Happy New Year!

 

I too teach Kindergarten full time and find I am always tired and somewhat overwhelmed when it's time to return back to work. Luckily, I have until the 8th to relax but I do miss the days when I was able to job-share and teach full time but financially I am not able to do that any more!!
Christine

 

I completely understand. I was still in school when I got pregnant. still haven't finished. I just lost my job last week and need to find another one. My boyfriend doesn't want me to work for a while, but with all the debt we are in I can't see that being an option. But, I worked before the girls were born (until I was put on bed rest), and 2 months after they were born. I've kept a job since then and it has been hard trying to raise twins, keep up a house, work a job, and go to school. So, I can completely understand. Deciding to become a SAHM isn't always an option for everybody. Just try to have a strategy with everything you do. Strategies always help.

 

Thanks for posting- I can really relate. I work fulltime outside the home and I think the holidays and their first birthday a few weeks ago put me over the edge. I am exhausted and scatterbrained. I think that I had just enough energy to keep it together and the holidays put me in the red. The best advice I received was to take a weekend away with DH (and without DS and DD) to rest and recharge, which we are doing right after the new year for the first time in over a year. Supposedly, even though we'll still have to manage everything when we return, I'll have a more positive attitude!

 

I agree, that is what will change your perspective on things. My boyfriend and I have tried, and I do mean "tried," to take a weekend out for ourselves every 3 or 4 months since the twins were born. That is how we have kept our sanity sometimes. It WAS hard for me the first time, but every since I've been all right since I've seen how it revitilizes us. We seem to regenerate and get to know each other, again. And, that is very good for the relationship.
*** Take a weekend out, reserve a whirlpool suite somewhere far out and just have fun with each other. Become yourselves again, and not just Mommy and Daddy!

 

I can relate. I am a kindergarten teacher and feel exhausted at the end of the day. One thing that has worked for me is re-organizing. I cook most of our meals in a Crockpot(saves about an hour of precious time in the evenings to spend with my family). I also have a chore chart. For Example: Monday: clean bathrooms
Tuesday: dust, laundry
Wednesday: kitchen

etc.. I used to spend most of my evenings cleaning the whole house. Now, with the chore chart I can always have a clean home and do "touch-ups" as needed. Lastly, no matter what schedule a "date night" for you and your hubbie. It may be a dinner in the kitchen (just the two of you) Relax, and enjoy the kiddos while they're small.

 

I think about quitting my job all the time. I wish I could. But I have the benefits now. I feel frustrated in the same way as you and other ladies posted... can't seem to do anything wholly. I feel half a@@ about everything I do, like I have too much and am overwhelmed, spread too thin. I went to a life balance seminar at lunch break a few weeks ago that helped me a little bit put things into perspective.

They had us make a list of what is most important to us. Then we had to make a list of how we actually spend our time. You can make a list or pie chart, whatever works visually for you to think it out.

Then make a list of what you want, and a 4th of what you have. Check to see that you are spending the most time (time available) on the thing(s) that are most important to you. Follow up with the lists of haves and have not's. Make sure you are not missing things in your time allotment. Or kick things out that you have but do not want or need to spend time on.

I decided I need to cook more, serve veggies etc, and spend more time with the boys and less time worrying about other things that were lower on my list. Cooking for me is one of those things I do not do well enough for them... I will give up some TS time and TV time to do this... ( ) I am also going to open a college fund this year for them. It will be small. But it is better than nothing... I have to try.

 

I started working outside the home when the girls were 18 months. I started working 19 hours a week at a bank. My mother watched them so we do not have any childcare costs. I just went full time less than 6 months ago and my girls were 3 1/2 at the time. For financial reasons I went back full time and my mom still watches them. If I did not have my mother I would not have went back full time. I personally like the adult interaction but do miss the girls when I get home and they tell me they were sad I was gone.