Divorce at 7 months preggo

Has anyone gone through a divorce while they were pregnant with twins? I'm pretty sure things are headed that way with me, now. I'm absolutely devastated. Trust has been broken so many times (can't tell if he's been faithful after several bad incidents) and we just can't repair it. I've tried to forgive and forget, but I'm just not sure I can. DH comes home angry whenever he is here and I never see him. He's locked his phone, computer and has the only set of keys to his car, all of which he babysits all the time.

Anyway, sorry to unload. If you can spare a prayer, I'd appreciate it. I feel as if my life is falling apart. I'm on the other side of the country from my family and don't have friends that I can count on for support. If they knew about this, DH could lose his job (or at least would be removed from active flight status).

 

HUGS! :love0028:

 

Oh my. I am so sorry you are going through this. However, it really does sound like you are working on doing is what is best for you and your little ones--children deserve to be raised in a household where there is both love and trust. You and your husband can still set an example for a positive adult relationship after divorce. While I can only imagine how stressed out you must be--and how painful this must be for you--I know you'll make it through this.

Hang in there. Prayers are sent. Good luck to you all.

 

Erin, I am so sorry for your situation. I don't really have any words of wisdom, do you have a pastor or minister you can confide in? How about using counseling through the military? I understand about him being taken off of active flight duty....but a few months of that could indeed save your marriage.....or at least see you guys through this ordeal and put you in a better position for when the babies come.


I will pray for you and feel free to PM anytime.


Love, and Prayers,

Missy

 

I'm so sorry Erin. We are here for you. :love0028:

 

No words of wisdom, but I hope everything works out for the best for you - whatever way that might be. Good luck and lots of hugs! :hug99:

 

I'm so sorry for the difficult time you're going through. Hang in there! Try to do the things you need to do to take care of your body and babies--sleep, rest, eat well--even if you don't feel like it right now.

I don't know what your DH's military background is, but is there any chance that his behavior could be related to some post-traumatic stress?

I think others' advice that finding a minister or counselor to talk through the situation is a good one. :love0028:

 

QUOTE(joannabug @ Oct 5 2007, 12:30 PM) [snapback]436870[/snapback]
I'm so sorry for the difficult time you're going through. Hang in there! Try to do the things you need to do to take care of your body and babies--sleep, rest, eat well--even if you don't feel like it right now.

I don't know what your DH's military background is, but is there any chance that his behavior could be related to some post-traumatic stress?

I think others' advice that finding a minister or counselor to talk through the situation is a good one. :love0028:


hopefully u can find someone to talk to. Sending hugs ur way

amanda

 

i do have a word of wisdom...

talk to your parents, siblings .. you need to be able to turn to some one..

plan a trip.. take a get away.. go visit your mom..

that way they arent surprised..

sp/bf is a great forum for advice..

pm me if you need to chat..

m

 

Sorry you're going through this. I'm sending lots of prayers and hugs your way!

 

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, at a time where you need the most support in your life. And I know it's hard to just say "concentrate on what's best for you and your babies," but in reality, that is all that is important at this time. Keep in touch with loved ones and hang in there...once the pregnancy is over, you'll be able to handle his issues better, since you'll be tied up with your little ones. And remember, everything happens for a reason I tell my BF that is why God gave me 2 (+2 more) little girls.

 

Im so sorry. I will keep you and your little ones in my thoughts and prayers. :love0028:

 

Erin, I am so sorry you are going through this. We are here for you. :hug99:

 

:hug99: Erin, this must be so hard for you. It sounds like you've really made a go at it. While I'm not in your situation, I can say that I believe in the strength and resiliance of the human spirit. You can do anything you set your mind to, including raising your twins and being an AWESOME mommy, with or without help.

I hope you get the support you need. Prayers and :hug99:s to you!

 

This has been going on for months now. After he got back from Iraq, he really hasn't been the same. I've been supportive in every way I know how, and it somehow hasn't been enough. Now I'm being driven crazy wondering where he is, if he loves me and if we'll ever be able to have a functional relationship again. I know it's related to PTSD, but I need more than he can give me right now. I don't ask for much! He's gone from 4am - 11 or 12 at night every day. He is absolutely not there for me at all. I have to beg him to talk to me.

I really think some time off flight status would help our marriage, too, but he is totally unwilling to do that. He actually said, "I'd rather be divorced than be taken off flight status" - and he was completely serious. He isn't the kind of person to say what he doesn't mean. He has been going to the chaplain for a week, but hasn't changed his heart toward me and the chaplain will be leaving for a month. I don't think I can wait that long. I've been in this relationship for 6 1/2 years, and he's been home from Iraq for 2. I am trying to do what's best for the babies, but I don't know what that is. Stay here in a loveless marriage going crazy with lonliness, and wait until after they're born to move? Or, leave now and get my medical care set up in my hometown so I can have the babies near family? I just don't know.

I think I'm going to start preparing for leaving today, though.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this :love0028: I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Just know that you are strong and you are going to get through this trying time. If leaving is what you truly want to do, I think now is the time if and only if you have help. It's sure to take your mind off things. I'll be praying for you.

 

:hug99:

 

im so sorry sweetie!!! :love0028:

 

Do what you have to do and look out for yourself. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was needing my twins' father more than I loved him. I now see him only for U/S and we were together for quite a while too. And have been through a lot. The minute the trust, faith and respect was gone- I was. I mentally left that relationship long before we were physically broken up and those were the hardest 4 months of my life (being with him everyday and hating him for what he had become).

I have never been close to my family until all of this happened. I turned my back on a lot of people to be with him because I believed he could be a stand up man. But I was wrong and everyone around me was right - in the end.

Be with the ones who have unconditional love for you- which is your family. You can get through anything with unconditional love.

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Can I ask if he is aware that you are considering leaving him? Are you planning on packing up and being gone before he comes home? Maybe if he knows that it has come to this he would sit down and talk to you, because it sounds like if you leave, it'll be a long way away.

Whatever you decide, do what keeps you and your children safe. :love0028:

 

I am so sorry Erin. :hug99: :love0028: :hug99:

 

I'm sorry - I can't imagine how hurt you must feel...not to be harsh but perhaps being off flight status is what he needs (whether it be voluntary or involuntary) to get his priorities back in order!!

In any case - make sure you take care of YOU too! lots of hugs - divorce isn't easy and especially not when your pregnant...

 

I am praying for you and your children. My dh did a complete turn around after I went to a lawyer. I know everyone is different.

If you feel leaving is the best I would do it now so you have help with the twins.

 

First off, I am so sorry that you are going through this! You are definately in my thoughs and prayers. I am not in this situation, but we definately have been going through a lot of stress since finding out there are 2 babies in there... Given the fact that you do kind of have a point of leverage with the possible loss of his job I would try talking to him about your concerns (of course don't mention the fact he could lose his job though). Try telling him that you know things are not going well, and that you also want your children to have 2 parents who love each other and them. Definately try counseling or if you are connected to a church try religious counseling. The worst that can happen is that you do get divorced the best thing that can happen is that you both remember what it was that made you fall in love and decide to repair the parts that have broken.

Good luck to you! I will have you in my prayers. :love0028:

 

Like all the rest...I too am very sorry for what you are going through. Just remember there are ALL of here for you in any way we can. :hug99: You need to do what is best for you and your kiddos, that is for sure. If he is absentee now in just about every aspect, then there does not seem much more you can do. This may sound a bit cold and callous...but maybe right now is time to take the offensive...he is obviously only thinking of himself ("I would rather be divorced than off of flight status) you need to make sure you and the kids are protected...whether it is monetary or family support. You need to think about what would happen in a worst case senario...I just seeth when I hear stories of spouses (men or women) who plot behind the others' back and leave them high and dry. Good luck and lots of prayers your way! :friends:

 

I see that you're the wife of an Apache Pilot? I'm the EX wife of an apache mechanic. In the military, you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. That's what I have learned. I mean you could go to his commander, or request counseling etc, but all of that goes on his record which is reviewed every time he goes for a promotion or a new position so that upsets his career just making him more mad. In the military, (which I LOVE our military, I have no complaints just love for our men and women defending) but I know that help is always offered, but the soldiers are always told by peers and possibly superiors to keep their family life away from their career. And of course, that careers come first. Not all soldiers think this way, Thank God, but I know my ex did.

I have a lot more to say, but I don't want to bother you too much right now. I was just in the exact situation with a singleton pregnancy as you are 4 years ago. If you need to talk, email me at [email protected].

 

I am sorry you are going through this. Do you think that he is totally freaked out about having twins. I think my DH somewhat was til they came. It is definetly still stressful, but now that they are here that fear is gone. I also agree that maybe you two need some counseling.

However, if he is dead set on rather not be married than not be on active flight, and if you are wanting to leave, then now is the time. Life will be too crazy once the twins arrive. Talk to your family and let them know what is going on. If they are going to be super supportive and helpful to you then you need to do that. I wish you the best of luck.

April

 

:hug99:

 

Hugs to you!!
I will agree with a few of the PP's. I think that if you are going to leave, now is the time rather than after the births. Maybe you can call it a temporary getaway for yourself to go be with your family, like a maternity leave. You will NEED the support once the babies are here. And your other baby will need it too... If you think it safe, I would go sooner than later. Just think of it like some time away from the military world, and throw your mind into the health of your babies. The time apart may do both of you good? I'll be praying for you!

 

I know your pain - I'm in a similar boat. Now the cheating pig cant work out why I dont want him to touch me.
Fascinates me that we are the ones trying to make a decision for what is best - should we stay until the babies are born etc, you would think they could keep it together for us at least until the babies are born - not the other way around.
I hope things work out for you, you'll be in my thoughts.
Trust yourself and try to be strong.

 

Iam sorry to hear that. :hug99:

 

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said so I'll offer you another :hug99: . Hang tough and do what is best for YOU!

 

I don't really know what to say but I just wanted to give you :hug99:

Cari

 

:hug99: :love0028: :hug99:

 

Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care of yourself. We are here for you.