Dividing Attention

I have 9 week old b/g twins. My DD is an absolute angel. She is so calm, patient and is very low maintenance. DS on the other hand has reflux, cries alot and is very clingy. He ALWAYS needs to be held during the day and sometimes sleeps on our chest during the night. Sometime when I am feeding DD I have to put her down, interrupting her feeding, and pick up DS because he is screaming or spitting up. I feel bad for DD because she doesn't get as much attention as DS, she quietly plays by herself and falls asleep on her own. I wish I could give her more attention. I don't want her to be upset with me one day saying I give DS more attention.

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice?

Brooklyne

 

I could have written this post. My DS is also my needy baby. I do feel bad for DD sometimes. What I do to help is whenever Dh is home, I will take DD in a room where it's just the two of us and we play. Also, sometimes she wakes up before he does from naps so I'll bring her downstairs and play with her.

It is hard, but I have noticed since DS can crawl now it has gotten better.

 

My babies flip flop on their neediness every so often, so that has helped me not feel so bad tending more to one than the other. The older they get the better it should become. Its so hard juggling 2 babies, you can only do so much... :hug99: Good Luck!

 

Hey Brooklyne, nice to see you. I remember you from the Fertile thoughts forum. I'm glad your babies are home and healthy. Not sure if you recall, I ended up going in the weekend you were discharged from hospital bed rest.

Anyway, on to your question, I don't have any answers for you, but I do have the same situation. DS is much more needy at this point, and I do feel that I'm holding him alot more than DD. They both have reflux and spit up but he seems to wake up screaming more often and needs to be picked up to settle. I also feel abit guilty about this.

Right now DH is still at home with me, so we are both doing feeds and we rotate the babies. We do have times where both of us will feed both at the same time. I do also end up interrupting DD to tend to DS. Maybe it's a boy thing.

Hope someone on here can offer suggestions.

Hugs,

 

My daughter is the demanding one... only because she is strong willed and demands our attention. She is making up for the nicu time 40 folds. My son just developed what we believe is reflux and he is also teething so now it is her that isn't getting as much attention. As time goes on the one that gets most attention will fluctuate. If you notice an extended period of time where you daughter is neglected divide and conquer is the best way to go... mom take one kid dad take the other. One on one time. Or get a sitter for the little man and have a special day with just you and your daughter. Enjoy them both. HTH

 

One of my kiddos is just much more demanding than the other. He is a 0 to tantrum baby, while the other is very laid back. I try to make it a point to snuggle with both of them when they are happy for at least 30 minutes a day. And when my DH is home I often take the "good baby" who gets neglected most of the day off somewhere else and spend some one-on-one time with him doing some of his favorite things while my husband keeps the other one occupied. As they got older I would also let the fussy baby fuss a little longer while praising and spending happy time with the other baby. It sounds horrible, but it doesn't hurt him to fuss for a few minutes while his brother is finishing his bottle, or getting a few minutes of mommy time.

 

:hug99: You do what you can, and try to keep things as even as you can. :hug99: But my girls still flip flop on who is going to be the needy one for any particular time. I think the important thing is to recognize that it is happening, and try to spend some special time with the currently not demanding one. That is easier said than done, a lot of times, but it should get a little easier once they get older.

 

My twins are the same way!! She is the little angel, only cries when she is hungry or wants her pacifier. He cries constantly. The only way I can calm him down is taking him outdoors!! I do feel bad for her sometimes because it seems I am always trying to calm him down. She does keep herself entertained though and he doesn't do that well. My twins are 12 weeks today.

 

QUOTE(Kyrstyn @ Aug 5 2008, 03:55 PM) [snapback]914617[/snapback]
My babies flip flop on their neediness every so often, so that has helped me not feel so bad tending more to one than the other. The older they get the better it should become. Its so hard juggling 2 babies, you can only do so much... :hug99: Good Luck!


Ditto! My needy tiny baby turned into my less needy toddler. So they do switch. Besides they are young, they will never remember who needed more attention and when. :hug99:

 

Same exact thing in my house. What I have been doing:
I do not run to DS when he cries. Sometimes he falls and hits his head and of course I drop everything to soothe him, but for the most part, if I don't pick him up he stops crying immediately. When DD cries, I pick her up immediately cause I know it is legit. My DS definitely fusses less in comparison to when he was 2 months old. And DD fusses a little bit more in comparison to when she was 2 months old.
Girls will always be more independent. and boys will always be clingy and momma's boys. We are genetically constructed to act this way, I feel.

Do what you feel is right- I personally would not put DD down when I was feeding her cause DS is crying. As long as he is in a safe place, it won't hurt! If anything it will help his lungs mature haha. No but really, crying doesn't hurt!!

 

I sometimes feel that way too - or I used to until my less fussy baby became my fussy baby. They switch back and forth from week to week and sometimes from day to day! Don't worry, as previous posters have said, your daughter doesn't know that her brother is getting more attention! If she is content she must be happy with the amount of attention she is getting.

 

QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Aug 5 2008, 06:31 PM) [snapback]915614[/snapback]
I sometimes feel that way too - or I used to until my less fussy baby became my fussy baby. They switch back and forth from week to week and sometimes from day to day! Don't worry, as previous posters have said, your daughter doesn't know that her brother is getting more attention! If she is content she must be happy with the amount of attention she is getting.



QUOTE(aimeethomp @ Aug 5 2008, 06:31 PM) [snapback]915614[/snapback]
I sometimes feel that way too - or I used to until my less fussy baby became my fussy baby. They switch back and forth from week to week and sometimes from day to day! Don't worry, as previous posters have said, your daughter doesn't know that her brother is getting more attention! If she is content she must be happy with the amount of attention she is getting.

 

i have the opposite in my home. my little boy is my laid-back guy. i have to stop feeding him or put him down to deal with his fussy sister. i call her my little principessa.

 

Don't worry! I posted something similar when mine were about 8 weeks. Maya is less needy and she stayed in the swing a lot during that time. Sofia needed to be held. I felt bad, but honestly after 3 months or so it starts to even out. Sofia still needs to be held more, but I can divide my time better now since they aren't as fussy. And there are times where Maya is more needy. So it will all work out!

 

For me it was my dd that needed the extra attention. But, now she is just the smiliest little thing and ds is teething so he needs the extra cuddles. It's hard to believe now where you are, but the roles will change. and, they won't remember this down road anyway. They will just remember that they were loved. BTW - do you remember your mother not picking you up when you are were one month old? I know I don't!