DH & I seem to be not agreeing on this. While I have practiced saying "no" when Johnny gets into something that could hurt him, I'm of the belief that he doesn't really understand yet & that it's more the tone of my voice. It has surprised me that he does seem to understand a little; not always, but sometimes when I say "no" he'll turn to look at me and then go on to something else. DH is more of the opinion that they understand more and mentioned something tonight about little 'time outs'. We got in a big fight; he was telling me I baby them too much and I completely lost it, called him something rude & stalked off to the kitchen. We did make up, but I tried to explain to him that I think I might be pretty sensitive about these kinds of things b/c I grew up in a very strict house where the discipline was overboard. I was the oldest of 8 kids & very protective of them when I saw my dad disciplining in what I now realize was an abusive way & I often got in trouble for it. So I guess what I'm asking is, when is the appropriate age for starting discipline? When do they truly start understanding? I think I heard on a "Nanny 911" show or something that the rule of thumb for time outs is 1 minute for each year of age. So does that mean you should start at 1 yr old??
DH & I seem to be not agreeing on this. While I have practiced saying "no" when Johnny gets into something that could hurt him, I'm of the belief that he doesn't really understand yet & that it's more the tone of my voice. It has surprised me that he does seem to understand a little; not always, but sometimes when I say "no" he'll turn to look at me and then go on to something else. DH is more of the opinion that they understand more and mentioned something tonight about little 'time outs'. We got in a big fight; he was telling me I baby them too much and I completely lost it, called him something rude & stalked off to the kitchen. We did make up, but I tried to explain to him that I think I might be pretty sensitive about these kinds of things b/c I grew up in a very strict house where the discipline was overboard. I was the oldest of 8 kids & very protective of them when I saw my dad disciplining in what I now realize was an abusive way & I often got in trouble for it. So I guess what I'm asking is, when is the appropriate age for starting discipline? When do they truly start understanding? I think I heard on a "Nanny 911" show or something that the rule of thumb for time outs is 1 minute for each year of age. So does that mean you should start at 1 yr old??
I start time-outs at 2 years old. I think a child under the age of 18 months is not emotionally mature enough to understand time-outs, but I wait until they hit the full blown Terrible Twos. For children under 2 I use redirection. So, if for example he begins to touch somthing he shouldn't say no. If he continues to touch it, then either take him away from it or get him to pay attention to something else.
I think you are right on this one! The word "discipline" shoudn't even be used before 2 years in my opinion. As pp said, before two they do not have the emotional maturity to understand what discipline is. Any discipline you tried to implement would be completely lost on them. Redirection is really the only thing they can follow at that age. As for "babying them to much" - you can tell DH "you are right, because at 8 months they still ARE babies!"
Definetly agree with you. Anything less than 2 years old is too early for disciplining and time outs. I think when you say no to them they are more taken aback by the tone of your voice than anything else. That in itself will move their attention to you and then to another activity. I'm doubt they actually understand what you are saying to them. The idea of time outs is to give a child the opportunity to regroup, selfsoothe and reassess his/her behaviour. Children under 2 are not capable of doing any of the metaanalysis (thinking about their thoughts and behaviours) necessary for all these. I know it can be difficult when you disagree with dh about these things. My dh also sometimes overestimates what the babies are capable of.
quote: For children under 2 I use redirection. I agree! We do also use the word "NO" in a firm voice with redirection. Our oldest dd knew the meaning of NO before the age of 1, because we would tell her "No," and she would turn around and look at us to see if we were watching before she would reach to touch or do whatever it was she was about to do, knowing full well that she wasn't supposed to. Little stinker... Anyway, I definitely think you can start using the word NO now (Our pediatrician told us to start using it at 6 months) with redirection. While they might not understand the word, they will recognize your different tone of voice and soon associate that with "No" as you continue to redirect. Time-out under two seems seems waaaaay too young to me. By the time you've picked them up to put them in a chair somewhere, they've completely forgotten whatever it is they did wrong in the first place; it's fruitless. I agree with pp not to do time out until they're two. And we, too, follow the minutes of time out per number of years in their age. It's hard when we disagree with our dhs on discipline issues. I have a difficult time biting my tongue when I think dh has been too hard on our oldest, but I also don't want to negate the consequence or "talk" she just received and take away his authority in front of her. I've learned that the important thing is to try to come to some sort of compromise on the whole stand of discipline, and not to disagree about it in front of the children.
quote: start time-outs at 2 years old. I think a child under the age of 18 months is not emotionally mature enough to understand time-outs, but I wait until they hit the full blown Terrible Twos. For children under 2 I use redirection. I agree. I started timeouts at about 18 months with my son. I'd put him in a pack n play for 1 minute. I thnik they should hear no and begin to understand no pretty early. I think my 10 mos old twins understand no. They hear it when they try to get into the dog dishes.They always stop ( at leastfor a second) and look at me. Then I redirect to something else.
Well it is way too early for timeouts, but they will definitly understand no, and whether you are consistent. Like if you say no, and they grab for it again and you move them or take away the offending object. As to this... quote: DH is more of the opinion that they understand more and mentioned something tonight about little 'time outs'. We got in a big fight; he was telling me I baby them too much and I completely lost it, called him something rude & stalked off to the kitchen. Try to sit down and figure out a compromise or strategy soon. In a few months if you do this in front of the kids they will understand you guys are at odds and attack the weakness...ha!! Whatever you do, present a united front to them, or they are going to wreak havoc on you guys.
Thanks ladies, for the replies! It does make me feel a bit better that I'm doing the right thing. I didn't know the word for redirection, but that's what I've been doing. DH & I are going on a "date night" tonight, and I want to see if he'd be willing to take a parenting class. My sil & her dh took one & she said it was wonderful! I just really want to do the right thing, and it can be a little scary!
I have JUST started time outs (almost 22 mos.) They simply DO NOT understand and will NOT stay still. Even now I have to keep a hand on them to keep them in time out. 8 mos? You do need to keep them in line and keep telling them "don't touch" and pull their hand away from whatever it is....
quote: Originally posted by ~* dfaut *~: I have JUST started time outs (almost 22 mos.) They simply DO NOT understand and will NOT stay still. Even now I have to keep a hand on them to keep them in time out. 8 mos? You do need to keep them in line and keep telling them "don't touch" and pull their hand away from whatever it is.... I totally agree. We are almost 2 and time outs are still a work in progress. DD gets it, DS does not! Until 2 your best tool is redirection and distraction. Good luck!
You should actually start much younger. Your children know what buttons to push of your etc. Check out this website this couple has 5 awesome children www.nogreaterjoy.org. If you train them young you avoid a lot of headaches later and ultimately you both win.
