Discipline

So my doctor tells me there isn't much I can do about disciplining my 11 month old twins but I don't know what to do anymore. my little boy hits. He hits me, his dad, his twin sister, other children etc. When you tell him no and remove him, he laughs, crawls right back over and does it again. He does it when he's frustrated. Yesterday at daycare he almost bit another child.
I don't know what to do. I know he doesn't understand but I can't just sit by and let him hit and bite other children, can I?

I used to think violence was a learned behavior but now I'm really wondering, where he learns this from, because he's not learning it at home but he seems to have somehow learned that when he's frustrated, like another kid has a toy he wants, he bites or hits.

Anyone else with a similar issue and what do you do? Is there anything I can do?

 

I would just reitterate the fact that you need to be gentle and try different techniques with him. I found that smacking the hand in that instance doesn't work cause you are teaching them it's ok. Try removing them from the situation and keep teaching gentle.

 

Your doctor is right. He doesn't have the cognative ablilty to understand discipline--that is why it won't work.

He laughs because he doesn't know the difference between positive and negative attention. To him any attention is a good thing, so he laughs. What you can do, is give him alternatives, "no hit, make nice" and use his hand to pat or rub. For biting, we used "no bite, kiss". It is hard to be consistant and "catch" them before the "bad" behavior occurs, but that is what you need to do.

Also, check to see if he is getting teeth--that tends to make biting worse, and if he is getting teeth, get him something to bite on that IS acceptable.

It is tough, but it will also pass. Good luck!

 

My twins are also 11 months old and seem to understand the concept of "no" but don´t always obey it, as it´s to be expected. My DS likes to play with the highchairs which I don´t allow as they will fall on him and consequently hurt him. I get serious, frown and say "no" in a very stern voice. I also make a "uh uh uh" sound which means no also. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn´t as he is ´still too young to fully comprehend. When he doesn´t understand, I move him away explaining why he can´t play with them. Either way, he is getting the message and actually looks at me to see my reaction before touching them!

In your shoes, I would do what the PP suggested regarding the biting. It must be hard dealing with this so I hope it passes soon. GL!

 

Kids this age probably don't know what "no" means yet but they can learn it just like they are learning all the other words. It does take a LOT of repetition. (Just think of how many times you've used the word "Mama" with them!) "No"--redirect (and/or restrain). "No"--redirect. If you know he's going to do it over again, you can catch him just before he does it, which reinforces even better.) Repeat ad nauseum. Some kids pick up on it faster than others. Some are easier to distract than others.

Some kids really are naturally more physical than others. They usually don't "mean" anything by it initially. (They just like to find out what their hands and feet and mouths can do) but if they succeed in getting something by it (and a baby's definition of "something" might be quite different from ours) they soon will. If violence were all learned behavior, after all, nobody ever would have started it.

I think it's key, as the PP said, to keep the words very simple. I usually just use two: "No, gentle." (And as I say "Gentle" I run their hand through the motions of a gentle pat.) It's easy to instinctively say things like, "Oh, no, no, no, that's not nice, we don't want to hit our friends," which is fine for a three year old but way too complicated for a baby.

 

One of the first 5 words my Ryan could say was "gentle". When he would hit his brother we would take his hand and show him how to use "gentle" touches by stroking his brothers hair/arm/foot. We used it when they hit us too. We had a bigger problem with biting though and it started about that time. I tried to be consistent when I saw they wanted to bite, told them no and handed them something it was okay to bite (to get the urge out of their jaw). If I didn't catch it in time, they went into the pnp for a 30 sec. time out. It worked great for Jake, but not Ryan. We've just started doing time outs again and now they are working great for Ryan. Just being set somewhere and me walking away lets my boys know they did something wrong. They are never there for longer than a min.

 

Thank you for the advice. I will try those things. Its nice to know I'm not the only one.

 

Ethen used to be a biter. At 15 months he doesnt do it anymore but by your description it sounds just like what he used to do. It does pass adn the PP's have good advise. :hug: