Discipline & Tantrums

Our home is situated on 3.5 acres. The closest neighbor we have are my inlaws and they have 20 acres. So, in essence, we are surrounded by land...no people, no neighbors. This summer we have rented a condo at the coast. I am struggling (probably over thinking it a bit) on what to do with the tantrums and discipline and what our neighbors must think with all the yelling and screaming going on. Have you ever had issues with neighbors overhearing a tantrum? I know this is really extreme, but in the back of my mind I worry about CPS being called because of all the crying and yelling. :laughing: It is nothing out of the ordinary for this age....but I have never been in a situation where people might be able to hear. At home, I normally just send them to their room and let them throw a fit. BUT...here I am afraid to let them carry on for too long. For those who live in an apt. or condo type setting, how do you handle it? Do you worry about what the neighbors might hear and therefore think?

BTW - I think I am overly concerned about it right now because we just had an incident in public where it brought alot of attention from on lookers. I had taken both into a public restroom (in a convenience store). DH came in after us (after he finished pumping gas)....so he was in the store, too. Both DD & DS, started throwing a screaming fit once we got into the bathroom. DS didn't want to sit on the potty and DD is deathly afraid of the hand dryer in public restrooms. :headbang: I had to use the restroom...so, I just let them throw the fit while I finished up business. ^_^ When I walked out, their was a lady standing at the door of the bathroom staring to see who came out and what was going on (as if I was beating them or something). She didn't need to use the restroom. She left the store immediately after she saw us come out. DH then commented to me that "everyone was staring". He was really embarrassed, but I just said loudly (so everyone in the store could hear)..."I can't help it if 3 year olds throw tantrums!"

Anyone else have a similiar experience? Did it or does it make you self-cautious?

 

I live in a rowhome (house is a part of a row of 6 homes) and believe me, I am totally shocked that my neighbors have not called. I just discipline as normal and try hard not to worry about what other people think.
My kids have had public tantrums but I have not dealt with people who have had the same reaction as that woman in the gas station. I think people need to be more understanding of the fact that toddlers have tantrums. I'm sorry that you had that experience :hug:

 

I live in an old neighborhood with houses squeezed REALLY tight together, with not so much soundproofing. So the neighbors hear everything. It's ok, though - on one side is a family with two boys a year older & a year younger than our kids, and on the other side is an empty-nester couple. With the other young family, sometimes I'll say "I don't beat my kids, really!" when we pass each other, and she'll say "Neither do I!" :lol: We both hear our share of tantrums. And one time I was talking to the older couple and said something about hoping the kids weren't making too much noise, and he said something sweet like "That's what they're supposed to do!"

I would just try to case out your neighbors and get to know them a bit. If they have a friendly face to match with all the toddler noise, they will be less likely to think bad stuff about you. You can even just bring the issue up directly - yeah, these kids sure can throw a tantrum, hope the noise isn't bothering you, we're doing our best, that kind of thing.

 

Years ago I took a martial arts classes and one was conducted by a police officer. He said that it is important to remember what people HEAR. Sometimes what they see can get turned around in the excitement. You can still be quite strict but still using appropriate language. Which in essence is what our kids need anyway. So continue to parent just the way you have been but allow your voice to be calm. Especially being in a new location sometimes kids really need the structure to continue.

I'm like you, I can get thinking about something and worry about it. You are going to be just fine.

Heather

 

They might not hear anything, it really depends on the house, and if they have AC running etc. We just moved from apartments and our neighbors never heard my kids, and I never heard theirs (except once in the middle of the night, and it was still pretty faint).

 

Wow you have one of those too? :laughing: You described our property to tee. I've never really thought about it. Last year at the fair we had an incident with Lauren throwing a fit because I wouldn't "win" her one of the goldfish in the bowls. She was in her stroller arching her back and screaming so much that I had to tilt the stroller on it's back legs to push it. An older man was staring at me like we were crazy. I just stopped and told him what for. A couple of moms applauded me near by. Those that stare have probably never been in your shoes before. :hug:

 

I think this is good advice if you're worried about it. If the neighbors have kids of their own they'll understand anyway.

All my kids live in houses close to other people and I've joked before that people outside would think I was murdering them when really I'm just changing a diaper or something. Mostly though the neighbors would be out at work or home with their own children, so they're either not there to hear or likely to reailse that it's just a tantrum.
I don't let the thought that someone might hear affect the way I treat them. I've occasionally arrived at work to hear one of the children screaming or heard crying from a neighbors house/garden and never come to the conclusion that something terrible was going on. I think Heather is right in that if you can hear the child you can usually hear the adult too. If you are speaking calmly and clearly to them anyone listening is going to work out it's just a normal tantrum. I can only imagine being concerned about overhearing crying if it was almost constant or if I could hear an adult yelling at the child.

I have to admit that if I heard a child/children screaming in a store bathroom I would probably stop and listen. Not because I would think their parent was doing something horrible but because I would feel bad if I wasn't sure that they were alright. This probably comes from once locking myself in a public restroom (I was maybe 7) and I had to scream for someone to get me out, it felt like ages but really it can't have been more than a minute-my family was just down the hall and they heard me.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday!

 

We live in a condo right now, on the top floor. After we had been here for a few months, I gave up on them not making noise. I realized that they can only be heard from the stairwell and the people directly below us have raised 4 children (all college age or older) and all 4 children live at home still. So I'm not worried about noise.

I did make a LOT of cookies last year for all of our neighbors in the building and signed them all "the noisy neighbors in #302".

 

That is totally brilliant! :bow2:

 

Almost every single one of them now waves at us and talks to us in the hallway.

 

I thought my girls where the only ones acting up, lately thought it's been a lot more rougher, if they don't get their way they scream bloody murder in public or home, UGH!!! I have no clue where they picked that up, but it seems like they just pick up all the bad habits, they'll turn 4 in Sept and they're already lying and hitting each other, it's just amazing how they pick up things from other people.

 

Thanks you all for some great ideas and advice!!

Good idea. We actually know several of them and talk to them quite a bit. I think the next time I see them I will just make a joke about these crazy 3 year olds and their tantrums and see what kind of response I get.

Good point Heather! I hope if they are listening in then they stop to listen in to all of it.

WTG Brandy! I would have applauded you too! :laughing:

That is awesome! LOVE IT!!

 

we had an incident just a couple of weeks ago. our kitchen & dining room windows face our neighbors' front door, a bedroom window & their living room windows. we all had our windows open because it was really hot. it was around 10:00am and Danika was in a right temper. suddenly, our neighbor's teenage daughter yelled from the bedroom window into our kitchen window "control your ******* child!". DH yelled back to close her windows. ardon: it has made me more self-conscious about the girls tantrums but more because i know that if she were to say anything else, i would probaly lose it on her, which would only make the situation worse. we now keep our kitchen & dining room windows closed all the time, no matter how hot it gets, which sucks, but has the added benefit that we can no longer hear THEIR foul-language-filled blow out fights (the mom & daughter don't get on well). even though it makes me self-counscious sometimes i have tried to maintain our discipline routines & systems because raising my daughters with consistent clear boundaries is really important to me. plus, i think we (and the neighbors) will reap the benefits of that sooner rather than later.

all that being said, we live in a duplex, and the people who actually live in the same building with us have been nothing but kind & understanding.

i really like the idea of baking cookies for the innocent bystanders! :good:

 

I have one neighbor nearby. She has two kids (twins) and commented to me when my kids were about 4 and 2, "I love hearing you guys yell now. You were such a perfect mom with just one, we never heard anything." I can only imagine how happy she is now that I have 3 year old twins in the mix too. :laughing: One of her girls babysits for us so I'm sure the stories head back that way too!

I think most parents will understand. Those without children won't. I would only worry if you really are going to beat your children! :catfight:

 

One of my sons in particular screams bloody murder all day long. He was a preemie with lung issues and you would NEVER know it know by how loud this kid can yell! On time out to calm down many times a day, which is in his room. Since it is summer, the windows are open so I am worried we are disturbing our neighbors too!

 

:woah: Smart comeback from your DH!