I suck at disciplining my little monsters. There I said it. I waited so long to have my babies that I find it difficult to discipline them. I always thought I would be a strict mum, but so far I have been a total push over! Last night they kept going over to a glass wine rack and kept hitting it. I would take them away and tell them no and they would laugh and go back over and keep hitting it. Previously I would have just removed the rack, but I think I should start trying to tell them 'no'. But they just thought it was a game. It's the same with the sofa. My son climbs onto it, I take him down and tell him 'no'. He laughs and climbs back up. Seems like the more I tell them no, the more they think it's a game. Even when we go out, they last a little bit in the stroller and then they start freaking out. I give them cookies to keep them quite, but that doesn't seem like a solution. So I let them out of the stroller for a bit. They run around like wild animals and are happy, but I can't get any shopping done. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
At that age (I'm assuming they just turned one) I did a lot of distraction techniques. If they were on the couch I would say "We don't jump on the couch" and take them down and give them a book or another toy to play with. We had a few rules we were 'stict' on but at that age they are just so curious and learning that it's hard to discipline them, especially since they aren't doing it to be bad they just want to touch and explore things. As for the stroller, my kids hated being in it(still do actually) so I tried to go shopping at places with a double cart so they can both see me and that seemed to help.
How old are your two? We have the oh so fun climb on the couch and jump game at our house too, but mine are almost 20 months so they understand a bit more. I have almost gotten them to the point where when I say "sit down" (which they then repeat), they will do it because they know that if they don't they are removed from the couch and put it time out. For the most part, though, they don't really listen at all and I think that is just the age and lack of really effective discipline techniques when they aren't completely able to comprehend cause and effect, consequences, etc. yet. I am in a constant battle to keep mine off the stairs (dangerous, straight down, hardwood) now that they know how to open the gate and nothing I do seems to work if they really, really want something. I just read the book 1-2-3 Magic and am starting to try to implement those strategies - everyone says it works! For going out in public - the stroller drives me crazy because they are leaning over the edges, taking their shoes off and throwing them, yelling to get "down," etc. so like PP we either use the double carts if available or take our wagon which they LOVE to be in and don't really want out. Good luck - I was just telling my mom that she should have warned me that toddlers were so difficult!
Don't feel bad! I think the second year is a really tough one for discipline. They need guidance, direction, and limits, but most kids seem to be really too young to understand consequences until they're more like 2 years old. I struggle with this as well. I do say "no", but they just think it's funny. I'm starting to try time outs, but they just do not get it. I had to put Jack in TO 3 times within 5 minutes for throwing books! :gah: He cried his heart out for 60 seconds, then laughed and went back to throwing books. That says to me that he doesn't understand the connection between the bad behavior and the punishment. I agree with the PPs that distraction and redirection is key at this age. You can say "no" so they can associate the word with the action, but if your kids are anything like mine, you can't expect them to stop when you say it! Don't worry, you're not a pushover. As they get older they will start to understand cause and effect. Stay consistent with your efforts and this phase will pass!
I've learned to limit my "nos" to a just a few things that are dangerous and I praise like crazy when they're doing a good behavior. They're not being defiant or disrespectful at this age, so don't get mad at them or think you're doing something wrong. I've tried to keep in mind that my job is to teach them, so we work on praising good behaviors a lot and I talk to them about what I want for them to do. I've read that if you say, "Don't stand on the coffee table" that what they hear is "Stand on the coffee table", and you should say, "I want you to sit on the coffee table", and they hear "Sit on the coffee table". (Talk about a push-over...I let mine sit on the coffee table and think I've won the biggest victory that they'll do that instead of stand on it now!). Anything I've decided to say "no" to, they think it's a game and do that action a hundred times. For the "no" things, I tell them "no", say what I want them to do, and then whisk them off find something else to hold their attention so they forget what they were being told "no" for. You'll have to repeat this a lot, but eventually they'll catch on, if you're totally consistent about it. Mine will still test those things, which I've learned is very normal and gives them security knowing they have boundaries that are stable. Now all I have to do is say "no" in a silly deep voice and start chasing them and they run off giggling and go play with something else. Try to keep it fun...for your own sanity!
At 14 months, distraction was key in our house. DH and I would tell them not to do something (i.e. roll off the couch) and then we would introduce to them to another activity that was better for them to do. I just found at that age being consistent, no matter how tiresome it can be, helped a lot too. You are not a pushover, this is a difficult age to discipline!
i agree with everyone else - you are not a pushover! we also used a lot of distraction at that age and still did a lot of toddler proofing to reduce on the number of times we had to say no (go ahead & move the wine rack! there will be plenty of time to teach them not to touch it later on when they really understand). we also used short time outs at that age but more as an interuption to the activity then as a punishment - i was lucky though in that usually 60 seconds away from the activity was enough for my girls to forget about it. now they're actually starting to understand a little bit that time outs are a consequence to an action. just be consistent in whatever you decide & you'll get there in time.
:rotflmbo: Oh, I'm right there with you...so sad, isn't it? Minor victories... I agree with you completely on this on this so I also try to limit the "no" situations whenever possible, and I really try to watch my wording. I remember telling my DD not to hit and immediately getting a smack from her. That taught me pretty quickly...now I say "give your brother a hug" instead of "don't hit your brother," and honestly she's stopped doing that anyway. To the OP, hang in there.:grouphug: I think we're all fighting through this fun stage right now. Sometimes you feel like you're going to lose it from the number of times you tell them to sit down, climb down, etc., but they are really just too young and curious. Like PPs have said, double carts definitely work better for us than strollers, keeping a deck or two of cards in my purse is a life saver for a quick distraction out in public (I don't care if they take out every card...it'll occupy them for ages, especially kids cards like Go Fish), and just trying to keep their environment as safe to explore as possible so you don't have to spend the whole day saying no. GL!!
I just have to post and agree with you! I have 4 boys and I am soooo much easier on these two than the first two. I dont know if its age, or now I am working and am exhausted, or that they are sooo darn cute but I just let them do whatever they want and get mad when my hubby tries to discipline them!!! I know its easier to start now than when they are older but I just have this soft spot for them!!!!
