discipline help for 18mos

Hi Everyone!

Just hoping for some advice here. My girls are 18 months today and are generally really good girls. They're sick at the moment though - grumpy and easily upset and quick to tantrum. Kate in particular today has been screaming at me when I ask her not to do something or take something away, and then she'll pick up things and throw them, or tip toys over. I'm just not sure if this is part of a tantrum that I should igore? Or if throwing and being aggressive shouldn't be tolerated no matter what and I should discipline her for it.
But my disciplining isn't going well either. I think I'm just not consistent enough - I never know what to do, what is appropriate. Sometimes I just try and distract, sometimes they get a time-out (doesn't go well though) and sometimes they get a little spank on the hand. My husband doesn't believe in time-outs, but I don't want to spank them for everything - just outright rebellion and challenges of authority. But I'm not quite sure what falls into that category. I mean, sure, when they're older if they yell at me or call me a name or something, but right now if I ask them not to touch something several times and they still do it while looking at me to see what I do...does that deserve a little spank? I just don't know!
I need a good alternative for the smaller stuff.

Whew. Sorry for the long post, thanks for letting me vent! I feel like I need a solid plan of action!

Any advice will be much appreciated!

Melissa

 

toys that were thrown got taken away - the toy was put in time out! it worked really well. i'm not sure they understood that that was a consequence to their action, but it kept them from being able to throw the thing. :good:

also, if they were tantruming & nothing would calm them down i would put them in their room for a minute or two, check if they were ready to calm down, and if not, leave them for a few more minutes. it wasn't so much a punishment as it was a chance for them to be somewhere quiet & calm & without a lot of stimulation so they could try to calm themselves on their own.

we started time outs at a year, although they didn't really understand it until they were closer to two. usually what happens is that we have a run of time where no time outs are needed or given, and then it's almost like the girls get curious if the boundaries are still the same, so they'll start doing things they know they aren't allowed to do. then i have a day or two where both of them are in & out of time out all day. then we have another run of time where no time outs are needed. ardon:

 

I wanted to reply, even though I don't know if I'll be that much help. Timeouts have really taken off for us, here in the last few weeks. Since mine are only a couple of months older than yours, I'd say stick with it - they do help some. Sometimes, they go right back to fighting or whatever, but I definitely they think they understand timeouts.

We count 1-2-3, and if they still don't comply, they get the toy taken away, a timeout, or a spanking, if warranted. They usually get some kind of consequence, even for the small stuff, because we are trying to start early.

DS screams when he's upset and DD cries. We ignore both. If it becomes too loud, we take them to their room. I would try timeouts for the purposeful defiance you describe of touching something after you said not to. For throwing toys and tipping them over, I'd remove the toys or her, whatever is more appropriate. Natural consequences. As she starts losing toys, she'll stop throwing them. It's a little hard with toys logistically to punish one and not the other, but we do it, with a little creativity.

Good luck!! I hope you get some better replies on here!

 

We started TOs around 18 months. We used a pack in play in the dining room and they would go in their for 1 minute. However, you and your husband both need to be on board with this if you are going to be successful. I also started putting toys in TO if it was thrown at me. That really worked. 18 months is tough because they are starting to understand cause-and-effect, but aren't quite there yet so emotions and tantrums are just reactions. :hug:

 

18 months was a tough age for us in terms of discipline. At that age we mainly used redirection and ignored tantrums. At close to 2 we started using 1-2-3 Magic and it has helped a lot, especially with my DS.

 

What is important at that age is that you model what behavior you expect. TO's are fine, but they may not understand why they were put there. It is something that I struggle with believe me. They *seem* to understand but in reality they don't know exactly what I expect of them, and me sitting there explaining it to them is not going to help. Show, replay & repeat! :hug:

 

For my guys there really was no such thing as "discipline" at that age. They were just too young to understand timeouts and the fact that "no" meant that they should stop doing something. ardon: What really helped for me was curbing bad behavior, praising good behavior, and LOTS of redirection. For example, if we had a hitting episode, I would make them say or sign "sorry" and perhaps give their brother a kiss. I would also say "we don't hit". If they threw toys or fought over them, they would get a warning, then the toy would go into timeout.

As far as tantrums go, my boys were super emotional at that age (who am I kidding, they still are!! :lol, so I never punished for outbursts of emotion. I would try to figure out what they needed, even if it was just to be held for a few minutes. But if they exhibited bad behavior (hitting, throwing, etc.) then I would deal with it appropriately.

Jackie is so right; at that age it's all about modeling, redirection, and repeating, repeating, REPEATING!! I promise, they will get it one day.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice and insight. Such a fun but frustruating age at times! I think I will try more redirection since I really don't think they get time-outs yet. But how do you handle things that you as the adult are allowed to touch (like the stereo or computer) that can't be moved out of reach, but that they're not allowed to touch? Thats my main problem.

Anyways, I will take heart and give it another go with a better plan in place!

Thanks again,
Melissa

 

Things like computers are tough. Most of those things I put behind closed doors, or put a Super Yard in front of. Redirection does help with that (e.g. if they're doing something like climbing on the coffee table, I could tell them "show me how you bounce on your chairs" and they'd get down and do it). It seems like the bigger deal I made about them touching something forbidden, the more interested they'd get in touching it. <_< So matter-of-fact redirection worked best, and a lot of times they'd lose interest in the forbidden object. Though I have to say the computer is almost always an endless source of fascination! :lol: I got the boys their own "computers" (Leaptops) and I could often tell them to go get their own computers when they wanted to monkey with mine.