discipline for 10 mo?

I realize I may be entirely crazy for thinking there's some way to communicate this to 10 month olds... but if babies can be taught not to bite while nursing, I'm thinking maybe it's possible. My problem is one of my sons will slap me in the face and the other will pull my hair (he'll pull from the roots when it's in a ponytail even!) Both of their little antics HURT like the dickens and I've tried grabbing their little hands and sternly saying "no" or "that hurts Mommy" but all I get is a laugh! :nea: Is there anything I can do?? I don't want to punish them, I just want them to stop it. Anyone have any suggestions? TIA!

 

I was going to make a similar post. I'm really hoping to be able to teach one of my boys to stop pulling the other's hair. He'll lunge for his poor head any chance he gets. Mine are 8.5 months and I just don't know whether it is totally unreasonable to think I can communicate No to them.

 

QUOTE(MrsBQ02 @ Feb 19 2008, 05:21 PM) [snapback]629078[/snapback]
I realize I may be entirely crazy for thinking there's some way to communicate this to 10 month olds... but if babies can be taught not to bite while nursing, I'm thinking maybe it's possible. My problem is one of my sons will slap me in the face and the other will pull my hair (he'll pull from the roots when it's in a ponytail even!) Both of their little antics HURT like the dickens and I've tried grabbing their little hands and sternly saying "no" or "that hurts Mommy" but all I get is a laugh! :nea: Is there anything I can do?? I don't want to punish them, I just want them to stop it. Anyone have any suggestions? TIA!


My 9 month old does similar things and I have been able to get thru with a stern "NO" and I've even resorted to smacking fingers!! :nea: Not sure if it's appropriate but it has worked so far. I only do the finger smack when it pertains to safety. At least at this age.....

 

I've given their hands a little smack when necessary (like pp said, where safety is concerned) and they get the picture. I just say no very sternly and they quit messing with whatever they shouldn't be. Mine are 10 months also and Will really "gets" the no, but James not so much. He tends to giggle, but I keep repeating it and move him away. hopefully it will click soon. I think the repitition of No and even holding their hands so they can't pull or smack might get the message across.

 

I have had to resort to a slight tug on their hair from time to time to try to get my point across that it HURTS when you pull someones hair!

Haven't had to deal with the biting phase yet. Not sure how to deal with that. I do know that it is hard especially w/ 2! I agree that they can be taught and they DO understand what your are saying. Call me crazy but that's MO

 

Hi there. I have sort of a different perspective on this kind of thing. James went through a hair pulling, smacking stage. Evan went through a pinching stage. And they both went through a biting stage. I talked to my husband and we decided not to make a big deal. I don't know too much about child development, but I was a kindergarten teacher for a couple of years. I knew kids who heard "no no no" about everything. You know what happened? They became totally desensitized to the word "no". So I'd be saying "no" to dangerous things like jumping off the climbing frame or eating sand and they'd ignore me the same way they ignored Grandma when she said "no" to running down the hallway. I have decided to try and pick my battles. My babies are 11.5 months and I rarely say "no" to them. I distract them, re-direct them, ignore them, etc. when they do things I don't like but I save "no" for very special occasions, like electrical outlets. When I say "no" I choose a really stern tone and they know I mean it. Both of my boys outgrew the hair pulling, biting and pinching within a couple of weeks. I did say "no biting people" for a couple of days but then I realized they were both biting as they "kissed" us and they were actually trying to show excitement/love. The biting part went away on its own. Sometimes you can make matters worse if you draw too much attention to a negative behavior (like them throwing their food off of their trays, for example).

Anyway, just my 2 cents. I'd re-direct them, distract them, and just be patient. If they were 2 or 3 it would be a different story, but 10 months is very, very young.

 

I don't think it's too early to be teaching them that they can't pull hair, etc. you know they understand something when they specifically look around the room for you to see if you are there before going after the "forbidden".... In my experience, teaching the kids boundaries, starting at 10 or 11 months really is quite effective. My kids all learned to stay out of cabinents, drawers, etc. at that age. The advantage to constantly, consistently communicating limits like this to them is that by the time you hit 18 months it's second nature....they hardly remember being taught it but something in their little brains just knows they aren't allowed to do certain things. Kind of like good sleep training... they don't remember being taught, but they just know how to fall asleep and stay asleep all night.

 

With my DS1 I would tell him "stop" and immediately but him down. If he wanted to be held again I would pick him up - if he was mean again, "stop" and down he would go. Pretty quickly he learned he couldn't have me hold him and do those things.
Good luck. Try to remain calm so they don't get a thrill out of your response and try to recreate it.

P.S. I also reserve "No" for big time offenses so he will listen more.

 

I also have a background in early childhood for 15 yrears. THey can learn boundaries at that age. I already had to teach my DS not to blow raspberries while eating. And for the most part he doesn't. They are not too young. The biggest key is consistency. If they get by with it half the time or even 10 percent of the time they will keep doing it. Stop it early and it will take less hassle. Choose one thing to say and say the same thing everytime so they understand. Redirecting is good and also necessary but they can be taught no as well. That doens't mean go aroudn saying it all the time but they are not too young.

 

Now, I don't have my twins yet and have never breast fed, so who knows if this works. BUT I was reading in The Baby Book last night and actually came across this topic! Dr. Sears said when they do that to pull them in close to your breast. This will cover their nose and not be very comfortable, so they will let go. Pretty soon they will learn not to bite!

 

QUOTE
I've tried grabbing their little hands and sternly saying "no" or "that hurts Mommy" but all I get is a laugh!


I think that the laugh or smile after scolding actually means that they understand that they've been "bad," and are trying to either get away with it, or make up to you, or both.

My babies occasionally bite while nursing. I always stick a finger in to detach the biter, say "Don't bite," quietly but sternly, put the baby down on the floor and ignore him/her for just a minute. And they ALWAYS smile when I tell them "Don't bite"! But my instinct says it's precisely because they know they're in trouble. They don't like seeing mommy mad, they know that their smiles make mommy happy, and so they try to "fix it" that way.

I've been very successful doing this. They practically never bite. And it seems to go in spurts. They'll try it for a while, then get the idea and not bite at all for a long time, then try maybe once, almost like they're checking - "Is this still off-limits?" All it takes is a little reminder, and they stop. Like pps said, consistency is key.

Also agree with pps about not overusing the word "no," and choosing your battles. My house is pretty baby-proof, so they get to do pretty much whatever they want in terms of exploring. But I am teaching them not to bite (me and each other), not to steal toys from each other, and not to pull over the stack of diapers on the changing table. (This last one may seem really petty, but it is a MAJOR nuisance. And they've been surprisingly receptive to "Don't pull the diapers" - they'll actually start reaching and then stop.)

Good luck! I hope they get the message soon!

 

I'm not sure. While they do understand "no" and "stop" to a point, your average 10 month old doesn't have any impulse control. You can certainly set boundaries, but probably best to keep your expecations realistic.

QUOTE
Anyway, just my 2 cents. I'd re-direct them, distract them, and just be patient. If they were 2 or 3 it would be a different story, but 10 months is very, very young.


Totally agree.

 

Wow, there are a lot of great perspectives here! Thank you so much- I'll have to see what I can do, but it looks like the biggest thing is to remembering that consistency. It's so easy to let them get away with it sometimes when you're busy doing something else (like dealing with their brother!)

 

It is all about repeating. That is how they learn. Mine use to pull my hair as well till the point I wanted to cry, I couldnt brush my hair afterwards. I just kept on taking their hands away and kept on saying no it hurst. They have eventually gotten the idea, but the cat still has a hard time.

 

One of my girls did this. I would take her hands away and tell her firmly "no, that hurts mommy". I repeated this every time. If she laughed, I ignored her so she wasn't getting my positive attention for her negative behavior.

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ Feb 19 2008, 08:37 PM) [snapback]629639[/snapback]
Hi there. I have sort of a different perspective on this kind of thing. James went through a hair pulling, smacking stage. Evan went through a pinching stage. And they both went through a biting stage. I talked to my husband and we decided not to make a big deal. I don't know too much about child development, but I was a kindergarten teacher for a couple of years. I knew kids who heard "no no no" about everything. You know what happened? They became totally desensitized to the word "no". So I'd be saying "no" to dangerous things like jumping off the climbing frame or eating sand and they'd ignore me the same way they ignored Grandma when she said "no" to running down the hallway. I have decided to try and pick my battles. My babies are 11.5 months and I rarely say "no" to them. I distract them, re-direct them, ignore them, etc. when they do things I don't like but I save "no" for very special occasions, like electrical outlets. When I say "no" I choose a really stern tone and they know I mean it. Both of my boys outgrew the hair pulling, biting and pinching within a couple of weeks. I did say "no biting people" for a couple of days but then I realized they were both biting as they "kissed" us and they were actually trying to show excitement/love. The biting part went away on its own. Sometimes you can make matters worse if you draw too much attention to a negative behavior (like them throwing their food off of their trays, for example).

Anyway, just my 2 cents. I'd re-direct them, distract them, and just be patient. If they were 2 or 3 it would be a different story, but 10 months is very, very young.



I am trying this as well. My theory is that if I do not make it too big of a deal they may get over it. I use a lot of "we don't.....because it is dangerous" or something like that. The most popular "toy" in the house right now is the t.v. and no matter how many times I redirect and tell them we do not do that I cannot keep them off of it. Sometimes I am even to exhausted to fight them on it but I know I need to stay consistent. I really just do not want to use "no" and my DH is such a sucker than he seems unable to use a meaningful, stern tone of voice with them. I pretty much let them explore whatever they want but also be sure they are safe. I have also been trying to teach them that we play with the mulch with our hands not our mouths and this is not sinking in either .

I do say no to the dog though and I think it confuses them a bit. I will say that when mommy is stern with the dog they both notice. Speaking of, does anyone want a dog !



Amy

 

i am having the same problem with my son he goes after his sister so bad. if i put them doen to lay sitting next to each other he will immediately go for her face. she of course then cries and i say no and move him. sometimes he will just crawl up to her take her toy and hit her in the face. he has tried pulling her hair also succeded once. she doesn't do that to him. she likes to touch his hands arm legs but just touch to say ok your there. gives him a pat and plays on. i was wondering the same thing myself and yes i have smacked his hand gently too and said no. i felt horrible after though.

 

I read a few of the other posts but not all. We do say "no-no" at the same time that we are 'stopping' the action. If they are getting into the garbage or something (oh yes this is a nice new trick we have learned grrr..) I make sure to completely remove them from the room and start them on a new activity. When they are hair pulling you can squeeze their fingers while you are saying "no-no", sometimes you will still get a laugh but I find that it makes them quit. And like a pp said, try pulling hair back and saying, 'that is an owie' or something that might work.

 

With my older son when he was little we said "BE NICE" and as he got older we said "that is unacceptable behavior". People laughed at us telling a toddler that but he understood the just of it. We were told not to say "naughty" so we said unacceptable. We had lots of unacceptable behavior as he has autism. As he got older, like past 5 or 6 years we changed to NO, not by choice..Guess what. NO didn't work. He really got desensitized to it. So we told him things like "Owwwwie that hurts mommy" or "you make mommy cry when you do that" For older kids even with diminished understanding he would stop. As a baby "BE NICE" really worked, or ignoring the behavior. Honestly at 10 months anything other than just plain consistency won't really be effective. their memory to remember punishment isn't quite their yet.