Dilema....

Ok....I don't want to offend any members, as I know this is a sensitive issue:
My dad is very sensitive to issues relating to boys playing with and doing things that are "girly". He comes from a very large family of 6 boys and one girl. His sister was the 2nd last child to be born and she ended up playing alot with her little brother. He did everything she did and soon started to identify with "girly" things. And now is living a lifestyle that reflects that.

When we were out shopping with my parents, we saw cute cooking aprons and oven mits and my mom picked a set out for Zayne and was going to buy some for McAuley. But my dad was very firm that he did not want McAuley to do "Girly" things or copy the things Zayne did....that he saw his brother do that.

I didn't think that an apron was too girly....my mom offered to make a BOY one...but still, my dad was upset about him pretending to be "motherly".

I would like to get a play kitchen for the kids for Christmas. McAuley has played with kitchens before and mostly likes trying to close his hands in the microwave. He is very much a BOY...I mean, I never taught him that it was funny to fall on the floor in the most dramatic way possible and drive cars up and down the doll house roof. I don't mind them playing house - It's a part of childhood! He loves hats and I often see him wearing a white and pink Easter hat..but to him it's just a HAT. He's not pretending to be a girl!

I don't get worried about my daughter when she wants to wear my husband's ties. My husband will even pretend to shave their faces when he has a shower with them, because that is when he shaves. Yes, my daughter begs to have her face shaved - she says she needs it!
So - when do we draw the line? Should boys be playing with a toy kitchen? Is this going to scar him for life? Heck....I told my dad that the best chefs in the world are guys....and they are very happily married to very happy women - who never have to cook....lol!

 

I just read an article that the more older brothers a man has, the greater the odds that the "girly" behavior will carry over into adulthood. It sounds like your uncle was one of the youngest brothers? If so, it might have turned out that way regardless of whether he played with his sister. (I am not trying to start a debate here.)

I never worried about what my boys played with. They wanted a toy kitchen, I got them one. They were so rough they destroyed it, we got them another one (garage sales). That one ended up being the kitchen on a submarine.

My DH is the cook in our family, and I assure you, there is nothing "girly" about him.

I think making something forbidden and a big deal just makes it more attractive to the child. If he's that worried about the apron, all children can get an apron from Home Depot for participating in the Kids Workshop on the first Saturday of the month. It's a very "manly" apron.

 

Grandpa needs to get a grip! allowing a little boy to play dress up, house or anything else..does not make him GIRLY....

My father would protest each time either of my sons wore YELLOW...that was 17 years ago....let's see what he has to say this time....because my oldest son...his favorite color IS YELLOW! LOL like the previous post said about making something forbidden.


Good luck...

Missy

 

My next door neighbor has 2 boys, and bought them a kitchen for Christmas a few years ago. She did hunt to find one that wasn't pink, but her boys and my boys LOVED playing with it! Your dad needs to realize that his younger brother is not the way he is because he played with his sister, but rather that is just who he is. I know, easier said than done.

 

I got my girls a kitchen that has a grill on one side and a kitchen on the other. Maybe your father won't mind so much that he plays with a kitchen if it has a grill on it since that is usually considered manly.

Little Tikes Inside Outside Cook'N Grill Kitchen

 

We have a toy kitchen. Timothy loves it more than Sarah. And trust me, Timothy is all boy, complete with 4 stitches in his lip at the moment. He also has an apron. My mom made him one with Lightening McQueen and Mater on it.

Marissa

 

my DH gets this way occasionally because DS enjoys DD's Zoe purse..I just keep telling him its because its a receptacle- something he can SHOVE all his toys in....

I think grandpa needs to open his mind a bit...

 

My DH cooks because I really can't stand cooking and am not very good at it. My girls now think that all Daddys cook. My DH is not "girly". Maybe you should show your dad some of the cooking shows on Food Network, I would say over half of them feature men.
At this age, kids are just mimicing what they see people in their lives doing. Mine also like to pretend they are on the computer and say they are "working" (DH is a software engineer and works from home). They also like to be caretakers to their baby dolls, feed them, put them in them in cribs, etc. I don't think any of this reflects what they are going to be in the future. There are some boys the same age in our playgroup, and they also like to cook, pretend to clean, feed baby dolls, etc, but then they go play with their trucks too.
I have also seen "manly" looking cooking sets that have grills and stuff. Maybe something like that would be OK?

In the end though, it's completely up to you and DH what your son plays with.

 

On issues like this I sometimes feel like a lone wolf, supporting the men who don't want their little boys playing with "girly" things. I don't like painting my son's nails, I don't encourage him to wear Hannah's dress-up clothes, etc.

BUT..........I see absolutely NO problem with pretending to cook, wearing an apron, caring for a baby, pushing dolls in a stroller, etc. These are all things that Ben sees Daddy do. To me, there is nothing overtly effeminate about running a home and caring for a family. Those are behaviors my son sees and tries to emulate. Hurray! That should be encouraged, not discouraged.

Do not loose out on opportunities for your children to develop a vivid imagination through pretend play because your dad thinks your son might turn out to be a wuss. But if it helps, avoid buying a pink and purple kitchen with Disney Princess cookware.

 

You are right. He's being a little over the top!

McAuley can play with the kitchen!! It's a brave new world out there and Grandpa doesn't have to play kitchen with him, but he can certainly play!!

He'll just put his cars in a pan and cook em' up! Don't deny Zayne a kitchen because of it!

 

QUOTE(PurpleNurple @ Nov 5 2007, 09:28 PM) [snapback]483173[/snapback]
So - when do we draw the line? Should boys be playing with a toy kitchen? Is this going to scar him for life?


I feel that telling a kid that they can't play with x, y, or z b/c it's girly (or not lady like) would actually cause a lot more emotional damage. Adults are the ones with the issue here, not the kids.

Kelly hit the nail on the head...toddlers are mimicing adults: talking on the phone, going grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving 'cars'. It is not about gender identity.

FIL is one of 5 brothers, 2 of whom are gay. DH doesn't have any problem with gay, but I will say that he has an over active gaydar for things that may be indications of family tendencies presenting in our sons' behavior.

I find it comical and ridiculous. However, the fact of the matter is life as a gay man is hard, and DH has seen the struggles that his uncles experienced. I find his gaydar to be more of a concerned parent than a homophobe (we adamantly support gay rights in our home). I try to be sensitive to it while still planning to instill in our children that there are not limits to toys, colors, career choices, or equality (ok, so they are a little young to start on some of these lessons )

 

I was also listening to a program where they were talking about the article that talked about the more boys you have the greater likelyhood the younger one would be gay. Found the article here: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-0...-brothers_x.htm
Not saying I believe it but just offering up another opinion that you may be able to share with grandpa.

I let my boys play with what they want. They both love anything pink. Matthew got the Dora Pink castle for Christmas last year. A good friend of theirs a 4 year old BOY just had his mom ask if Michael and Matthew could go see Disney Princesses on Ice. My boys were thrilled and their friend is a very BOYISH boy who apparently also like princesses.

Matthew's comforter is also Dora. Now I do set some limits and I bought the blue Dora comforter and swapped out the pink sheets for some blue ones.

I think one of the reason's the boys like Pink Girly stuff so much is because I only have boys and they aren't exposed to girly stuff very often. I believe the more you try to keep this stuff away from your son the more he is going to want to play with it. We always want what we don't have.

I think you may be in for many battles in the future over this because your boy is bound to like some girly stuff as he gets older.

 

I say let them play with what they want to play with. Sean likes to wear his sisters tiaras around the house because he thinks they are pretty. No big deal here, he'll grow out of it (or not) eventually. I don't even bat an eye and in fact compliment him on his pretty tiara. Most boys who experiment with girls clothing or accessories when they are little grow up to be Manly Men.

 

We have a kitchen, and they play with dolls I had when I was little. Ian took his "baby" to daycare a couple of weeks ago. One of the other moms gave a little laugh and said she though it was great.(not that it matters)

Lastly, I would rather they beat up their "own" cookware than mine.

I believe, people are who they are. You can be "tweaked" a bit by your experiences, but, the only way "you" can be dramatically altered, it through traumatic experiences.

Good luck with your FIL. Oh my other thought is, if you are telling your son he can or can not do something because it is too"girly" What kind of message does/will that be sending not only to him about Girls, but to your daughter about being a girl?

 

There was a good article on one of the UFC fighters named Houston Alexander. He's a single dad with full custody of his SIX kids. He cleans toilets, cooks and pushes vacuum cleaners and is proud of it.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news?slug=ki-1...o&type=lgns

 

Don't turn a non-issue into an issue with your son! Playing with his sisters kitchen is not 'girly'.

FWIW, I have 4 boys and am overly sensitive to the feminizing of our little boys that I think is going on. However, it's not so much what a preschooler is playing with, but rather the expectations of quiet docile behavior and not allowing boys to be rough and tumble that I have a problem with.

My boys LOVE to help in the kitchen - and they used to love to play in any pretend kitchen. We have play food that is still one of our most popular toys for Nate and Drew. They are forever making each other a little 'snack' out of plastic food! I am proud that my 9 year old is pretty independent in the kitchen. I can give him a simple recipe and he can follow through and make many things. This is not being 'girly' this is learning to be independent, so in college they can actually cook something - TO EAT!!!!