Difficult conversation

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by Moodyzblu, May 11, 2010.

  1. Moodyzblu

    Moodyzblu Well-Known Member

    This one had me fighting off tears. I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and make him worry even more than he is now.

    A few weeks ago Jayden woke up crying from a "nightmare". he had a dream that I died. After lots of hugs and reassurance that I am fine I got him back off to sleep and it had seemed he forgot about it. Until today. He sat across from me at the kitchen table and asked me "mom, are you going to die ?" Now of course we all know that we are ALL going to die sometime .. but to a 5 yr old .. sometime could be tomorrow. He really hasn't grasped the whole time thing yet .. days, weeks, years .. he hasn't the concept that 20/30 yrs is a pretty long time (kinda) ..
    He told me that this scares him and that he doesn't EVER want me to die .. and if I did, would I still love him. I just really don't know how to answer him. I'm in my 40's and dad is in his 50's so we aren't your typical young parents .. but we aren't by any means old .. I just don't know how honest to be with him. I try to tell him that EVERYONE dies .. eventually .. but he looks SO worried and concerned.

    Have any of your children expressed this same concern ? How do I give him an honest answer without worrying him more than he is now ?

    Help.
     
  2. Kathlene

    Kathlene Well-Known Member

    I personally wouldn't worry about lying to him. Just give him the reasurance he is seeking and needs and tell him no you aren't going to die. You can add a yet under your breath if it makes you feel better. I remember going through this with my son too long ago. You could also tell him that you will always love him no matter what. If he should ask even dead say yes.Technically you won't love him or not love him in the way he means.
     
  3. Callen

    Callen Well-Known Member


    I agree.

    I say that I will not die until I am very old. I realize that there is a chance that may not be true, but I am willing to reasure them at their age.

    They know everyone dies at some point.
     
  4. MeldieB

    MeldieB Well-Known Member

    My girls lost their grandfather when they were 3 years old. They still remember watching him get sick and then simply not seeing him anymore. So they know about death. They talk about him at least once a month, and talk about him being with God. They know we all will die someday. They have asked me if we can all die at the same time. I have always tried to be as honest as possible. I do tell them that I won't die until I am very old, which is a long time from now .... realizing that of course some freak accident could occur, but I can't burden them with that fear.
     
  5. Mia D

    Mia D Well-Known Member

    I say "I will always be with you." I figure it's not really a lie.

    Best,
    Mia
     
  6. Haley'sHope

    Haley'sHope Well-Known Member

    I agree with Mia. To me the best response is "I will always be with you, and I will always love you no matter what." Both of these statements are true and they address the questions he is asking you & worrying about without discussing your death. I think they will reassure him.
     
  7. NicoleT

    NicoleT Well-Known Member

    I think giving your kids reassurance is the proper thing to do for this age group. Also, I know most kids go through a period/ phase where they do worry about death, so the questions he is asking seem very natural and age appropriate.
     
  8. Mum2TwinBoys

    Mum2TwinBoys Well-Known Member

    Since we are a Christian household the answer that has worked for us is we don't know when God will call us home. I assure them that I am with them now and we enjoy our day, we speak a lot of God's love and the fact that we will be with our loved ones again. They know that my mum is in heaven and that my dh's mom is as well. I can remember being very emotional about my mother dying around the same age and she just loved me and reassured me which is what I will do as well.
     
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