Different discipline methods for each child?

So far, we have not been using timeouts, and it's been working fine. Amy does not seem to need them -- she's pretty motivated (at least for now) just by wanting to perform and show us how cooperative she can be. And when she has a tantrum, she just screams, but doesn't try to take it out on anyone else, so I can just ignore it until she comes around.

Sarah, however, has been testing boundaries a lot more recently, and in a way that I can't live with -- hitting/biting/scratching Amy, deliberate misbehavior, etc. And natural consequences do not seem to work as well -- she'll dump all the toys on the floor, and when I tell her to pick them up (or ask her to help me pick them up, which works great on Amy), she just says "No!" and ignores me. I feel like we need something stronger.

Does anyone have advice on using timeouts (or other methods) on one child but not the other? All the parenting books do say that what works on one child may not work on another, but I haven't seen many references to this situation with twins.

 

I would not look at it as doing one punishment for Sarah and a differnt punishment for Amy. The fact seems to be that Amy does not yet do anything to warrant a time out. When she does decide to rebel against somthing then she should get the same punishment at Sarah.

My girls are similar to yours. Alexandra is always pushing the limits and being put on her bad spot but Paige is usually fine but does end up there on occation.

What I do is give the offending child a warning that if they do so and so again they are going to end up the the bad place. Then when they do it I put them in the bad place and tell them why they are there. They then have to sit for 2 minutes. If they start rolling around the bad place area or come out of the area I put them back in but do not talk to them at all and the time resets. They have to sit there for a complete 2 minutes and not play around. when it is time to come out I again tell them why they were in there and explain why what they did was a bad thing and they have to say they are sorry and give me a hug. If the punishment was for pushing/hitting/biting their twin/sibling then they also have to say that they are sorry to them too.

I don't have a timer I set yet so that they know their time is being reset but I plan on getting one soon. This is what works for us.

 

We use timeouts for whom ever needs them. i do have one child that needs them ALOT more often then the other but thats just personality

I do what super nanny Jo Jo does.

We have a time out chair and when one of them does something wrong they get a warning. If they cont to do what ever it was that they were doing after the warning they go to time out. I get down on there level and explain why they are there and they sit there for 2 min. When the 2 min is up i go back get on there level and tell them again why they were there then they have to say they are sorry and give huggs and kisses to who ever they hurt or did not listen to.

So far its working great and were are using less and less time outs b/c theyknow they dont want to sit in the chair.

good luck!

 

When Hannah is especially ornery, she gets sent to time out in her room. The social banishment is enough to change her behavior! Ben does just fine with time out on our little naughty mat.

 

We just started naughty time recently. I don't think we've been leaving them there long enough, though.

I need to get an egg timer so that they know the ding means they are done.

Question (sorry to hijack!): Do they have to sit *and* not fuss for that two minute period? That seems like it would take an eternity if they had to be quiet, too. Mine still don't have a real comprehension for the rational discussion of being quiet in naughty time or you stay longer. I think they can learn the ding because it's like Pavlov's dog in a way, KWIM?

 

QUOTE(first_second_and_last @ Jan 28 2008, 07:53 PM) [snapback]593586[/snapback]
We just started naughty time recently. I don't think we've been leaving them there long enough, though.

I need to get an egg timer so that they know the ding means they are done.

Question (sorry to hijack!): Do they have to sit *and* not fuss for that two minute period? That seems like it would take an eternity if they had to be quiet, too. Mine still don't have a real comprehension for the rational discussion of being quiet in naughty time or you stay longer. I think they can learn the ding because it's like Pavlov's dog in a way, KWIM?



I say as long as they dont leave the chair/mat/place. Then thats enough. Its very hard to get the little ones to sit and not fuss through it.

 

QUOTE(first_second_and_last @ Jan 28 2008, 07:53 PM) [snapback]593586[/snapback]
Question (sorry to hijack!): Do they have to sit *and* not fuss for that two minute period? That seems like it would take an eternity if they had to be quiet, too. Mine still don't have a real comprehension for the rational discussion of being quiet in naughty time or you stay longer. I think they can learn the ding because it's like Pavlov's dog in a way, KWIM?

No, I would never expect them not to fuss. All I would expect is for them to stay there, and to behave nicely when they come out.

 

I would say do time out with Sarah, after giving her a chance to correct it through natural consequences (as in the toy-dumping scenario). I wouldn't really look at it like you are doing two different discipline methods, but Amy seems to have more of a "pleaser" personality, and you just haven't had to use it yet. If she were to dump all the toys and then scream "No!"when asked to pick them up, she would get time out too. You may want to try a different natural consequence with Sarah and see if that works before going to time out. Like maybe threaten to put the toys in the closet if she does not pick them up. Just an idea. For totally unacceptable behavior (hitting, biting) it's straight to time out.

I do sometimes have to put Ainsley in time out as more of a cool-down for her than actual punishment. Sometimes she gets into a tantrum and throws things, becomes completely irrational. For that, I put her in her crib.

I also do not expect them to be quiet, and so far, I haven't started over time out if they leave (unless it's excessive).