Did I handle this wrong?

After kinder today a parent asked if one of my boys could come play. I said "do you want them both, or just Beckett?" She said her son mostly talked about being friends with Beckett and she wondered if having 3 play would result in someone getting left out, but she was Ok with taking fhem both. It was like it hadnt occurred to her that they've always been invited together.
Anyway, I feel like I pressured/encouraged her to take them both. They both talk about wanting to play with this little boy and I just couldnt envision one of them going home from school with them and the other not.

They are in the same class. A common problem, I know. Should I have not questioned her invitation?

 

If she asked for just Beckett (you mentioned him by name when you said you asked or if she wanted both of just Beckett) then I would not have questioned her at all. When she replied that her son feels he is mostly friends with Beckett, I would have just been okay letting him go play (but that is me, I don't mind when only one of my twins is invited some place). She may have felt pressured to take both of them with you saying that (I know I probably would have and have before, see my example below). I don't think that people without twins necessarily always want both kids to come or think they may have always been invited places together.

I know my oldest DD knows a set of triplets (g/g/b). She invited one of the girls over to play last spring and the other one came and then wanted to stay, how could I say no when the Mom asked if I minded? :unsure: But honestly, I didn't want both girls to stay and neither did my DD. ardon:

 

I probably would have just sent the one that was invited & explained to the other that he will get to go on playdates without his brother in the future & it all works out in the end, but if the mom was okay with having both then that is good I guess. I have found over the last few years of preschool that there are often times when my two don't get invited places because people are unsure what to do about the fact that they are twins (and they are a boy & girl so you would think it would be no problem!). I always try to assure anyone who mentions playdates or invitations that we are absolutely fine with only one being invited because I don't want to make things more difficult and have L&L end up missing out on things because of it. ardon:

 

I think you were put on the spot with the question and you answered with a gut reaction. You might want to mention to the mom that you are perfectly fine with just one of the boys coming over next time, but her question had caught you by surprise is all.

 

Honestly, I don't think another Mom that doesn't have twins would (or should) consider that a set of twins has always been invited together. I've had one of mine invited to playdates alone before and am fine with that. They need to be able to develop other friendships and don't need to be a package deal for playdates. I use that opportunity to have some quality (and sometimes rare) time with the other kiddo. I'm sure it was a gut reaction since you haven't had to deal with it before, but I would do as the pp said and mention to her the next time you see her that you don't want her to think that she can't invite just one boy over.

 

This.

It does make it a little tricky that both your boys have mentioned wanting to play with this same kid. Still, it doesn't mean she needs to have them both -- just that you need to be aware that your other son will probably feel sad about it. It might help to have some ideas for an alternate plan for him, whether it's a date with a different friend or some special one-on-one time.

 

I totally agree with this. Next time you see her, just say that you were caught off guard and that next time, it's fine if just Beckett comes over. I would have probably done the same thing if caught off guard like that. Also, it would be harder to explain to the other why he is not included. If you know ahead of time, it is easier to prep them!

 

My girls would only want to go together. I know that sounds weird to some, but so far with bday invites from school if it is only to one they don't want to go unless the other goes with them. If we were asked for ONE kid I would be fine with it, and encourage my child to go, but I don't think they would want to go w/out the other.