dh vent

My dh is driving me crazy. We fight all the time now. He never helps around the house. I do everything when i can find the time. He does watch the babies for me on friday's but today for some reason the babies have been so fussy..Teething???? They cried this morning when I called to check on them. So I left work and checked on them for aminute and they were fine when I was there. Went home on lunch and he says of all things they were being little pains in the a*s.. How dare he say that about my babes. After I left I guess they got fired back up again. He had the nerve to call my cell phone and leave me a voice mail of them crying. So here I am at work knowing I can't leave and he does that to me. WTH? They are usually never fussy and they slept good last night but could they be teething. Hope has a few little red bumps on her head and she had diarhea last night but not today and Grace has just been crying all day.NO fever though.

Help me cope with my dh,
Missy

 

QUOTE(CROSSTWINS @ Sep 21 2007, 09:29 PM) [snapback]418129[/snapback]
He does watch the babies for me on friday's



He is not watching the kids FOR you. They are HIS children! He needs to stop acting like he's doing you a favor. My DH and I have had to remind each other before that we are on the same side....not opposing sides. I can only imagine how awful it must have been to get that voicemail!! I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly--I really hope you're able to talk about it soon and get back on track.

Reyna

 

Missy,

I am so sorry, that was not nice of him to do to you. I really don't have any advice but to just sit down and talk through everything. Tell him how he is making you feel, and get to the root of whatever is making him act that way toward you and the babies. :hug99:

 

I'm also sorry that your having to deal with that. I know that my DH just doesn't have as much patience with the babies as I do and when they are crying and he can't console them, he starts getting frustrated the babies just start fussing worse. So that could be the problem or they could be teething. I know that my boys are close in age to your babies and they've been drooling and WAY fussier than normal. They haven't cut teeth yet but the pedi said they could be teething for awhile before even cutting any. I just give them tylenol and something to chew on. My boys like to chew on stuffed animals or blankets (supervised of course) or even a wet wash cloth.

Good Luck hun and I hope things are calmer for you this evening :hug99:

 

QUOTE(mrsfussypants @ Sep 21 2007, 09:53 PM) [snapback]418157[/snapback]
He is not watching the kids FOR you. They are HIS children! He needs to stop acting like he's doing you a favor. My DH and I have had to remind each other before that we are on the same side....not opposing sides. I can only imagine how awful it must have been to get that voicemail!! I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly--I really hope you're able to talk about it soon and get back on track.

Reyna

I agree! I would ask him what he expects you to do about the crying while you are at work! It sounds as if he resents you going to work.

 

if my DH ever left me a VM of the twins crying his cell phone would be dangling out of an orifice (pick one!) He needs to learn how to deal with fussy babies...

 

So sorry you're going through this Absolutely ditto on the 'he's watching the babies for you' - no he's not, they're HIS babies too.

I think most men (yes, i'm generalizing here) don't have the patience that we have w/fussy babies. Partly because they don't know how to 'solve' it, and men like to solve problems. But - he has to learn some soothng technques; e.g., if theyre teethign fussy, what do they like to chew on?

The business of the cell phone msg w/cryng is, i'm osrry to say, just immature, acting out behavior. I know it's difficult, and you're probably exhausted, b ut i think the best thing to do is pick a time when you're not dealing with fussy babies and sit down and have a conversation.

I'd start it by saying something like "I don't want to fight, i want to talk about what's going on".....tell him tht his BEHAVIOR (not him, his behavior) has a bad effect on you (again, not that he's making you feel badly, but that his behavior lands badly, especially as you can't do anything about the crying when you're at work). Ask him what he expects from you, and then get clear about wht you expect from him.

Does he work the other days of the week? Are there underlying issues? I'ts SOOO difficult to even try and work stuff out like civil adults when you are so tired, but I have found that getting to the underlying stuff often really helps.

If taht doesn't, then - well, i had a near meltdown w/my DH when the girls were a couple of months old, and told him he needed to step up to the bat, that these were his daughters that he chose to have and that he couldn't expect life to be like it was before children. Period, end of story, so SUCK IT UP!

(there, that probably didn't help much, huh?) But i DID talk to him before i got to that point.

Good luck, and keep coming back for support - we've ALL been there, with our DH or partner

 

So sorry you're going through this Absolutely ditto on the 'he's watching the babies for you' - no he's not, they're HIS babies too.

I think most men (yes, i'm generalizing here) don't have the patience that we have w/fussy babies. Partly because they don't know how to 'solve' it, and men like to solve problems. But - he has to learn some soothng technques; e.g., if theyre teethign fussy, what do they like to chew on?

The business of the cell phone msg w/cryng is, i'm osrry to say, just immature, acting out behavior. I know it's difficult, and you're probably exhausted, b ut i think the best thing to do is pick a time when you're not dealing with fussy babies and sit down and have a conversation.

I'd start it by saying something like "I don't want to fight, i want to talk about what's going on".....tell him tht his BEHAVIOR (not him, his behavior) has a bad effect on you (again, not that he's making you feel badly, but that his behavior lands badly, especially as you can't do anything about the crying when you're at work). Ask him what he expects from you, and then get clear about wht you expect from him.

Does he work the other days of the week? Are there underlying issues? I'ts SOOO difficult to even try and work stuff out like civil adults when you are so tired, but I have found that getting to the underlying stuff often really helps.

If taht doesn't, then - well, i had a near meltdown w/my DH when the girls were a couple of months old, and told him he needed to step up to the bat, that these were his daughters that he chose to have and that he couldn't expect life to be like it was before children. Period, end of story, so SUCK IT UP!

(there, that probably didn't help much, huh?) But i DID talk to him before i got to that point.

Good luck, and keep coming back for support - we've ALL been there, with our DH or partner

 

QUOTE(mrsfussypants @ Sep 21 2007, 02:53 PM) [snapback]418157[/snapback]
He is not watching the kids FOR you. They are HIS children! He needs to stop acting like he's doing you a favor. My DH and I have had to remind each other before that we are on the same side....not opposing sides. I can only imagine how awful it must have been to get that voicemail!! I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly--I really hope you're able to talk about it soon and get back on track.

Reyna


YES!!! This was my biggest complaint about Father of DD.. He would say i am going to watch her.. I would say you dont watch her, She is your daughter. It was like a babysitting job to him,.. GRRR

Anyways.. :hug99: :hug99: Men just arent the same as women... Women have the mommy instinct, and men just know... well nothing... Maybe the babies are getting a little sick... I know mine.. have diarhea and i can tell their tummys hurt.. Its a virus going around.,..

Good luck!