DH thinks I'm crazy...am I?

Hi Ladies...I fear I've lost my "intuition" with this one. I'm just not reading my babies very well. Since the very beginning - I feed on demand all night long. I do not wake the other and I don't control their wake-up time. So, we had a few short weeks in month 4 where they were sleeping through. At about 5 months it fell apart and now they are both up all night. Usually, we put them to bed at 6:30 or 7:00 (we've tried all different times). They wake for feedings at 9, 12, 3-ish then up for the day at 6:30 or 7:00. They are usually about 45 minutes apart, which means I'm up for an hour 3 times a night. I'm not too worried about it, although I would LOVE to have them sleep from 7-12a.m. so I can go to dinner worry free.

The problem is that DH is so sweet and wakes up with us - even if for a second...and he's just plain tired of it. He thinks they should be sleeping through or at least feeding less. I'd be really happy if they would, but how do I know if they are ready? We've given them paci's instead, but they just get worked up until I feed them so it looks like the only option is CIO. How do I know if I should? For which feeding(s)?

TIA all you smarties!

ETA: Naps are a mess.

 

At 5 mn there is nothing wrong with nursing as many times as you do...they eat at are about every 3 hours, so they may actually be hungry. That being said, some of the times they may not be hungry but only know how to fall back asleep by nursing (and that is fine, if it is okay with you). They could be distracted during the day, make sure they are getting enough calories during the day. There are more options than CIO or nurse all night. "The No Cry Sleep Solution" is a great book. There are sleep chart you can do if you are into that, but if not she offers alot of great ideas.

I read it and it helped me alot with naps and would have helped with night wakings more if I would have been committed. For me it was easier to just nurse and I did until he was 17 mn. But then I weaned from night wakings by doing this thing called "10 nights" from the book "Good Nights". It is not recommended until a year, but you could defiantly check it out.

I know it seems really hard now, but it does go by very fast and it will get eaier and you will sleep again, I promise!

Good Luck!

 

QUOTE(clkafka @ Mar 11 2008, 10:00 AM) [snapback]663282[/snapback]
"The No Cry Sleep Solution" is a great book. There are sleep chart you can do if you are into that, but if not she offers alot of great ideas.

I read it and it helped me alot with naps and would have helped with night wakings more if I would have been committed. For me it was easier to just nurse and I did until he was 17 mn. But then I weaned from night wakings by doing this thing called "10 nights" from the book "Good Nights". It is not recommended until a year, but you could defiantly check it out.

I know it seems really hard now, but it does go by very fast and it will get eaier and you will sleep again, I promise!

Good Luck!


Thanks Christy! I don't mind too much. What I'm finding with most of these books is that they don't work with twins...or it's harder anyway because it takes undivided attention and usually doesn't address the "one wakes the other" problem. I'll look into those two books - I haven't heard of them.

 

I can't offer advice, because I'm in the exact same boat. My boys are nursing all night and worst of all aren't in their cribs. I tried cio a month ago, but after 8 nights it didn't work.I don't think they were ready,plus there's 2! I am beginning to transition them into the crib during naptime and the 1st part of the night. I put them to sleep so I know they need to learn how to sleep on their own, but I don't want to just put them in a new place (the crib) and also have them cio. It's complicated. It was much easier with my 3 older girls. I need the baby whisperer to come over for a week! I didn't mean to take over your post---just wanted to let you know you're not alone!!

Lisa

 

I know how you feel, except mine have never slept long periods of time!. Mine are finally starting to go to bed at about 830, then wake at 12, 3, 6, and usually up by 8am, where we cuddle for a bit then get up.

For me, DH does not get up with us during the night, but I am used to the short intervals of sleep. I am hoping that soon they will sleep longer at night.

I wish you luck as I can completely relate to you!!!

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Mar 11 2008, 11:10 AM) [snapback]663305[/snapback]
Thanks Christy! I don't mind too much. What I'm finding with most of these books is that they don't work with twins...or it's harder anyway because it takes undivided attention and usually doesn't address the "one wakes the other" problem. I'll look into those two books - I haven't heard of them.


Elizabeth Pently also has a book "No Cry Solution for Toddlers" and there is a chapter on twins. I will take a look at it and see if any of it would apply to 6mn olds.

 

:shok: You're only getting up 3 times a night at 6 months? :shok: I'd say enjoy your sleep. I realize it is interupted, but that's not bad!! You should have been at my house at that stage!! They'll lengthen the sleeping out (soon I hope). At that age, in my opinion, they still need the nourishment if they want to eat. My two ate better during the nighttime feedings and it was great having some one-on-one time with each of them, even if I was half asleep!

 

Tell your husband to lower his expectations I've fought this battle twice so far, and I imagine we'll go through it again soon. As far as I can tell, most six month old babies aren't ready to sleep through the night (mine never were, anyway) and they will be soon enough. My kids have always dealt better when I didn't try to rush things. You're doing a good job!

 

i would hold off for cio until they are 10 months..

i remember hitting up starbucks alot while mine were that tiny

 

My girls did the same thing...slept through the night occassionally for a period and are now back to eating every 3-4hrs during the night. I also do not wake anyone and demand feed. I realize mine are about a month younger but they have been going longer stretches at night for about a week now since we got their napping more under control. I was getting up 8-9x :blink: a night and this past week I have only been getting up 3-4x (which I can deal with!).

Good luck!!

 

Thanks guys. This helps to hear I'm not alone. It's funny how everyone in the real world keeps acting like it's just nuts that they still don't sleep through the night. I'm not sure what the hang-up is...it makes me feel like I've done something wrong. I feel much better knowing it's normal in some circles.

 

For me the key to night-time on demand feedings was cosleeping.

We had a king size bed during that time and I the babys slept in the middle. I would wake up with one, start feeding and fall back to sleep while she was feeding and sleep until the other was awake then I would change to the other side and feed her, again falling back asleep. I only was ever awake for 2 or 3 minutes at any time. I honestly don't even know how many times they were waking up a night at 6 months because it didn't even matter.

 

QUOTE
The problem is that DH is so sweet and wakes up with us - even if for a second...and he's just plain tired of it.


Oh, boo hoo, cry me a river. Poor thing, waking up for a second and then going back to sleep.

Ditto pps - 3 night feeds sounds VERY reasonable at that age. I'd be very reluctant to try to drop any, especially if you're ok with the status quo. They will get better in time, I promise!

QUOTE
I'm not sure what the hang-up is...it makes me feel like I've done something wrong.


I know what you mean! DS has started STTN, but DD is still up to nurse once or twice. And there is so much STTN pressure that I'm almost embarrassed to admit it! :blush: I know that at this age I could do CIO no problem and be done with it, but for now I'd actually rather continue nursing her at night. I think we need a secret password-protected TS forum for moms who still nurse older babies at night, or for moms whose babies "should" be STTN & aren't!

 

QUOTE(Meximeli @ Mar 11 2008, 08:29 PM) [snapback]664312[/snapback]
For me the key to night-time on demand feedings was cosleeping.

We had a king size bed during that time and I the babys slept in the middle. I would wake up with one, start feeding and fall back to sleep while she was feeding and sleep until the other was awake then I would change to the other side and feed her, again falling back asleep. I only was ever awake for 2 or 3 minutes at any time. I honestly don't even know how many times they were waking up a night at 6 months because it didn't even matter.



Melissa,

Did you eventually put the babies in a crib. How was it and when were they ready? I am cosleeping mostly, but trying to get them in the crib for naps and 1st part of the night, but they're fighting it!!!! (I am still nursing them to sleep, though.)

Lisa

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Mar 11 2008, 08:10 PM) [snapback]664372[/snapback]
Oh, boo hoo, cry me a river. Poor thing, waking up for a second and then going back to sleep.




So funny!

 

Mine didn't STTN until 11 months when we did CIO. Was I tired? YES :lazy: Do I wish we had done it sooner? NO!!! I tried everything else, and that made me feel better about my decision.
And now......we actually LOVE those very few times they wake and need us to go to them :wub:

They will grow up....sad but true.....enjoy those peaceful moments while you can

 

I would work on a daytime nap schedule, at 5 months, they should probably be on 3 naps a day...i think that may help with sleeping...congrats on nursing them!

We were mostly on demand (bottles, with some ebm) - but at that age, both kids were sleeping from 7 or 8 until at least 12midnight. And Jake would wake up at 3am for a quick bottle (like 10 minutes, we stopped heating them) and back down until like 6am.

Again, I didn't bfeed, so our experience may have been different.

 

what worked for us was having dh go in when the girls got up so that they did not smell me and think "time to eat!". dh would go in and "rebinkie" whoever was crying, then pat their back and soothe them, whisper "it's ok, etc". at first if they really freaked out he take one out and hold or rock them, but after a few nights we started doing a controlled CIO for 5 min. at a time. after 5 min, he'd go back in, pat, reassure, then walk out for another 5 min, etc. usually after 2x of doing this, the baby would fall asleep. i basically chose a time and said, "i'm not going to feed them until this time". so at first i picked 1am (with an 8P bedtime). if they woke after 1 am crying, i immediately went in myself and nursed. after a week, i lengthened it to 2am. now i am stuck at 3 am because they go down at 7:30p and i feel like that is about as long as they should go without nursing. this way, i only wake 1x per night (with each). of course, when they started teething or have colds, this plan goes out the window and i do get up and comfort nurse if needed. good luck!
heather
lily and sofi are 7 mos.

 

QUOTE(clkafka @ Mar 11 2008, 12:08 PM) [snapback]663423[/snapback]
Elizabeth Pently also has a book "No Cry Solution for Toddlers" and there is a chapter on twins. I will take a look at it and see if any of it would apply to 6mn olds.


she suggests trying to get them on a similar routine during the day (naps, eating, etc) and then nights will start to go better, find out were they sleep best (together, apart, in cribs, in your bed, etc.), and to have realistic expectations.


QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Mar 11 2008, 09:10 PM) [snapback]664372[/snapback]
I think we need a secret password-protected TS forum for moms who still nurse older babies at night, or for moms whose babies "should" be STTN & aren't!


Yea, lets do that!

QUOTE(motherto5 @ Mar 11 2008, 09:54 PM) [snapback]664419[/snapback]
Melissa,

Did you eventually put the babies in a crib. How was it and when were they ready? I am cosleeping mostly, but trying to get them in the crib for naps and 1st part of the night, but they're fighting it!!!! (I am still nursing them to sleep, though.)

Lisa


I took one side of our crib off and attachted it to our bed with compression straps. It may make it easier to transition out of your bed. Our 2.5 yr old still comes in our room at night. Before the girls were born, I thought I wanted him to sleep all night in his own bed, but now I don't get as much snuggle time with him and enjoy his late night visits. It's funny how things change!

 

QUOTE(motherto5 @ Mar 12 2008, 01:54 AM) [snapback]664419[/snapback]
Melissa,

Did you eventually put the babies in a crib. How was it and when were they ready? I am cosleeping mostly, but trying to get them in the crib for naps and 1st part of the night, but they're fighting it!!!! (I am still nursing them to sleep, though.)

Lisa


We co-slept to 11 months. (I went back to work at 12 months.) They never had regular cribs. We had my BIL build a crib that held a twin size matress and they transitioned into that. I could climb in and lay with them from time to time. We recently took the rails off and it's a regular twin bed. They still sleep in it together. They used to take naps in the living room on exercise mats on the floor.

 

QUOTE(surferspice @ Mar 12 2008, 12:17 PM) [snapback]665332[/snapback]
what worked for us was having dh go in when the girls got up so that they did not smell me and think "time to eat!". dh would go in and "rebinkie" whoever was crying, then pat their back and soothe them, whisper "it's ok, etc". at first if they really freaked out he take one out and hold or rock them, but after a few nights we started doing a controlled CIO for 5 min. at a time. after 5 min, he'd go back in, pat, reassure, then walk out for another 5 min, etc. usually after 2x of doing this, the baby would fall asleep. i basically chose a time and said, "i'm not going to feed them until this time". so at first i picked 1am (with an 8P bedtime). if they woke after 1 am crying, i immediately went in myself and nursed. after a week, i lengthened it to 2am. now i am stuck at 3 am because they go down at 7:30p and i feel like that is about as long as they should go without nursing. this way, i only wake 1x per night (with each). of course, when they started teething or have colds, this plan goes out the window and i do get up and comfort nurse if needed. good luck!
heather
lily and sofi are 7 mos.



I just noticed you're from boston and your babies are 7 months old. My babies are 7 months also. I delivered mine on August 10 at Beth Israel Deaconess in boston. What a small world!

Lisa