DH so impatient

I hate talking bad about DH but I am really upset about this. We are both 26 and I wonder if it is an age thing or just a guy thing. He really is a huge help and I feel like for the most part we are equal when it comes to the babies. I usually stay up throgh the night with them and then he lets me go to sleep from 6am to 11am and then I have them all day until he comes home and then we both take care of them most of the time unless I have to go somewhere. Well 11am all the way until 6am the next morning is a really long time to go. He always says he will switch with me but he is so impatient with the babies when they are fussy. He practically yells at them gets all crazy and mad when they cry for more than 10 min. I can't believe that I am going to say this but it is eating at me that sometimes I don't trust him with them when they are screaming for a long time. He says I am crazy to think that he would ever be rough with them but he just doesn't treat them the same as I do when they are fussy. He is a great dad but sometimes he is a real jerk and I can't relax when they are screaming at night and he is with them. Am I nuts? I don't know how to handle it because we end up fighting if I even imply that he might not be handling them right, but I can't be one of those psycho moms that has to be with her babies 24/7. Sorry for the vent but it is really bothering me.

 

My dh and I fight because he could care LESS if the girls are screaming and it really upsets me for them to scream! I feel like I have to pick them up or feed them or whatever will make them happy -RIGHT NOW and he feels like they can cry until he finishes doing whatever he is doing - that drives me CRAZY :umm:

 

My DH is much less patient then I am. But I think they just don't have that mommy instinct! He will let them cry whereas I will pick them up and rock/bounce/sway as long as it takes! I know he would never do anything to hurt them, he loves them like crazy! I just have to remember that a little crying never hurt a baby. Even though it breaks my heart!

 

Same here, especially when they were younger. I had that same feeling of not trusting. Everything turned out fine, but he still is very impatient, but the babies are just getting much better. I agree with PP, we have the mommy instinct, which also includes a lot more patience!!

 

my DH is the same exact way. He does help out with the girls, I of course being Mommy do the bulk of the work, but he is always willing to help and does feedings/diapers, etc. and lets me sleep in on Saturday mornings. That being said, he gets very impatient when the girls are fussy. Last week he actually said "Oh shut up" to one of the girls. I nearly beat him senseless. It is very frustrating to me to see him getting so annoyed with them, and i generally just stop what i'm doing and take the baby when one of them starts getting fussy... I feel your pain.

 

The first few weeks we were home, neither of us got very much sleep. My DH is usually okay, but when he gets tired he tends to get a little mean. There were a couple of times that he yelled at the babies to quit crying - I know it was from pure tiredness and frustration, but it kind of scared me. After that point, I would lie awake when he was with them...even though I was supposed to be catching up on sleep. I am thankful to say that nothing ever happened and it got a TON better once they started sleeping through the night. He is now the best father I could have wished for with my kids. Like a pp, I think men lack that mommy feeling. No matter how frustrated I was, I never was agressive with my actions or words. I would go cry my eyes out, but try to act like everything was perfect when I was close to the kids. (((HUGS))) it will get better.

 

Six weeks old is a REALLY hard time too, so keep that in mind...it WILL get better, and you will sleep (a little) more soon! I know my DH would NEVER harm our babies, and he is a great daddy, but it is hard to watch someone besides you, the mommy, with babies, I think partly because most of us spend much more time with them than the husbands.

Anyways, I did have to tell my DH once at about that age that if they frustrated him too much, he needed to just walk away, and they'll cry, and it will be ok. I've had to do the same thing before as well, and it doesn't mean I'm a bad mommy, it just means I need to take a fresh breath, and then go back much calmer. Babies can totally sense when you are stressed, and will feed off it. Two screaming babies can get the best of anybody after awhile, we're only human!

OH, and we're trying leave town today, flying for the first time. DD wouldn't go to sleep very easy last night, and DH told her that he didn't have time for this! He's very stressed about all of us flying!

Hang in there!

 

According to Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...

Men are natural "fixers". If something is broken, they fix it! If you vent about a problem, he wants to fix it! It's their nature.

So, you've got a DH who is dealing with two screaming babies that can't talk. What does he want to do? FIX IT! He wants them to stop crying. For him, that's fixing it. That makes him feel whole. When he can't fix it, he gets made because he thinks he is failing as a man. Please allow a moment for every male reading this to bang their chests.

I know that my DH doesn't have the same level of patience that I do, but generally I want to soothe and understand, because I am the mommy, but also a female. Our job is to soothe and comfort, listen and understand. We look for the queues our little ones give us. Men don't, and most just can't.

It is SO tough not to run in and grab your babies from an angry DH, isn't it? But let me tell you that they will get even angrier if they think you don't believe they can handle it. Then you get the "I don't do it right anyway...you just tell me I always do it wrong", etc., right? That's where the fights begin.

Ugh, such a double-edged sword. I could go on and on.

Your babies will start sleeping longer periods soon. Hugs to you. :hug99:

 

My DH was only like that at night. Throughout the day, he could care less if they were crying, and it would eat away at me... I would cry when they cried, it was pittiful.

At night DH would get so irritated with them, I would get so mad at him. He is NOT a night person, but I still made him help me.

 

My DH definitely does not have the patience I do with the babies, but he can let them cry longer than I can. I don't mind the whimpering and fussing for a while, but if they are screaming I want them to stop. It irritates me when he lets it get to the point when it is harder to console them and then he gets frustrated with them. He is the one that let them get that way. <_<

He is usually great with them, but he seems to have more patience with DD than he does with DS.