DH ready to try CIO,. Mommy SO not ready??

Did any of you who did try it have to be persuaded by DH, or were there those of you who did not whose hubby wanted to but you won the argument? This is a major source of contention between us I think. We are already going long stretches at night,. but naptime is a wreck. If I am not holding,. or I put them down in their cribs they will yell like crazy,. and I have been going in to get them. DH insists this will only get harder as they learn to say Mommy,. interact more etc but I feel like maybe they can get used to it somehow without crying. I know I am wishful thinking,. we ended up doing CIO with my DD and it was short and effective and she has always slept great ever since,. but I am seriously dragging my heels this time. Anyone w similar issues?

 

Did any of you who did try it have to be persuaded by DH, or were there those of you who did not whose hubby wanted to but you won the argument? This is a major source of contention between us I think. We are already going long stretches at night,. but naptime is a wreck. If I am not holding,. or I put them down in their cribs they will yell like crazy,. and I have been going in to get them. DH insists this will only get harder as they learn to say Mommy,. interact more etc but I feel like maybe they can get used to it somehow without crying. I know I am wishful thinking,. we ended up doing CIO with my DD and it was short and effective and she has always slept great ever since,. but I am seriously dragging my heels this time. Anyone w similar issues?

 

Your babies are little still. It wasn't until 4mos that I started even putting them in their cribs for naps! At first I would just get them up and put them in the swing where they were used to napping. After about a week of always starting them off in the cribs I would put them down and leave, going back in as often as necessary but not taking them out the room. Then after another week I started not going up for 15 min if they woke up. I think if you are the one dealing with them every day, you should make the final decision about this. Talk to him about what the ultimate goal is and could he just trust you to handle it for a bit longer. With consistency and effort on your part, they will learn.

 

At 4 months they still need you, most experts recommend waiting until they are 6 months at least!

 

As everyone has stated, 4 months is too young to CIO. Try other ways of getting them to sleep. I think at that age, mine were going to bed in different rooms, one on the guest bed (swaddled) and the other in her crib (swaddled). Naptime was as short as 30 minutes sometimes. It does get better!

 

quote:
Originally posted by Her Royal Jennyness:
At 4 months they still need you, most experts recommend waiting until they are 6 months at least!


Heather, I totally agree that they are too young to start yet anyhow. What do you think is making you drag your heels about it this time? My DH kept looking at me and saying "but they are crying". I'm supprised it is your DH initiating it. But like pp said, you are the one to make that desicion if you are the one home with them. Go with your gut and listen to your instincts!

When you finally do, it is hard, but if I can do it so can you!

 

I agree, I think they are still too young. I do remember at that age my DH was wanting to CIO as well. I explained to him why they are too young and what they needed. Men have a shorter tolerance for crying babies I think. Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide, it will get better. Naps at that stage were hard with us too.

 

I'm sure my husband would do CIO if I was on board. I'm not. I definitely wouldn't do it at 3 months. Maybe later.

What you can do is wean them off the holding. Introduce a mini routine for naps. First, put them in something they like (bouncie, swing, whatever) and touch them and say soothing things. Get them more and more used to self soothing. Then try it with the crib. There is nothing saying you have to go straight from holding them to sleep to leaving them in cribs screaming. I just don't think that is fair to babies. Take it step by step. If they're sleeping long stretches at night already, you are obviously doing something right. Also try lots of cuddle and play time before putting them down in their bouncie, swing, whatever... and keep that up later. I find I can put my son right in his crib and walk away if I hold him even for 2-3 minutes first and kiss his forehead.

 

I totally agree with you all,. and especially expectingtwo,. what you said is so so true. why go at light speed? what i have done now is put them in the cribs and i do wait to see if they are just "settling in" and protesting before i lunge in and get them,. but if i can see they are getting upset i go get them. that is what i had been doing and DH thought i was just teaching them that crying meant they would get picked up. well,. that is fine i thought. why would it be bad to learn that when you cry your mother will be there? anyway,. there is a middle ground. at very first i was running in "like i was saving them from a fire or something" he would say. now i wait fairly judiciously,. and it is getting better. the reason my gut told me it was wrong is probably that they are certainly too little for CIO. thanks for the support sometimes you need someone to give you a "second"

 

I'm a big fan of Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West the Sleep Lady. She does a modified CIO. It really worked for us. She has advice for all age groups and adjustments for different situations. Including a chapter on twins.

We started around 4.5 months. They were sleeping through the night around 5.5 months (12 hours).

We still battle nap issues. But it's getting better.

I think the key factors are: teaching them to self soothe and learn to fall asleep (and fall back to sleep) on their own. I liked the Sleep Lady because you can be in the room shusshing and patting and trying to soothe them without full blown CIO.

 

With my DS, he protests sometimes at nap times and my DH tells me I should let him just CIO as that's what he does when I am out!! He says DS will cry for about 10 minutes at the very most and then goes to sleep. It is much better now though as he tends to 'fuss' himself to sleep and I only get him when I know he won't settle down. And most of the time a dummy and a quick shush-pat does the trick. It did take me quite a while to get to this point though, he is quite a stubborn little boy. DD on the other goes down pretty easy but she is a squawker and yells pretty loud so I have to go get her so she doesn't wake DS. I usually keep them separate for naps to avoid this. I haven't been in the situation that I needed to let them CIO yet but I agree that I wouldn't do it until at least 6 months or so. Besides, my DS can work himself up into such a tizzy over nothing that I can't just leave him in the crib to CIO. My rule of thumb is to give them a few minutes to see what comes of it, and most of the time the fussiness stops after a minute or two.