I am so sure this is a common complaint and problem. I just want to know how others deal with it????? My DH went out last night to celebrate a promotion. He doesnt go out alot, since we have had the twins, but he certainly goes out drinking more than i ever do. Each time he goes out, he comes home really late (like 5am) and im always awake and worried. Why is it that when i go out, midnight, seems like a totally reasonable hour to return???? and he has to keep it strtched out until so so so late????? But, my real issue is this, well i have 2. 1. He never ever ever calls to say how late he is going to be. 2. He never ever ever goes out with me that late. Only with his friends. Are they really so much more fun than me????? i dont sleep when he's out and he knows that i worry ESPECIALLY because he doesnt call. last night i was so upset, i through him out of the house. He is truly sorry .....until next time............. what do others think?
I am so sure this is a common complaint and problem. I just want to know how others deal with it????? My DH went out last night to celebrate a promotion. He doesnt go out alot, since we have had the twins, but he certainly goes out drinking more than i ever do. Each time he goes out, he comes home really late (like 5am) and im always awake and worried. Why is it that when i go out, midnight, seems like a totally reasonable hour to return???? and he has to keep it strtched out until so so so late????? But, my real issue is this, well i have 2. 1. He never ever ever calls to say how late he is going to be. 2. He never ever ever goes out with me that late. Only with his friends. Are they really so much more fun than me????? i dont sleep when he's out and he knows that i worry ESPECIALLY because he doesnt call. last night i was so upset, i through him out of the house. He is truly sorry .....until next time............. what do others think?
My dh doesn't drink and doesn't go out with people who do, so I guess I don't know exactly what you're going through. But I wouldn't put up with it! Doesn't he care about how you feel about the situation? I would have a heart-to-heart with him and really lay it out.
I hate to say it but I'd be very angry too. He has a responsibility to you and your family to get this booty home as a very reasonable hour. I think any person with children, especially infants, at home is in denial and shirking responsibility by doing something so stupid. How old is he? Did not get enough partying done in college? What is up? This is me being sympathetic with you and being a woman. If you say these things he will not be happy and this will probably not just blow over. In otherwords maybe these things are best to think but not say. If you do not want to be the "evil one" and he only does this occasionally maybe an alternative is to have a family member or very close girlfriend come over and spend the night when he plans to go out. Maybe your dh could stay with a friend and you could lock the doors and have a normal night?? I know that when my husband travels he often has to get home later in the night (11 or 12 only - for me that's late) and I can't sleep either. Every now and then a plane is canceled into our home town and he drives from the bigger airport - sometimes that makes it 2am or later. Those nights I have told him I wish he'd just get a hotel room and wait to drive in the morning. Not sure if any of this makes sense, do what you have to do. I hope it all works out. Merijo
I've heard and experienced that not much good happens after 2a ... I would be upset at 2a...even if it was an excuse as a bachelor party. Lana Mom to Joshua and Rachel 15mo
I think it's very disrespectful and that lack of respect would be a HUGE issue with me (right up there with name calling)! I would recommend some counseling to air it all out with a 3rd party present. That keeps it all calm and to point. I would be pissed too! My DH would NEVER in 100,000,000 years do that to me! Good luck sweetie!
I would be pissed too and I have been My DH has been out a few times in the past til 3-4 am and I personally think he just lets time get away from him when he is hanging out playing cards with his single buddies (YES, he STILL has some). I do it think its really disrespectful and not that thoughtful, but my DH is just that "he doesn't think sometimes" reminds me of 15 year old. I would keep telling him how worried you are about him and maybe some day it will register. I usually call my DH at 1am and give him the "warning" that 2 am is approaching in an hour.
I totally know what you're going through, Joe used to go out all the time and never come home until the next morning. His thinking was well if I'm going to get in trouble for going out and staying out late I might as well stay out all night. When I was pregnant it was worse - the guy stayed out at least once a week. But if I go over to a friend's house he used to tell me not to be to long. I guess that's one of the reason's we're not together anymore.
There is no way in h@%% I would stand for that kind of behavior. 5AM is ridiculous. He is incredibly immature and irresponsible, especially since he doesn't call. That is so disrespectful. Has he always been this way or did this start after the babies were born?
I may be a little naive, but what places are open until 5 am? I thought last call was usually around 1:30am? I would pretty ticked off too. I mean going out every once in a while is a refresher and good for you, but midnight is definitely a reasonable hour as he has a responsibility to you and your kids. How would he feel if you stayed out until the next morning (which technically 5 am is) and you didn't call or let him know where you were. I'm sure he'd have the same reaction. I don't think you are overreacting at all.
I am sorry to tell you, but my dh has never gone out all night, and I wouldn't tolerate it if he did. I don't think you should either. Next time, tell him you don't want him out without you. If he wants to celebrate his promotion, he can take the family out to dinner.
It sounds like DH needs to grow up. We did stuff like that in our 20's and no children so we were free as birds. After growing up a little around 24 we quit going out and drinking and staying up all night. Maybe if he cant come home at midnight you should go investigate what he is doing.
YEAH! I agree with everyone else!!!! he should respect you enough to call and honestly he should celebrate with you - I would have thrown him out too!!!
For me, the first issue would be if you've asked him to call with an update on when he'll be home and he has ignored that request. he HAS to let you know. How late you are comfortable with him staying out is your call. Living in a city, there is plenty to do all night, so you have to decide if its realy the lateness that bothers your or the fact that he gives you no information. With my DH, who rarely goes out - i do more than he does, which is like ocne every other month, I call by 11pm, if I am not home yet and tell him when I will be home. He should have no issue with letting you know where he is, with who and what they are doing. The second issue (and just as important in my eyes) would be how he is the next morning to help you? When DH or I go out, it in no way relieves either of us of getting up and being present and helpful the next day (thats why I never make it past 11pm most times!)
I am right there with you! My DH has been doing similar things...going out drinking several times and not calling me to let me know when he's coming home (or answering his cellphone when I call). I told my DH that I have several issues with this... 1. Our boys are only 11 weeks old, so right now I need him at home. When he stays out late, I have to handle ALL of the feeding and caring of the boys by myself, and I've already had them all day long. 2. How does he know that me and the kids are okay? 3. How do I know HE is okay and not dead on the side of the road? 4. What is he doing when he's not around me that he can't pick up the phone or at the very least isn't thinking of me enough to even call?? 5. What if I had an emergency and needed him? A couple of suggestions my mother gave me recently when I told her I'd had it with him doing this: - Find out where he is and drive the kids over...walk in with my pajamas on (and the kids) and drop them off in front of all of his friends. She actually told me a story of one of her coworkers whose husband did this when they were first married. She literally went to the bar in her housecoat and curlers with a shotgun (yes, I'm from the South!) and said "you better beat me home". She said you've never heard a bar go so silent in all her life. (And, he never did that again!) - More realistic...tell DH that the next time he goes out, he needs to line up a babysitter and you're going to go out with him. If he's going to stay out late, then he can take you or not go. The gist here is that he shouldn't be doing anything that he wouldn't want you there to enjoy with him, ya know? - Compromise upfront about the time that he will return or at least set up a "no later than" time, kwim? - Make him promise that he will have his cellphone ON at all times, and he will answer all of your calls. (In return, you promise not to call unless it's an emergency -or- to find out why he's late coming home). I'm sorry he's doing this. This is something I'm dealing with right now too. DH is "cured" of staying out til 5am for the most part, but it's the calling thing that I can't stand. He actually did this last night, and we had a huge blowout as a result. DH tells me he's sorry and that he won't do it again. All I'm thinking is "yeah right...until the next time". I really don't get how our DHs can be so disrespectful. In this day and age of cellphones, it's so easy to make a call and let someone know where you are and what you're doing. I feel your pain! HUGS!!! Shannon
You know I thought I was the only one with this problem.... My DH has a poker night with some guys that are all married or living with someone, They usually drink at these poker parties. Also the Female that is the live in does NOT have a good reputation. SO you can imagine what I'm thinking the whole time he's gone .... He usually goes about once a month but on some occasions he's went as much as every Friday Night for several weeks in a row....He usually leaves here on Friday around 4:00 to 5:00 and doesn't get home till around 2:00 or 3:00am And on one occasion he came in as son and I was leaving (at 6:00am) to go on a trip with the Church thats something you wouldn't want your pastor to know .... I'm like other people when I've had them all day on Friday, I Don't want to pull the second shift by myself. His defense IS that My parents usually come out for an hour or so and that I have help and the other 4 or 5 hours that he's gone we are all in bed .....Bull Crap My point is he's out of the house having fun Help Or No Help!!! And I'm stuck at home I don't want to seem like a witch.... I think he needs time out BUT I don't think he needs it every week or till the wee hours of the morning. And to him me going to buy groceries and go to Wal-Mart is considered my time out I hardly think that is a fair trade off I could NEVER get away with going to a friends house for that many hours and Into the wee hours drinking and playing cards.... We have had arguements over this....At one point I didn't mind him going, It was really more peaceful just me and son here and we could get out and go as we pleased. But now that the babies have come along I don't feel I get my fair share of fun. And if he does go have fun I feel he needs to be home by 10:00 or 11:00pm Sorry I have filled your ears full on this....I guess I got carried away......I feel all of your pains on this one
That is SOOOO not okay. I like the story a pp told about showing up in rollers and a shotgun. That's what I would do. How cool would he feel then? You're very understanding to let him go out alone at all IMO
coming from a husband of twins, this is just selfish. I do the 11:00 pm shift and rarely ever miss it to go out. If I do, I'll generally offer to pick up the am shift. We do need our time away, but that doesn't mean 5 am and it certainly doesn't mean every week. I agree with the posters that say nothing good happens after 2 am. The bottom line is the guy has 50% responsibility and he isn't living up to it. Good for you for throwing him out. Sounds like someone needs to grow up fast.
My honey has been out until 5 in the morning before, but he almost always calls to tell me where he's been or going or to invite me along (granted, this was while I was pregnant, not now with two babies at the house.) A few times he wouldn't show up until 5 am and not answer his phone and I'd be furious with him, it was always something innocent (and I've checked up on his stories), more the drunken- having- fun- forget- I- have- someone- waiting -at -home syndrome. But in his defense, his long hours were because of bartending, then cleaning up the bar, then going to breakfast with the other workers (which I bartended at the same place so I know how that goes), and he'd usually call me at 3-4 in the morning to see if I was hungry and wanted to join them for breakfast, which was annoying in itself. Things change, though, when you have children. We are both fun-loving people and I can't wait for the night when the twins are good-to-go on breastfeeding and I can go out with some girls and have a great time, and I won't be back by midnight, let me tell you!!! I don't mind if he goes out ONCE IN A WHILE, and if he stays out late, that's OK, but CALL ME and let me know what's up, check in on us, and be respectful - if the night isn't that great, come back home. If you're having a great time, stay out but call to make sure we're OK. He's not treating you with respect and that's harmful and hurtful. I'd wonder why he won't call or pick up his cell phone when he goes out - I'd be suspicious. Hugs to you
I agree with the calling and checking on us deal all men should have be that curtious....I am a Heavy sleeper and looks like he would be scared to leave us all alone afraid (Lord Forbid) the house catch on fire I am also scared to death of storms the nights when its supose to be stormy, I buck up about him going anywhere I'm like pp said I don't care if he goes out every now and then BUT if a concert comes up or a "hen" party I should not be told I CAN'T go. I was asking him the other night "How would you like it if I went to a Certain friends house till midnight" He said NOT the friend I was talking about cause he didn't trust her or her boyfriend. I don't even know some of the guys he's at these poker parties with
