dh has no patience with the lo's

I'm SAHM and dh ALWAYS says that he has no idea how I can do it all...
he helps out at what ever I ask him but taking care of the kids is another story...
He really does try to play with them, but it seems that whenever he is around
they fight the most (probably to grab his attention) and get into trouble (running
on the couch, dd pulling/grabbing ds )..all normal stuff but with him it just
happens a lot more.. Today he tried playing with them for about 15 while I was
upstairs and the lo's were just horrible..fighting for toys, whinning..you name it..
even though he was trying to keep them busy...but he just looses his patience
so I end up stepping in and taking the lo's outside or to the park ...

so it seems like I'm the one that always takes the kids out to give him a brake...

the other day I took one out with me to get the dog's nails cut and the other
one stayed home with him and ran to the door and cried almost the entire time
we were out...
I thought him staying home with one would be easier..
I really did want to start going out with one at the time more.. do some
shopping...is so much easier with one!...but if the other stays home
crying...I would just be stressed out even more..

tell me it gets better when they are older...
how are your dh with your lo's?

 

My kiddos are a little older, however, yes DH loses patience much quicker. He is working on it but it gets frustrating for all involved. My DH never thinks to actually introduce an activity - i.e. coloring, playdoh, building blocks etc. I do think the dynamics are different when I am home since the kids will find me versus staying with him.

As for doing things one on one, keep doing it. I would try to have you each take a kid and go out, even if it is just a short drive, my kids have a huge problem being left behind at home but are more comfortable spending time apart if they each went out.

I found the 16-22 months time challenging, so yes it does get easier for everyone.

Hang in there

 

we don't do a whole lot of taking one w/o the other, but I think its a good idea, so definitely keep on doing it. my dh likes to take the kids outside and play on the playset, or climb the slide etc. the kids also love to ride on him like a horse... maybe just some goofing off and playing with them might warm them up to thinking that they are getting to the good end of the deal by staying home with daddy.

our kids get very cranky and whiny when they are bored... hopefully you can have happy times soon!

 

:hug: It does get better when they get older and can communicate better. I can remember 15-20 months being so challenging. I don't think DH and I had much patience at the time. My kids also had a problem with being left behind at home if we were doing one on one time, it was better for us to take each one out separately.

 

I asked my DH for his opinion on this (because I knew he would have one ) Keep in mind he's often a stereotypical man so his response might be less delicate than mine.

He said it sounds like you need to back off an little, so it forces him to step up. Right now his confidence is probably low, and if you keep stepping in to "save him" he won't get any more confident.

Now my opinion: I have to give my DH credit because he's a work at home Dad, and he's with these two crazy boys 24 hours a day. He does lose his temper more, but I'm not sure if it's because he's around them more or that's just his character. I do think he has a point though--the less time your DH is with them alone the worse his confidence is going to be, and you're never going to get the break you deserve. Your LOs may cry for you when you leave, but a little crying won't hurt them. And, I bet the more time they spend with him the less crying there will be.

Maybe you can sit down with him and have a talk, and you can let him know what you need (a break). You can also build up his confidence about being alone with them.

 

i was thinking the same thing. i used to get so frustrated with DH for not spending time with the girls until i realized that i never really let him spend time with the girls. i was always hovering in case one of them needed me, or micromanaging everything to death, or otherwise making it clear that while i wanted a break i absolutely did not have faith that he could take care of them on his own. not the best message to send. so i started forcing myself to go out - i told myself that even if they both cried the whole time i was gone & i came home to a DH angrier then heck it was the only way they were all going to learn. it took time but now i can leave the house with a cheerful wave & know that no matter what they'll all be fine. it was worth those first times away when it felt like i was always coming home to a disaster.

i would say that as long as your DH doesn't become physically violent when he loses his patience, then i wouldn't worry about it. everyone's entitled to their own boiling point and even if it's sooner then yours that doesn't mean it's wrong, KWIM?

:hug: it's a tough age! i hope you're able to find a good balance. :hug: