DH has a question

I'm posting this for my DH, who is wondering about how other 8-9 month old other babies behave.

Over the past couple weeks we have seen big changes in our boys. I think these changes are typical of a new developmental stage. At home they have become very needy, constantly wanting attention from Mommy and Daddy. They love to leave the house, and generally speaking when they are in public, they behave great. They don't cry, whine, or fight, and they are generally content. However, we've also noticed that they are now refusing to interact with people. Many people try to talk to them, and they just stare like they are angry or concentrating. This is totally different than how they act at home.

I think it's because they are becoming more aware of their surroundings, and the "angry stare" is really a curious stare, but my DH suggested I ask the ladies and gents of twinstuff how their kids behaved at this age.

How do/did your 8-9 months olds behave toward people in public? When did they get stranger anxiety

 

With my kids the separation anxiety/stranger anxiety went hand in hand, and we were definitely in the thick of it at 9 months.

 

Evan just stares at people right now. He really takes his whole surroundings in. He really doesn't have seperation anxiety per say.. in that he will let others hold him, but he does know who momma is! and he gets VERY excited when daddy comes home.

 

Same here, like Becky stated, the stranger anxiety/seperation anxiety started around 9 months. :good:

 

QUOTE(JicJac @ Mar 14 2009, 09:51 PM) [snapback]1228452[/snapback]
Evan just stares at people right now. He really takes his whole surroundings in. He really doesn't have seperation anxiety per say.. in that he will let others hold him, but he does know who momma is! and he gets VERY excited when daddy comes home.

I think this is what's going on most of the time, but a few times when people got close Eli has burst into tears. Of course, you know how it is with twins anyways people constantly come up to them, and it's never bothered them in the past.

Eli has also started looking around in the sky for birds (he loves birds) and he also loves headlights and will twist his neck like the exorcist to follow them.

I think what annoys my DH is that people talk to them and most of the time nowadays they just act like angry/curious zombies. I'm guessing that this stage is the precursor to stranger anxiety.

 

My boys (all 3) have gone through this stage off and on, starting around 9 months. They loved being out and about, but really did not want people bending down and talking to them. I think it is somewhat of "stranger anxiety"; which is much worse with twins b/c every stranger in the store stops to talk to them.

Now usually one baby will be all smiles and flirty while the other baby glares at the person (they switch roles often, though, so I never know who will be social that day) and then the strangers say "Oh, he must be the happy one."

 

Mine at 8-9 months were anxious around strangers, they were not as easy going as they had been. It still will take them sometime to warm up to strangers now. It sounds like they are going through a normal phase. Hang in there!

 

my girls currently hate arriving into a large crowd of new people - especially if mommy or daddy aren't in view. they also hate it when people get really up close to their faces or when people are loud or abrupt. all three scenarios result in tears. however, if they're eased into a new situation, have mommy or daddy in view, and are given their space, they're usually pretty easy going in public.

 

Yup, just sounds like a phase. It can be exhausting at times can't it? Angelo went through it real bad - he's still not completely over it even at 12 months old & sometimes tends to cry when I walk out of the room. It is heartbreaking, cute because they crave your attention, but can definitely wear you out. Hang in there! GL!

 

My one daughter who was outgoing at home would sit and suck her thumb and stare at people. My other daughter would smile and try to get other people's attention. I bought a booster type thing that attaches to your kitchen chairs and I put that inside the grocery cart -- the daughter who was not as interactive loved being in there and seeing people but not wanting to really interact. The other girl was inside the child seat of the grocery cart. It worked great. Plus not as many people noticed and asked if they were twins.

 

[SIZE=10pt]In my experience, it's completely normal. My two started going through the anxiety/seperation stage right around 9 months or so. It last for a couple of months and now DS is starting it again (21 months) DD on the other hand is VERY social

April [/SIZE]

 

Thank you for this post.... I try to read many of the posts to learn things... My twins are on their way... even though it's a long way off, I'll know what to expect around that age if it happens to my twins... never knew there was such a stage!!! My sister & I are ID twins and have had people come up to us all of our lives. It will help with my twins since I've experienced it!

 

Totally normal! They are more aware now and might be more cautious as well (evolutionarily adaptive!!!). My one DD went thru this and still does it a little bit. My other DD doesn't have a cautious or shy bone in her body and will talk to and perform for anyone anytime .

 

It's a normal phase, the first bout of stranger/seperation anxiety.
QUOTE
Eli has also started looking around in the sky for birds (he loves birds) and he also loves headlights and will twist his neck like the exorcist to follow them.
Around 9 months is when babies learn object permanence-meaning that they realise objects still exist when they can't see them. So they start looking for a toy that's fallen to the floor, try to follow things they're interested in (like you described), and get upset when Mom/Dad leaves.

 

Your guys are perfectly normal.

I never tried to discourage the behavior as it is so common and they grow out of it when they are developmentally ready to.

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Mar 14 2009, 10:24 PM) [snapback]1228508[/snapback]
My boys (all 3) have gone through this stage off and on, starting around 9 months. They loved being out and about, but really did not want people bending down and talking to them. I think it is somewhat of "stranger anxiety"; which is much worse with twins b/c every stranger in the store stops to talk to them.

Now usually one baby will be all smiles and flirty while the other baby glares at the person (they switch roles often, though, so I never know who will be social that day) and then the strangers say "Oh, he must be the happy one."

LOL! This is exactly what's going on.

 

QUOTE(babymOmmax2 @ Mar 14 2009, 10:39 PM) [snapback]1228534[/snapback]
Yup, just sounds like a phase. It can be exhausting at times can't it? Angelo went through it real bad - he's still not completely over it even at 12 months old & sometimes tends to cry when I walk out of the room. It is heartbreaking, cute because they crave your attention, but can definitely wear you out. Hang in there! GL!


Yes, definitely exhausting. I had spring break this week, and it was anything but a break. I think their Daddy is worried about next week when I go back to work because the neediness is going to drive him crazy.
QUOTE(Twin nanny @ Mar 15 2009, 08:34 AM) [snapback]1228855[/snapback]
It's a normal phase, the first bout of stranger/seperation anxiety.
Around 9 months is when babies learn object permanence-meaning that they realise objects still exist when they can't see them. So they start looking for a toy that's fallen to the floor, try to follow things they're interested in (like you described), and get upset when Mom/Dad leaves.

Yes, this is a great point.

 

Yep definitely sounds like a case of stranger anxiety to me. Katie use to be like that but now when we are in the grocery she waves and flirts with EVERYONE!

 

Mine were a little later with starting this. And we're still going through a stage with DD and what we call her Death Ray Stare. Seriously, I'm surprised people haven't keeled over yet.
When people start to talk to them, I'll just politely say, "Oh, she's unsure around strangers." And hope they don't see the lasers coming of her eyes.

 

I didn't have time to read the replies so forgive me if I repeat!

My boys started acting like that around 10 months (they are 33 weekers). They wouldn't even go to DH's dad and stepmom as they hadn't seen them in 3 months. With strangers, the boys would be concentrating on them and yes, sometimes would look angry. People would say "oh the one is back is so serious". I wanted to say, if you gave him some privacy maybe he wouldn't need to be. Anyway, stranger anxiety has come and gone over the past 6 months. Right now, Jake wants me to hold him if a stranger talks to him and Ryan plays peek-a-boo with them. I really do think it's just a phase and will pass in time.

 

Your boys sound completely normal. My twins are exactly the same way. The separation anxiety has hit with a bang, and only Mummy and Daddy are acceptable - everyone else is highly suspicious and to be approached with extreme caution, if at all. Hopefully this will pass soon, as its exhausting to say the least!!

Like the PP said, I've had comments about my son being "so serious", which he isn't in the least, its just that he doesn't want a pile of people he doesn't know right in his face.

 

Thanks, ladies. I told my DH what you guys said.

 

My 10 year old STILL does that!!! we were in the store just today and a child from his class walked by and said HI Dawson!! Dawson had this look on his face like he had seen a ghost! and said nothing until I said Dawson! your friend just spoke to you!! Dawson said under his breath a tiny hi and kept walking. UHG!!

Sorry for that vent!! back to babies!! yes, 8-9 months is the age they start that!! my girls still do it . My dh lives most of the time 900 miles away. he comes home every few weeks and each time for the first several hours they want nothing to do with him. strangers you can forget!!

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Mar 15 2009, 04:24 AM) [snapback]1228508[/snapback]
They loved being out and about, but really did not want people bending down and talking to them.

Now usually one baby will be all smiles and flirty while the other baby glares at the person (they switch roles often, though, so I never know who will be social that day) and then the strangers say "Oh, he must be the happy one."


Same here. My two love being out and about. DS hasnt got stranger anxiety and charms the pants off everyone with huge smiles & giggles. However, DD doesnt like it when people get too close and immediately starts crying. She was like this from 2-6 months then got so much better and we breathed a sigh of relief (she once screamed for 2 hours when some friends popped round & they didnt even touch her!). Now, if they crowd her or start touching her then she´s off. We can calm her by distraction or changing scene which is good. If Im close by then it helps but she doesnt much like the attention.

As for separation anxiety, both have a little but I haven´t noticed it too much. As long as they have someone nearby that they know well then it´s usually OK.