DH and I are not on the same page

There's a couple of times DH and I do not agree with something that involves a change with the kids. The latest one is I have been allowing Kiefer to have a sippy cup of water by his bed. He drinks a few sips and he's fine. It does not seem to be interfering with his sleep and he doesn't wet the bed. Never has, actually. I have actually never allowed either boy to have a drink just before bed until recently. Kiefer has been asking for water and has been very happy with just a little sip I've let him have before bedtime. Cameron has been a bedwetter in the past so I did not give him any water...he never asked either. Now, he'll wake up to pee and hasn't wet the bed in a very long time. Now that Kiefer has been asking for water, Cameron has too. I decided to just go ahead and let them have a sippy cup of water. DH is not pleased about it. He generally just let it go, but when Kiefer asked for a refill, he told him that I didn't want him to have so much water at night anymore. I said no such thing! It was my turn to tuck Kiefer in to bed. Thanks, DH! He's all upset and I have to calm him down because you told him he couldn't have his water. Cameron didn't complain that his water was warm so he still has his water. Kiefer wanted his cold and refused the bottle of room temp water that was still offered to him (I basically talked DH in to allowing that at least). I'm not sure which I'm more upset about, that DH didn't agree with my decision to let him have water which has been working out fine, or that he told Kiefer a lie putting me in the middle of it.

The other thing we are not in agreement with is that I let them read a book before going to bed. It doesn't take me long to tuck them in and it takes DH a bit longer. We alternate boys so, for example, if I'm putting Cameron to bed and DH is putting Kiefer to bed, there's a bit of time between when I'm done tucking Cameron in and when DH comes in to say goodnight. I see nothing wrong with letting Cameron read a book while he waits. DH has just about pleaded with me to not let him. First off, how can I? After I tuck him in, I leave. If I don't leave, DH doesn't know I am done and doesn't come in. Two, reading is a healthy thing to do. He's not making noise and he's doing something that is good for him. He shuts off his light when DH comes in anyway so I don't see the harm done. Kiefer used to read one or two books by himself (quietly), turn off his light, lay down, and go to bed himself. Now he just prefers getting read to and tucked in by us. The option to read by themselves at bedtime, as far as I'm concerned, is still something he's allowed to do.

I'm getting frustrated. I'd like to know if my idea of letting them have water by their bedside or letting them read to themselves at night is a bad thing and maybe I should stop doing either or both of those things.

...mostly, I needed to vent.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure sure why your husband gives a darn about a bottle of water at bedtime and looking at a book while waiting?! That makes no sense to me.

I see nothing wrong with it.

 

I am so sorry you are having bedtime battles with your husband. Sounds like you have a great routine that works well with the kids. I would be very upset if my husband lied to one of the boys like that and I'd let him know it.

I have zero issue with water sippy cup by the bed. My boys have water they can drink during the night. It is very dry here in the winter time and I have already noticed they are drinking more at night as it gets colder.

I also agree with you about reading books. It is a fantastic habit to look at a book quietly before bedtime. I find it very relaxing and have since I was a child.

I hope you are able to sit down and work through the issues with your husband.

My thing is that if it isn't broken it doesn't need to be fixed and it sounds like you have a great routine that is not broken and does not need to be fixed.

 

Have you asked him what his reasoning is? Maybe that would help you come to an agreement, maybe in the middle or to help him see your side.

 

I agree with Dielle about asking what his concerns are & seeing if you can find a solution that you're both happy with.

That being said, our girls have always taken a sippy of water to bed with them (saves me having to get up in the middle of the night because they're thirsty). They also have quiet time in their room for 30 minutes after we've tucked them in during which they can talk quietly, read books or color on their coloring pads. Their lamp is on an automatic timer & turns off at 8:00pm. They seem to need that transition time away from the rest of the household to wind down to sleep.

 

What we do with bedtime routine is what I Really like and it works for our family:

At 6pm I give them bath, dress, they watch 30 min of TV while I shower.(MY DH returns from work between 6:30-7pm and tries quickly eat his dinner)
6:45 pm DS drinks his milk and DD eat her yogurt while watching TV.
7pm they go to brush their teeth, pee and then I sit with kids and read 3-4 books for about 20 minutes.
7:25-30pm we call daddy from downstairs and he carries them to their beds, tucks them in, talks to them another 5 minutes. We both give them hugs and kisses and my DH is the last one to leave the room.
They are asleep within 5 minutes

I love my bed routine, and I am so glad my DH does not interfere with that!

Forgot to add , they both have 4 oz sippy cups in their beds and drink whatever they need. I drink water at night myself so why not let kids have some at night. DD sleep without diapers, DS is working on it.

 

We've always let the girls have water by their beds.... As meantioned I find it kinda cruel to say as an adult I can drink when I'm thirsty but my child can't. Jessy is my heavy drinker and she night trained before she was ever day trained.

I can't see the book thing either. I still however go in and sit with then till they are both a sleep

 

I agree with this. I wonder if what seems like reasonable bedtime requests to you, might seem like stall tactics to him. Though I agree with you, personally I don't find the sippy cups or books before bed that big of a deal.
My two have not asked for a sippy to go to bed with them, but they will drink up until they go to bed, even while they are getting ready for bed. Since we do not have a problem with bed wetting with either child, this is okay for me and DH. Both kids do get 1-2 stories before bed and they can read after we put them to bed.
One of the things we do though is that DH will put my son to bed first and I sit with DD while he does that. We had been finding that she goes into to DS's room while DH is trying to get DS to bed, both kids seem to rev each other up.
DH and I have had our differences about bedtime, especially when the kids were younger. He used to rock DD to sleep at night and did so until she turned 15 months. I had been telling him for months to stop but he had a very hard time giving that up. I could put both kids to bed with no rocking and no problem but he could only put DS down like that, DD would freak out. So eventually, he did come around and he was the one who had to break her of the habit.

 

I went ahead and talked to him. He felt they did fine without the water so why change it. He was afraid that if I gave them water, they'd leak. Kiefer has never leaked in his bed and hasn't even since I did let him have water by his bed. Cameron has been very good about peeing before he goes to bed so he doesn't pee his bed. If he does, then I may stop the water, but so far also good. He only sips a few times and he's out like a light anyhow. Jason said he thought they could just go and get some water from the sink if they are thirsty. I explained if they have to get out of bed, go to another room, turn on the light, get a cup and fill it with water, that will only wake them up more. Having a drink by their beds mean they don't have to get out of bed. He was afraid Cameron might open the bottle up and spill the water. He hasn't so far, but we'll deal with the mess if it happens. He also said he was worried they'd ask for food. They know there is no food beyond the kitchen. If they ask, it wouldn't be a surprise to hear a "No" from both of us. Food is a no no and I'm not about to change that rule now (special occasions may permit that when they are older). His fears were understood, but I'm not going to fret over what hasn't happened. The what-if's are only going bring them down. Kiefer is thirstier at night. He really gets upset not having water before he sleep. He's been fine with a sip, but why not trust him with a sippy cup of water? I fill it up with ice cubes and water. There's really very little water in there when I give it to him because of the ice, but if he wakes up at night, the water will still be cool and he'll have a little more to drink. The sippy cup is full in the morning because of the ice and the very little he drinks. So I told him, they grow up and have different needs. Now Kiefer seems to need water at night and he's explained that need to me. Since having hasn't disturbed his sleep, I don't see why it needs to change. Jason has decided to trust me and if anything happens, I agreed to clean it up.

The books at night, Jason said he doesn't like that when I let Cameron read after I leave the room because it takes him another half hour to check in on him. I didn't say this because I already have and it goes no where, but even before he was reading, when Jason goes in to check in on him, it takes him half an hour anyway because he wants to lay with him and basically go through the entire tuck-in routine except he doesn't read him more books. Either way, Cameron likes to tell his daddy about the book he was reading and about the books in his night stand as he puts his book away. I didn't know this was what he was doing. Now that I know, I can tell him what's expected out of him. That was all that had to be done. We came to an agreement, however, about how to handle the book reading. He knows it's a good thing but thought it was just as well they do it during the day. Now we will give them both about 15 minutes to read a book or two before one of us goes back in to check in on them and tell them lights out. We'll also put them to bed a little earlier so this does not cut in to their normal time to go to sleep. We'll see how that goes. That might help Cameron be less anxious about hos his daddy will react when he comes in to check in on him and give him the opportunity to do what he wants before bedtime. Kiefer will have the choice to read or sleep as well. We are not going to insist they read, but the option is there. Check-ins will just be delayed in order to give them time to settle themselves in.

We had talked about both of these issues before, but this time, I didn't back down. I know this will work out somehow. Cameron has been exerting his independence and I want him to feel he can do the right thing. Kiefer has already gone through this and has decided he prefers to just sleep. He knows the option is there, but this time we'll let him know there is going to be time between tuck-ins and check-ins where he can either go to bed or read. I'm looking forward to this.

 

Sorry I am late but I think you handled it just right. I will say that no matter what I do, it takes DH twice as long to do bedtime even if he goes in just to say goodnight. I agree with your stance on handling the problems when they happen.