Determining factors for separating for Kindergarten?

Hi. I've read some previous posts about K and even recent ones and while not all keep their kids together, most seem to.
The preschool teacher says that our boys are fine together. I know the boys think they want to be together, but I'm not 100% sure it's the best for them.
They share friends or should I say "a" friend. Lately, one has been feeling left out with the friend. Strangely enough, he's the one that makes friends the easiest and the least bossy.
In MANY ways, I can see how it would be easier to keep them together, but how do you know if/when to separate them??

TIA!!
Alicia

 

We are finishing up our first year of preschool and will be starting Kinder next year. We really struggled over whether to separate for preschool and even though I said I wanted them separated, they put them together. So glad they did! Their preschool teacher put them in different groups within their classroom and their curriculum is heavily oriented to stations and group work. I have really been pleased with how everything has turned out. My girls do share friends, but they talk about their own experiences in the classroom since they are in different groups. They do get jealous of one another, but no more than they do at home and so far one girl dosen't seem to be fading in the other's shadow or falling behind the other academically. Their teacher told us they are both doing well, playing with other kids well, and socializing great. Neither is upset by going to school by themselves if the other is sick, which shows me that they don't need one another to function at school. Unless I hear something different from their preschool teacher at the final conference, we are keeping them together for kindergarten as well.

 

I knew I had to separate my boys when I attended their last day of school picnic for 3 year old preschool. I saw all the kids running around having fun and then my two were having fun too but they were off doing their own thing. Then I saw one of my boys get hurt and a classmate went to see if he was ok and he was crying that he only wanted his brother! That was enough for me to say they needed to be separated.

So this year they were and it was the best thing for them. In the beginning of the year, one of my sons had to deal with social issues (boys not being so nice to him) that he may not have had to deal with if he was with his brother. As upset as I was for him, I was glad he was dealing with this now and realizing he has to interact with other kids and he wont always have his brother (not like he as asking for his brother but I know if his brother was there, we would not have had the other boys to deal with).

 

For me it was to encourage their individuality. I noticed through their time in preschool and pre-k that everyone, teachers and students, treat them together as an individual. It's not Nick or Alex, it's Nick & Alex. They were always grouped together. I did prefer this when they were younger, but moving on to Kindergarten I decided it was time to try them separated. Also, to be quite honest, they behave so much better when they are separated! :lol: I am glad they are in separate classes and have different friends. Their two classes do interact a lot throughout the year so they do have some of the same friends. But they aren't known as "the twins" anymore, they are each their own person.

Oddly enough, just this past Wednesday I was volunteering in one of my sons classes when one of the girls asked me why they aren't in the same class and I said "because they fight when they are together." She went off and asked Nick if he fights with his brother all the time and Nick said "of course, but he likes it!"

 

For me, it was never really an issue. I selected a preschool based on the fact that it was the best in the area, but also had 3 classrooms at a time so they could be separated. I have always said, superficially, it wouldn't be fair to the teacher to keep them together, because they know how to push each others buttons so well (yes, even at 3). Anyway, another, more practical reason for separating was also academic. Jonathan taught himself how to read at 3. And even from 18 month on, I could see very different learning curve. Jonathan would start to work on something (like how to do puzzles), and he would work at the skill until he accomplished it. Marcus would show no interest until Jon was about 1/2 to accomplishing it, then start and master the skill at the same time. Maybe this is a clearer example. At 8 months, in a 2 day period Jon went from crawling to cruising. Marcus did the "inchworm" and didn't crawl until he was almost 10 months, and didn't cruise until 11 months. Marcus walked on his own 2 days before his first birthday, Jon walked on his own a week later. So, I didn't want to have them in the same classroom where they would no doubt constantly be compared to each other, with one found wanting.

Ironically, while Jon was reading way ahead of everyone in K, Marcus didn't read at all. Sometime between 1st and 2nd, Marcus decided he really liked reading, now at the end of 3rd grade, they are both reading on 5th grade level. But, knowing Marcus, if he were around his brother all the time in school, he may not have blossomed the way he has. He is just now realizing that he can do everything his brother can, he just needed a different road to get to the same point.

 

I separated mine for reasons very similar to Sharon's. Both of mine are excellent students, but their learning and social styles are very different, and I didn't want them being compared directly because the one whose style is less flashy was going to be perceived as "less than." Also, one of them is quite domineering (must have been royalty in a former life :laughing: ), and I wanted her sister to have her own chance to make friends and make decisions. Where I live they put K&1 twins in adjoining classrooms so they would see each other for recess or story time, but not the rest of the day. It was a nice way for them to make the transition.

 

We are keeping our girls together in K (as of right now).

The K classes at both schools we are considering are grouped by ability for math/writing/reading....and my girls are both at the same level so would be together 80% of the time anyway. So rather than one traveling to the other twins class for subjects, it is easier at this time to keep them together.


We've had a lot of changes this year (move to a new state, housing changes, job changes, new PreK, etc) so for next fall at least- we decided it would be best to be together for K to help with the multiple transitions.

They are in PreK together now and do just fine. They have different friends, personalities, and do different things. So no worries on a dominant twin.- PreK teacher said she would not know they are twins if she was just observing interactions in the classroom with the exception that they use similar quirky vocabulary and have interesting obsessions. for 5 yr olds.

I do hope to split them in 1st for the reasons stated by Sharon (comparisons that may favor one twin) since by then the dust will settle on all the changes we have had.

 

Sharon and ruby, were your kids separated for their first school experience? My girls are starting school (pre-k) in the fall, and didn't do preschool. While I think they'd benefit from being in separate classes, I worry about this for their first experience in school. For the last 4 years they have been together almost 24/7...

 

Mine did not go to preschool, so they were separated for their first school experience. However, mine have a December birthday, so were already over 5.5 when they started K. At age 3-4 I would not have separated, as I don't think they were ready then, but they were definitely ready by the time they started K. It went very smoothly and they really liked being in different classes. Mine are quite different from each other, though, both physically (very fraternal!), and in terms of personality and interests.

 

I decided to separate mine so they could each find their own "voice"...both are bossy and I could see my son correcting my daughter in class if she answered wrong and my daughter yelling at him for misbehaving LOL!! Yesterday also really validated my decision - they were at a birthday party for one of their friends and he was so firmly implanted in her butt - every time she went to bowl he was behind her!!!

on top of the fact that they each have their own abilities, and my son is far ahead in reading and math skills at this point that if he gets some sort of enrichment I don't want her feeling left out...

 

My girls were together in 3 year old pre-k and I separated them this year at 4. They did pretty well but definitely gravitated towards playing together rather than with other friends. It really bothered me that they were called "the twins" by both their teacher and other classmates. I also have one with a more dominating personality who will speak for the other even though her sister doesn't want her to. I really felt separating them and giving them time apart would help them get along better when they are together and so far, it has. They love their teachers and classmates and think nothing of being apart. I think they enjoy the individuality a lot more. They do get to play on the playground together at recess. Also, like the PP, their learning styles are completely different. One is more logical/mathematical and while the other is more verbal and artistic. I do not want them being compared to each other which was happening already in the 3 year old class.

 

My girls were together for both 3yr and 4yr old preschool. Both their teachers said you would never know they were twins since they played a part a lot and didn't depend on each other. For Kindergarten we separated them since they spend 24hrs a day together we thought it would be better for them to be separated and they would see each other at recess (so they could play with each other if they wanted to) and they could see each other at lunch even though they sat with their classrooms. No one knew they were twins for most of kindergarten since they played with their own friends most of the time and never mentioned each other to often. I am glad we separated them since they get along better when home (they also share a room so when they are home they are on top of each other). They also have very different personalities where one has lots of friends is out going and the other is shy (but could have lots of friends if she would just say hi to the other kids since she gets along with everyone). I like how they don't get compared to each other and once they reach middle school they will probably be in some of the same classes so it's nice for now.

 

I am separating my two in K next year. For me, I don't want to keep them together just because I think it will be easier on me. I have to think of what is best for my kids. So yes, I'll deal with having 3 different classes/homework next year at school. I should add mine have been together for the past 2 years of preschool, but they are separated at times when they go to the center's room and mixed with the other class there.

My reasons for separating my two are:

1. I don't want them to always be the "twins" and I want them to have their own friends.

2. Trevor is too dependent on Emilie and she is very bossy towards him.

3. I think it will be easier to separate them in K rather them being together for a year or two and then doing it.

4. I don't want them to always be compared. I know it's hard for me to not do it so I know it will be hard for the teacher to not do it. I can also see them being very different learners.

5. I want them to learn to be independent from each other. I think they will enjoy having their "own" class and be able to talk about what happens in their class. And I think they will appreciate their time together more.


Those are my main reasons for separating them next year. I have already sent the email to the principal at school.

 

One of the funniest things I noticed about having M&M in the same class for kindergarten is that majority of the class didn't even know they were twins till recently. They kept getting confused when I went into class and ask whose mommy I was "Mitch or McKenna's?" The teacher doesn't talk about them being twins and they really don't either. When they were asked to bring in baby pictures, I brought in ones of them by themselves. I think having boy/girl twins is different than same sex twins. Mine have different friends, based on gender alone considering "most" kids this age play with their own gender. I like that they have the same schedule pretty much (except show/tell days and stuff like that). I am still uncertain what I will do for next year and I go back and forth but right now I am leaning towards keeping them together. The biggest reason in my mind to separate them I think is because I feel like that they are around each other 100% of the time and wonder if they ever feel like they need a break from each other...

 

After observing my girls in preschool, we decided to separate them in K. It was the best decision for them, as each got a teacher who really fit her learning style. This is carrying through into 1st grade as well. Right now the girls are in separate classes, but have recess and GOAL (ability-based groups) together. They are still pretty exclusive to one another outside of school, so it's great that they have their own teacher and own classmates. I also didn't realize how many of the kids mix them up - we don't so much, because we know them so well, but a lot of the kids will ask "are you Emma or Nicki?" when they see them outside of the classroom.

In short, we separated after watching them in a learning environment together, and it's been a great decision for everyone!

 

Mine have always been separated in school, even when they first started at just over 3. In fact, for most of preschool, they ended up being in different schools. They like the break from each other, and they are together on sports teams and for Hebrew school.

 

Mine have been together at daycare/preschool since they were born, with largely the same group of kids the whole time. So they had known these kids for years before any of their peers even realized what "twins" meant or that Sarah and Amy were actually sisters. :ibiggrin: They've always had different personalities and were drawn to different activities, and every teacher they've had has said that they seem supportive of, but not overly dependent on (or antagonistic to) each other.

In the past couple of years, they've been separated for "small group" (where they do teacher-led activities), and I think that's been good for them, because the teachers are forced to think of them as individuals rather than "the twins." I hope their K teacher will be able to do something similar. But I chose to keep them together because they wanted it, and going to K is scary enough, and if they're lucky enough to have a twin for support, we might as well take advantage of that.

However, I do think we'll separate them when they get a little older -- mostly to save Sarah, who is much quieter and less extroverted, from the fate of being known as "Amy's sister."

 

This is pretty much my reasons as well. :good: My son can not do anything without my dd doing it as well. They play separately at home but when put in a public setting I feel they rely too much on each other. I feel that at one point in their lives... middle school, high school, college... they will have to separate and I feel it will be easier for them to do it now instead of later. Of course all twins are different. I've seen my friends twins and they are very independent of each other and I can see why they'd be kept together at school... but for my two separation is best. Their teacher agrees. :good: I think you know your kids best so go with your gut feeling. :good:

 

Wow. I had no idea I'd get such great feedback and input. I appreciate it so much, and hopefully it's helped others on their decision as well.
I think we will be keeping our boys together at this point. Although there is a part of me that says I should separate now, while it's only a few hours a day.
The boys want to stay together and my husband thinks they should stay together as well. I definitely think it's easier for me. I just want to do what's best for the
boys...that's the part I am questioning. I'm just that person that is always second guessing myself and wondering if I made the right decision, no matter what it is.
Thanks again for your voice!
Alicia

 

If the class get divided into groups (which I think is normal-table groups) ask the teacher to split them up that way. Then they have the other in the same class but have the opportunity to interact with class mates separate from the other and minimize competition at school.

Good luck and have fun. They change so much over the kinder year. I can not believe we are finishing up first grade. It seems like we were just signing them up for kinder.

 

My boys are frats, and we joke that they don't look like brother let alone twins. When they were in kinder they were invited to a school mates birthday. When we got there I was talking to his mom and she was "so you have two boys in kinder? Are they twins? Because I asked Hyrum and he said NO they are just brothers" This was good for a laugh. And I agree with needing time apart. I KNOW mine do when they start to bicker constantly (honestly most of the time they get along great) normally towards the end of a school break/vacation

 

I wanted to add my thoughts as my girls reach the end of kindergarten. They were together in preschool from 2 years to 4 years old - all half day programs with one day a week for each year of age. For kindergarten, we decided to separate them. Grace is very talkative and bossy. She talks nonstop and has very strong ideas about how everything should be and tries to impose her will on everyone around her. (She is a very sweet girls. ) Elizabeth is very quiet (except when she is at home) and easy-going. I was concerned that Elizabeth would never get to do her own thing if she was in the same class as Grace. She would frequently get frustrated when coming home from preschool because Grace would tell us everything about school and she never got a chance to tell us what happened first. She really wanted her own space. Grace, on the other hand, really wanted Elizabeth in her class. She was scared about going to school without Elizabeth. Even though she seems stronger, she was more afraid. So, we decided that it would be best for both of them to be separated. Elizabeth would have her own space and be able to do her own thing, and Grace would learn to socialize with other kids without depending on Elizabeth all the time.

Kindergarten has been great for them. They both love school and love to be able to share with each other and with us what has happened in their days. Elizabeth is much more confident and strong than she was. Grace has learned better to play with others without requiring them to do things her way. At their preschool, everyone called them "the twins" and I hated that. Now they are treated more as individuals.

I see two drawbacks of separate classes. Whenever there are events at school - Christmas parties, etc - we have to go back and forth between the two classes and cannot spend the entire time with one child. And birthday parties - Grace has been invited to more parties than Elizabeth and the kids in Elizabeth's class also invited Grace, but the kids in Grace's class did not invite Elizabeth. Grace has two birthday party invitations for this weekend. I did something I never thought I would do and asked both parents if Elizabeth could attend too. I felt so rude doing it, but neither of the parents minded and it will make Elizabeth so happy. In the big pictures, those two drawbacks are very minor.

That being said, each child is different and you have to make the decision that is right for your child. Not only that, I think this is a decision that needs to be reassessed each school year. We are continuing with separate classes for first grade, but will consider the options again each year.

 

We only had one pre-k class in our public school so they were put together for that reason only. We would have rather had them seperated but it wasn't possible. For Kindergarten... we were able to seperate! It was the best decision for us. They now only have 2 weeks left and have done wonderful.
One thing that led to that decision was something that was happening very early on in their development stages. When they learned to talk, we had a hard time understanding J and we would have to ask B what he was saying. B would always know and would basically communicate alot for J. This was our fault as much as anything because we didn't make J get his point across to us. Even in Pre-K, the teachers noticed very early that J would wait for B to answer any questions and without hesitation, B would always answer.
J was put into speech therapy in Pre-K and is still in it now. We knew we had to seperate. Also, they got into trouble being together.
So here we are about to head into 1st grade and they will stay seperated. They even want it that way. At the end if the day, they have something they can talk about and share that days experience with one another and have civilized conversations with each other. They have become really good to each other rather than biting each others head off because they aren't around each other 24/7.
It just really helped our situation and I don't think we will change it any time soon.
Hope that helps!

 

For me I went back and fourth and it took me a while. My boys had never been apart other than when K had surgery(when he was 1st born) and were very attached. They wanted to be together b/c thats all they had known. But I really had to think beyond that. I decided to separate them b/c I wanted them to make their own memories. You know how it is to walk into a room and not know anyone? I didn't want them to have each other and not have to make friends. I wanted them to have to make friends-their own friends. I also wanted them to have their own memeoris such as today I did this momma I did this, not today we did this, we did that. I figured it would be easier to make friends b/c if they were by themselves they would be just like everyone else. but if they had each other than they already had a "friend" and that is scary to someone to walk up to two new people.
they had lunch at the same time and recess. I also figured that if they needed to be together it would be much easier to be together after being apart than it would to separate them after being together.
we visited each boys room,so they knew exactly where the other was going to be. and i made sure to explain that this was the 1st time they were apart etc. It went really well for us we didn't have any problems. the boys now say momma you made a good choice lol.

 

Mine are in a young 5's Kindergarten right now and there is only one class, so that was an easy decision for me. But, next year they will be going to regular Kindergarten and their teacher and I were talking about this the other day. They each have their own friends, aren't dependent on each other, treat each other well and most people wouldn't know they were related if they weren't told. Because of this, I was leaning towards having them be in the same Kindergarten class. Our district is offering an all day K next year and there will be 3 full day K's along with one 1/2 day. So, all of a sudden I had to make the decision to keep them together or seperate. Their teacher told me they would do well either way and she's the one making all the recommendations for placements for next year. So, I asked Abby and Gabe what they would prefer and I was really surprised when they said they would like to try seperate classes. Although it'll a bit more complicated, I am fine with that and if they want to do it I want to support that. Their current teacher said given their personalities she knows which 2 teachers she would recommend and these 2 teachers actually work hand in hand for a lot of things and do quite a bit of co-teaching so I won't have a lot of different homework or schedules.