Ugh. So hubby was meaning well when he started bribing the kids with dessert if they finished their plate. They started eating more and better. Now it's backfired though. They want dessert all the time, ask for it repeatedly even if we're not done eating yet, heck even if they haven't finished their dinner. And they expect too much. Like, a popsicle or 5 cookies or a cup of marshmallows or something (hubby's fault). We've created sweets craving monsters. And they already have sweets during the day (usually a couple cookies), so I just don't want them to get more. Yesterday they stole some apple cider and drank a quart of it, so I refused to give them dessert. Tonight one of them didn't eat his peas, and the other demanded dessert repeatedly (seriously, like every 10 seconds for 5 minutes while we were still having our entree) and threw a tantrum when we said to wait. Now she's not getting any. But it has to stop. They usually love fruit but it won't do for dessert. I've been trying to reduce to one cookie or a couple marshmallows or something, hubby is more difficult to convince... I've always been chubby and I really don't want them to get bad eating habits. I never have dessert (hubby does after they're in bed) so it's definitely not a monkey see monkey do thing. How do you handle it?
I don't base it on how much they've eaten, but rather on whether or not they have had a good day. If they've had a good day, they can have dessert. Which is usually a piece of candy.
I'd tell them if they mention it they won't get it either. I make the girls finish the majority of their dinner before dessert cause if you have room for dessert you have room for real food!
Ours is an occasional treat. It's not even an option if they don't eat well (which in our house means trying things, not complaining, and doing some justice to the meal--but not a clean plate requirement). If they do eat well and ask nicely, we may say yes. I often say no, and they know that's a final no and don't push it. And dessert in our house is one cookie, or a piece of chocolate. I think if you make it an occasional treat and not a quid pro quo for eating everything on their plate, then they will learn to treat it the same.
This is our house too. Our kids have to make a good effort to finish dinner and that means not complaining and finishing at least 3/4 of the meal. My kids also have to finish a cup of milk and put a good hit on their water before they can even entertain the idea of a snack/dessert after dinner. My philosophy is if you are not eating dinner or barely touching it, then you are not hungry enough for a snack/dessert after dinner. And they are not allowed to beg for dessert either.
We are struggling with the same thing here. We are trying out the every other night fruit is a dessert option. I do not make my kids clean their plate but they check in with me before putting their plate in the sink. They know I care more about them eating most of meats and veggies than the starch. They also aren't allowed to have dessert until kitchen is clean. If they help clean the kitchen then they get their dessert when they are done with their part. Usually by the time the kitchen is clean they aren't as "starving" for their dessert as they were right after dinner as they have had time to digest. I don't mind a little snack after dinner, so I have always let them have one a well. We do eat a lot of fruit in the house, or smoothies if they want one. I made the mistake of keeping ice cream in the house for a while...I have to stop that...that was our worst nightmare because they were asking for it wayyy too much!
THis is what we do too. Dessert is an option and pleasant. It is not neccasary and will not be offered all the time. My kids can chant "Healthy food makes you grow. Junk food does not!" Yes, they do get junk-- but in moderation and never until they have consumed healthier options. They have known for years what is 'good' for their bodies and what just 'tastes good'. We also keep sweets small portions. They are happy with a small sized cookie, a piece of candy, etc....it has always been that way. I also put it on them. If we have dessert available-- it is up to them to eat what they want, if they eat a good amount- I ask if they think they have eaten enough healthy foods. To be honest- sometimes they pass on dessert because they dont like what is served and dont want to eat anything but the bread or veggie. HAHAHAHA! We offer fruit at lunch and dinner...automatically. My kids love fruit and I am OK with large quantities of fruit. I just dont offer it as dessert since I want it clear what is and is not healthy choices and what is eaten just as a treat.
Well my take on it is I don't like to use food as a reward, so dessert is something usually preplanned that we have after dinner whether they have eaten dinner or not and its not every night. We go with a variety of things, yogurt, fruit, cake, cookie.
We don't have dessert unless we're out for a special occasion like a birthday dinner. If I happen to bake they can have some in the afternoon after school and take a piece the next day with lunch but I try not to give sweet treats after 4pm. I also don't believe in 'cleaning your plate' but they do have to eat some of everything before getting seconds of anything. 1) you could go cold turkey - no more desserts, eat what's on your plate or don't, up to you. 2) you could try a treat with much less sugar eg fruit with unsweetened whipped cream (the stuff in the can is fun to squirt), crepes with fruit and just a sprinkle of brown sugar.
1. No dessert until everyone at the table is finished eating dinner. 2. Dessert is a special occasion event, not for every night. 3. Dessert is usually fruit, but sometimes can be sweets like ice cream or cookies. And don't be afraid to say, "Sorry, no dessert tonight!" and stick to it.
In our house dessert is a very rare treat, usually only if we have guests or it's a birthday. If we do dessert it is usually icecream or a baked fruit dessert like a crumble. All the sweets the children are given (especially from the birthday goody bags at school, family parcels etc.) go into a special place (each child has its own) and they may choose one piece after lunch on the days we have lunch at home. This is independent of what or how they ate for lunch because I do not want to "bribe" them with food, especially not with sweets or candy. If their supply is gone we do not refill it (unless one child got a lot more than the other for some reason like lots of birthdays in one classroom), so they learn to make it last and share. We bake some treats (usually pie, muffins, cookies) on most weekends and do a proper teatime on Sundays, so if there are leftover treats or I feel like doing another bake (I love baking) I will surprise them and tuck a cookie or small muffin into their lunchbox for snack time or offer it with fruit for their after-school snack. Fruit is always available as a snack option. Sometimes the children will ask if we have any baked treats or if this is a dessert day, but because both events are so random they never expect it and are happy with the fruit option if we say no.
we generally always have dessert, but it's not a conditional thing, mostly because we are uncomfortable using food as a tool. we eat dinner pretty early (5ish) so we have a snack around 7:30 and that's when we have dessert. It's usually ice cream, cookies, or pie.
We also don't use food as a reward. We don't have dessert often, so when we do, as the previous poster said, it is given whether they eat supper or not. Although, they know to eat their protein before they even ask for dessert. I have taught my kids "one sweet thing a day", so if they choose to have a piece of candy earlier in the day, they don't get something else later. Good luck. Food habits are hard to break.
i had a babysitter that used food as a bribe... and one night one of them said.... "I'll finish my carrots IF i can have dessert"... so i played dumb... "oh... don't have any ... I'll have to go to the store"... i did this every night until the habit to ask went away... not sure i would file it under great parenting... but it worked... we never were/are big dessert people and usually only had it around birthdays... but she would give them one of oldest chocolate chip granola bars or something we had in the house for him... With that said...we now have a ton of dessert in our house...this time of year we have DH birthday... 2 weeks later oldest birthday...2 weeks later the dudes birthday... so we currently have a lot of cake in the house <_< edit: i "learned this trick" when oldest was about 6/7... he had a friend who expected it after every meal even lunch... so in the summer when they hung out... i would just claim i was a day away from going to the store...
we have never said you eat every thing on your plate, we feel that sets them up for bad eating habits. but you do have to have 2 bits of everything if its something new. we also don't give them so much that they couldn't eat it. we only do dessert probably once a year maybe. we don't call fruit a dessert we call it what it is a fruit. you can always have fruit. we always have it around. as long as you gave it a good go at dinner you can have a snack before dinner. obviously nothing sweet. we don't keep a lot of sweets around anyway. I would just tell them you have changed things and from now on there is no more desserts. be honest and keep to your words. they may throw a fit for a few days but they will get over it . good luck
We do use dessert as a reward, and as a bribe. Mine eat dessert every single day (plus occasional sweet snacks). So this is not a comment on whether or not they're getting too many sweets in general -- only you can decide where the limits are on that. But as you described it in your post, dessert is just another example of "The more you give, the more they want." We have it with snacks, TV time, reading time, bedtime callbacks... Everything. The only way we've been able to deal with it is to go back to square 1 and re-establish the rules every now and then. At least at age 5 your kids will be old enough to understand what's going on (even though they won't like it). The most critical thing is that you and DH agree on the rules between yourselves. Then explain them to the kids, write them down somewhere (even if they can't read, it still helps!) and enforce them. Easier said than done, I know, and we're only partially successful at it. But the more consistently we enforce the limits, the less begging there is.
