Desperate mom

Hi,
My twins who will be turning 1 in October and they don’t fall asleep by themselves. I have to carry them to sleep. If that doesn’t work then I have to give them a bottle (while carrying them). I’m so tire of doing that!!!!

I’m so desperate that I have tried putting them in their crib to let them cry it out (which is something I was against) but they cry a little, then start jumping and play with each other. They can last for up to an hour then they will cry like they are being torture, which breaks my heart and then I have to get them and take them out of their room.

What can I do? I can’t keep on carrying them to sleep, when is it going to stop!!!

 

DO THE CRY IT OUT METHOD WITH SCHEDULE..

DINNER BATH TEETH STORY MILK.. BED..

WHEN YOULEAVE TURN ON BATH WATER AND WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR..

DO IT EVERY DAY FOR NAP AND EVERY NIGHT..

IT WORKED.. THE WATER METHOD..

M

 

I did CIO with my non-sleepers so I won't be of much help! I hope you get some sleep soon! :hug99:

 

Nobody likes to do CIO, but it seems to usually occur when the mom can't take it anymore (all the rocking, carrying, singing, etc). So, in your case, it looks to be a matter of who will outlast who -whether your abilities to continue a long nighttime routine will outlast your babies' resistance to nighttime.

I would recommend, though, to either do CIO at full speed or don't do it at all. If you waiver and start to let them cry, but then go in to get them when you can't handle it anymore, the babies will be reinforced in their crying and it gets worse and worse from there. Especially sine your babies are older it might take a few nights for them to understand the new plan and any inconsistencies on your part will be easily picked up on by the babies. Some twin moms have to separate their babies temporarily into different rooms to learn to sleep (even if one is in a PNP in your master closet), but others have luck leaving them in the same room. At nighttime, you just have to leave them till they fall asleep, whether it's 30 minutes or 3 hours. Naptime, you can only "let cry" an hour. This is HSHHC perspective.

Doing CIO on my first child nearly killed me, but worked so well and DC is still an excellent sleeper. I had hoped with my "second child" wouldn't need CIO, but once I found out it was twins, I knew for me I would have to do CIO since I can't effectively "soothe to sleep" two babies at once. I don't regret CIO with my twins either. Once they're used to it, they usually don't cry at all, or maybe cry for 5 minutes. It is so nice to get to spend a little bit of time with DH in the evenings instead of not knowing if we'll get to talk or not due to all the rocking and walking.

 

I wish I had advice for you. CIO didn't seem to work for my single he would throw-up all over himself after about 5 min. It didn't get better till about 2, well really he still won't go to sleep on his own. Thank god the twins sleep well so far.

xoxoxoxo

 

Once you CIO you will wonder why in the world you didn't do it sooner. With my oldest it took one night. With the twins it took one night. That night is really hard, but honestly....they have to learn to sleep on their own or you will be carrying them forever!

Reyna

 

I agree with pp, get a good routine down, bath, jammies, low lights, maybe soft music so they know it's bedtime. Maybe you could try a modified CIO, if our girls cry for more than 15 minutes I will go in and give a paci and pat her back (but this usually doesn't happen, they have really taken to CIO well). You might also try seperating them for a few nights until you get your routine down. It sounds like they are having a party and maybe they wouldn't do that if they weren't together. If one girl is having a hard time getting to sleep with a lot of crying we have been putting her in the pnp in another room, then putting her in her crib after she's asleep. I don't like doing this, and hopefully won't have to much longer, but they can take up to an hour to get to sleep if they start to feed off of each other.

Good luck, keep us posted!

 

It seems like they have become accustomed to falling asleep on your body and why not? It sounds like a wonderful way to fall asleep! Could you lie in bed and snuggle them to sleep rather than walking? Then slowly wean them from needing you in the bed? Maybe just lying next to them? Then just sitting in the room? At least you would be getting a little rest too.

I don't think cio works for very long and it really sends the wrong message to your children. ("Sorry that you think you need something, but I don't think you do and it is inconvenient for me, so I'll ignore your cries for help.") My 7 year old doesn't sleep through the night and never has. He is just a needy kid. One of my 3 month olds has been sleeping 8-14 hours at night since she was about 3 weeks old. It is just who she is- easy going and content.

I feel for your exhaustion and frustration. Being a mama is long, hard, unglamorous work. And having twins is even harder. Don't be afraid to try some unorthodox approaches if that is what works for you, your children and your family. You know them best.

 

I have a pack and play in my bedroom. When bedtime gets rough I immediately put somebody in the pack and play or else everything intensifies as they hear one another fussing and crying. Sometimes I have to do this in the middle of the night too. I always separate the babies for naps. I feel for you! I don't carry my babies to sleep but I do a lot of bum patting.

 

Thanks everyone for you help. I still don’t like the idea of CIO, first I’m going to try to use the sleeping with them and slowly letting them fall asleep on their own. If that doesn’t work then my husband and I will try the CIO.

When you use CIO, how many days did it take for you child to fall asleep on his/her own? I just want to be prepared for it…

 

QUOTE(Username @ Sep 28 2007, 01:36 PM) [snapback]427404[/snapback]
It seems like they have become accustomed to falling asleep on your body and why not? It sounds like a wonderful way to fall asleep! Could you lie in bed and snuggle them to sleep rather than walking? Then slowly wean them from needing you in the bed? Maybe just lying next to them? Then just sitting in the room? At least you would be getting a little rest too.

I don't think cio works for very long and it really sends the wrong message to your children. ("Sorry that you think you need something, but I don't think you do and it is inconvenient for me, so I'll ignore your cries for help.") My 7 year old doesn't sleep through the night and never has. He is just a needy kid. One of my 3 month olds has been sleeping 8-14 hours at night since she was about 3 weeks old. It is just who she is- easy going and content.

I feel for your exhaustion and frustration. Being a mama is long, hard, unglamorous work. And having twins is even harder. Don't be afraid to try some unorthodox approaches if that is what works for you, your children and your family. You know them best.


I have never done CIO. How about wot the above suggested.

Or maybe lie with them in another bed until they're sleepy/but not asleep and transfer them over, maybe worth a try



amanda

 

I did CIO with my oldest when he was 15 months old and it took about 2 weeks. The first 3 nights were the worst by far, then after that he would fuss and cry a bit before sleep. After 2 weeks he went to bed happy and drifted right to sleep. I also didn't care for the idea of CIO but it did work really well. However I went a different route with my younger 3 kids that was more time consuming but less stressful and worked just as well.

I honestly don't think that CIO will hurt children. My boys would cry too if I took away a (hypothetical) pair of scissors that they wanted. Just because they want something doesn't mean they should have it. Kids cry when they want mom, but they need their sleep more. I think once mom has reached the breaking point that CIO is a solution that works for many parents. I would rather that parents did that than become resentful.

 

QUOTE(Username @ Sep 28 2007, 01:36 PM) [snapback]427404[/snapback]
It seems like they have become accustomed to falling asleep on your body and why not? It sounds like a wonderful way to fall asleep! Could you lie in bed and snuggle them to sleep rather than walking? Then slowly wean them from needing you in the bed? Maybe just lying next to them? Then just sitting in the room? At least you would be getting a little rest too.

I don't think cio works for very long and it really sends the wrong message to your children. ("Sorry that you think you need something, but I don't think you do and it is inconvenient for me, so I'll ignore your cries for help.") My 7 year old doesn't sleep through the night and never has. He is just a needy kid. One of my 3 month olds has been sleeping 8-14 hours at night since she was about 3 weeks old. It is just who she is- easy going and content.

I feel for your exhaustion and frustration. Being a mama is long, hard, unglamorous work. And having twins is even harder. Don't be afraid to try some unorthodox approaches if that is what works for you, your children and your family. You know them best.


Wow, that's a little harsh no? I did cry it out, and my kids are great sleepers. Maybe that's why your 7 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. I can tell you that I didn't IGNORE my kids because it was inconvenient. What I think it teaches them is that sometimes you need to soothe yourself. I don't want my kids to spend their whole lives crying for immediate gratification. I think sooner or later the lesson will have to be learned that I can't rock them to sleep. If you aren't ready for CIO, don't do it yet. Wait until you are ready. But I promise they won't remember it when they get older. So I kinda feel like the younger you do it, the better it is anyway.

Good luck!

 

I am not sure I would lay with them. It seems that that habit would be even harder to break. We did CIo at 5 1/2 months and after a few nights they slept through! It was themost amazing thing ever. Oh, and they woke with HUGE smiles on their face in the morning so I know I did not hurt them by letting them CIO. In fact, I helped them learn to sooth themselves when they wake at night. I think I gave them a great gift!

 

I did sort of a modified version of CIO - I would put the kids down and give them 10 minutes - if after 10 minutes they weren't settling I'd go and rock for a few more minutes (I mostly had to do this with my son - my daughter is a bit of an independent little girl and will fall asleep on her own with very little fussing)...now I rock both of them (not at the same time, one goes with daddy and one stays with me) because I want to rock them - and they certainly don't fall asleep on me, in fact more often than not they play with my necklace or my lips or my insulin pump! BUT I can put them down in the crib when I'm ready to, and they roll over and either just babble or doze off...

I don't think letting a child learn to soothe himself to sleep is by any means "ignoring your childs needs"...no what the child needs is to learn how to go to sleep!

 

I think you may need to CIO. I don't like it either, but your kids need to learn to sleep, and need to learn to soothe themselves.

If you do it right, I don't think of CIO as just ignoring a baby because you can't be bothered to deal with them. As every mom knows, there are different kinds of cries. Hunger cries, messy diaper cries, pain cries, fear cries, overstimulation cries... And if you have met all of your baby's needs at bedtime (comforting bedtime routine, feeding, diaper, cuddling, etc), and they still cry when you put them to bed, that's protest crying. As in, "This is so @#$% boring, I want to stay up and be where the action is!" Just like Jenny said, ignoring those cries is just like ignoring the cries of a baby who wants to play with scissors. Or ignoring the tantrum of a toddler who only wants to eat chips. You are the mom, you know what's best for your babies, and in this case it is SLEEP! They may not want it any more than they want to eat their vegetables - but they need it just as much.

 

I was one of the lucky ones whose babies miraculously slept throught the night on their own at 2 1/2 months and have been ever since. However, our nap times have become increasingly difficult. Sometimes, when I'm desperate I'll rock them to sleep but usually, all I have to do is lay them in their cribs, give them their paci and sing to them softly and very gently rub Jake's inside forearm (almost a soft tickling). Once he falls asleep (w/in a couple minutes) I gently rub Noah's head while still singing until he falls asleep (also a couple minutes). I stay in the room and keep singing until I know they are really sleeping and then I creep out of the room while still softly singing for a minute. I can't say they stay asleep very long (about 30 min to an hour) but at least their still getting their nap.

I've never had to try CIO but I would if I had to and I believe consistency would be the key.

Best of luck. I hope you find a solution soon.

 

So, I’m willing to try the CIO method. How exactly does it work with twins? How long do I let them cry? Do I go in to comfort them? Please let me know how you did it?

THANKS!!!!

 

i would only go in if they were histerical.. ie my older son.. would make himself vomit because of the difference in my home and xh's home..

other than that i dont even remember the babies crying alot.. other than the one time i had older ds vomit all the way down his crib.

not every child does this.. just some..



follow the method.. if they cry beyond control for over afew min.. i go in..

if its just a baby cry.. i let them cry..


the best thing i did was turn off all the lights to get them to rest

pm me with quesitons.
m

i did not go in to comfort them. only to make sure they were safe.. if i heard funny breathing, choking vomiting..

other than that i walked out .. even when i was at my moms.. they learned they could sleep anywhere

 

I think you have to differentiate "need" and "want". As long as all their needs are taken care of ... fed, clean, story, cuddling, etc. then you have to ask yourself, do they really need you, or do they just want you? I am not saying "wanting" is bad, but at some time they need to understand that they can't have everything they want ... whether it's a toy in the store, candy at home or holding them all night.

 

Little update.....

the CIO method is not working or I'm doing it wrong. I put them in their cribs when they look tired and leave the room. My boy starts crying like he is in pain but I don’t give in I stay our of the room waiting to se if he stops. He doesn’t he just gets more into it and starts to choke on his tears, which is when I go in to calm him down with out picking him up then he lays down and closes his eye, that’s when I walk away and everything starts all over again. My girl just bounces on the bed and talks. I gently lay her down and walk away, then she gets up and starts again. They can do this for up to an hour and then I take them out of their cribs.

I'm starting to give up!!!! I'll carry them to sleep until they go to college! :-(

 

CIO worked for us also, I did this at about 9 months. Unless you want to substitute the carrying with laying, which IMO is basically doing the same thing, it is just another thing you will have to eventually break them from and you will be writing in a couple of months saying "how do I get them out of my bed" you should just do it and get it over with.


Didn't see the update...as long as you keep going in they will start all over again. It is like restarting their clock and they have to learn to be able to put themselves to sleep. In the beginning for us they would keep it up for 45m to an hour then slowly went to about 10-20minutes now they sometimes whine for maybe 5minutes.

 

We did CIO at 7 mos. We did it like this: Bedtime- Jammies snuggles, stories, snuggles, bed, rubbing backs and leave. crying starts... wait 5 min. Go in DO NOT PICK UP OR TALK, only rub backs (oh and NO EYE CONTACT, it is stimulating). Leave for 10 min, if still crying go in rub backs.... leave for 15 min, 20 min, 30 min... etc.... we never got past 15 min or crying before sleeping. Now at 2 they sleep for 12 hours during the nite and 2hr (sometimes more) nap from 1-3. It took 3 days of CIO like this, it can be hard work as you are trying to break a habit too....GOOD LUCK!

 

A little update… my twins are learning to sleep on their own. I don’t have to carry them anymore!

We are giving them a bottle in their cribs. I sit in their room, since they don’t want to be alone. Then if they stand and start jumping in their cribs, I tell them that mommy is going bye, bye. And tell them to sit down. If they don’t then I leave. Immediately they cry, I wait for a minute and walk in and do the same. Sit down or mommy goes bye, bye. If they don’t I’ll help them sit. This will go on for about ½ hour and then they will start laying down to sleep.

I’m still working on it but is working!!!

 

I did it the same way as MWS, just kissed everyone good night, made sure the night light was plugged in and walked out - and I still do. They did fuss a lot at first, but after about a week they would settle right down and talk to each other before falling asleep within 20 minutes or so.

It's the cutest thing to listen to them babble back and forth to each other through the monitor every night. I just love their little voices.

alexis