Desperate For Help

We can literally put our daughter in her crib while she is sleepy and she will fall asleep and stay asleep for up to 9 hours. Our son, on the other hand, is quite the opposite and I've exhausted all the resources and information I can get my hands on to rectify the problem. Our twins are in separate rooms and have been since six weeks of age. From birth to six weeks, they were in separate bassinets in our room. We transitioned them to their cribs (our daughter was a much easier transition,but our son eventually took to his crib somewhat).

Long story short, we give him a bottle before bed (in his dark room, with his noise machine on and without any talking) and then we attempt to lay him in his crib. As soon as his body touches his crib, he cries uncontrollably and doesn't stop. I have tried laying a heating pad in the crib to warm it up before we put him in. We've tried a sleep positioner, we've tried putting him on his side and even on his tummy. We thought it might be reflux, so we saw our ped and got some meds. We thought he might not like the dark, so we got a nightlight. We've tried putting him in his crib during the day with some fun toys and with me right there to promote a positive association (as per "The No Cry Sleep Solution"). Nothing has worked and it seems to be getting worse. Tonight, I gave up altogether and put him in his swing and he fell asleep right away. I don't want to start bad habits, but I fear that he already has a bad sleep association with his crib.

Does anyone know what I am doing wrong? What else can we do to help him sleep well in his crib? We've tried to let him cry, but he just escalates and doesn't tire out. We are desperate for help.

 

:hug:!

4 months was a really hard sleep age for us. Honestly, my twin boys slept in their swings (not moving) until they were 9 months old! At 5 months I attempted to move them into their cribs at night, by midnight after making 20 trips into their bedroom to soothe them back to sleep, I gave in and put their swings/bouncy seats in their cribs and there they slept. They weren't moving any longer, but they liked the upright position and "snuggley" feeling the seats offered.

The transition at 9.5 months wasn't *that* bad, really! And now they are 23 months and they have happily been sleeping just gfine, all night long, in their cribs since then! Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You aren't doing anything wrong, he's just being a 4 month old baby who doesn't like his crib. He will eventually! :hug: Just do what works - and if that is the swing, so be it! :hug: :youcandoit:

 

We had EXACTLY the same behavior with my son and unfortunately nothing worked until we ferberized him. Now it's all in the past.

PM me if you decide to follow the Ferber method and I'll let you know the details of what we did.

Good luck.

 

Jori,
Thank you ever so much for this reply. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I finished reading about your experience. It helps to know that putting him in his swing won't "sleep scar" him for life. I want him to sleep well and to feel secure and I think you're right about him feeling snuggly in the swing. He's always loved to be bounced and rocked and maybe the crib is just to still for him. I don't know. I just thought that, at four months, he "should" be in his crib.
I really appreciate the time you took to reply. Thank you so much.

Kateryna,
PMing you right now.

 

I think sometimes the crib is just too big for them! The swing/bouncy chair/carseat is so snug & cozy and to a baby the crib is just so big & open and I don't think they always feel secure. Are you swaddling him still? That might help him feel a bit more secure. But sleeping in the swing won't hurt him. Whatever works!! :hug:

 

Okay, I'll confess. We let ours sleep wherever they wanted (bouncy, swing/not moving until they were 9-10 months. They finally outgrew them! We transitioned to cribs. At a year, we ended up doing some modified CIO. They are good sleepers now, and always sleep in their crib.
Anyway, it's not the end of the world if he won't sleep in his crib right now. Personally, I'd just do whatever works for now and get some peace and sleep. GL!

 

Yep, same here. At 4 months, most babies do not know how to self soothe. So by feeding him and then laying him down, he just cant get himself to sleep. I would let him sleep in a swing or bouncy. Whatever works. We went cold turkey into the crib at 4 months, but mine were falling asleep on the bottle and I could transition them to the crib with a little work. I would just keep doing what you are doing and then try again in a month or so and dont worry about bad habits right now. Take the pressure off yourself. :hug:

 

I hope you don't mind me responding - I'm just visiting from the expecting board. We did cry-it-out for bed time around 8 weeks with my singleton (we had previously been rocking him to sleep, and he started doing what your son is doing - waking up and screaming), and cry-it-out for the middle of the night feeding around 4 months. It hard, I'm not going to lie. But the results were miraculous and well worth it. At 8 weeks, the first night he cried for about 70 minutes. The second night he cried for about 85 minutes. The third night he fell asleep after less than 10 minutes, and he never cried again after that. We followed Ferber's method, which I'm sure you could google. It took two of us (DH and I) to stay strong through it, and we both cried ourselves. But in reflection, I realize that three nights of crying gave my son the gift of good sleep (and I promise he was still thrilled to see me in the morning!). I became a better mommy because I was actually able to get some rest, and DS was happier and better rested. He is now almost 4 years old and is an awesome sleeper. I don't mean to sound overy enthusiastic - I know CIO isn't for every mom or every baby, but I thought I'd share my success story

 

:hug: to you! I know it can be a challenge to get them used to their cribs. But he'll get there, just keep trying. Until then however, have you thought about letting him sleep in a bouncy seat that you set in his crib? That might make the trasition a little easier. I agree with a pp that sometimes their cribs just seem so big and open to them that they don't take to it right away. Good luck and don't give up on the crib, but do what you need to do right now to get some sleep.

 

That's what I was going to suggest too. We moved both of mine from bouncy seats (where they slept for most of the first 4 months) to cribs around that age, and we started by putting the bouncies in the cribs, to get them used to the environment.

We chose ~4 months because I felt they were ready (one of my DDs was already sleeping 12 hours :tomato: ), but I would have felt fine waiting longer, too.

They actually still slept in the bouncy seats when they had colds until at least 6 months and maybe longer -- we only quit when they were getting big and mobile enough that they no longer liked to be confined, and I was afraid the seats wouldn't hold them.

 

Thank you all so very much for all of your thoughtful and caring advice. It's so hard to navigate sleep issues (lest there wouldn't be a ton of books on the subject) but we are trying our best to find a happy medium for now.
We had our son in a bassinet for six-eight weeks following his birth and transitioned him to the crib by putting his bassinet in it for a couple of weeks, then just putting the bassinet bedding in. We thought we were on the right track by doing it this way, but it didn't work as well as we expected. He was sleeping in the crib (after some crying) for a spell, but it has slowly progressed to uncontrollably crying when he is in there. So, we will continue with the swing for a another couple of weeks, then work on a transition again.
I truly appreciate all of your thoughts.

 

our youngest daughter didn't sleep anywhere but her glider and her swing for several months - just do whatever works and your kiddo will be fine - if mama doesn't sleep, that isn't good for anyone! by the way - our daughter sleeps in her own big girl bed now, sometimes with issues going to bed, but nothing that is out of the ordinary for an almost 3 year old I don't think.