Deliberate "accidents"

I don't make a big deal out of accidents, since we're still in the early stages of PT. The only time it usually happens is if someone is naked and I didn't get a diaper on them, but that hasn't happened in quite some time. They usually go potty if they are naked. This evening, I was getting them out of the bath and I was drying Ainsley off, when I see Bea squatting. I ask her what she is doing, and she says "peeing". She was two feet from the potty! She could have gone. I did get a little mad, and I said "Well now I have to wash the bathmat, that wasn't very nice of you." and she was like "Mama wash that! Get a clean one!" like it was a big joke. I don't know, maybe she did it for attention or something since I was busy with Ainsley.

 

Oh KELLY!!! Martin did this to me yesterday! I was on the phone with my Mom and he didn't want to talk to her. He ran PAST his potty and sat down in the front of the house (wood floor thank goodness) and just pee'd. I made a point to NOT say accident. Because I KNOW it was NOT an accident. He knew what he was doing! I said "Yuck, now the floor is all wet with pee and you are in wet underwear." He KNEW!!!

I really want to know what to do in these situations. You aren't supposed to make them feel bad for accidents, but this is different - RIGHT?! :umm:

 

OK, so I have pooping in shoes, peeing down the heating vents, and other such joys going on here. ABSOLUTELY intentional. They're fully trained when they want to be. They don't make messes in their pants; they take them off and make messes around the house often walking past a bathroom in the process. They find containers around the house (and you wouldn't believe what they come up with) and poop or pee in the container. They then tell me about it. I ask them if that's where they are supposed to go and they scold themselves and tell me that it belongs in the potty but they'll do it again a few hours later.

 

Deb, that's a real issue isn't it? I really wonder if there is a good solution to that....

 

QUOTE(debid @ Apr 28 2008, 11:26 PM) [snapback]745083[/snapback]
OK, so I have pooping in shoes, peeing down the heating vents, and other such joys going on here. ABSOLUTELY intentional. They're fully trained when they want to be. They don't make messes in their pants; they take them off and make messes around the house often walking past a bathroom in the process. They find containers around the house (and you wouldn't believe what they come up with) and poop or pee in the container. They then tell me about it. I ask them if that's where they are supposed to go and they scold themselves and tell me that it belongs in the potty but they'll do it again a few hours later.


Are they punished when they do this? Mine would be in time out and would have to help me clean up whatever mess they created. I think that would put a stop to it pretty quickly. If mine pee on the floor or mess their pants they have to help clean it up. (I give them rags, etc. and I help them). To me it sounds like they are testing you! I don't think it's really a potty issue as much as a control issue. I would nip it in the bud! YUCK - I feel so bad for you!!! I think if it continues that I would take something away whenever they do it - a favorite toy, game, etc. HTH!

 

QUOTE(debid @ Apr 28 2008, 11:26 PM) [snapback]745083[/snapback]
They don't make messes in their pants; they take them off


:hug99: I have not experienced this Debi, it must be so hard! But, I think if it was happening to me, I would put them back in diapers until things got straightened out again. Telling them that only big boys can wear underwear, and they are not acting like big boys. How do you think they would react? Or have you tried it already?

I also agree with making them help clean it up...that will not be fun for them!

 

Deb, all I can say is my big boy did that TWICE, once he was over 3 and once LAST YEAR in the shower! I was horrified because he definitely knew better! All I can say is mine was older so he was pretty badly punished blush and sometimes they just need that because it's a BIG thing for them to do that, kwim? I hate to be the bad guy but they need a big punishment (if you didn't already do that, of course).

PM if you need to talk.

 

I would look at it as a control/boundary issue. There are only 2 things that kids really have control over, the potty and what they eat. I would start giving them more choices outside of the bathroom. What clothes do they want? What for breakfast? etc. Give them some more control in their world. I would also get a second set of the most boring or hated character underwear. At the beginning of the day, they get to pick their favorite character, favorite undies. If they potty anywhere, their prize is the undies that they hate.

I would also start reward charts for every day they do all their business in the toilet. Start small. Maybe 5 stickers and an extra trip to the park. An extra ice cream cone with just mommy.

Just some ideas.

Marissa

 

Marissa, great ideas.
I agree it's a control issue. I too would be doing timeouts if they did that then back to diapers for the rest of day. If they tell you they have to use the potty appropriately for the rest of the day, they get big boy underwear back the next day.

Oh the joys!

 

Annika would pee intentionally. I think it was a control thing. After the second "accident," I would make her change herself into a pull up and we'd try panties again the next day. I still encourage using the potty even when in a pull up. I give them the benefit of the doubt the first time. After that... Not so much.

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking to try to figure out WHY they're doing this. The only thing I've come up with so far is that there is an unintentional reward immediately after the behavior.

So, we're trying some things to eliminate the "reward". For example, zero naked time. If they make a mess, they are dressed before I attend to the mess and they have to sit in time out while I clean up if it's a mess I don't want them touching or help if it's just pee (and then the time out). Previously, I'd give the lecture while wiping them down then let them run for a few minutes while I cleaned up and THEN go chase down their clothes. No bath time after a mess no matter how grody they are (because they love bathtime). They get a wipe down and dressed. I have also brought back the reward for pooping in the potty because I need a carrot to go with all of these sticks.

They already make a ton of decisions and have a good deal of control over their daily lives so I'm not sure that's it. I let them "pick" everything -- clothes (and they dress themselves often), which plate they want, which fork/spoon, I give them food options, activity options, and they always choose which "movie" to watch while I make dinner. I give them as much control as I can. They're not terribly motivated by "big boy" vs. "little baby" so I don't think the threat of a diaper alone would do it.

 

Just wanted to add that i recently talked to my psych teacher about this and he is very much against any type of punishment tied into the potty. He suggested the sticker chart and we have done that since saturday. sat and sun were good only 2 accidents between the two. They did wait till bedtime to poop since that is when they are in diapers. Monday was accident free. Tuesday only one had accidents. Although they are still pooping in the diaper.

 

Deb I wanted to add in, i dont see helping clean as punishment, thats just the facts of life if they fully understand potty training. I would be pretty fustrated with the whole thing. I came to recomment because I dont think i truly understood what we were talking about and I dont want to offend you. Actually the approach u are doing now sopunds good, they may have viewed the running around as a chance to go crazy while u were busy. mIne have played with poop before and we would bathe them but standing up and with no plug. That way is was no fun.


Kelly, I am sorry that happened to you too. Hopefully it doesnt happen again, I would be so mad if my kid did that. For me its a different issue right now, they are 3.5 and still having accidents everyday,esp poop. the past few days have been good I know it will pass.