Defiant Behvior

So, I am at my wits end! Everyday lately starts on the WRONG foot and I am starting to dread waking up. I have this probablem ONLY with one of my boys...the other one is totally fine and does none of this..thank goodness. So, in the morning, J will say up for me to get him out of the crib but when I go to pick him up he will jump back down and lay there....this goes on for awhile so I just leave him there until he says up again. Finally I get him out of the crib, usually with him kicking and screaming. It's then a COMPLETE struggle to get him undressed...he will not lay down for me...he will not stand still, I usually have to either hold him down kicking and scareming in order to get the clothes off him or I have to chase him around the room which usually ends with him throwing himself on the floor in a tantrum. Finally when I go to get him dressed it's pretty much the same deal. What should take a few minutes takes about a good 15-15 min struggle ending in a tantrum with him and me completely stressed, exhausted and PISSED! I have tried giving him things to hold while lying down, I have tried giving him choices on what to wear, I have tried getting him involved with wiping himself...etc. NOTHING works. Next...breakfast. It's been a struggle to get him into the booster seat to eat. He used to run over and love getting in it to eat. Now, he runs over and then usually will run away from me and then when I get him and try to sit him in it, he stiffen up and kicks and cries. So, this monring I was so fed up I just stopped trying. I tried to feed him standing up and he would not eat. Lately, this same thing happens when I go and try to put him in the stroller or into the car seat. It's like a constant power struggle with him ALL DAY LONG. I am tired and at my wits end. Anyone experience this???!! I just don't get it. Also, he's not happy at all unless I am either holding him and walking around or right on the floor playing with him. If I am at the kitchen counter washing dishes or getting their milk ready or lunch ready he throws a complete fit and gets between me and the counter and pushes me as hard as he can away from the counter...I can't get a darn thing done ALL DAY LONG. HEEELP. I don't know what to do.....

 

Yes, we are dealing with this two. Really with both of mine, but in different ways. DS doesn't want to cooperate in daily tasks, while DD is testing the limits of every boundary but being very helpful in daily tasks. What I do with DS is just ignore it. When it's time to change his diaper, I get him, lay him down, and change it. If I have to, I pin his legs down with mine. I want him to understand the things that ARE going to happen and learn that it's happiest to cooperate. So, he goes in his highchair screaming somedays, he goes in his carseat screaming somedays, he goes into daycare screaming somedays. But, he still goes in. I solicit cooperation, but he either does or he doesn't. I don't go round and round with him about it. I'm trying to avoid making it a game.

With DD and her boundary testing, I ignore all bad behavior that is not time out worthy because I don't want to reinforce it. With her, it's clearly an attention thing. For biting, hitting, continuing to do something I told her not to do, it's a time out. Immediately for biting, hitting, shoving type offenses. She gets a warning for doing other things. For things like throwing food, the food goes away. Immediately and without recourse. I don't lose my temper with either one. I'm just really matter of fact. "Oh, it looks like Anna is done eating" and take the food away. Or, "oh, it's time to change Jack's diaper" and just do it. I'm learning that you can't fight with a toddler. We won't win.

 

What is it with boys named Jack?! My Jack is very similar; he's a fighter. Doesn't want his diaper changed, doesn't want his jammies off, doesn't want his jammies on. Doesn't want you messing with his nose, mouth, fingers, toes. Doesn't want to sit in his high chair (see head banging post).

I think the PP has the right answer. It's hard to hear him screaming bloody murder every time I need to do something to him, but I just try to get it over quickly and not get frustrated. I know, easier said than done. I'm sure the neighbors think I'm killing the poor kid!

Luckily he's a very happy and funny boy most of the time. Just don't try and change his diaper. :nea:

Good luck!

 

I agree with Rachel. My DS will fight me tooth and nail when I wipe his face and hands down after a meal, I don't why but it makes him angry but I continue to do it. Some days he will fight putting his clothes on and off,having a diaper changed and we both struggle and I usually win. He's got to realize these things have to happen whether he likes it or not. Fortunately he is getting better with it. As for the not letting you do anything all day, I will keep going about doing what you have to do and tell him what you are doing and when you are done, give him the attention he wants. Unfortunately at this age, now is not soon enough!

 

Oh my, so much to keep looking forward to! I had a struggle today with food, they both threw the broccoli on the floor... ugh... In theory I like the idea of stopping the meal at that point, but it just makes them hungry for later... I need to come up with a better game plan, like the ignoring comment... and staying calm... but its so hard some times. I wish you luck. I have found that a lot of times our twins are fussy... they are either hungry or thirsty... and though its probably not recommended I wonder if your fussy fussy twin would start the day off a little better with a little snack?

I also try to sing silly songs to ours too... they like the "good morning to you..." sung to Happy Birthday to You in the mornings...

But, truly, diaper changes are a total struggle sometimes, and I try to give them something new to hold, but sometimes that doesn't help either. I know for me I have to watch and make sure that I've eaten enough to have a good blood sugar level... otherwise I really get cranky... hopefullly you have good days coming soon.

 

I'm sorry you are going through a frustrating time. When my boys were your children's age, it was the same way. One was a good little boy who did everything without a struggle. The other one would throw a tantrum and have a fit if the smallest little thing didn't go his way. He wanted things his way and I just didn't have the time and the patience to indulge him. It was really tough having to struggle with him day in and day out and I just ignored his screaming and crying and just forced him to do it my way.

Now that it's a couple of years later, I have another baby who is a "my way or the highway" type of child. But now that I'm a more experienced mom and I only have one toddler to deal with, I'm much more indulgent with her. If she doesn't want to get changed, I wait until she's in a better mood and try it again. If she runs away from me and refuses to sit in the high chair, I playfully chase her, tickle her, and kiss her all over while carrying her to the high chair. She is usually giggling too hard to resist. When she's defiant with me, I pretend like I'm a big bear and pretend to chase her until she's laughing.

I look back at how frustrated I was with my defiant boy and the power struggles we had and wish that I wasn't so harsh with him. If I were to do it over again, I'd be more patient and use my sense of humor more. It's definitely sooooo much harder to deal with two toddlers than one, and that's the main reason why I was so strict and no-nonsense with him. I feel like that is one area in which I short changed my son for being a twin. If he was a single baby, I would have been more tolerant and indulgent of his antics because I would have more energy and time for him. He was also the more "needy one" and I think he just needed more attention from me than his brother. His antics probably were a way to get attention.

I'm sorry I don't have a good solution for you. I know it's super hard with twin toddlers and just wanted to share that I wish I had done things differently with mine.

 

Heh, my Jack loves to shake his head no to something...then do exactly what we're asking him to do. Sheesh.

Off-topic: Every time I see your sig I have to smile; my Jack is named after my father whose name was Jack Harrison. Great name!!