Defiant behavior-18 mo

My DD is too smart for her own good.She know what she isnt' supposed to do. She will tell me "no no" and point at it and then do it anyway and run away laughing. We put them in time out on our lap with arms folded for 1 min. She will laugh though the whole time. I know she is testing boundaries and she is young but she knows she isn't supposed to do and then laughs about it. We try to choose our battles but hitting her brother or parents and climbing on the tables is never going to be okay or ignored.

Any ideas. Any helps.

 

Consistency is key. Continue to tell her "no" and take her off the table. For hitting, have you started time-out? If not, it may be a good time to do so. Also, praise her when she makes a good decision or when she gets off the table after you tell her to. Have her hug her brother and tell him she is sorry and then praise her for doing so. My girls respond excellent to praise and will do what I ask just to hear me praise them. It doesn't work ALL the time, but it does work well for us. When they are especially hard headed, then time-out is used.

 

I'd hesitate to call it "defiance." I don't think kids that age are capable of being "bad" on purpose. Testing boundaries, sure, that's normal and healthy, but I don't consider it in the same league as, say, a 5 yr old defying you. I think she's just enjoying the whole drama, since you're getting so worked up about it. Also, TO on your lap may be a little too much fun. (Maybe she's doing stuff because she just wants that extra bit of contact and cuddle time? You know, having your undivided attention/presence for a minute?)

Anyway. I'd try three things. One, minimize your reaction. Be as bored and unemotional as possible whenever it comes up. Two, try consequences that will matter more to her. (A short TO alone in a boring room, taking away the toy she's hitting someone with, whatever.) Three, lavish attention on her when she's not doing the things you don't want her to do.

Good luck!

 

Yes, time-out away from everyone is what I meant as well.

 

We are consistent everytime it happens. I don't know where to do time out beside my lap b/c I know they won't stay in the corner yet and we tried the pnp but that didn't work. We do give hugs and say sorry after they get out of time out also. Any other advise.

 

Is the problem with the PNP that they can climb out? What about a crib? (I'm always nervous about creating bad associations with cribs, but on the rare occasions that I have to do TO, I put them in their sibling's crib, not their own, and it's been fine.) Is there a really boring, really childproof room you could use? Or an area you could gate off?

Oh, and another thought I had: see if you can come up with acceptable alternatives. If she wants to climb on the table, make sure she has stuff that she CAN climb on (couches, chairs, those little plastic slides, whatever you're comfortable with). If she's hitting, encourage her to hit the couch, a pillow, etc. If I tell my kids, "Don't bang on the glass," they keep doing it, but if I tell them, "Don't bang on the glass, let's bang on the floor instead!" they go for it. Suckers.

 

There's not a lot more you can do at this age, unfortunately. We just say a very loud, firm NO! and then redirect. Keep the phrases simple -- "No hitting! No climbing!" etc.

Karina is very aggressive, and she likes to pull Kevan's hair, bite, and shove him out of the way to get to what she wants. For these behaviors, we put her in time-out on the bottom step of the staircase. I don't expect her to sit there for very long, but if I stand over her with a stern look on my face, and keep telling her "No pulling hair!" or whatever, she cries for a minute, and then it's over.

One day it will sink in -- hopefully before she goes away to college.

 

We use a hard wooden chair (kid's sized) and put it in the corner. That is time out. Also I have been known to take the offending toy away and put it in time out. And we use the "No throw" "No hit" "No bite" "No take" for them, just so that way they can understand what they've done that is bad.

But I'm going to put seatbelts in the time out chairs, just because I know that they'll both be up out of their seats within a blink of the eye.

 

i'd try a booster seat on a hard chair. that way they HAVE to stay in time out, you know? thankfully my girls actually sit in the corner and stay there so I havne't had this problem yet!

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Jan 11 2009, 10:28 AM) [snapback]1141964[/snapback]
Anyway. I'd try three things. One, minimize your reaction. Be as bored and unemotional as possible whenever it comes up. Two, try consequences that will matter more to her. (A short TO alone in a boring room, taking away the toy she's hitting someone with, whatever.) Three, lavish attention on her when she's not doing the things you don't want her to do.


Ditto. Ditto! Ditto!! And be very consistent!