Daycares vs. Nannies

Hi,
I am a first-time mom expecting my b/g twins in September. I have been talking to daycares, but with the cost of two infants, it looks like it will be a similar price for a nanny instead. I am working through a local organization now to get more information, but I was just wondering what other working moms do with their twins? Advantages/Disadvantages of daycare vs nanny? Any advice would be helpful, I am feeling overwhelmed by this whole process.

 

cost is dependent upon your area. i found that nannies become far more expensive when you mention the word "twins" and that made our options more expensive than daycare. that is, if you're going through a reputable nanny service that does criminal background checks and provides references and you're not just hiring strangers off of craigslist.

the thing that made us decide to go with daycare was oversight. we all know how frustrating and exhausting it is keeping up with twinfants. i wasn't comfortable that anyone i hadn't gotten to know REALLY well would be able to handle the task. people can act one way when there's supervision and totally differently when there's no one else around. and how would you know, unless you had a nannycam in every corner and you spent all day at work watching the feed?

when i was a kid my mom's best friend used to babysit my sister, cousin and i. they'd known each other since high school and my mother never dreamed that when she wasn't around this lady thought it was okay to spank with hairbrushes and lock us in closets for "time outs." and that's exactly the problem with a single caregiver, you're not there to see what they do when you're not there.

our daycare provides three wonderful ladies who are there consistently at the same times every day and they love our boys. They can support each other when one is having a bad day or is sick, they have support staff at the center, and there's broad camera coverage of the whole infant room. if something happens that we don't like we have managers and an owner to go to for resolution. you don't have that with a nanny. you just have one person who's only accountable for what you can observe.

yes there is a downside, which in our experience usually takes the form of less structured nap schedules.

 

My husband has priority access (through his job) to a daycare that has a great reputation, plus my nieces both went there and we knew that their parents loved it. So that's where our kids go too.

But even if this option weren't so easily available to us, we still would have chosen daycare, because of the reliability and predictability. I didn't want to have to find a nanny and be responsible for making sure she was doing a good job. I didn't want to deal with the taxes and paperwork. And I wanted to know that if the caregiver was sick or just didn't show up, it was the center's responsibility, not mine, to find someone else.

I also felt like they got great care at the center, even when they were tiny babies. Yes, there are 8 babies in a room and someone is nearly always crying. But they also have LOTS of resources that a nanny would not have -- other teachers to come help for a few minutes, lots of toys and bouncy seats/swings, a playground right outside the door.... And the caregivers are well trained (at least they should be) and much better at taking care of babies than I was. With a nanny, I would really only have felt comfortable if I knew she had years of experience with multiples.

The biggest downside to daycare IMO is the question of what you do when the kids are sick. Most parents whose kids are in daycare can recite the illness policy from memory. If you don't have backup care (like a grandparent), you will be taking a lot of days off with sick kids, especially during the toddler years when they are walking around putting everything in their mouths and still building up their immune systems. (The first 6 months weren't actually so bad.)

Obviously, there is also the issue that babies in daycare (generally) get sick more often than babies who are at home. But for me, I only felt this would be relevant if my babies had special health risks.

As PP mentioned, naps are an issue too. They were not on any kind of a nap schedule, and sometimes (Amy especially) would go the entire day with only a couple of 20-minute naps. We did have some very cranky evenings. OTOH, there's no guarantee that a nanny would stick to your nap schedule or do things the way you wanted them to either. And many babies don't nap well until 6-7 months anyway, regardless of where they are. With the center, at least I felt like they were doing what had worked for dozens of babies before mine.

Good luck with your decision and congrats on your twins!

 

We have the twins and a 4.5 year old who goes to preschool. We use a nanny and have been thrilled. There were many factors in our decision.

-the cost was about equivalent and it was VERY difficult for us to get a spot for 2 infants in a day care center (we had very limited options). In one of the only reputable centers the wait list was 18 months when I first found out we were having twins.

-it was certainly very challenging to find a nanny that we were comfortable with. I interviewed ALOT of people, and checked countless references. The process was very time consuming (but you also need to do that type of research into day care centers too....). When I did finally find a person we wanted to hire, I overlapped with her for a month. When I went back to work (babies were 4 months old) my mom was still living with us for long stretches of time, so she was home with my mom too. So in that way we were able to "supervise" her for an extended period of time in many different situations. Honestly, from the day I met her (and after talking with her references) I never felt the "need" to supervise her... she just emanates calmness and kindness. And she was the first person that I got that vibe from in the many people I interviewed. But even "feeling" like it was right, I wanted to be sure. And of course, you are never "sure" of anything... but that is true in many situations.

So with the right person and if the economics are right, I think there are some very strong benefits to having a nanny. She is like a member of our family. We work together to raise the kids. We talk ALOT of about scheduling, milestones, food, sleep... everything. She is very willing to follow exactly what we want done with the babies, as well as adding her own talents (teaching sign language). Her first responsibility is always to care for the children.... but when my older son is at school and the babies are napping, she does the kids laundry or empties the dishwasher. I have never asked her to do any housework that is not directly related to the kids...she is there to care for them, not the house... but when everyone is asleep, it is easy for her to toss the laundry in or tidy up the toys and that really helps keep us organized.

If you decide to hire a nanny, feel free to PM me. We also had a nanny when our oldest was little, so I've hired 3 nannies in total and have some thoughts about the best way to go about it.

Best of luck with your pregnancy!!

-maria
DS1 4.5
DS2 DS3 9 months

 

Thanks for your help, I found some old posts about the same thing with a lot of responses. Sorry for posting before searching!

 

I've heard the break-even for a nanny versus daycare is 3 kids, but daycares can be inflexible about schedules ($1 / minute for late pickup!) and you have less options about some things. i.e. most daycares won't touch cloth diapers.

The thing is, you're going to pay someone else to RAISE your kids (at least 8 hr / day) -- make sure you're 100% happy that it's the right choice, whether you choose home-based daycare, structured daycare, or a nanny.
:hug:

 

I totally agree with Piccolo girl. The deciding factor for us was that at the day care center where we bring all of our girls, there is oversight. We have an 18 month old toddler and 13 week old twins and it can be overwhelming for me at times when all three want me or need something at the same time. We love our day care center and we don't think of it as other people raising out kids, we think of it as a learning environment because that is exactly what we have experienced with our toddler. My sister brings her kids to an at home day care that is licensed and my sister loved it and then one day my mom went to pick them up in the middle of the day and the woman was yelling her head off at the kids. Scary but that was an at home day care with one person and a lot of kids. I think they can have up to 12 kids or something like that depending on the ages. We decided to keep our toddler in the day care center and then get a nanny for the twins but not being able to find someone we felt comfortable with coupled with the costs being only a little less than sending all three to the day care center made our decision (day care center for all three).

The only thing that I think would be awesome is that we wouldn't have to pack up all three in the morning (wake up, feed and dress) and get them to the center but we have a pretty good system now and I think it is going to instill a good schedule for the girls.

The cons about the day care center or at home day care is that the kids get sick more often. There have been studies that show that kids that aren't exposed to other kids early on get sick more often once they go to pre-school or kindergarten though. I don't put much stock into the studies though...

Well, that is my $.02.

tbeards

 

Thanks everyone. So far the daycares we have been looking at are going to cost us about 1500 a month. That just seems unreal. I'm finding thats pretty typical for our area though. I have an appointment next week with a local not-for-profit to help us with our daycare/nanny search, so I'm sure I'll find out more then. I just wish I could stay home!!! I make more than my husband though and I am under a contract for another 4 years, so I would have to pay 8000 to get out of it and then we would lose more than half our income. It just wouldn't make sense. I'm crossing my fingers that God will give me little nudge when I find the right place for them.