Daycare Advice (re: biting)

Okay, so daycare called today. This is the second time this week that he has bitten. yesterday it was a little boy on the face. Today he bit someone on the arm. Caden has probably bitten about 15 times and I'm not sure what to do. The director at daycare (Stephanie) told me that if he bites again within the next week, we are suspended for one day. I'm not sure what the next step is. But they are telling me that the past two times of biting are not over toys...they said he was just standing and reached over and bit.

I am heartbroken, frustrated and downright embarassed. Someone I feel like it's my fault, but he doesn't do this around me. I mean he has, but I do everything that pedi told me to do. Tell him "NO BITING" and isolate him. This usually ends in a tantrum and I go about my business.

I also told her that I cannot punish a 17 month old from home. They are going to have to watch him more carefully. What else can I do? I mean I know how it is to have a bitten kid...as he used to get bit almost daily. And now it's him doing the biting. She will probably end up telling us to leave and that sucks cause I LOVE this daycare. But I'm wondering if they aren't watching him closely. There are 2 teachers for 15 kids which is within the law, but I know it's very very chaotic every time I do.
Maybe he's bored and does it out of frustration.
Please does anyone have any advice I am at my wits end!

 

I think a suspention is a bit silly for a 17 month old. If he were 3 or 4 maybe, but it is developmentally normal for a 17 month old to bite. They don't have many ways of communicating, so they bite. Also, what effect does a suspension do? It isn't like he will get that he is home over something he did at daycare. I would ask the teacher to be more vigilant, and if she needs to keep him at her side all day, then that is what she needs to do.

I am sorry--it stinks when your child is biting! I have been there myself!

 

Serena, I hope you find a good solution. Seems they need to watch very closely in a room full of toddlers. Not very experienced with the biting, but I am sorry you are going through it!

 

That is really upsetting that they would suspend a young toddler for biting. I agree they need to watch him more closely. It doesn't do any good to make him stay home for a day; they need to figure out how to handle the behavior. What did they do when he was the one getting bitten? And 2 teachers for 15 kids is very chaotic, I agree.

Our daycare has a very sane policy on biting. Well, my kids have only been the bitees, not the biters (so far), but they just tell me that so-and-so got bitten today and they put ice on it. They don't make a huge deal of it. OTOH, I don't know what they say to the parents of the kid who bit. But I know no one gets suspended or kicked out. They know it is a normal, if troublesome, toddler behavior.

Do you think they would tell you what the outcome has been in similar situations?

 

I am so sorry! I have been there and it really, really stinks. When my gals were in daycare one of them was a biter- not for long but it was around the same age as your little guy. I was so stressed and worried.

Our daycare providers were great about it (our ratio was 3:1 so there was more supervision). They constantly tried to re-direct my gal and watched her closely in situations where they thought she may bite- it was always when someone tried to take a toy from her OR her sister. Or if someone reached in front of her. They also would encourage the kids to "use their words" rather then bite or hit or grab. They encouraged me and let me know this behavior is not my fault but rather a very normal thing that happens in toddler behavior and that we could all work together to correct it.

I find it hard to believe that your son just reached out and bit someone without reason-Is it possible they are saying that because they are not sure what happened?

I agree with PP- at 17 months it seems ridiculous to suspend. It would be one thing if as a parent you were ignoring the situation and you OBVIOUSLY are not. You care deeply and they must know that.

Again, I am so sorry and am sending you many warm thoughts....please keep us posted and please don't beat yourself up about this!

Lisa

 

Thank you all so much! It makes me feel a little better, because if he were to get suspended (or more a matter of when), the punishment is really on me. So I feel like I am doing something wrong.

Well we made it through today just fine and I talked to the teachers. My husband said I came off wrong and made it sound like they didn't watch him at all, but I was just saying that they need to really just keep an eye on him at all times, not necessarily extra attention, but always a watchful eye.

Anyhow, thank you all!!! I am so glad I am not in this alone.

 

I recently went to a class on discipline for 1-3 year olds and she said that kids at that young age 18 mo or so do not distinguish biting/hitting/throwing/tantrum or any other unacceptable behavior. Each kid just displays it in his own way. To them it is all the same. They don't see biting as worse than hitting like an adult would to them it's all a frustration release. She also said at this age that redirection is the best method. Time out could start to be used but they take a while to teach at this age however they will eventually catch on. Best of luck. I have biters too and my guys are going on 3 and I still get bites every other day and then we can go for a month without any. It seems to come in waves.
You are not a bad mom and I agree with pp that suspension for a 17 mo old is ridiculous.