daddy golfer

OK so I love my husband (obviously) and he is a great dad to our 6 1/2 month old twin boys, but he LOVES to golf! I am a stay at home right now and he works full time and goes to grad school 2 nights a week. He insists on golfing pretty much every weekend. He somewhat understands so when he gets home he suggests that I go out and about but then we dont get to spend any quality time as a family. I was just wondering if anyone else has this problem.

 

with my DH it's video games, not golf. i (literally) threw a temper tantrum about it a couple of weeks ago - i just couldn't take it anymore! it didn't seem fair that somehow it was "my" responsibility to stay with the girls & entertain them, while he got to go veg in front of the Xbox. i pointed out that i get bored too, along with some foot stomping. it certainly wasn't the most mature way to deal with the situation, but it seemed to work. i don't think he realized before just how frustrating i found it when he would just disappear for hours on end - in his mind, if i wanted to go play on the computer or whatever i would just say so & he'd stay with the girls. he didn't understand that the problem wasn't so much that i needed a break, as that i needed him to put in as much face time with the girls as he could - even if it is really boring sometimes.

 

UGH! My DH does triathlons. He is gone for 3-4 hrs every Sat/Sun for training. He conveniently comes home just in time for naptime. It drives me crazy b/c we can't go do anything as a family. Make sure he knows that you need alone time too. I've had many conversations with my DH about this and although he understands, he still makes me feel guilty when I do get some time to myself. I hope your DH is more understanding but know that you are not alone!

 

IMO that is not fair. My DH used to be really into golf. But once they boys came along that really went out the window. Now he does it about once a month. I loathe golf . When he goes out to play he is gone FOREVER . When I go out for time on my own I can only stay about for about 3 hours and then I need to come home. ardon: Too many things to do around the house or I have my older DD with me for "special time." So I think men take up golf or triathlons for that matter because they involve lots of time away :laughing: I would talk to him, if you havent already. Men are not mind readers. But if that doesnt work schedule some time for yourself in the morning over the weekends so that he has to be home. Raising kids takes teamwork. Its not fair for one parent to always feel like they are doing all the work. :hug:

 

With a little luck I will be joining this forum officically in about a week or so - but I couldn't resist responding.

My DH LOVE golf as well. In fact I am under strict "orders"h :laughing: not to deliver this upcoming Saturday because it is the opening day golf tournement and he "needs" to play in it.

Last spring / summer he played on average 2.5 rounds per week and he insists that will not change with the arrival of our twins. One thing he does do is tee off at 6 or 630 so he is at least home at a reasonable hour of the day.

I don't yet know how I will handle that - I do know that after a full week of work I can't afford to have him gone for 5-6 hourse every weekend too!

No answers yet - but I wanted you to know you are not alone. I will be curious to see if others have this problem too.

 

My husband is a golf fanatic and plays any chance he gets. He does the same trade-off thing but for me it works because I play on tennis leagues that have matches on Saturday and Sunday so he goes to play in the morning and gets home in time for me to play my matches in the afternoon. Our hobbies are important to us and are eventually things that we want to pass down to our kids if they are interested so I actually don't mind that we are both staying active in things that we love. We do spend family time weekday afternoons and evenings all week long and I think that is sufficient. The kids go to bed at 7:00 so we get to spend some time with each other in the evenings too - so far it is working out ok. My husband played golf in college and I played tennis so we are probably not the norm in how much sports mean to us and how vital it is to our mental and physical health to have an opportunity to get out and play!

 

My DH is a gamer also. He comes home and will literally sit in front of the computer for 5 or 6 hours at a time. His idea of "helping" is to hold one of the girs WHILE HE GAMES if she's fussy. No wonder she's fussy...she doesn't give a rat's tooty about the computer! He's told me that sitting in the den and playing with them is 'boring.' Well, yes, it is boring. There's only so many ways you can kick their feet and talk to them and fetch the ball after they throw it but guess what???? I do it ALL DAY!!! We reached a compromise where he has his 'gaming' night on Tuesdays and I get my 'bath and reading' night on Wednesdays. He gets his Tuesday every week without fail. My girls are a little over 4 months old and I've gotten my bath night twice. Once because our nanny spent the night and the other time he put them to bed without giving them their last bottle (they were cluster feeding at the time) so I had to get up with them and feed as soon as I got out of the bath anyhow...pointless.

Maybe we should all take a vacation and leave the men home to fend for themselves! :drinks:

 

I used to be a golf widow but once the kids came, his golf playing got cut down tremendously, all his doing. No more weekends except a c ouple times a year adn mostly just during work time so it didn't disrupt family time. Sorry he is not prioritizinf his family above his golf.