Cry It Out - Need Advice and Support!

Hi - My twins will be 6 months next Wednesday, 5 months adjusted. Both have evolved into decent sleepers at night - both still wake to feed once or twice per night, but I'm not concerned with that part just yet. It's GETTING them to bed that is the hard part.

We have always bounced them to sleep in their bouncies, then transferred them to their cribs - this was for naptime and for bedtime. Bedtime was always easier because of the bath, book, bottle routine, but generally we put them in their bouncy seats side by side and rocked the seats with our feet until they were asleep. then transferred them to their cribs.

They are HATING their bouncy seats all of a sudden and my daughter is outright refusing to be bounced anymore. SHe has always fought sleep and is VERY difficult to get down, but now it's even harder because the bouncy was our silver bullet and she is rejecting it now. It is time for CIO.

I took Wed-Fri off of work to do this while the nanny is here so we can do it together. I am starting with naps because I feel like if I can get them down easily/successfully for naps, then bedtime will follow naturally. Plus, my husband pulls night shift and I want to be the one to do this.

Do I let them cry to extinction? Do I go in to soothe? What is the best method, in your opinion? How long do I let them cry? I'm afraid of my daughter working herself into a frenzy and when that happens, I have to take her for a car ride to soothe her. It's become extremely difficult with her. SHe fights sleep until she is loopy and miserable and I'm crying beside her.

Help! I don't know if I have the stamina to do this, but seriously, I am NOT doing them any favors by NOT teaching them to self soothe and to fall asleep on their own.

Any advice? thanks!

 

The best thing you can do is pick a technique and DO NOT vary from it. At all. I couldn't do extinction, so I set a limit of 15 min. If they were still crying at 15 min I'd go in, total darkness, pat/shh and leave then wait 15 more min. It is NOT easy but having kids you can plop in the crib and leave knowing they'll go to sleep is priceless when you have more than one child.

 

I agree with pp, pick whatever it is you ARE going to do, and stick with it. We did CIO and luckily it was one night of it-and that included for them GETTING to sleep and night time waking. They cried for 45 minutes that first night to GET to sleep. That was it. The rest is history. I know we are VERY lucky. But, like pp said, having kids go to sleep once they are in their cribs/beds is PRICELESS and worth all the tears!!

I did CIO where we did NOT go into the room. I felt it would just make things that much worse to go in 5 min, 10 min, 15 minutes later. Plus, I knew if *I* went in, I was going to be picking them up. "They" say at naptime, let them CIO for one hour. At bedtime-for however long it may take. I don't know if I could just let them scream, but you also know their cries. I could tell if it was a whiney cry, or an all out help me cry.

Give it a shot. Stick with your guns. Get on the same page as your nanny, and dh so he knows just in case. Stick with it. Have something to do to keep you busy-whether it's laundry, weeding outside, something to keep your mind off of the crying! And GOOD LUCK! Post an update when you can!

 

From your description it almost sounds like they're over tired by the time you're putting them to bed.. what is your general schedule for naps and bedtime? We had what I call the 'witching hour' from about 6:30 to 7:30, so I started putting them to bed earlier and realized that they were super tired because they started going down so much easier. So you might want to consider adjusting your schedule a bit too.

Apart from that, I agree with the pp's about picking a method and going with it. For us, extinction was the only way to go. If we gave the kids any hope that we were going in to soothe them, they'd keep at it forever. Once we just stopped going in for soothing they figured out within a couple of days how to get themselves down.

And, if the nanny is there to help, I suggest just getting her on board and going out for groceries or a coffee or something while the crying is happening. Makes it so much easier to resist the temptation to go in

 

We went in at intervals because I didn't have the heart to let them cry to extinction. We started with nighttime because they were horrible night sleepers and still not sleeping through the night at 9-9.5 months (and they hadn't eaten at night since about 3.5 months). So, the first night we went in at 3 min., 7 min., then 10 minute intervals until they went to sleep. The next night we did 5 min, 12 min., 15 min. The third night we did 10 min, 15 min. 20 min. Each time we would go in, one of us would comfort and hug each of them for about a minute and tell them to go "night night", plus give them their lovie and their pacifier (which they were still using). It took about a week to week and a half, but now they go down, on their own, very consistently, usually without a whimper. We rarely get up with them at night unless they scream bloody murder like they are really in pain, which is rare. Before doing this, we were having to hold them to get them to go to sleep, and we were still getting up 3-4 times most nights to get them back to sleep for no apparent reason.

We waited a few weeks after getting the nights under control, and then tackled naps. That went much faster since we had already done it with nights (but now they are fighting their morning nap a bit because I think they are getting ready to drop it - that's a whole different issue!).

Anyway, as pp's have said, just decide which way you are going to do it and stick with it. Extinction is faster, but also more harsh, and with what you have said about the way your daughter gets wound up, it may not be the way to go. Trust your instincts and do what you think is best for you and them - the going in at intervals is slower, but is DOES work in time. You just have to be patient and consistent and do not pick them up no matter what you do - that will only set you back.

Good luck!!

 

"From your description it almost sounds like they're over tired by the time you're putting them to bed.. what is your general schedule for naps and bedtime? We had what I call the 'witching hour' from about 6:30 to 7:30, so I started putting them to bed earlier and realized that they were super tired because they started going down so much easier. So you might want to consider adjusting your schedule a bit too."

No - I never keep them up later than 2 hours at a time, and generally it's only 90 minutes. Their bedtime is 6pm and if they're very tired, it's even as early as 5pm.

 

We had this same issue where they started not going down. For me, extinction CIO made sense because it resulted in less crying. Basically, the gist is that you put them to bed and don't go in until the normal wake up time barring emergency (crying is not an emergency). Consistency is everything. If you let them cry for an hour and then go get them, you just teach them to cry for an hour. My advice would be do bedtime first. This is because you can let them cry until they go to sleep. So they learn what you are trying to teach them. That's tricky at naptime because there are schedule imposed time limits. Once you get nighttime, naps should fall into place. At naps, you should basically give them an hour and then go get them. As an alternative, you could do it all at the same time.

 

Just wondering Hopefully the CIO method works for you and you're back to happy babies in no time.

 

Are they teething or relux is out of control?

I remember around 5-6 months, sleeping was horrible. They were teething so bad. We had to drive them around and around so they could fall asleep. At 6.5months, I couldn't take it anymore. I did cio.I started with naps. I put then in cribs after 90 mins or tired signs whichever comes first. It went so smoothly. Bed time was good too. The second day, bedtime was a mess. They cried. Then my boy fell asleep but then his sis screamed and woke him up. I came in comfort them. But it got worse. So the third night, I decided not to go in. I gave them 30mins.they never cry more than 30mins though. Even now, it still takes them 5-10mins to get comfortable and fall asleep

My advices are: put them in bed at least 10mins after feeding, burp them good, don't come in, you can listen to them through baby monitor.if you think it gets to madness and way out of control, give it another 2 mins then come in, but don't pick them up, put them on their side pat their butts talk to them calm them down that way. So they won't puke. But if you are sure they won't puke, don't come in.

I know it sounds confusing. But its easier than it sounds lol. As soon as they know your expectations, they will cooperate better. Good luck!

Oh if I were you, I wouldn't leave and let the nanny listen to their cry, I would listen to them myself. Stick to your plan and be abit tough. Everything is going be ok