Cry It Out at 13 weeks? HELP....we are WRUNG OUT!

Hi ladies

Here are the specifics:

Our babies, Will and Maeve are 13 weeks old this Thursday and were 13lbs each at 8 weeks (doubled their birth weights in 2 months!!) and they are formula fed taking 6-8oz at each feeding roughly every 4 hours during the day and feed on demand at night. Longest stretch to date was 5 1/2 hours. We are big fans of the Happiest Baby on the Block technique and use it everyday. So we swaddle and use pacifiers, shh and use a white noise machine as well to help put them down at naptime and nighttime. We always put them down drowsy but awake and what we call "settled".....they put themselves to sleep well.

We just read HSHHC and implemented that advice as far as watching for cues of being tired and putting them down in that 2 hour window when we see the cues, uninterrupted sleep, etc. What else can I do??? See below.....

Will is our "easy" temperment baby, rarely fusses, goes right to sleep for naps and bedtime and never wakes up before his sister. This little angel can sllllleeeeeeppp and sleep well.

Maeve on the other hand is just a bit more high maintenance, though still pretty easy to soothe/settle and put down. Same routine every night....bottle around 5pm, bath around 6pm and down by 6:30pm. They both will sleep until say around midnight, take 6-8oz and put back in their cribs drowsy but awake and they fall asleep. Usually about an hour later, the fussing begins. Maeve's eyes are closed and she just WHINES and WHINES and WHINES (not full on crying by any means, just "ehhh, ehhh, ehhhhh" over and over being restless. She is not in pain, her diaper is not full, she does not have a burp, etc.

So if they eat at midnight, they are back down in about half an hour...so from 1:30am on she just fusses, we go in, plug the pacifier back in, she settles and stops fussing for half an hour and then it starts AGAIN over and over until the next feeding. Bruce and I take turns going in to her. Then finally at around 5am or so, exasperated, we just get both of them up and feed them, even though Will is still fast asleep, in hopes that tanking Maeve up will quiet her.

We are WRUNG OUT and not getting any sleep after midnight!!!!!!...thereafter we are up multiple times going in to "settle" her/soothe her and I am done. Just plain old done.

PLEASE offer suggestions, should we let her cry it out/fuss it out??????? ANYONE have a similar situation???????????

Will sleeps right through it all so I think letting Maeve cry it out/fuss it out might work.

Can we try letting her cry it out? Is she too young?

Sorry for the lengthy post.....thanks for reading ~jillian

 

i am not sure on cio since i never did that i would always wake up when they did give them a bottle and they would go right to sleep. at 6 months DS STTN DD was 7 1/2 months. if your DD needs a paci as mine do then buy a couple of them and just scatter them in the crib. i have alot of them in there and mine love it. it also helps them when they wake up and can't find theirs. they just grab whatever. now i just put them to bed and play some music and there off to lala land.

after 12 bottle do u think maybe she has gas? not needing to burp though but just some gas?

to me i think 3 months is a little too young for cio they need 32 oz. of formula a day

 

I am so sorry you are so worn out...it's a horrible feeling. I am kind of going back and forth on this one. One part says that she is too young to CIO, meaning she doesn't have the skills yet to self-soothe and get BACK to sleep, but at the same time, maybe you could try it once and see how it goes. If the pacifer isn't doing the trick, then ditch it and see what she does. Does she ever escalate into full blown crying or does it stay more of a whine? The whining may just be a stress reliever or means of settling down.

If you feel comfortable trying it, I say give the CIO a try and see what happens. One night isn't going to scar anyone for life (other than you, maybe ).

I am sure that some of the other women on here can give you much better advice. Sounds like you have GREAT eaters!!! Hang in there...they can't stay awake forever!

 

Thank you SO much for replying.....they are definitely getting their quota of formula per day and I dont think she has gas at that time. Bruce and I have watched her while she is fussing, thinking that it was gas, but only on one occasion did she toot like crazy. As for the pacifiers in the crib....the babies are swaddled and are only 13 weeks old, so they wont be able to pick up a pacifier and put it in their own mouths at this stage, is there something further to the multiple pacifiers in the crib that I am missing?

If one of your babies wakes up and the other is sleeping, do you let the one who sleeps through the night just continue to sleep while you feed the one baby who is fussing???? I thought from what I have read and been advised, is to get them both up when one wakes to eat. Now I am really confused!! Or maybe you mentioned that because they are older and the night schedule is "on demand" feeding anyway??

Thanks for your help

 

sorry so confusing. yes before my DS STTN he started to roll over at that time so i put him in his own crib. they were in the bed with me. so once he rolled over it was no longer safe. so yes when 1 woke up i did wake the other and feed them. one night i was totally tired and i gave her a bottle i was going to wake him up too but then said nah if he wakes up in an hour i will just feed him to well he STTN so after that i only fed him if he woke up. but DD would still wake up so i fed her. then for her at 7 months she STTN by herself.

oh i also used a swing at that age. if DD couldnt sleep i would put her in the swing and she would be out cold in about 15 minutes then i would put her back to bed. you could rock her back to sleep after the bottle too. i never did cio i felt when they r ready they will sttn and they did maybe longer than anyone else but they did it

 

At 3-4 months, I stopped waking them for night feeds...so if one woke up and the other one didn't, then I only fed the one that woke up. Mine were STTN at 4 and 4 1/2 months. If he is sleeping at night (and sleeping thru sister's fussing), then I would leave him alone.

 

We have a similar night, except our fussy hours are 7 PM - 2 AM. (And then the good sleeper wakes up no later than 6 for the day.) Mine are 15w old btw.

First off, I don't believe in waking them up to keep them on the same schedule. If the one baby is sleeping - let him sleep! I know I'm pretty alone on this issue - all the advice is to keep them on the same schedule. But MY kids have such different needs for eating and sleeping that it's not fair to treat them exactly the same - then NEITHER would be getting what they need. (I always say "Twins, not clones. Different babies, different needs." We also don't - and can't - tandem feed.)

If it's just a whine, not a cry, let her go at it for a bit. If it escalates, step in and soothe her. But if it's just a whine, let it go, see what happens. Not easy when you want to sleep, I KNOW. One of ours whines and groans in his sleep - and if we go in, we usually find him migrated to the other end of the crib and spun around. Once he gets comfortable somewhere new, he settles right back down.

Beyond that, I don't know. For awhile there, we resorted to sleeping on the couch with him in a bouncer right beside, so we could hold the pacifier in his mouth. We were just that sleep deprived. I HOPE it gets better as they get older - both mine and yours!

 

I think if she is just whining, I'd let her fuss it out regardless of how long it takes. If she's really upset, she'll yell.

 

We went through a similar issue a bit earlier than you but it reminded me of having to get up and put the pacifier back in a million times. So do you think she is antsy because she wants the paci?? I decided I wasnt playing this game and we went cold turkey no more paci inserts at night.

Maybe she wants her arms out, unswaddled?? How about the room temp..too warm or cold? How about some white noise or a lullaby CD (we did both of these when the boys were in our room because no one got any sleep with all the grunting going on)?? Does she sleep in a swing? Maybe you could do half a night in the crib and half the night in the swing. Do anything you can!!

If she is not crying at night, I would let her fuss a bit assuming she is fed, diapered, and comfy.

 

I could've posted this myself. Only mine are 20 weeks not 13weeks.

We feed on demand at night. I used to wake both of them up, but now I just feed whomever wakes. Sometimes its 1x/night sometimes 2x/night.

Our DS sleeps the longest. 6-8 hour stretch. Our DD sleeps 3-5hrs, then does the whole fussing thing you mentioned. We feed her when she cries, pop soothers in when she fusses. We know that she'll eventually get the hang of it 'cause she has gone longer some nights and it has got better as they've got older.

Feeding only 1 baby at night sure is a lot easier and less sleep deprivation than 2. My DH and I trade off who gets to feed... so that gives us longer stretches of sleep for each of us!

 

I am curious what your routine is like during the day? Just wondering if she might possibly have some day/night confusion.

 

I think it's way too early for CIO. Your babies are 13 weeks actual age - but they were born at 36 weeks, so they're really like 9 wk babies. HSHHC insists on going by adjusted age, because that's the level of brain maturity you can expect from your babies.

CIO is only fair to do once babies are old enough to self-soothe, and self-soothing skills only begin to develop around 4-6 mo adjusted age. Even 4 mo adjusted is too early for many babies.

So for now, I'd just keep trying all kinds of different things to soothe them back to sleep during the night. And keep in mind that even if they're getting "enough" formula during the day, they may still be hungry at night.

 

She is way too young.

 

The baby is 13 weeks old.. Too young for anything really. Not self aware- no concept of time.. When you do CIO the baby should be somewhat AWARE of what is GOING ON... In circumstances like yours.. the baby has NO IDEA how long he/she has been crying and only KNOWS one thing and that is he/she is NOT OKAY at that moment....

I have absolutely NOTHING against CIO.. and I have TRIED it.. but it didn't work for us.. 13 weeks is WAY too soon for this... because it CANNOT teach them a thing.. They are incapable of "learning" at this age. The baby lives in the PRESENT moment only and for that moment-- baby is afraid.

The only thing CIO would accomplish for YOU is some sleep for yourself and dh. If you know that she is SAFE in her crib-- leave her there. It isn't going to kill her. If she's fussing-- that's fine. Full blown screaming is different. If my baby was full blown screaming at 13 weeks of age or even 20 weeks or 25 weeks.. I'd go get him or her and do something different because something isn't working..

I completely totally empathize with you there.. I really really do. How early were they? When it comes to things like this-- it does help to adjust even if they were 2 weeks early. At 14 weeks ADJUSTED (mine were 35 +2) they started to only wake up for one feeding and at 3.5 months-- they started STTN on their own. (I know- praise God.)

Anyway, for the first 14 weeks MY LIFE WAS HE** ... My husbands life was HE**... but it gets better......... In my experience, the more you DEMAND of yourself and your babies THIS EARLY just makes matters worse. You really aren't in control at this point.. That is hard to hear, and some people would disagree but it's a simple matter of biology. The baby CANNOT process things like CIO at this age. Four months adjusted is the MINIMUM age for this and in my experience--- when baby is ready--- it happens! I wouldn't force it.

The only thing you CAN do is move to another room where you can't hear her. NEVER EVER EVER keep your monitor ON. I never turned mine on not one time. I shut my door and turn on 2 fans full tilt. It won't stop her from fussing or waking up but it will allow you to sleep. That is what I would do if I were you. Don't beat yourself up about teaching the baby anything at this age.

And the pacifier thing-- if you ask me-- plugging replugging is a losing battle. I never did that. What is the point of using something to get baby to sleep that he/she is not in control of?? It is no different than falling asleep at the breast or bottle cuz it is dependent on parent. And as the baby whisperer says .. It is a "prop" something that baby ends up NEEDING to fall asleep that cannot be controlled BY baby.. like a thumb. Mine have used their fingers or thumbs since day one because I didn't think it would be very much FUN to have to get up to replug my kid!! No thanks!

Anyway.. I hope this helps.. It's always easier once you let go of EXPECTATIONS when you really can't change much. It will get better once the baby's brain matures.

 

So she basically wakes up an hour and a half after her feeding (which is big, 6-8 oz). So she can't be hungry ... not after 1 1/2 hours? Assuming her diaper is fine ...

Personally, I wouldn't go in for the paci all the time. It's a waste of time. If you know she's well fed and clean, I would let her, and as long as she doesn't cry or scream hysterically, I would leave her too.

I did CIO with my oldest at this age, even earlier, she was 9 days late, over 9lbs at birth and she was a perfect baby but a little stubborn. All of a sudden she started waking up at 2 am again instead of sleeping 10 hours straight until 5 am. We had her CIO and 2 / 3 days later she never did again and she was sleeping 12 hours straight at 3 months, 13 hours straight at 4 months. So I believe it can work, even at a young age. But sure not for all children.

However, I do agree you have to keep their adjusted age in mind. But there is nothing wrong with a little fussing. What you could do is try a slightly earlier bed time, and see whether that helps.

My ds woke up at midnight for 4/5 months as well. We had him CIO, as early at 3 months, but it didn't help, so we gave up and a few weeks later he stopped doing it. However, once he was fed and clean, I put him down and that was it. Didn't care much about the feeding at a certain point, but I wasn't going to entertain him for an hour or so afterwards. He caught on pretty quickly.

 

You got lots of great advice here, but I just wanted to add that her crying, but not really being awake reminds me of how my (now 4 year old) daughter was. She had reflux and would do this a lot after eating and then being laid down to sleep. So maybe your daughter is getting some heartburn or gas as someone else suggested. Maybe try laying her at an incline after this feed or in her car seat...it may help her to sleep longer...just a thought. Good luck!!

 

You poor thing! I think we were having very similar issues at around 13 weeks. We were all over the place with sleep and I was completely exhausted and brain dead. I'm a SAHM so I was the only one getting up with our babies. For the past 4 nights, one of my babies has been sleeping 12-13 hours per night so there really is hope and it could be just around the corner for you too!

First of all, I agree with some of the others about not waking the sleeping baby to eat. If we would have continued that, we never would have realized that Emery could sleep through the night. Also, I think by doing that, the sleeping baby doesn't start establishing habits of sleeping for longer stretches.

Also, where are your babies sleeping? Until around 2-3 weeks ago, our sleeping accomodations were all over the board. I might have one sleeping in the PNP and one sleeping in the swing (wherever the baby fell asleep was where she would remain for hours). I got so desperate that sometimes I even had them sleeping in the boppies. I finally made the transition to taking them both upstairs to their cribs and placed them in separate cribs. Those first few nights were a complete nightmare and I slept beside them in a recliner. Finally, I started sleeping in my own bed and that was a real turning point. I didn't have the monitor on so I wasn't waking and feeding them after every little noise they made.

My "little" one still wakes about twice a night for feedings and the second she wakes up, she starts screaming. She looks so cute when she's screaming that it would probably be kind of funny to me if it weren't the middle of the night. We've been in a quandry about whether to let her CIO in the middle of the night. I mostly haven't done CIO for night feedings yet for fear that she'll wake my sleeper (and my DH!). For the past week, we have done CIO to get her to go to sleep though ... I usually leave the house when things get ugly and let DH do it.

I may have missed it in your post but is Maeve really eating a lot when you go to her for those night feeds? When we were around 13 weeks, mine were waking constantly to just have an ounce or so of formula. I think we've finally elimated those extra feedings by soothing them . If Maeve is still eating quite a bit at those multiple night feedings, I would probably only do CIO when I was absolutely certain that she wasn't starving. FWIW, I think in HSHHC he says it's okay to start doing CIO at 4 months adjusted. My babies were born at 37 wk 5 days both they were/are pretty low birth weights so I try to take that into account as well.

Also, another big turning point for my "sleeper" is that she recently started sucking her fingers. Instead of crying when she wakes up and wants to suck, she now just puts her fingers in her mouth so I don't have to run over with a paci. I think I'm going to start encouraging my non-sleeper to start the finger sucking too but I'm not sure if that will work. I'll let you know if it does.

Anyway, I know this is such a huge struggle for you right now but I PROMISE it will get better soon! Hang in there and I hope everyone's suggestions will help improve things a bit.

 

Thumbs up on the Happiest Baby on the Block book. One of our friends showed it to us, and we had been intuitively doing some of the stuff in there, but the suggestions it had just made so much sense, and I'm sure that using it is helping to set up good sleep patterns for later on.

I don't have much to add, except, could you and DH alternate for a couple of nights, maybe one sleep in the room with the fussy baby, and the other in another room, just so you can catch up on a little rest?

Hang in there!

 

One of the other posts jogged my memory... my DD went through a phase where the only place she would stay asleep was in her bouncy chair, with the vibrate mode on. That meant I had to keep getting up every 30 minutes to turn the vibrate function back on... but was still better than not getting ANY sleep at all. Then a few weeks later, she was back to sleeping fine in her crib. Do what you need to do now, try the cradle swing, bouncy, etc. -- it's probably just a phase.

 

I have not read pp's but....

1. I never did wake mine if the other woke. I JUST started (at 9.5months) waking one from a nap if it was over an hour but lasted 1/2 hour longer than the others. Mine JUST started STTN at about 8.5 months and I still have a sleep groaner/whiner. They used to share a nursery, separate cribs and I never woke one at night when the other woke to eat. I was; however, fortunate to have a VERY helpful DH and we took turns doing shifts at night so that one of us could get sleep. I slept downstairs in our master from 10pm -2am so I would not even hear when the babies woke up. DH slept upstairs in the guest room next to their room and would get up with them during this timeframe. We then switched places after the 2am feeding. This eventually stretched out to them waking for the first time aroudn 3 or 4 and it was very inconsistent so we eventually both slept downstairs with the monitors and DH would get up first and I second. Our babies did not STTN until we gave them their own rooms as they were loud sleepers and did not sleep always through eachothers crying

2. I curse the monitors that we have to use because we sleep on a different floor than the babies and if you are in a room next to them I would recommend just leaving your door open so that you only hear them if they really need you.

3. I think it is too early for CIO but if she is just moaning she may still be sleeping and moaning and groaning or wimpering is fine until she really starts to get going and then you can go in.

4. At that age we had just gotten them transitioned from swings to cribs and were swaddling with the "miracle blanket" (you can google it) and my DD was taking a paci. Right about then she started to spit it out a lot so we took it away...best thing we ever did. Anyway, we finally had to ween off of swaddling about a month later because they were busting out of it and at that time we PUT THEM TO SLEEP ON THEIR BELLIES. I know this is terribly controversial but you will find it the best hidden secret amoung moms - many many many moms do it and for good reason, the babies love it and sleep better. My ped even said it was fine for ours around 4 months to sleep on their bellies.

5. Check for reflux as this may be causing discomfort after the midnight bottle

I don't know if any of this helps; however, DO KNOW IT IS ALWAYS A PHASE AND IT WILL END. Something equally annoying may follow but you will not be up all night every night for the rest of your lives. I NEVER thought mine would STTN and when they finally started doing it consistently (albeight not until 8.5/9 months) everything got better

Sounds like you and your DH are doing all the right things!
Amy