Could NOT believe this!

My MIL came this weekend to give DH and I a MUCH needed break before the next baby comes (THANK YOU for that) we returned yesterday and she decided to stay on a couple more days while we get some housework done....

So last night she tries to take them into bed. She was carrying one and holding the other's hand. Well the one standing slipped on the wood floor and fell on her head.... SOOOOO instead of putting down the other one, what did she do? Picked them BOTH up, and proceeded to walk up the stairs (only 2, but still) DH and I both had to YELL at her to put them down and either carry one at a time or to let them both walk..

What killed us about this, and started us yelling at her (Literally, I told her to either put them down or to get out of my house) was the WAY she carried them. Not the 'football' hold with one in each arm. I would've been FINE with that. She had one across her chest (feet wrapped around both sides of her abdomen) and picked the other one up and held her directly in front of her sister. Almost like a baby Bjorn carrier, minus the actual carrier. These kids are over 20 lbs. EACH. We saw the front girl (T) slipping out and that's when the yelling started. Not until she was already up the stairs and halfway down the hall did she listen to us and put the kids down. I can't even IMAGINE if T had slipped out while she was going up the stairs. Granted, only 2 stairs but still T would have landed straight on her butt and promptly fell backwards onto her head/neck......


Grrr..... I HATE it when people think they know more or can do better with your kids than you can

 

Wow. She really should have listened to you, but maybe I'm missing something about how she was holding them (couldn't really follow). Not trying to be insensitive, but I'm not sure I would have told someone helping me out for several days to "put them down or get out of my house". That seems a bit harsh, unless they were in imminent danger (again, sorry if they were).

If I were close enough to witness it, though, I probably would have just yelled "stop" or something and run to grab one myself. I carry my two down (but not up) a whole flight of stairs and one is 18 lb and the other is 23.

 

I carry both of mine all the time, everywhere I go and they are 17lbs and 19lbs. But I can carry one in each arm on each hip. That isnt the point, the point is she didnt listen to you. When they are your kids and it is your house, others must listen to YOU and your DH. I hate when my MIL or Mom tries to "one up me" because of who they are, but it rarely happens with my MIL mostly my mom. Anyway what is going to happen when your kids are older and realize when Grandma is there she doesnt listen, I promise they will start to not listen, my kids do it when my mother is around everytime! That is the part that got my fur up.

 

I didn't use the threat until the third time that I had to say something. That was also after DH said something twice.

The way she carried them put them in danger. Imagine when you're holding one baby in both your arms (you know, sometimes when they are asleep, you'll have both your hands under their butt and their heads usually rest on your shoulder..... well that's how she had the one twin. Then, she picked up the other twin and held her the same way, directly in front of her sister. Only her arms weren't long enough to hold both babies this way, so the front twin she ended up holding just under the armpits with about 3 of her fingers (3 fingers from each hand under each armpit) NOT a safe way to hold two babies that weigh that much. The only other way I know to describe it is a human sandwich. Her in back, Twin A in the middle and Twin B in the front. Then Twin B was so far down that MIL could only waddle like she was carrying a very heavy bowling ball between her legs. She did not have a good grasp on the babies at all.

Don't get me wrong, I carry both my twins at the same time a lot too. But I hold one in each arm, and either have them on my hips or in the football carry hold (which they LOVE cuz they pretend they are 'flying)

I was mad and upset becuase the front twin WAS in danger (we watched her fall a couple inches before we even said anything) and then I finally told her to put them down or get out when she didn't listen after FOUR requests (2 from each of DH and I) THAT'S when I got curt with her.

I was very appreciative of her coming and offering to help out, I get very defensive of my babies when they are put into obvious and avoidable harm.

 

I guess maybe it was one of those "had to be there" things, but it seems like it would have made the situation more dangerous to be yelling at her, causing commotion and stuff, then just let her go up those two stairs, or one of you go help her. I understand that the bottom line is that she should respect your wishes.

 

QUOTE(Snittens @ Mar 26 2008, 08:28 PM) [snapback]689139[/snapback]
I guess maybe it was one of those "had to be there" things, but it seems like it would have made the situation more dangerous to be yelling at her, causing commotion and stuff, then just let her go up those two stairs, or one of you go help her. I understand that the bottom line is that she should respect your wishes.



Oh I am so sorry! I'm guessing you may have had other issues with your MIL as well? How did she respond after the incident? It is so hard no to freak out when you think your children are in harms way. It seems like some of the other posts were a little harsh on you- sorry One good thing about that is you know you are getting the truth!

My thoughts are that it all depends on you previous relationship with your MIL. I suspect you did not flip out just because of this one incident. I willing to bet she just may not listen to what you tell her often. Mother knows best?? My mom totally ignored my wishes on multiple occasions. These were mostly small things "don't feed him grapes" etc.

I hope you guys worked things out. It is so hard to have stress with your mil

Keep us updated!

Jenn

 

QUOTE(JennX2 @ Mar 26 2008, 10:17 PM) [snapback]689356[/snapback]
Oh I am so sorry! I'm guessing you may have had other issues with your MIL as well? How did she respond after the incident? It is so hard no to freak out when you think your children are in harms way. It seems like some of the other posts were a little harsh on you- sorry One good thing about that is you know you are getting the truth!


I was just giving my opinion, for whatever it was worth. I prefaced it by saying maybe it was "had to be there". FTR, my MIL is deceased and died while DH and I were engaged. So no, I have not had issues with my MIL interfering. Not really sure why my post was singled out.

I have had some incidents where my mother (my parents live nearby, we see her almost daily) and I disagreed about an issue regarding my children. I am very non-confrontational, so it does take me a lot of nerve to work up to say something, but if it is something serious, I'll talk to her.

 

QUOTE(Snittens @ Mar 26 2008, 08:34 PM) [snapback]689395[/snapback]
I was just giving my opinion, for whatever it was worth. I prefaced it by saying maybe it was "had to be there". FTR, my MIL is deceased and died while DH and I were engaged. So no, I have not had issues with my MIL interfering. Not really sure why my post was singled out.

I have had some incidents where my mother (my parents live nearby, we see her almost daily) and I disagreed about an issue regarding my children. I am very non-confrontational, so it does take me a lot of nerve to work up to say something, but if it is something serious, I'll talk to her.


This is just a guess but I think pposter was talking to you first and then to the oposter when she said, "I assume you have other issues with your MIL." That is how I read it.

 

I agree with Snittens in that it must have been a "had to be there" kind of situation. But the way it is described, I personally don't see what the big deal is. They are at least 1 years old, right (I am assuming so since this is the 1-4 forum, obviously I would feel much differently if they are infants)?

I pick up my girls (26lbs and 28lbs) at the same time all the time - and even in the position you described earlier. And I carry them up and down stairs b/c our house is chopped up and we have 2 sets of stairs in it (way more than 2 steps) and I am very impatient and don't feel like waiting for them to "slide" down or climb up on their own.

And, yes, I have even dropped one of my girls once when DH and I were trying to switch babies in our arms at bedtime (they were 14 months old then). She was fine.

I am not writing this to be mean or make you feel bad, but just so that you know that other people have totally different opinions and mindsets than you. I think it is very productive to hear other opinions.

And, btw, I do not have the best relationship w/ my MIL either. You must have had prior issues with her maybe? However, I would not have told her to "get out of my house" for this specific incident after she had just taken care of my children.

 

Sorry to hear about the stress of MIL. Would it have been possible for you or DH to assist her with the slipping child? If you both had the opportunity to request she put them down (4 times) then maybe the opportunity was there to participate and not just witness. I think I would have gone to the child that fell on her head when the initial fall happened or when I saw how MIL was reacting I would have gone to them with a "let me help you get them upstairs" kind of thing.

 

QUOTE(ehm @ Mar 27 2008, 11:56 AM) [snapback]689657[/snapback]
Sorry to hear about the stress of MIL. Would it have been possible for you or DH to assist her with the slipping child? If you both had the opportunity to request she put them down (4 times) then maybe the opportunity was there to participate and not just witness. I think I would have gone to the child that fell on her head when the initial fall happened or when I saw how MIL was reacting I would have gone to them with a "let me help you get them upstairs" kind of thing.


This is what I was trying to say, but you said it so much better. If there was time for multiple shouts while this was going on, there certainly was time to go over and assist. If I had lots of concerns over how someone cared for my children, I would probably have to find someone else and deal with the fall out with MIL.

Having said that, I don't have a MIL (never met her unfortunately, as she died before I even met DH), so I have no idea about the dynamics of a stressful MIL relationship, so it's possible I'd do the same thing.