Cosleeping and all night nursing

I don't really know how to correct this issue I have with our sleeping situation. I coslept with my 3 year old DD until she was 2.5. I work outside the home all day and found cosleeping a good way to bond and feed her at night. I didn't really want to do the same thing with the twins, but here I am again.

I feel like a I need to write an essay to explain myself. Currently I work 4-5 days a week and am gone from 8am-6:30pm. The babies are at home with their SAHD. They aren't on the same schedule. DD takes 2-3 long naps, goes to bed early (7:30-9) and wakes early (6:30-7:30). DS is a high needs baby who stays up late (9-10), naps for short periods through the day and wakes up later (9-10am).

They both start the night in swings and I take a baby to bed with me when I go (after pumping at 11pm). My husband brings the other baby to bed when he/she wakes or when he comes (1-2am).

They spend some of the night in the cosleeper separately or together, but both usually end up on either side of me in bed nursing all night long. I love sleeping with them, but one or the other is waking me to nurse every 30-60 minutes. In order to pump enough while I am gone I am staying up until 11:30pm, maybe getting an hour or two of solid sleep then dream nursing a baby most of the night until 6:30 when I get up to get ready and pump before leaving for work. Last night my 3 year old had a nightmare and I slept in her bed from 2-4:30 uninterrupted while both babies slept in my bed with DH.

I am exhausted and at a loss. I cannot keep this up. I know it was rough when they were newborns and up all the time, but I didn't have to get up and ready and leave to work all day long also. Between working, pumping and being the all night feeding station I am beyond tired and have developed a nasty and expensive Starbucks habit.

I feel like they would sleep longer if not next to me, but it is so easy to nurse them to sleep if they fuss during the night. At this point no baby ever really wakes up, they just wriggle and root. Both will be temporarily satisfied with a pacifier, but will completely wake up if not eventually nursed back to sleep.

My mother is very supportive, but thinks I should just completely stop BF as a solution. Others have suggested CIO soon (they are 5.5 months now). Neither is an option for me. Do I just keep in mind they are only babies once and will not be nursing all night long forever and suck it up? Is there some obvious solution? I would appreciate any input. Told you it would be an essay!

 

My first did this. The only solution for us was to move him into his crib in a separate room and have DH take shifts so he couldn't nurse all night long. We did it when he was 10 months old and our goal was simply to get him to sleep for at least 4 hours. It took about 10 days for him to stop waking up every 1-2 hours and realize he had to fall asleep without nursing every 60 minutes (DH rocked him and rubbed his back in the crib to soothe him--he cried the first few nights of this). I then nursed him every 3-4 hours until we night-weaned around 17-18 months of age (can't remember exactly when we did it). He didn't STTN until he was almost 2 (about 23 months old).

I can't imagine doing it with two and I chose not to co-sleep all the time this time (I did co-sleep with my twin son most nights until recently for just that last couple of hours BUT about half the time I would nurse him sitting up in the hopes he'd go back in his crib so he didn't seem to develop a desire to nurse in bed but just wants to be near me--I'm totally ok with that. It's the all-night nursing that was so difficult with my first (and what you are experiencing now). His sister has horrible reflux and has rarely co-slept because of that (she had to be at an incline the first few months and slept better that way).

From my experiences of following sleep threads on my local Attachment Parenting group, I can say it seems to be very common for co-sleeping babies to develop this very frequent nursing for comfort all night long habit. And it seems the only way to break it is to work on soothing them back to sleep different ways than nursing.

I'm not sure this is the answer you're looking for. Honestly, having done what you're doing right now with only ONE baby, I absolutely cannot imagine doing it with two while working full time (I do work full-time and went back when they were 12 weeks old--they get up 1-3 times a night total most nights and I'm exhausted and in bed by 9 most nights just with that schedule). You have my sympathy. And I totally understand the guilt of being away during hte day and wanting to make up for it at night. That was my rationale with my first. I do still feel guilty for not co-sleeping more with the twins, but I know I'd be a crabby, insane person if I did.

 

I totally get where you are coming from. I don't think there's an "obvious" solution per se because every baby and every family is different. However, I am in a similar situation: co-slept a good deal with my ODD, have done similar with the twins, and work outside the home from 8 am to 5 pm 5 days a week. Here's what has worked for me so far (and this week it hasn't worked great but I think that's teething/growth spurt/something):

7 - 7:30 pm ish: Get the twins dressed for the night, including a slathering of vaseline so that we don't have to change their diapers unless they poop/leak; nurse each twin separately; put them down in their cribs in their room.

7:30 until I go to bed (trying to move that up to 10:30 pm at the latest): Let babies fuss but if they really cry, respond and nurse/soothe. When they are done, I put them back in their cribs.

10:30 pm - 1:30 am ish: If baby wakes up and doesn't self soothe, I bring to bed and try to stay awake so that I can put them back in their cribs (but if I fall asleep, no biggie).

1:30 am - 6:30 am: If baby wakes up, I bring them to bed with me and they stay there until I get up or the other twin wakes up. If I happen to wake up, I put them in the co-sleeper beside the bed. That way they can't root/nurse all night long. The key for me is that I will bring them to bed but only one at a time so they are used to sleeping without me right there.

If that doesn't sound like something that would work for you, perhaps your husband can take turns (that is, half the time you get up to get the babies and the other half he brings them to you) and make every effort to have them spend some of the night in their cribs in a separate room or at least not right beside the bed.

I think part of the reason this works for me is because they are close to STTN anyway. There are a few nights where it feels like I'm up every hour but for the most part, I only have to get up about twice a night.

 

I appreciate both your replies! Funny thing is since I asked this question both babies have taken to being wide awake for hours at night! I thought I had it bad before with the all night nursing--that was easy!
I think they are teething. I think I need to bite the bullet and move them out of our room. Unfortunately, I have to wait for our third bedroom to be added to the house! We have a pnp in the living room and DH and I have decided to get them to sleep in there for at least some of the night to give me a break. Will start the transition next time I have a few days off in a row. Will let you know how successful it is.
Thank you again!!

 

At 5.5 months they are old enough for you to do one of two things.

Either one, try something to get the night nursing to stop, what you try is up to you, personally I would never do CIO.
or two--cut our your night pumping sessions.

If it were me (which it's not!) I'd cut out the pumping, but then I never pumped. I went back to work when my twins were a year and with my singleton when he was 7 months. So older than your babies are now. They reverse cycled, taking the bulk of their milk over night--and I never pumped for them to eat during the day. Of couse. my schedule was different too I had a long lunch when I saw them so I was away from them for 5 hours then for 3 hours. And since they were at daycare I would nurse in the car when we arrived then nurse in the car when I picked them up so they went 5 hours between a feed. But like I said, they were older so also taking in solids.

Have you started solids? What's your plan for that? They should help both help them sleep longer and you could probably cut down on the pumping once you start.

 

That's funny because my 5.5 month olds did the same thing for the last week. I don't know if it was teething or what but they slept better last night at least!

 

My two have had a rough week also (night).. i thought it may have had to do with hurricane Sandy. I don't know where you are. We are in NC and didn't get much weather but sure felt the low pressure.

 

You know I hadn't thought about that but we are in VA and based on the timing that could be the reason. So will just have to watch out with the next storm.

 

I cannot blame the weather for my grouches. We are in CA. Things are a little better now, but oddly, my perfect DD and grouchy DS have totally switched personalities. Yippee.

 

Mine did the same. Every time I think I've got them figured out, they switch up on me.

 

I think I'm having the same troubles you are Yoyo. My two DS have been cosleeping from day 1. Except that most nights its been the both of them at the same time.

I was giving them cereal bottles at night just yo get them to sleep and to help them sleep for a few hours. But then either they got use to it (or something...not exactly sure.). So now I don't even bother given them one. They fall asleep nursing. It just takes a few tries before I can lay them down without them waking up.

Here lately they've been wanting to nurse EVERY hour during the day and sleep with DH and I at night (mainly just for comfort, I think.) I work less than part time so its not too much of a hassle. But feeding them nonstop has begun to wear on my nerves.

 

Just wanted to give you all an update!
We started solids a few weeks ago and that may have helped, but I totally changed our routine. I stopped the late night and early morning pumping. The babies go to sleep between 8:30-9 and I try to go to sleep between 9-9:30. My husband soothes them if they need help until 1am and then I feed them. Then I sleep away from them (in my daughter's bed) until they need fed again 4 hours later or we wake up. Being away from me has made them sleep for much longer stretches and if they wake up between feedings my husband gets them back to sleep.
Thank you all for your suggestions! They really helped us and every night I get at least 3-4 hour stretches! I feel so much better!!

 

Yay! Glad things are improving!