Constantly getting after them

Hope it's okay to post here! We'll be joining 2-4 in a couple weeks.

So the boys have definitely hit that phase where they test you on everything and they are into everything!!!!! :headbang: I swear I must say no, stop, don't touch, etc. a gazillion times a day. I know that this is totally normal but I'm just really struggling with how to handle it. I'm probably more on the stern side compared to DH and feel like a bad mom for that because when I get after them they are now raising their hands to cover their eyes ... :cry: breaks my heart. That makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but I can't just let them play with the outlets among other things. (Totally investing in the outlet cord covers) Help me understand what's going on here. Are they doing that because I'm too stern or is it some sort of ploy? How did/do you handle the constant getting after at this stage??? :BDH: I'm going a little bezerk! :cry: :gah:

 

This is 1,2,3 magic came in really handy! It's a great book and I've also heard you can rent the video from the library.
But mine are constantly into everything and were at their worst at that age! I just count to 3 and if they don't stop then they imeediately go in to time outs. No if's and's or but's about it Yes it's trying but it does kick in and now I just have to start counting and they stop (most of the time). I think no matter what you decide to do the key is to be consistent. Good luck!

 

We are just starting this phase too. You are NOT alone.
So far Magic 1-2-3 has been what us, the parents, feel comfortable with.
Just keeping consistant over and over again helps.
Yes, saying the same result happens to an action does sink in Eventually.

Keep Strong & let me know how you do! This too shall pass.

 

Honestly at that age we had mostly everything out of reach, outlet covers etc. Now it's honestly better, although DS still tests his limits all the time. For us we never had to do time outs though as they stop right away if we raise our voice. If it's something really dangerous we remove them from the situation, which is usually enough to upset them, and they don't try again for a while (doesn't mean they won't though). DS is way worse though and you can't leave anything in reach (or in reach of a chair) or he gets into it.

Be consistent, put everything you can out of reach, eventually they will get it.

 

Thanks for the advice!

Our issue with the 1-2-3 is that when we start counting they immediately start counting with us as though it's a fun game. Smiles, smirks and all. I haven't read the book but get the gist of what the technique is about but unfortunately at this stage of the game they aren't getting that it's for discipline. So what I do do is give them a stern warning of no, stop, don't touch and a short why and if they do it again I remove them from the situation i.e. throwing toys, banging on the window, pulling at the newly found electrical cords (those came into play after we rearranged our living room and now I have to get one of those boxes that covers the actual plug-ins. we have to order it so it will be awhile before it gets here). I know that being consistent is the key but it's exhausting and at times can make you feel like all you do is get after them. :headbang: And I really don't like how they play the pity me of covering their eyes while they are being "scolded". Does anyone else's LO's do that???

 

I have started reading the books by Supernanny. She does more one warning then a time-out. The idea is to stick to your word and guns. Stay firm, but kind. Don't lose your cool either and remain calm. stick them in time-out and don't give up if they try to escape. at least that's the gist.

 

I baby proofed my house to an almost insane level because of this is exact problem. I knew I would drive myself crazy saying no all of the time.

For things that are not baby proofable, like banging on the windows, I redirect whenever possible. So, I say "we can bang on the floor or the couch, but not the windows." If I give them something to do, as opposed to saying they can't do it, it seems to work REALLY well. I also have a lot of natural consequences. Like, if one hits the fireplace with a wooden spoon, the spoon immediately goes away. I might say "the spoon is not for hitting," but the second time, the spoon is gone. They get it back once they are able to say sorry, and ask nicely for it back (saying please).

There are a few things that are time-out worthy, namely bothering the dog in an inappropriate way, but I try to use that very sparingly.

I also notice (and I read in the Love and Logic book), that kids do anything to get a reaction--even a negative one. I try to maintain a totally neutral tone when I am asking them to not do something. I try to be as calm as a cucumber And then I change my tone to a more peppy, excited one when I give them something to do instead.

 

Consistency! They test limits to see how far they can go. Make sure you are consistent with them. It does get old, but it will sink in. And like pp said, try to stay calm.

I've also found that sometimes instead hearing what they can't do, they need something they can do. Give them options on what they can do or redirect them with what to do instead of what not to do. (Ex, instead of, "Don't touch the cord!" you could say, "We don't touch that, let's move your hand away now.")

In my early education classes the biggest example was always "Don't run" vs "Walk while inside." It really does work. Maybe not the first time, but be consistent and you will have a difference.

 

Sounds like you're doing just fine. Don't feel bad! You're setting limits, which they NEED, especially when something is dangerous to themselves or someone else. This stage waxes and wanes during the toddler years. It's hard to keep consistant because they are always finding new ways to test their boundries. LOL It's exhausting, but so worth it in the end. When they are 25 and holding down a good job and loving life, they'll thank-you for being a good disciplinarian.

I find it easier to work on one area at a time. If they are hitting, we crack down on that quickly and really focus on it. If it's getting into things that don't belong to them, then we work on that. I try not to overwhelm them with too many rules at once. Once they are older you can tackle more things at the same time. Right now, I'm working with the kids on being respectful in their words and actions. All 4 need help with this one!

 

This. Every time you find yourself saying "No" or "Don't" (or, ideally, before you say it), think about how you could rephrase it as a "Yes" or "Do."

There will always be some things that are just "No" -- for those we used a version of Toddler-speak, like "No touch!" (In fact I still find myself saying that sometimes.) Just the word "no" by itself literally means nothing to them -- they have to be told what exactly they are supposed to be not-doing. "Stop" or "freeze" also work better than "no," because it tells them what to do.

I personally did not really bother with explanations at that age -- it just muddies the waters. "No touch," "no throw," etc., and if they do it again, either the object in question or the child herself gets removed from the situation.

You will do the same thing 234987 times, and then they'll be closer to 2.5, and they'll start to remember the rules.