Constant fighting

Anyone else's kids like this? Mine can only play nicely for approx 4min, before the screaming, yelling, fighting, pinching etc starts. I seriously feel like I can't get ANYTHING done, because as soon as I walk away and get doing something else (like preparing lunch etc) I have to run back because it sounds like someone just had their leg cut off or something! I am so frustrated with the constant attention my kids need - is this normal for this age?

I have read a few books, and most say just to leave them to work it out on their own - but I can almost guarantee that if I leave them to figure it out on their own that it results in DD hitting, pinching or biting DS, and I can't allow that - can I?? I know some of it is normal sibling rivalry - but every 4 minutes??? DD will actually go and grab one of DS's toys and come and show him that she has it, so she teases him all day long with taking his stuff - I have tried doing Time outs, but DD just comes out and does it again, I have also tried giving DD extra attention, which means then I get NOTHING done because I am always trying to fend off the next big fight! ugh! Any suggestions??

 

When my two get like this (and I believe it is common for the age)...I will take the toy/item in dispute and put it in time out. If that does not calm the fighting, then they both go to their rooms for some quiet time to calm down. Once they are calm, they have to apologize to each other. I've noticed that my DD does like to do stuff that gets on DS's nerves and I've been telling him, the less you react to her, the less she will bother you. Because I think his reaction is her reward for teasing him.
I have also put favorite toys in time out when one child won't stop bothering the other one.

 

Are they around each other too much? I know when my two are irritating each other, they both need to go do something on their own for a half hour. Is there a way you can separate them for a bit?

 

Mine are in the same phase. Drives me crazy. I usually separate them for a little while. One can stay in the living room to play and the other has to go their room. DD usually goes to their room because it usually means she needs the down time to regroup.

And I've taken toys away until they get over it too.

 

You had lots of good advice from PPs. One other idea: Mine seem to do this mostly when they are overtired, hungry or frustrated with themselves. I often invite one child to join me in whatever household chore I need to get done - the child gets one on one time and a different activity, the twin gets some peaceful play time and I get something done. The next time we switch. Your children are a little older so I do not know if "helping" as a fun activity is still an option.

I seem to remember that there is a book on sibling rivalry by Adele Faber who wrote "How to Talk so Kids will Listen"; I just looked it up, it is called "Siblings without Rivalry". I have not read the sibling book but she has a very practical approach. It might be worth checking if your library has this.

 

My kids get like this and I have noticed sometimes it is because they need some one on one time with either DH or myself. We have tried to make a point of each of us spending some one on one time with each kid each day and it has made a difference for us. Sometimes they just fight because that is what siblings do, but I hope you find some relief.

 

I reiterate (over and over and over) that we must share or I will take the toy away. Usually this results in dd capitulating and giving the toy to ds, she's such a little sweetie and sometimes is way too good to him :wub:. I always make him say thank you if she does that. If there is absolutely no stopping the arguing, I also take the toy away and put it on my fridge in time out. That usually results in me forgetting about it, I think I have 3 toys sitting up there right now :lol: Anyways, that stops the fighting for the moment until they find something new to fight about

Mine can play for hours and hours together, and then some days they'll fight over every dang thing. Kids, like grownups, can have good days and bad days. They just can express it like we can, which results in fighting to express their grumpiness. Bad days, I try to keep them engaged in activities that don't require sharing as much, like coloring in coloring books or on paper (I have a huge container of crayons, no need for sharing they each get a pile.

 

I hate to chime in with doom and gloom but my older boys are 17, 14 and 12. Their favorite thing to do is torment each other.