Confession...I am so ashamed

I don't have anyone else to tell and since you guys can't give me looks or groans of disappointment I figured I would get this off my chest here. Here it goes...

In September of last year I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I was laid up for about a month sicker and in more pain than I have ever been in, in this life so far. It was a very stressful and scary time. I was on meds and still had problems until a friend who had also recently been diagnosed gave me a book called "The Specific Carbohydrate Diet". It changed my life and I have been in remission for 8 1/2 months.

A few weeks ago I found out I was pregant with our third child. I have read that many of the symptoms associated with Crohn's go away when you get pregnant. It started with a chocolate chip cookie and my body tingled from the sugar. Then a bag of salt and vinager potato chips, then french fries, then apple pie. I had eaten all of these things and nothing happened. I had feared for my life if I went off this diet and now, it seemed, I was going to be able to eat what I wanted again, at least until the baby was born.

I became emboldened yesterday and got a cookie off the shelf with every hydronated lectin, mono and diglycerides (things you are spefically not supposed to have)and ate it. Since the last bite of that cookie I have had the worst headache EVER. I am so scared this will develop into a flair up. If I tell my husband he probably won't speak to me for a week for putting myself and this baby in danger. I feel like such a horrible selfish person.

I am back on the diet, no more fries or cookies. While on the diet with my friend he would say, "I don't even miss that stuff". For some time I could agree but that is not true now. I miss pizza, and sub sandwhiches, macaroni and cheese, good old fashioned carbs!

I could never tell this to anyone in my life for a myriad of reasons so if you took the time to read this thank you.

Learning to let go,
Lindia

 

:hug: Don't be so hard on yourself. I have Crohn's too and felt great while I was pg, but quickly flared as soon as the girls were born. Then after I tapered off my steroids from that flare, I decided to take a medication holiday for over a year. Unfortunately the Crohn's is back and I'm back on meds. You just do the best you can. GL and take care of yourself.

 

Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has moments of weakness, and hopefully you enjoyed it before you got your headache!!

 

Don't be ashamed, it's hard to follow a restricted diet! You are back on it now, that's all that matters. Focus on that & take care of yourself! :hug:

 

First I have to say I am so proud to know that you were able to do this diet for as long as you did and that you were able to help yourself to get this darn disease in check or as much as you can. As for feeling guilty, honey you are pregnant, a wonderful gift that comes along with amazing cravings. You had a set back and how you are jumping back on. Are you able to have a cookie every so often so that when you have a craving you don't binge? It sounds like you went cold turkey (what a weird expression) and now when you have a craving you over indulge. Don't beat yourself up, do everything you can now to get back to where you were. No eye rolls here except to the people who would make you feel bad. :grouphug:

 

:hug: I can only imagine!! Good for you for doing the right thing now! I'm sure it's very difficult and I would have a rough time as well!! Good luck with the pregnancy!!! :hug:

 

Thank you all, I love this board!!!

 

:hug: I'm sorry you are suffering through this. Congrats on your pregnancy! That is exciting! I hope your headache goes away!

 

Huge :hug: to you. I hope your headache eases up.

 

:hug: That's not an easy disease to contend with!! I feel for you. Don't beat yourself up, you are back on track and hopefully that headache will subside. :hug:

 

:hug: Hang in there. We all have moments of weakness. You should see what I ate yesterday over a bad day. :woah:

 

Ooh yeah, those weak moments sure do beat us up, both physically and emotionally. :hug: It's hard to stay on special diets when other people around us aren't. I definitely don't blame you for trying, sorry it was a bad result. :hug:

 

I have Crohn's as well, and there is NO WAY that I could stick to that diet. Honestly. You are a much stronger woman than I am. I don't know why, but Crohn's triggers seem to be our favorite foods. For me, the "all things in moderation" diet works. For example, I love spinach, but it sets me off. So, I don't have a spinach salad, but I'll have a veggie pizza with a bit of spinach on it (When I was new to Crohn's like you, I couldn't eat pizza either so there may still be hope!). I feel much less deprived this way. If you want to talk about the Crohn's side of things, I'm more than happy to answer any questions you have.

Be well,
Jenny

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry! I hope the headache went away. My mom suffers from Crohn's so I am familiar with it. She's had to take meds for it for a long time. GL with your pregnancy and GL sticking to the diet. It's so hard, I hope you can have some of those things you are craving in small amounts without aggrivating the Crohn's. :hug:'s again!

 

Nothing to be ashamed of! I would have done the very same thing. It is sooooo hard to stick to such a restricted diet ALL of the time. Like a pp mentioned, I hope that you are able to have a treat once in a while. You deserve it! Good luck with your pregnancy!

 

:hug: A very good friend of mine has Crohn's disease. It took them forever to diagnose it and she was miserable for years and never knew why. Good thing to know you can always come here when you need to get things off your chest. :hug:

 

:grouphug: I don't have Crohn's but I do have gluten intolerance so I can at least somewhat relate to how a restricted diet impacts you emotionally, especially when you know what all of the "good stuff" tastes like. I pay for it with much pain and physicaly symptoms whenever I stray from my diet. If I thought for a minute that being pregnant would let me eat some chocolate chip cookies without repercussion, I would do the same. Don't beat yourself up. Drink lots of water to help flush out toxins, and I hope you are feeling better soon! :hug:

 

this is such a bad suggestion, but it can honestly help. take a bite (or eat the whole darn thing), just spit it out. don't actually swallow it. you can satisfy that craving just by tasting it and not ingesting it.

 

Its not a bad suggestion. I can't eat popcorn because of my Crohn's and I chew and spit when I have a craving (only at home- not at the movies-ew!). Gross? Maybe, but it helps me get past the craving without giving myself a bowel obstruction.

 

Lindia,
Nobody here is judging you and you need to stop judging yourself.
You tried it, it didn't work and you won't do it again.
The babies are fine; just continue to take care of yourself and they will be fine.

If you do need to tell your husband eventually for medical reasons just lay it on the line. "I made a mistake, I have punished myself long enough, don't judge me, just love me" end of conversation and do what you need to do.

We beat ourselves up more than anyone else does, give yourself a break!

Now go do something nice for yourself.