Completely Frustrated!

My DH is a great guy, but he is driving me absolutely crazy! I have been sick with what started last week on Wednesday having the stomach flu. I went to work on Thursday, and when I got home I fell asleep on the couch. The cramping and nasuea continuously got worse. At this point he was understanding. I felt better on Saturday, but I had to take my youngest DD to a b-day party for her friend and pick up some groceries. When I got home I began feeling bad again, just this time it was my sinuses. Sunday I felt crappy and I stayed in bed most of the day. I have a 14.5 year old, a 12.5 year old, an 11.5 year old and an 8.5 year old... I think they are old enough to help out around here, especially when I am sick. My oldest has been feeling sick too, I will grant her that, but she offered to do the laundry for me this weekend. Greatly appreciated. I asked my other 2 oldest to keep the kitchen clean and my youngest to keep things picked up. Okay, here is my rant:

My DH got ticked at me for not doing anything over the weekend! On Monday after I got home from work, I was cleaning up in my bedroom, when a migrane began to set in from a sinus infection. My OB's office called and so I told them about it and they called me in a prescription. I was laying in bed, unable to move, literally, so I asked my oldest DD, to make dinner. She was too busy playing video games with her siblings to pay attention to it and let it burn. I called my DH and asked him his suggestion and he started in on me, so I told him to forget I called, and hung up on him. I felt bad after I hung up, but my head was pounding and hurting so badly that I couldn't take anymore. I have been sleeping on the couch for the last few nights, for a couple of reasons. First, I am using a humidifier and he gets sick if I use it when he is sleeping in the room, I am in some ways a bit more comfy on the couch at this point, and he has been such a b***, the last few days I don't want to really talk to him.

I just wish that he could understand how exhausted I am, how badly I feel, and what it is like to be pregnant with twins. I know that he is completely stressing over the finances. With gas prices as he has to drive and hour to work and back each day, we just bought a new house a couple of years ago, and with 4 children and 2 on the way, it's going to be stressful. What do I do to help him understand? I work close to home, but I work 5+ hours a day, I am back at college now even though I am only taking 1 class online this semester, take care of all 4 children and all their needs of school, homework, instruments needing to go into the shop, doctor appointments, take me here and theres, on top of the house, shopping, and being pregnant with the twins! I feel like I am not being understood, or appreciated at this point. I honestly feel picked on in a way, when he feels that I am not doing my part when we have 4 perfectly healthy and capable children to help out. I am not asking my children to clean the house from top to bottom, scrub floors (we have ALL hardwood btw), or cleaning bathrooms or dusting. But I feel that helping out with laundry, dishes, dinner here and there, and picking up after themselves is not too much to ask. What do you think? I am ready to quit my job now, so I can focus what little energy I have on keeping up with the household.

Sorry, this got much longer than I had intended. Thanks for listening.

 

I TOTALLY empathize with your situation. My so has had one previous son, but was not around for the pregnancy or delivery. Therefore, these twins are really his FIRST, if you know what I mean. He also doesn't get it, or the difference between a singleton/twin pregnancy (I don't know if you feel that way, but I DO!!!) My so even called me a hypochondriac. LOL when I came home today with a COMPLETELY failed glucose test AND pregnancy induced anemia.

It sounds as if, from your post, quitting your job will only put more stress on your dh. I want to say next that you should try sitting down with your dh and talking it out. However, if your dh is anything like my so, you'll need to come home from the drs office with DR DIAGNOSIS.

Continue on doing what is best for you. It sounds as if your dh has put you in charge of running the home. If he has, he needs to let go and allow you the freedom to make decisions that are best for the ENTIRE home....including mama taking a break if need be...because our immune systems are LOW in order for our bodies to NOT expel these little twinsies from ourselves. Everything WE go through is for the benefit of those babies. Unfortunately, more often than not, we (the mamas) suffer because of it.

Here for you whenever you need to vent,
angel

 

So sorry you have to go through all this stress. We are indeed more susceptible to illness while pregnant and it doesn't help to be blamed for that or to have our special situation disregarded in any way. I agree with angel that quiting your job would likely add to the financial stress factor. I hope you can sit with your husband and talk it out, if necessary with any documents to support your arguments. Maybe he needs a little reality check on how sensitive a twin pregnancy is. You may want to remind him it is high-risk pregnancy and all that could go wrong. You need to be nurtured, and if it's not realistic considering your busy family situation, at least to get as much support, moral and practical, as possible.
Good luck!

 

First, I'm sending you a hug. Sounds like you can use it.

I understand how you feel about being sick right now,as I am fighting a chest cold that won't let me breathe. As if being pregnant wasn't enough eh?

When we found out I was carrying twins, DH and I had a talk with our 11 year old son. We told him that because I was going to be limited in what I could do, his responsibilities around the house would increase. He gripes about it, to be sure, but does what he is asked to. Thankfully, DH is not a neat freak, because our house gets messy now. He helps out when I ask, but I've just learned to live with the clutter. I'm finished working now,so DH is the only income, and I know that stresses him out, so I don't sweat him to much about helping with housework. I just let it go.

Of course, if he started coming down on me, watch out!! Forget a women scorned, h*ll hath no fury like a sick twin mom.

 

PPs have already given some great advice, so I'll just back up with: not only can older children do chores, they should do chores. That's how they participate in the family, and it's how they learn to take care of their own households.

Heck, mine still get to do chores, and my twins are 5!

:hug99: I hope you feel better soon.

 

:hug99: I have no advice as my two are my first and I have an understanding DH but when I was a kid my parents owned a restaurant AND my father worked full time...I did my own laundry from the time I was 14 and started cooking dinner for the family when I was 11 or 12 - there is no reason the kids can't participate - and it teaches them how to be on their own when they hit college age!

 

im sorry your not getting the support u need at home! A family meeting might be in order! your oldest should def be helping out more and especially now your DH of all people should understand --everyone can do chores even 2/3 yr olds can help out and they love to help make a chart of what needs to be done daily/weekly and have them pick 2 out of the list they want to do.

 

Thanks ladies! I really agree with you all that older children need to be able to help out around the house and in the family. I understand that my DH feels children should get to be children, and that they have a whole lifetime of responsibilities. I agree with that in most aspects. BUT children also need to know that a family works together to make a home and that means everyone has to do their part. Right now, my part is getting well, and growing two babies. I know that when I do stop working, which won't be too much longer now, I will be able to do more around the house. But last weekend, being sick, my focus honestly was getting well, and being ready to go back to work on Monday. I honestly felt that he would appreciate that. I know he would have been upset had I had to take another day off of work. I haven't had a chance to sit down and really talk to him. He is off for the next few days so we will get a chance this weekend. I just wish I knew how to really help him understand what it is like to be pregnant with twins, how much it really takes out of you, and that doing all that I do on a daily basis, is a lot of extra work, stress, and exhastion. You add being sick to that and you have the makings of a very emotional, worn out, and easily frustrated woman!!! Any other suggestions would be great! Thanks again.