comparing pregnancies

as each day progresses with this pregnancy, and granted i have nothing to compare it to, things get harder and harder to deal with. i'm to the point where i am so sick and tired of people trying to compare what it's like between a singleton and a multiples pregnancy.

"oh but i birthed a 9lb baby i know what it was like"

no i'm sorry but you don't. at least not from my perspective.

and no sometimes i can't just "man up" and "get used to it" "because it's only going to get worse".....i'm on modified bedrest and people are yelling at me for asking for help? seriously? i am on 20 minute increments of activity before i have to rest, why? because activity, even standing brings on contractions and need you forget i'm only 30 weeks.

it just get's so frustrating sometimes when people don't understand...how could they if they've never experienced it, but still have some sympathy and at least try to remember how bad you felt with your singleton when you went passed 40 weeks because that's how i equate multiples...we don't go 37...oh no we actually go 50 (in terms of size and uncomfortness and just general hormonal wackyness).

yeah, so there is my vent for the day.

 

Very well said! No they are clueless!!!

:clapping:


FYI my MIL telling me that oh her daughter knew how it felt with a kid in her ribs...(that was when mine was BROKEN by Chase!) Well I am pretty sure while her baby was up in her ribs....she didn't have one trying to poke his head out at the same time! UGH!

 

QUOTE(haleystar @ Jun 24 2009, 03:40 AM) [snapback]1366145[/snapback]
as each day progresses with this pregnancy, and granted i have nothing to compare it to, things get harder and harder to deal with. i'm to the point where i am so sick and tired of people trying to compare what it's like between a singleton and a multiples pregnancy.

"oh but i birthed a 9lb baby i know what it was like"

no i'm sorry but you don't. at least not from my perspective.

Yep! and just wait until you get the "My kids are 13 months apart, so I know what it's like to have twins" comments. Argh!

 

Right there with you girl! I am 34 weeks and seriously didn't think I would make it this far. Now I am TERRIFIED I might actually make it to 38 weeks! I don't want to go that long!!!!!!

Molly
34 weeks 1 day

 

I feel ya! I just finished my last day of work yesterday. My manager was 4 weeks ahead of me with a singleton pregnancy and it was a comparison every single day. Not to mention she thinks she's a know it all about any and everything possible on earth! I just quit work at 24 weeks because I could barely stand without pelvic pressure and one of them kept getting on my sciatic nerve and doctors wouldn't take me off! You can just imagine what my manager had to say about that!

 

QUOTE(Dielle @ Jun 24 2009, 12:21 AM) [snapback]1366181[/snapback]
Yep! and just wait until you get the "My kids are 13 months apart, so I know what it's like to have twins" comments. Argh!



oh i hate that one!!!!

 

QUOTE(ShortStackJo @ Jun 24 2009, 05:39 AM) [snapback]1366198[/snapback]
I feel ya! I just finished my last day of work yesterday. My manager was 4 weeks ahead of me with a singleton pregnancy and it was a comparison every single day. Not to mention she thinks she's a know it all about any and everything possible on earth! I just quit work at 24 weeks because I could barely stand without pelvic pressure and one of them kept getting on my sciatic nerve and doctors wouldn't take me off! You can just imagine what my manager had to say about that!


Hiya Jo, I been wondering about you and how things were going with your job and your pregnancy. Did you just quit or did you work out disability or whatever it is that you needed? Will you be able to go back the way you wanted?

 

QUOTE(sparkle77 @ Jun 23 2009, 07:33 PM) [snapback]1366231[/snapback]
Hiya Jo, I been wondering about you and how things were going with your job and your pregnancy. Did you just quit or did you work out disability or whatever it is that you needed? Will you be able to go back the way you wanted?


I had to just quit. I managed to get in a 2 weeks notice, so I technically should have left on good terms, but my manager tried pulling a bunch of crap and saying I didn't give a full 2 weeks notice. I really don't plan to go back to that job specifically, it was just a hold over due to my other job getting funding cut, but I didn't want a bad "mark" on my job record I guess you could say.

 

QUOTE(ShortStackJo @ Jun 24 2009, 01:58 AM) [snapback]1366263[/snapback]
I had to just quit. I managed to get in a 2 weeks notice, so I technically should have left on good terms, but my manager tried pulling a bunch of crap and saying I didn't give a full 2 weeks notice. I really don't plan to go back to that job specifically, it was just a hold over due to my other job getting funding cut, but I didn't want a bad "mark" on my job record I guess you could say.


That sucks so sorry about that! Some people ugh!

And on the whole vent thing, yeah I feel ya! I am not in as bad a shape as you are poor momma :hug:s but I get so sick of people just not understanding.

LOL at the I have kids 13 months apart so I know what it's like to have twins, my response would be, oh yeah well I have twins and another one who are 14.5 months apart so I guess I know what it's like to have triplets!

It's rough having a twin pregnancy, no one else truly understands unless they've been there.

 

It's funny how some people feel the need to do that. I find that people are either really sympathetic to the differences (my husband, sisters and most friends!) or completely antagonistic. Unfortunately for me one of these people is my own mother. SHe really makes me feel small if I so much as comment about laboured breathing or difficulty working/standing for long periods of time. Because, you see, she gave birth to 4 kids within six years and never had ANY problems at all yadda yadda yadda. I just wish my ob had a printout of some sort I could give her re the differences so she would have a little more empathy or at least understand. I've since learned to say nothing to her so she has nothing to comment on. Kind of sad, really.

 

I hear ya as well. I have had two singleton pregnancies and this is by FAR harder and very very different. Luckly most ppl in my life are very in tune to it being so different b/c my sil went through it a 18 months ago!

 

Oh I so agree with all you girls! Although I have to say this singleton pregnancy is kicking my butt pretty close to my twin pregnancy. But I blame that on the twin pregnancy and the fact that I got pregnant so soon after they were born. Yeah I don't really recommend getting pregnant so soon after a twin pregnancy, lol.

 

QUOTE(pamallhoney @ Jun 24 2009, 05:51 PM) [snapback]1367334[/snapback]
Oh I so agree with all you girls! Although I have to say this singleton pregnancy is kicking my butt pretty close to my twin pregnancy. But I blame that on the twin pregnancy and the fact that I got pregnant so soon after they were born. Yeah I don't really recommend getting pregnant so soon after a twin pregnancy, lol.


I have to second the bolded part!! However my twins pregnancy was much more uncomfortable!!! I also hear ya on the 13 month apart thing! I got that all the time from my Aunt who her kids 17 months apart, so she ALWAYS knew what I was going through Well then I had another 13 months after the twins and she doesn't say much anymore :lol: Now all I hear is "oh that's like having triplets"!! UGH!!
It can be so irritating!!

 

I totally agree, people are either overly supportive (and apologetic??) or act like it is/was no big deal that I was having twins & that it was 'just the same' as their singleton pregnancy.

I have never been pregnant with a singleton, so for all I know it could be equally of a pain in the butt as my twin pregnancy was??! (doubt it!) :laughing:

Hang in there momma, not much longer now & then you will get a whole new batch of "FUN" questions from everyone about your twins :wacko: It is never ending!! :lol:

 

I've been getting comments like that alot lately too.... The best one is I had someone come up to me and asked how many more "days"I had... I was like umm 6-8 weeks! it's twins... she then tried to dig herself out and started on how great I look and how small I am.... umm okay lol

 

My favorite is when people say "you don't even look that big!...I was that big with my baby!!!" Um, yeah, I measure 44 cm...I'm thinking you probably werent this big, but whatever...

 

QUOTE(faerieprncs @ Jun 25 2009, 12:48 AM) [snapback]1367789[/snapback]
My favorite is when people say "you don't even look that big!...I was that big with my baby!!!" Um, yeah, I measure 44 cm...I'm thinking you probably werent this big, but whatever...



i get this ALL the time.People will ask me when I am due and when i say it's twins and august they say the same thing "but you're not the big". It;s like you want to say to them back "look, how big do you want me to be? Should I look like an actual 2500sf house? Would that make it more believable for you?". I think the simple fact that at 7 months I am getting asked when I am due is a dead give away that I look like the end is near, you know?

 

QUOTE(mollyelizabeth @ Jun 24 2009, 12:35 AM) [snapback]1366194[/snapback]
Right there with you girl! I am 34 weeks and seriously didn't think I would make it this far. Now I am TERRIFIED I might actually make it to 38 weeks! I don't want to go that long!!!!!!

Molly
34 weeks 1 day

Mollyelizabeth, Because of the episode that I had in the triage this past weekend I just thought for sure that it was just a matter of days...or should I say anyday since that experience...that the next time that I was heard from on this forum would have been the birth stories of my babies...Now I think that I am one who will make it to 38 wks...and I hate to say it like this..but kinda going through some motions thinking that it may be a possibility that I just may be the one to make it to 39 wks. :unsure: The reason why I say that I hate to say that is because I am grateful to make it this far...I can remember the times I was sfraid of pre-term labor so I am thankful to make it this far..But with saying that I also understand PP carrying these twins can be challenging.I think that I will post about 3 of those challenges that I've been facing for support but yeah....it really is annoying and sometimes it makes me cry how some people are insensitive to what we are experiencing.

 

Drive you nuts don't they!!! You feel like saying 'look, until you are or have been pregnant with twins - dont talk to me!'

I know how you feel, I think you need one of those plastic mallets just to bop people when they irritate you

Hang in there - you are doing a GREAT job.

 

I've just learned to shut my mouth. So many people have come up and asked me if I'm having twins this time. I get to say, I had twins 13 months ago, and this is a single. Why in the world, do people think they have a right to make pregnant women feel so bad about their bodies, pregnancies and such?!!!

 

QUOTE(belinda07 @ Jun 25 2009, 03:26 AM) [snapback]1367927[/snapback]
I know how you feel, I think you need one of those plastic mallets just to bop people when they irritate you


Does it have to be plastic???

 

It was very frustrating when people would makes such "careless" comments.

But I have to add this one. I still can't seem to rap my mind around it lol! I have a freind that was watching that show- I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. If you havn't seen it, it is just what it sounds like. Women that go to the hospital thinking they are sick or something and end up having a baby and never knew they were even prego. Anyway, my freind has been watching this show and is now SURE that all pregnancy systems are made up and in our minds only...... The hormones, cravings, vomiting, etc, it's all in our minds. We don't have to feel that way, we make it up. And she was saying this about my pregnancy too... with the twins! It was all in my mind!!!! Pregnancy is not that hard, she says, we make it up! And she is preaching this now like it is the gospel! I don't know to laugh at her, yell at her, or just cry. Really?

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Jun 25 2009, 09:50 AM) [snapback]1368121[/snapback]
It was very frustrating when people would makes such "careless" comments.

But I have to add this one. I still can't seem to rap my mind around it lol! I have a freind that was watching that show- I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. If you havn't seen it, it is just what it sounds like. Women that go to the hospital thinking they are sick or something and end up having a baby and never knew they were even prego. Anyway, my freind has been watching this show and is now SURE that all pregnancy systems are made up and in our minds only...... The hormones, cravings, vomiting, etc, it's all in our minds. We don't have to feel that way, we make it up. And she was saying this about my pregnancy too... with the twins! It was all in my mind!!!! Pregnancy is not that hard, she says, we make it up! And she is preaching this now like it is the gospel! I don't know to laugh at her, yell at her, or just cry. Really?


Just know that she is INSANE! I've had 2 singleton pregnancies and the symptoms of my twin pregnancy were so completely different and I didn't even know I was having twins at that point so how could I make it up. My sil who had twins kept telling me that my symptoms were like hers but I didn't know they were until AFTER I talked to her and even then I didn't think it was actually twins until the ultrasound confirmed it kwim. It is NOT all in our heads, not in the least.

 

QUOTE(Chicklet @ Jun 25 2009, 07:02 AM) [snapback]1368143[/snapback]
Just know that she is INSANE! I've had 2 singleton pregnancies and the symptoms of my twin pregnancy were so completely different and I didn't even know I was having twins at that point so how could I make it up. My sil who had twins kept telling me that my symptoms were like hers but I didn't know they were until AFTER I talked to her and even then I didn't think it was actually twins until the ultrasound confirmed it kwim. It is NOT all in our heads, not in the least.



LOL, Ive had 2 singles and 1 set of twins. I will stake my home on it, there is no making that crap up lol!

 

I wish I could say it gets better, but people will always say they understand even when they don't have twins.
When my 13mo olds both had the rotavirus I was up all night cleaning up puke/poop, my best friends 15 mo old had it too and she was like "I know exactly what you mean I am exhausted as well, I was up with my dd all night too". And not that I wanted to be like "my life is so much harder..." but seriously...I was like well times what you WERE up doing by 2 and then you will understand what it was like.
But just remember, we get twice the good stuff too....and I will always remember seeing two little bodies move around in my belly and thinking how cool that was, and thats the stuff they don't understand either... (I always have to find some good stuff to outweigh those tough times to keep myself sane!!!)

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Jun 25 2009, 07:50 AM) [snapback]1368121[/snapback]
It was very frustrating when people would makes such "careless" comments.

But I have to add this one. I still can't seem to rap my mind around it lol! I have a freind that was watching that show- I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. If you havn't seen it, it is just what it sounds like. Women that go to the hospital thinking they are sick or something and end up having a baby and never knew they were even prego. Anyway, my freind has been watching this show and is now SURE that all pregnancy systems are made up and in our minds only...... The hormones, cravings, vomiting, etc, it's all in our minds. We don't have to feel that way, we make it up. And she was saying this about my pregnancy too... with the twins! It was all in my mind!!!! Pregnancy is not that hard, she says, we make it up! And she is preaching this now like it is the gospel! I don't know to laugh at her, yell at her, or just cry. Really?



O...M...G!!! Is she freakin serious?! :rotflmbo: Crazy! :wacko:

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Jun 25 2009, 07:50 AM) [snapback]1368121[/snapback]
It was very frustrating when people would makes such "careless" comments.

But I have to add this one. I still can't seem to rap my mind around it lol! I have a freind that was watching that show- I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. If you havn't seen it, it is just what it sounds like. Women that go to the hospital thinking they are sick or something and end up having a baby and never knew they were even prego. Anyway, my freind has been watching this show and is now SURE that all pregnancy systems are made up and in our minds only...... The hormones, cravings, vomiting, etc, it's all in our minds. We don't have to feel that way, we make it up. And she was saying this about my pregnancy too... with the twins! It was all in my mind!!!! Pregnancy is not that hard, she says, we make it up! And she is preaching this now like it is the gospel! I don't know to laugh at her, yell at her, or just cry. Really?

Lol - let me guess - she's never been pregnant, right? If so, karma will come along and nicely bite her in the butt when she does get pregnant!

 

QUOTE(Surrodoula @ Jun 25 2009, 08:09 AM) [snapback]1368257[/snapback]
Lol - let me guess - she's never been pregnant, right? If so, karma will come along and nicely bite her in the butt when she does get pregnant!



SHe had 2 single pregnancy 7 years apart. They are now 14 and 20. I wonder if people just want to feel included...

 

QUOTE(mollyjm+2 @ Jun 25 2009, 11:19 AM) [snapback]1368269[/snapback]
SHe had 2 single pregnancy 7 years apart. They are now 14 and 20. I wonder if people just want to feel included...


i think a lot of people who have had previous singleton pregnancies think they know exactly what you are going through because they went through this, this and this with their one baby. somehow everyone who has been pregnant is suddenly an expert on all types of pregnancies. which makes it frustrating because a lot of the times these singleton only mommies don't understand that we multiples mommies go through these symptoms at much more rapid and overwhelming pace and feel miserable and huge and utterly awful far earlier in the pregnancy than those with just one. it's like they don't understand that when a multiples mom is at 7 months she's really experiencing a singleton's 40 weeks symptoms so they loose sight and aren't as sympathetic to your needs.

 

Ha...I can just imagine some of you gals frustrations...

My wife's old boss(she quit recently to open our cafe) is about 8 weeks ahead of her with her first pregnancy(singleton). It was "Drama City" at the office. She was REALLY milking it. The sympathy thing and all, always just working half-days, taking fridays off, etc.

When my DW was there...she never once cut out early, complained, etc. She would hug the toliet bowl in the morn for a few weeks, picked her self up and go on to work. I NEVER heard her complain.

 

People can say "well I had a 9 pound baby so it's like the same but they seemed to forget that the only had 20 inches of baby compared to 38 inches. Two babies take up twice the room as does one. They will never get it until they have gone through it though.

 

QUOTE(haleystar @ Jun 24 2009, 10:47 PM) [snapback]1367873[/snapback]
i get this ALL the time.People will ask me when I am due and when i say it's twins and august they say the same thing "but you're not the big". It;s like you want to say to them back "look, how big do you want me to be? Should I look like an actual 2500sf house? Would that make it more believable for you?". I think the simple fact that at 7 months I am getting asked when I am due is a dead give away that I look like the end is near, you know?


When I was pregnant I was substitute teaching. I remember going on an assignment in early December and another teacher said OH santa must be bringing you a baby for Christmas and I got to say actually these 2 babies arent due till MARCH. You should have seen the look on that face as I looked ready to pop any day and still had months to go It was fab.

Then there were the other pregnant women who would see me and ask how far along I was, Id tell them and then theyd look at themselves and get worried something was wrong. Then Id explain i was having twins and you could see the sigh of relief come over their faces that their babies were probably growing just fine-

 

QUOTE(E&Msmom @ Jun 26 2009, 07:08 AM) [snapback]1369513[/snapback]
When I was pregnant I was substitute teaching. I remember going on an assignment in early December and another teacher said OH santa must be bringing you a baby for Christmas and I got to say actually these 2 babies arent due till MARCH. You should have seen the look on that face as I looked ready to pop any day and still had months to go It was fab.

Then there were the other pregnant women who would see me and ask how far along I was, Id tell them and then theyd look at themselves and get worried something was wrong. Then Id explain i was having twins and you could see the sigh of relief come over their faces that their babies were probably growing just fine-


I can totally relate to this!! I'm in a pregnancy yoga class and I missed last week. I went back today and let me tell you -- it is glaringly obvious that I'm growing at a much faster rate than all these women!! Half of them are further along than me and my bump is waaaaay bigger. I think I lapped a few of them in just two weeks!!

 

I don't know. I think that every pregnancy is different and has its unique challenges. My twin pregnancy was definitely more uncomfortable and I was HUGE and at 37 weeks when I delivered I was so ready for them to come out because I could barely move. However, I would say that my singleton pregnancy was a harder pregnancy for me. The fact that I had 10 month old twins to breastfeed and take care of 24 hours a day was exhausting (much more then my twin pregnancy because I couldn't sit throughout the day or sleep throughout the night) and I had such awful stress headaches that I had to take narcotics to function. This singleton pregnancy, though, has been a breeze (but then I am only breastfeeding one, lol).

I don't think that pregnancies are comparable. I think that as women we like to feel validated and a singleton mom who has never experienced a twin pregnancy may feel as though all her aches and pains are invalidated simply because there is only one baby in there. Even those who have children 13 months apart are, no doubt, searching for some validation in the struggles they are experiencing. Parenting is just hard. Are twins harder? Maybe. But it doesn't negate the difficulties of others they are just different.