Comparing boys and girls? Is my son ok?

Ok, Im a first time mom...My twins will be one on 7/29! I want your opinion on differences in b/g twins and whether, you think, my son's behavior is cause for concern or just normal behavioral/gender differences. I had called early steps a few month back because of concerns of him not sitting up properly and his sister being way ahead but that has since resolved itself. It seems he meets many of his milstones a month or so after his sister. My main concern for him now is more social. However, I work in social services and have worked with kids with autism so I may be quite ridiculously hypervigilant and wanted to bounce it off you guys. I have a room full of toys. My DD will come over frequently to me and want to be held or interact with me with a toy. My son will often play by himself for extended periods of time. He also doesnt always respond when I say his name or make loud noises to look at a toy or something of interest. He completely screams when he is upset about something little, as opposed to crying or trying to use words. However, he does interact and respond intermittently. I cant tell if it is just that he is more independent and part of his personality (selective listening?)and that he just really likes exploring how the toys work or there is cause for concern. He laughs a lot when interacting, makes eye contact.Although he doesnt play games yet per say, he laughs with peek a boo and pulls the sheet off my head, likes when i clap his hands and do pattycake with him, shakes his head to dance and tries to sing when i sing the abc's, waves hi, etc. My main concern is his liking of isolation during play, not alot of interaction with sister. He also seems like he is daydreaming alot when he looks out the window...he will just stare and stare. Im not saying it is abnormal, I just dont know! And unfortunately with my experience with older kids with autism and dev disorders an how they prefer isolation and seem to be in their own world, it makes me wonder. I assume if there was cause for concern, he wouldnt interact at all or smile or laugh but give me your take on this please...Of course, I know that if my concerns are increase to just get him evaluated but wanted your preliminary opinion....just normal independent boy traits or his ind personality or possible concern? Thanks in advance guys.
Dana

 

I am an early special ed teacher....so i understand your fears. My boys pt (who has become a friend) listened to all of my similar worries. She has a daughter who is a month older and full term. She told me that my problem is that "you don't know normal." I still don't, but I am trying to remind myself of that. Also...being in the field for 7 years I have seen numerous boys pass though...who at younger ages had some really odd (red flag) behavior and at 5 were typical. Maybe it is a boy thing. I tend to think so....since i almost always have boys in my classes...and they often do catch up.

 

I think it's terribly hard with twins not to compare their behaviour and freak out when something seems different between them. If you had your son on his own, without comparison to your daughter, would you be concerned? Although he's hitting his milestones later, it seems like he's hitting them on time. I can't count the number of times my doctor has had to remind me that "they're different kids!" when I was concerned that one was progressing faster than the other in some way.

It sounds to me like he interacts well with others, just also likes figuring toys out on his own. My cousin's baby is the only autistic infant I have experience with and he never made eye contact, never babbled, never interacted with anyone at all... he was just always obviously "different". It's hard not to worry and compare, but I think you'd know if there was something definitely not right about the way he was behaving. I would bring up all these concerns at your next doctor visit and keep track if any behaviours get more pronounced.

 

Ok for interactive play, like playing with each other, they are still young, and side by side play is more often seen. My oldest is 2, and he recently i the last 6 months or so started playing with other kids, her perfered to play alone. For verbal skills and such boys are usually a bit slower then girls. It could also be his personality. From what you have said he seems perfectly fine

 

I have a Toy Boy as I call him (not a Boy Toy, lol!). He likes to play by himself, but is clingy to me if there are strangers around. At home I can trust him to play with a toy or look at books for 15 minutes or more. His brother, not so much.

Today I volunteered in our church nursery and the difference between little girls and little guys was startling to me the girls want to be held whereas my boys do not.

I would worry more if my son did not make eye contact, giggle, play peek a boo, etc.

 

He sounds like a typical boy to me. As long as he is hitting milestones at his own pace then you have no concern. I think boys are "slower" per say, it has been studied that girls just develop earlier. If he maintains eye contact, laughs and responds to his name, that's great. Kids don't play with each other until 2 but I think twins do so earlier. Mine just started to notice each other at 13 months. My son also "bloomed" socially by his 1st birthday while my daughter has had us wrapped up with her little womanly skills of tantrums and manipulation for months ;-) I used to worry before too, but older they grow, more you realize it's boys stuff and also child specific character.

 

i thought i said thank you to you all and never did! you all made me feel so much better! thanks so much!