Comparing all the time

Hello,

I have b/g twins born at 37 1/2 weeks. They were healthy from the start and seem to be developing on target. DS was 6 lb 7 oz at birth and DD was 5lb 1 oz. They have stayed about 2 pounds apart consistently (now 10 & 12). They are 3 months old now and really starting to do more. DS smiled first and now he is starting to roll to his left side. DD is not really even trying to roll. DS is trying to grab things and DD does not seem interested. However, DD will kick at things and DS does not kick as much.
Things like this have got me going crazy and I seem to be comparing everything they do. Friends and family seem to do the same thing, which tends to get me thinking about it more also. Has anyone else gone through this? At what point do I get worried that one is not progressing fast enough? Do I just let it go and realize that they are different people? I guess I know that in my heart, but am having a hard time not comparing them. Any similar stories or suggestions??

 

It is very normal to compare. I don't think you could really not compare them. My DS did everything first up until it was time to crawl. He smiled, rolled, sat, and even got a tooth first. DD has decided to take the lead. She crawled first (she hated tummy time), pulled up first, cruised first, and will likely be walking soon (this will be first too). I don't think it wrong to compare them; just try to remember that they are individuals!

 

I compared my guys for quite awhile. And honestly, it's hard not to! I just have to remember that as long as they are meeting their milestones on time and progressing and happy, then that is all that really matters. But as my boys have gotten older (they are almost 1! :cray I've noticed that James and Sean progress in different ways. James is our physical guy, he does all the body related stuff sooner (rolling, crawling, standing etc.) and Sean is our mind guy, he does all the "mental" things sooner (he knows more words than James, he figures out puzzles more quickly, he remembers everything!). I just have to remember that even though Sean is not practically walking like James, he does know 13 words!

 

It is impossible not to compare when you are caring for 2 babies that are the same age! But, my 2 have been fairly different as far as achieving their milestones, although both within normal limits. Try not to worry and realize that even though they are twins, they are two totally different people! :hug99:

 

My guys are doing things at completely different rates as well. I just keep reminding myself that if they were born two years apart instead of at the same time I wouldn't even notice the difference.

It sounds like your little boy is doing things EARLY and your little girl is right on track. My guys are 4.5 months, happy and healthy, and there's no sign of rolling over yet.

 

I always defend my children when people compare them. I even get defensive when dh does it! Realize all children do things differently. and twins are no different!

 

It's hard not to compare them but in reality, even if they are identical, they will do things at different stages! My DS did a lot of his milestones first, but DD walked first! They are two very different individuals!

 

Hope is a bit further along developmentaly, but not weight wise. But it looks like Haylee will be the first to crawl. I agree with PP, all kids are different, and if yours were not twins, but born a year apart you would probably think nothing of it. But I do hate it when other people make it sound like one is better than the other.

 

Mine were born at 36w4d, b/g, 5.9oz each. By 6 weeks there was a 1lb difference, and by 2 months they were 2lbs apart, they've been a consistent 2lbs different since then -- Caden (boy) is the larger one.

He rolled first, she smiled first. He crawled first, she sat first. I could go on and on...LOL

I actually don't think it's bad to compare, it's more a matter of observing how they are unique individuals -- as long as you aren't using comparison negatively, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I find it helps me few them as two separate children vs. a unit, and I feel that's a positive.

Enjoy their uniqueness!

 

I think we all compare....like the pp said, how could you not? I try not to worry though just because DS does something before DD, etc. And as for me, I find reading what to expect the first year just drives me nuts, so I try and stay away. My pedi and I both think they are doing great, so that's all that matters.

 

It's funny I think that I cannot stand it when my family and friends compare them, yet I do it ALL the time!! If you think there are delays, address your concerns with your pedi. My girls both have gross motor delays but are on target for everything else. Sometimes it's hard to think of them as individuals (from my point of view anyway).

 

Thanks for all your responses. It is nice to know that I am not alone in comparing my babies. I know they are unique individuals and it is fun to watch them grow and develop at their own pace!