Comments that chap my you-know-what

When my best friend was pregnant with twins, she said she'd get comments that really got under her skin. I couldn't really remember any of them, but was "nicely" reminded today when someone wrote to me "Twin, huh? Better you than me!"

I know people have no clue what they are saying - it happens all the time. But you would think that some people - especially people you've known for a decade or more - would be a little less quick with the tongue, kwim?

What are some comments that really get to you?

 

That comment is definitely one of them. I just agree with them and say "Yes it is!" We're looking forward to it.

Some people just don't think before they blurt stuff out. I don't think they're trying to be rude, but sometimes it comes across that way.

 

My dad constantly laughs when the word "twins" is mentioned...then tells me it's payback....it drives me crazy.

 

This is how I translate that comment: "You are much more capable and qualified to handle the rigors of parenthood with two babies than I will ever be." Think of it as a bank-handed compliment!

The one that would get under my skin: "I'd kill myself if I had twins."

 

"Twins? Wow, I'm sorry." Rude, plain and simple. Honestly, I didn't get that many negative comments while pregnant. I got a lot of remarks about the size of my belly and how I looked like I could go into labor at any moment.

I think the worst comment ever was from another twin mommy who told me that 2-year old twins are "horrible little monsters" and she sure doesn't miss that stage. She had the nerve to say it in front of them. I told her (with a smile) that I'm loving age 2 myself and walked away.

 

I've had a couple people including my competitive MIL tell me that carrying twins are no more difficult than carrying one large baby. They then follow up with stories of the biggest babies they carried and make sure to mention that the birth weight was greater than what my two are likely to weigh.

Drives me nuts because a ) I didn't think this was a competition and b ) there is more to carrying multiples than the weight of the babies.

I hate the "should I say I am sorry or congratulate you?" comments too.

I conceived this twins via IVF after many years of failure and am finding that the same people who made rude an insensitive comments about our infertility are the ones who have a way with words about my twins.

 

the first thing my MIL said when she found out we were having twins was, "wow, that's so risky..." yeah. thanks for the congratulations. of course now she's all, "it's such an ego boost to have twin grandkids!" really? cuz you had NOTHING to do with it...

 

UGH!!! I cannot stand those kinds of comments!!!
now its always double trouble and are you done yet?! UGH!!!!!

 

The one I always get I find odd....when someone hears twins, they are happy for me. They usually ask "Boy and girl?" I say no, two boys....'oooooohhhhhhh!!! You are going to be sooooooooooo busy" they always say it with a sound of pitty for me in their voice. I don't get it at all


Dianna

 

Well I sure am glad that I am not alone in my bitterness towards some of these comments! Really people - have some common sense!

At least we have this place to complain about it. Because really - nobody else understands (other than other multiple moms). THANK GOD I have a BFF with 1 year old twins... I honestly don't know if I would be able to manage my feelings without having her as a sounding board and advice giver!

 

Get used to it! Unfortunately you get way more comments after they are born and you are out with them. <_< But I do get some nice comments too.

 

i hateeee the, oh well maybe you'll have a boy and a girl and you can be done. what makes people assume 2 children is enough? i just reply with, oh well we want at least 4. im from a big family(oldest of 8), and dh is along for the ride, so he doesnt care and the other day a co-worker (i work at walmart...not to be mean, but the majority of the people there are low class trash..not ALL, just most..i work there to pay some bills while hubby is on his way to boot camp) so anyway! a co-worker said the whole 2 kid thing, and i replied with my usual we want 4, and she goes, what do you plan on never working again? HA! i said, yea, i plan on working, as in raising my children. sorry, thats a very important and very difficult (as well as wonderful) job. grrrr. i understand that some mothers arent able to stay at home, and some mothers LIKE to work...but when you have a child, that should be #1- not a career. whatever though, i guess opinions vary. once mine are in school i have no problem working during school hours, but i will be SURE to be home when they get off the bus.
sorry, i was venting. the lady at work set me off

 

My dad was not thrilled that we were having a baby. I have two from a previous marriage and he is very protective of me and anything that could create more "problems" he isn't happy about. We got a cat he didn't like that, they are a lot of work. We got a second cat, we were crazy. We got a dog, what made us do that. Well when I told dad we were pregnant (before we knew it was twins) he was like, "What, Oh my God, Why" he said this in a tone that was not excited or just surprised like other people. He said other stuff but I don't remember, then it is like "How will you afford that." Well I am 34 now and I told him we have more money now than when I was a single mom of two kids. He finally started to accept it, but did not want to talk about it much. Then I had to drop the bomb of twins. His comment was "Boy when you do it, you do it big." Everyone else was shocked at first, but still excited. I don't think I have really had too many other negative comments, at least none that were important enough to remember. Consider the source and move on. Dad is still not too thrilled, but seems more interested, he was excited to look at the 19w ultrasound pictures. I think once they are here he will feel differently, he is good with the grandkids. Here is to overprotective dads.

 

QUOTE(Dianna @ Jan 22 2008, 01:51 PM) [snapback]584203[/snapback]
The one I always get I find odd....when someone hears twins, they are happy for me. They usually ask "Boy and girl?" I say no, two boys....'oooooohhhhhhh!!! You are going to be sooooooooooo busy" they always say it with a sound of pitty for me in their voice. I don't get it at all


Dianna



Having a 21 month old little guy, I always get that sound of pity, too....Oh, my - two MORE boys! I just tell them we're really excited and keep walking...
It makes you really appreciate the nice comments we do get, though.

 

You think you get it bad with 3 boys, you should try having 5 girls. lol. People are always sorry for me for having twin girls. I don't know why they are so sorry, I'm not sorry. I know what to do with girls. I hear so many "your poor husband" comments that I could die. I want to say, "Poor him? He's not carrying them, and he's the one who makes them!" I don't though, I just say, "He has 4 sisters, so he already knows how to take a 3 minute shower."

 

I haven't had too many negitive comments yet...most people I've told we are having twin girls just get all smiles and turn into a big mushy pile of goo and say "aaahhhh". When I was out shopping one day buying some onsies the girls checking me out asked if I knew what I was having. When I said twin girls they got all doe eyed and smiley and had a hard time remembering that they were supposed to be checking me out. :lol:

Actually though, the worst negitive comment came from the desk nurse at my OB office. We go in for the next appointment after we got the news we were having twins and she's like "Twins huh...I'd slit my wrists if I were having twins....congratualations though."

My husband and I just laugh it off...people are so weird.

My husband does keep getting teased about how much trouble he's in with two girls...LOL.

 

QUOTE(alliandre @ Jan 22 2008, 06:46 PM) [snapback]584767[/snapback]
You think you get it bad with 3 boys, you should try having 5 girls. lol. People are always sorry for me for having twin girls. I don't know why they are so sorry, I'm not sorry. I know what to do with girls. I hear so many "your poor husband" comments that I could die. I want to say, "Poor him? He's not carrying them, and he's the one who makes them!" I don't though, I just say, "He has 4 sisters, so he already knows how to take a 3 minute shower."



I am right there with you! I swear I am like a legend now that people know I will have 5 girls. I get the "poor husband" thing all the time too. Like we can ever want for more than healthy children?

 

I have 2 good ones...

People used to ask me when I was pregnant what I was going to do with 2 babies... My husband would respond, " we're going to decide which one we like best and sell the other on Ebay."

THen the other night we were in a restaurant and some lady kept staring at us. One of my boys was asleep in his carseat and the other was just taking it all in... this lady finally turned around and asked me if they were twins.... Need I remind you they are almost identical in size... I wanted to say "No, they are just the same age"

 

Gosh I am so embarrassed. I've been reading posts like these and warnings in books about how hassled you get while out with twins but then I go right on and do it! I was having lunch with a friend today and as we walked out of the restaurant a couple had twin 3 month old boys. I said oh my gosh twins! I'm having twins too! And then I complimented them for being out and about blah blah blah. I'm sure they just wanted to eat in peace! :FIFblush:

 

My favorite question so far is "Where did you go for your infertility treatments?" or "How did you conceive?"
I can't believe that anyone would ask these questions. My short answer is, "Sex." Long answer is, "My husband and I got a little frisky one night. If you know what I mean!" I like to see peoples faces turn bright red. :icon_biggrin:
Infertility is no ones business. Even if I had to have had any type of infertility treatments why in the **** would I want to discuss in with some stranger on the street corner. I have had friends who tried for years to have a baby. It's such a personal experience.

My second favorite is, "OMG 4 kids. How ever will your manage?" or "You are going to have your hands full?"
I just tell people that my superior parenting skills will help me manage just fine and if I am having a bad day I'll just lock them in the attic.

Evie

 

QUOTE
I just tell people that my superior parenting skills will help me manage just fine and if I am having a bad day I'll just lock them in the attic.


:rotflmbo:

 

QUOTE(twins0507 @ Jan 22 2008, 10:30 PM) [snapback]585163[/snapback]
I have 2 good ones...

People used to ask me when I was pregnant what I was going to do with 2 babies... My husband would respond, " we're going to decide which one we like best and sell the other on Ebay."

THen the other night we were in a restaurant and some lady kept staring at us. One of my boys was asleep in his carseat and the other was just taking it all in... this lady finally turned around and asked me if they were twins.... Need I remind you they are almost identical in size... I wanted to say "No, they are just the same age"


Those are hilarious!!!!!

My best friend said that she gets a lot of "Are they natural" i.e., were they concieved without medical intervention. She's never said this, but she's wanted to : "No, they are the spawns from the devil. Totally unnatural"

 

QUOTE(evieand4kids @ Jan 23 2008, 07:20 AM) [snapback]585334[/snapback]
My favorite question so far is "Where did you go for your infertility treatments?" or "How did you conceive?"
I can't believe that anyone would ask these questions. My short answer is, "Sex." Long answer is, "My husband and I got a little frisky one night. If you know what I mean!" I like to see peoples faces turn bright red. :icon_biggrin:
Infertility is no ones business. Even if I had to have had any type of infertility treatments why in the **** would I want to discuss in with some stranger on the street corner. I have had friends who tried for years to have a baby. It's such a personal experience.


This reminds me of something my idiot-jerk-cousin did. He was having a wedding the weekend after christmas and I told him I wouldn't be able to make it because of money issues. He was having an extravagant wedding in the evening and not only did I not have the clothes for something like that, but neither does DH or my son or step-DD. It would have just been TOO much. He was really rude to me about not going - acting like a big baby (mind you this is his SECOND wedding in a town 1.5 hour away).

BUT even though he was a total jerk, I sent a Christmas card - signed with our names and "the twins, coming in june!"

His reply was something like "Are you crazy!? What makes you think you could send me a christmas card bragging about your babies due in june and you can't even come to my wedding? Must be nice to be able to afford fertility treaments and add to your family size. You must have money for something like that because I know your husband makes good money and you get to stay at home. Yet, you can't afford my wedding! YOU ARE NO LONGER MY FAMILY"

Yep. Crazy, huh?

The thing is - our "fertility treatments" consisted of me taking Femara for one month because I had not been having a period - and that is what helped me ovulate. What did THAT cost me? $5. Yep. My expensive fertility treaments were a whopping $5. But in the end, it was none of his business.

Can you tell I am still really upset about his behavior?

In the end- he had no right to ASSUME because I am having twins that medical intervention was necessary. Jerk.

 

Oh that's really awful JediMom I am so sorry your cousin was such a jerk.

And, I forgot the mention the annoying "Do twins run in your family?" which is the more polite way of asking if you needed infertility treatment. My twins are the result of many IVF cycles so they are very expensive babies and we did miss family weddings because of the cost of cycling. With family we were pretty open about it so they would at least understand why we were not participating. But it chaps my you know what to have random stagers ask me this. There are twins on my mom's side and on DH's dad's side so I usually just say that to strangers. But what I really want to say is "You know it is none or you $%#@ business."

 

QUOTE(alliandre @ Jan 22 2008, 06:46 PM) [snapback]584767[/snapback]
You think you get it bad with 3 boys, you should try having 5 girls. lol. People are always sorry for me for having twin girls. I don't know why they are so sorry, I'm not sorry. I know what to do with girls. I hear so many "your poor husband" comments that I could die. I want to say, "Poor him? He's not carrying them, and he's the one who makes them!" I don't though, I just say, "He has 4 sisters, so he already knows how to take a 3 minute shower."



I love that response!!! (I give you credit for not saying the first line, though, I'd probably say that too...)
;-)
My family is all girls, so people would say that about my Dad...now he's getting all these grandsons...it all works out, somehow.

btw, if you ever want to come down to FL and go to the princess party at disney, let me know...I'm all in and probably won't have anyone to take. ;-)

 

I like when people say, "Better you than me." I just agree with them... one lady was taken back and asked why I agreed with her and I said, "Its probably because I AM better equipped to handle twins than you are." She then apologized for being so rude and I laughed and thanked her for apologizing... I guess people just don't think!

 

QUOTE(twins0507 @ Jan 22 2008, 11:30 PM) [snapback]585163[/snapback]
I have 2 good ones...

People used to ask me when I was pregnant what I was going to do with 2 babies... My husband would respond, " we're going to decide which one we like best and sell the other on Ebay."

THen the other night we were in a restaurant and some lady kept staring at us. One of my boys was asleep in his carseat and the other was just taking it all in... this lady finally turned around and asked me if they were twins.... Need I remind you they are almost identical in size... I wanted to say "No, they are just the same age"


Trust me, I know how those twin comments feel, though im not a mum.. However I am an identical twin.. we get it all the time. and then mean comments about whos the biggest and the little differences people pick.. you just feel like saying no were arent sometimes lol and you get oh id hate to be a twin, having the same bday and sharing stuff.. but we just say we love it.. its so special, not everyone can say they are a twin! we love being twins.. wouldnt have it any other way... If we didnt have eachother you'd feel like half of you is missing.. if you know wat i mean..

 

As my husband says, some people are missing that filter that goes between their brain, and their mouth, that stops the stupid comments from coming out.
I'm not showing yet, so I haven't gotten any comments. And the people that do know, are so very happy for me.

 

QUOTE(evieand4kids @ Jan 23 2008, 09:20 AM) [snapback]585334[/snapback]
My favorite question so far is "Where did you go for your infertility treatments?" or "How did you conceive?"
I can't believe that anyone would ask these questions. My short answer is, "Sex." Long answer is, "My husband and I got a little frisky one night. If you know what I mean!" I like to see peoples faces turn bright red. :icon_biggrin:
Infertility is no ones business. Even if I had to have had any type of infertility treatments why in the **** would I want to discuss in with some stranger on the street corner. I have had friends who tried for years to have a baby. It's such a personal experience.


Evie


I agree. My Brother in law just got married, and it is to a person I honestly dislike for everything I am got married this past Saturday. My husband was talking to his brother, and his wifes to be mom was listening I guess, and found out I'm on bedrest, high risk blah blah blah. So durning the reception, that DON'T even ask, she comes over, sits down and starts asking me all kinds of personal questions, and I don't even know the freaking lady. And the only tihng I could do was look at my brother in law, smile and answer poiletly, otherwise my husband got mad, and said I wasn't trying to be nice.

I never met her, nor did I care to meet her, nor do I care for her daughter.

So how do I go about being nice to people with out offending them, but its non of their business?

 

Yeah, being pregnant with twins, I have found that I encounter a lot of people that had fims (foot in mouth syndrome) or worse d-fims (double foot in mouth syndrome) my sister and bil are the worst. You just have to brush off the comments.. I mean I got comments from nurses at the OB saying I was huge and I am all babies but not like a blimp... (The nurses should be used to twin pregnancies there... my OB delivers them all the time.) I usually have comebacks for most comments but sometimes I take it to avoid confrontation and make fun of them on my blog later... they are just statics of absurdities that lead to funny demonstrations of fims.

What I love most is when random people feel it is okay to touch me… umm it is not okay under any circumstance to go up to a complete stranger and ask to touch their stomach or just touch my stomach without asking and I have never met them in my life. It is just awkward. It is like dealing with those creepy guys with pregnancy fetishes. You just want to umm run. Again I am ok with the standardization in society that says personal space is a must.. respect boundaries people. Do any of you get this? I don't know if it is just because I look way younger than I am or what. So I usually get the invade my space and privacy or the Juno effect where people think I am a little kid... I had an old man and woman look at my husband and I and say damn kids these days... what a shame. I was like ummmm yeah okay...

 

QUOTE(twinreverb @ Jan 24 2008, 08:48 PM) [snapback]588500[/snapback]
What I love most is when random people feel it is okay to touch me… umm it is not okay under any circumstance to go up to a complete stranger and ask to touch their stomach or just touch my stomach without asking and I have never met them in my life. It is just awkward. It is like dealing with those creepy guys with pregnancy fetishes. You just want to umm run.


During my first pregnancy, only one person came up to me and touched my belly. It was someone I knew - but it still felt strange because I didn't know him THAT well and he was a co-worker of my DH's.

My BFF is always complaining about people in the store that make comments about her twins and TOUCHING them! And you know, it is the blue-hairs that do it the most. I am not good in those kinds of situations. I am either really rude or much-too-passive. I don't have a middle-ground. Perhaps I will bring a sign with me to the store "No touching, please" ROFL - I bet other twin moms would understand, for sure!

 

We were all at Wal-Mart the other day with the double snap n go. One baby was awake with the bundle me open, the other was sleeping with the bundle me closed. One of my DH's aquaintances saw him and said (get this) "why do you have a big stroller with only one baby?" DH flipped open the other bundle me and the guy said "oh you had twins???" DUH!!!
Then a family with some small kids came over and the little girl (maybe 4 yrs old) wanted to look at the babies, what did she do? Right! Petted them with grubby hands!! EEWWW GERMY!!
I just feel like we are a freakshow sometimes! I mean really, twins aren't that uncommon!

 

unfortunately the "random touchers/space invaders" happen all the time... and I do not live in a small town. I had 2 waitress in the last month alone that one arm hugged and belly rubbed me when they saw I was pregnant... disturbing is all I can say. I was so taken aback I just ran to the bathroom for escape.

 

I am getting sick of my grandmother saying "Ooh, look how FAT you're getting!" No, I'm not getting FAT, I am growing two wonderful babies. It's no wonder my mother grew up with image issues because she was a little overweight and now is so skinny you can practically see through her.

 

A friend of mine has twins and I really liked this advice she gave me. It really works best if you are holding the babies or have them in a carrier (like the Bjorn), but I used the suggestion often w/ my first little one.
Hold their hands, so the person who is coming to see them can not try to do so themselves. I would even make pretend my son was waving and at the same time I just kept talking, smiling, and walking away to get out of the situation. It seems to place a barrier between your baby and the "toucher" somehow. Of course, it doesn't work in all situations, but I found it helped!