Circumsision questions

My son and my daughter were born at 33 weeks. They spent 3 weeks in the NICU. The last couple of days that we were there, the nurse asked us if we were planning on getting Drakes circumcision done there, or we could do it through his paediatrician. We called the pedi, and the nurse said that our pedi does it, and he is the right age. So we decided to just do it in the pedi's office. When it came time for our first appointment, one week after they were out of the NICU, we told the pedi that we would like to get him circumcised in office. He looked at Drake and said that he was about a week too old, and at this time he will need to go into an OR setting. So he referred us to a urologist who charged us 33 dollars for a 5 minute (if that) consultation appointment. He said that we need to call back in Dec or Jan to schedule an appointment. So my husband did just that the other day, and they said they need 200 for their fees, and the hospital will want half of their fees up front which the lady thought is 7K! First off, we don't have 3500 to just fork over! What am I supposed to do? I wish I could go back but I can't!

Here are a few questions:
Is your son(s) circumcised?
If you had to wait until an OR setting how much did it cost?
Do you think he has to be circumcised?
Do you think I should wait, and leave that decision up to him when he gets to be an adult?
If not, how am I going to come up with 3500, is there any other way?

Thanks ladies!!

 

You definitely don't NEED to circumcise. It is a personal decision to do something that is now considered cosmetic. I have one done and one not because he has a buried penis. My Dh is the one who wanted to get them done not me. I think we will leave C uncircumcised now because by the time he can be I think it will be much to traumatic for him and us. Good luck with your decision.

 

Circumcision is always a personal choice and can be a very touchy subject with certain people...
Both of my sons are, and it was done at the hospital when they were born.
Doe your insurance not cover this procedure? Im not understanding why you would have to pay.

 

Well my husband called our insurance company and the lady just said that we have a 1500 dollar allowance that can be used for that, after the 1500 dollar allowance, than we have to start paying out our deductible which is 1750, after our deductible is met, then it's 20%. So I guess they don't cover it, we told her what we were doing, and that it would be a day surgery.

 

My boys are not done as it's usually an unnecessary procedure. Are you wanting to do it for a specific reason (religion etc)?
I would highly recommend doing some research on the necessity of the procedure before worrying about getting it done.

It's hard to find sources that are neutral on the subject but there are a few out there.

 

QUOTE(PJ @ Jan 9 2009, 01:51 PM) [snapback]1140107[/snapback]
My boys are not done as it's usually an unnecessary procedure. Are you wanting to do it for a specific reason (religion etc)?
I would highly recommend doing some research on the necessity of the procedure before worrying about getting it done.

It's hard to find sources that are neutral on the subject but there are a few out there.



I know people have different opinions, and I am ok with that. I did not have any reason to do it or not to do it. I just thought that's what we should do since hubby is circumcised, my brother is, and his brothers are and so forth. I just thought it was a common thing. Plus my husbands uncle is not circumcised and he has a lot of infections down there. So I just thought I was doing what was right for my son. But really after searching the internet trying to find out how much it would cost, I may leave that up to him, although I doubt seriously that he will want to go to a hospital to mutilate his own penis. My husband and I had a talk about getting my daughters ears pierced, though it's completely different part of the body, we decided if she wants holes in her ears, then that choice should be hers, and once she decides she wants them, then we'll get it done for her. The difference is, she doesn't have to be a part of a major surgery. If we are going to get him circumcised, I really wanted to do it before he could remember anything.

 

For me, getting my son circumsized wouldn't be worth going through general anesthesia for (tweaks me out a little). But if we'd had boys, we probably wouldn't have anyway. And just because someone's not circumsized doesn't automatically lead to infections.

GL with what you decide to do.

 

Both of my boys are circumsized and I kind of wish I hadn't done it. Both of their's have adhered back (since about 2 months of age). Now we have to see a urologist to have them "unstuck". I don't know what they will have to do. We followed the Dr guidelines to a "T" after the circs and they still stuck back. Their daddy made the choice to have it done, I left it up to him.

 

Thanks so much everyone. Yes I don't know if it's worth having him go anaesthesia , I would be crying my eyes out. But then again, I don't want him to blame me when he's older. But if he really wants it done that bad to blame me, then he can take himself in and pay for it himself too... I just don't know what to do. This wasn't the plan. But I guess everything changes. Gurrr... My hubby and I'll talk about it tonight, and Monday I am sure he'll still call the hospital and our insurance company, and if it's over 500 of our money, than I am pretty sure he just wont have it done.

Here is another question, for those who have not got their boys circumcised, have they had any infections or anything go wrong?

for those who have had their boys circumcised, have they had any problems?

 

OMG, that is ridiculous!!! I can't believe that you weren't informed that their was a time limit between when you could have it in in the office vs. OR. My DS is circumcised but it is completely a personal choice. We personally didn't give it much thought but I have heard of plenty of people not doing it. GL with your decision!

 

I agree with the PP who suggested doing research about it before deciding to do the procedure.

Yes, it used to be common to circ, and people did it without really considering they had an option, but now it's getting more and more common not to circ. It's completely unnecessary and some countries actually recommend against it (like Britan, for example). After reading about the risks of circ'ing and facts about how unnecessary it is, we chose not to have our DS circ'ed.

QUOTE(Melissatwins84 @ Jan 9 2009, 01:50 PM) [snapback]1140261[/snapback]
Here is another question, for those who have not got their boys circumcised, have they had any infections or anything go wrong?

What are you thinking would go wrong, just curious? It's the natural state of the male body. The majority of problems and infections etc happen because of circumcision, not the other way around.

This is more graphic, but the only care boys need as babies or young children is to be wiped down. Just like you'd do with a circ'ed boy after he'd healed, nothing special. The foreskin stays put to protect them from infections. Later on the foreskin is able to retract and at that point boys can be taught to clean more carefully. But as babies and children, it's not really an issue, if you clean them regularly. jut as you would a girl or uncirc'ed boy.

Here's some instructions from the AAP about it, so you know it's not just my own opinion :
http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/

 

I am not really sure what may go wrong, but I was just curious if there was any complications from either doing it or not doing it. I am just worried when he gets to be an adult, and his significant other may have a turn off because he's not circumsized. I don't want to be the blame for that. I am just so confused on the whole thing . Thanks everyone for talking to me about it.

 

I'm very interested by everyone's replies. I'm having a boy in May, and I'm totally torn on the subject!

On one hand, I think nature's pretty brilliant - it seems to know what our bodies need. A big part of me thinks that if men weren't meant to have foreskin, they'd be born without it. Plus, most of the world is not circumcised. It's only in the U.S.A. that we do it routinely.

On the other hand, I've been reading that the AAP is reconsidering its stance on circumcision. (As of now they say it's a cosmetic procedure and, therefore, unnecessary.) Recent research shows that circumcision greatly reduces the spread of AIDS and STD's. And since I won't be there to make sure my future son will be wearing a condom, maybe it's a good thing to offer him a little extra protection however I can.

Of course there are the religious/cultural considerations, but that's for a small percentage of the population.

I'm worried on both sides of the argument - about the possible infections/adhesions if we choose not to circumcise, and about the botched circumcisions I keep hearing about that have to be repeated.

My head is swimming. I wish someone would just tell me what the right choice is!

P.S. In my experience (which isn't very extensive), by the time an uncircumcised penis shows itself to a woman, it looks pretty much the same as the circumcised variety. So being a turnoff isn't all that worrisome to me.

 

If a women was turned off by a guy who wasn't circumcised than she really isn't worth his time IMO. I actually prefer a uncircumcised guy. (don't tell me DH :lol

 

QUOTE(Melissatwins84 @ Jan 9 2009, 03:07 PM) [snapback]1140356[/snapback]
I am just worried when he gets to be an adult, and his significant other may have a turn off because he's not circumsized. I don't want to be the blame for that. I am just so confused on the whole thing . Thanks everyone for talking to me about it.

Ah, that makes more sense. Again, I hope this isn't too graphic, but....the foreskin will retract when he and his future someone are getting intimate, so what she will see is actually very much like what you see with your DH. (Trying to put it sensitively--not easy!) I hope that's helpful.

 

I had DS done - DH is done etc...I left the final decision up to DH (after all I don't have a penis)...we have not had any issues with the circ, and adhesions etc...

it is completely personal - good luck!

 

Our DS is circ'd, and he was 3 weeks old when it was done, local block/no general ansthesia. We tried to have it done in the hospital but the doctor had urgent cases arise and couldn't make it. It healed beautifully, he ws only uncomfortable for a brief minute (I was present). My partner & I both wanted the circ, for personal not religious reasons.

My sister left the decision to her husband for their son & left him uncirc'd. Also doing beautifully, no concerns.

We learned that in our part of the country (Pacific NW) the circ rate is about 50%, so no worries about feeling uncomfortable in the locker room etc...

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

 

The only reasons to have a boy circumcised are religious and/or cosmetic. As a pp said, foreskin is natural and helps keep the head of the penis clean. Personally, I don't buy the "he has to look like his dad" argument - how many fathers and sons sit around comparing penises? Also, I've heard that circumcision is becoming less common in the US, so the whole "teasing in the locker room" thing doesn't really hold water either. And as far as what a woman prefers - well, if someone is in love with your son, is foreskin (or lack of it) going to be a deal breaker?

My son is intact and perfectly healthy. We've never had any problems down there. If he wants to get his foreskin cut off when he's old enough to make the decision, more power to him! But we're leaving the choice up to him.

 

We did not circumsize our boys... We researched the topic, talked to our doctors, and in the end, simply could not find any valid reason to perform cosmetic surgery on our children! I totally echo all of fusciagroan's comments!

My boys are almost one, and we have had no issues with cleanliness or infection. Once the foreskin starts to retract (within the next few years) we will have to make sure everything is clean, but for now it's self-cleaning!

 

Ugh we haven't thought about this issue yet. I'm not sure what Kaila and I will choose to do should we have boys. Thanks so much for all the info. Adding this to the worry list.... I mean we have a male figure that is very close to us that will be in our babies lives. I see alot of decisions here were based on being like the childs father. Hmm we may have to get a few male opinions here.

 

I didn't have my DS circumcised. I just didn't want him to have any unnecessary pain.
He hasn't had any infections or problems. I would think it would be more likely to be infected with a cut on it.

 

Our boys are circ'ed - we really didn't do much research, just did it b/c my dh is, and it just seemed "normal" to us. When we were in the hospital we made the joke several times that we were only going to circ one of the boys - my doctor laughed and then told us that she hates to do circumcisions and that they are purely cosmetic.

Part of me wants to tell you that in some way the doctors office should pay for some, since they told you you couldn't get it done until know (which seems to be not so) - or mention it to the Pediatrician or NICU on the advice you were given.

In my opinion, if you can't afford it, then I wouldn't worry about it. He isn't going to know any difference - It might not be worth the money...

 

QUOTE(blended6 @ Jan 9 2009, 07:00 PM) [snapback]1140519[/snapback]
If a women was turned off by a guy who wasn't circumcised than she really isn't worth his time IMO.


i so totally agree with this! she would obviously not be the right girl for him.

 

Thanks so much everyone for all your honest opinions. My husband and I have talked about it, he's going to call the pedi's office on Monday, and if he thinks there is a medical reason why we should do it, then we'll come up with the money (income tax), but otherwise, we'll just leave it uncircumsised, and have that decision be up to Drake if he doesn't like it when he's older.

 

For the PP Lauren- my partner & I also quizzed our male friends to get an opinion. All but one said if they'd had the choice, they would be circ'd. But- compare that to another lesbian couple we are friends with, they asked friends and the donor's opinion, and all those males said they wouldn't choose it for themselves! Complicated topic, for sure.

 

QUOTE(zndsmom @ Jan 9 2009, 09:49 PM) [snapback]1140663[/snapback]
For the PP Lauren- my partner & I also quizzed our male friends to get an opinion. All but one said if they'd had the choice, they would be circ'd. But- compare that to another lesbian couple we are friends with, they asked friends and the donor's opinion, and all those males said they wouldn't choose it for themselves! Complicated topic, for sure.


definitely a complicated choice!

 

We are not going to circumsize our boys. My husband is, but really wishes he wasn't (in fact he is kind of angry with his parents). It is personal decision, but one you can't go back after making. Good luck.

 

This is such a hard thing to give an opinion on because it is such a personal choice. My dh and I had a many discussions about this topic. My older ds is circumsized, I always thought it was just something you did because it was supposed to be cleaner, more sanitary, comfortable, etc... My father is Jewish so I guess that may be part of it as well. We had Kyle circumsized before we left the hospital and I don't regret it at all. He wasn't uncomfortable, and I have had no problems with it. I am glad that I don't have to worry about cleaning it, as far as foreskin and everything goes. My friends son is not circumsized and he has had many issues because he does not take the time to clean himself properly and he is too old to really have her assist him. I don't know that is a tough call. We did not pay for it in the hospital. I think that I would ask some more questions about the billing issue since you probably wouldn't have had to pay if it was done before he came home. I don't know, to me it just seems cleaner and easier to care for. GL with your decision.

Jen

 

QUOTE(fuchsiagroan @ Jan 10 2009, 02:39 AM) [snapback]1140559[/snapback]
The only reasons to have a boy circumcised are religious and/or cosmetic. As a pp said, foreskin is natural and helps keep the head of the penis clean. Personally, I don't buy the "he has to look like his dad" argument - how many fathers and sons sit around comparing penises? Also, I've heard that circumcision is becoming less common in the US, so the whole "teasing in the locker room" thing doesn't really hold water either. And as far as what a woman prefers - well, if someone is in love with your son, is foreskin (or lack of it) going to be a deal breaker?

My son is intact and perfectly healthy. We've never had any problems down there. If he wants to get his foreskin cut off when he's old enough to make the decision, more power to him! But we're leaving the choice up to him.



Yeah that.. men sometimes think it should be done because of the locker room thing, but now it is half and half, that is not an issue. If you do it, it can't be undone, if you don't, he can still do it. Yes it is surgery when he gets older, but I'm sure it is way less serious than let's say a c-section which is major abdominal surgery.

 

None of my 3 boys are circ'd, I have a 17 yr old and two, 4 yr olds and we havent had a single problem.

 

QUOTE(zndsmom @ Jan 9 2009, 09:49 PM) [snapback]1140663[/snapback]
For the PP Lauren- my partner & I also quizzed our male friends to get an opinion. All but one said if they'd had the choice, they would be circ'd. But- compare that to another lesbian couple we are friends with, they asked friends and the donor's opinion, and all those males said they wouldn't choose it for themselves! Complicated topic, for sure.



So I threw this out there at breakfast ( yes I know I have tact like that) This lead to an immediate phone call to our best guy friend who was not really excited about being woken up and asked about his man parts. :nea: So topic is still on the table, I suppose we have time.

 

Well I don't have experience with my own children (two girls), my parents decided to not have my brother circumcised at birth, but due to lots of infections- at 5yo he had to have it done. I know my mom kept it clean and taught him how, so its not like it was caused by being uncleanly. After the circumcision there was never an issue. I was only 7 and still remember him walking in the house in pain afterwards. I think that if we have boys we will have them circ'd to avoid that. I definitely don't want them to have to remember it like my brother does.

 

Oh, I should also add that my DH and my nephew are not circed, and neither have had any problems ever.

 

QUOTE
When we were in the hospital we made the joke several times that we were only going to circ one of the boys - my doctor laughed and then told us that she hates to do circumcisions and that they are purely cosmetic.

We had already decided against circumcision, which turned out to be a good thing. Neither my OB nor the ped would do it, as they both considered it cosmetic. We would have had to search out a pediatric urologist, which was just too complicated with newborn twinkies.

At first, I figured that we would have it done, as every male in both families is. But our Swedish midwive (we were living in Bulgaria when we got pregnant) was so repulsed by the idea - and lectured us on her disbelief that Americans routinely mutilate their little boys - that we researched and decided against.

Now at age 5, we've had no infections. Aaron's foreskin was slow to retract and it still not 100% retractable, but there are no worries. Soon enough he'll play with it to guarantee complete retraction. :lol:

Both boys have seen Daddy many times and have commented many times on the fact that Daddy has a BIG penis. But they have never asked why they have extra skin and Daddy doesn't.

 

I just have to comment on the "cleaning" it. I was told by our Dr's not to bother with it at all. There really is no need to clean it a special way. I just bathe my boys like normal .. you really shouldnt be trying to pull the skin back .. it will do it on its own .. but if you do and soap or even just plain water gets trapped inside .. THIS will lead to infection.