i just got curious about how people define CIO - at what time limit do you consider a baby crying to have passed from "allowable" fussing into CIO territory? do you only consider it CIO if you leave baby completely on their own?
For me CIO is crying (more like screaming really), not fussing, and ideally until they stop crying. Going back in for a pat on the back is fine, but if you end up picking your baby after 20 minutes, I think it's just pointless to let him scream in the first place, even if I guess you can call that CIO. For my kids when we did CIO (just a few times overall), going back in made things way worse.
I consider CIO " Cry till their OUT" No ifs ands or buts. No back patting, no shushing, zip nothing nada. Maybe thats why Im anti- CIO. As Ive stated on many other posts: putting them to sleep every night, might be the only time they talk to you when they are older. You will always have a special night time ritual and they will always be gauranteed your undvided attention for that amount of time. "
CIO for us meant crying until they went to sleep on their own. But, for us that was never longer than 20 minutes at a time. Regina, you are right, going back in at increasing intervals(5, 10, 15 minutes) is known as the Ferber method.
Wow...so many people said no time limit...does that mean the babies just cry and cry? I didn't vote because I don't have a definition. Do those of you who voted no time limit actually do CIO or is it just how you define it? There are a lot of people on TS who talk about letting the babies CIO...I guess I always assumed it meant you did the Ferber method. I don't do CIO, but I will let them fuss for a minute or two as long as there are no sobs or tears. Sometimes when I first put DS down, he protests, then he snuggles in and goes to sleep. DD has to let out one final "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" before she'll go to sleep (and she does it throughout the night when she partially wakes - it's actually really cute, sounds like she's singing herself back to sleep!), but it's more of a groan than a cry. If either of them actually start to cry, I soothe them, first by shushing them (it actually works a lot of the time...just a shhh shhh shhh repeated over and over for a minute), then I try patting or singing if that doesn't work. Usually that's enough. If not, then I know something's up and I check a diaper or see if they are hungry. DD has been a great sleeper all along, no sleep training needed. DS has his issues so we're swaddling again temporarily so he goes to sleep and stays asleep, but I think he'll eventually outgrow that on his own when he's ready.
I put no time limit, but I don't agree with CIO til they're at least two. Years. Not months. Years. I think before that, they only cry if a need isn't being met. In fact, I may push that to three with the girls. I hated doing it with Owen, and felt disgusted with myself. I never was 100% sure if he was developmentally capable of actively messing with me yet, or if he really needed something. I don't know. I'm conflicted. Lol....I know the time comes when it needs to be done, but man oh man, do I hate it. Trouble is, he was so big and strong, that I knew if I didn't get him in hand fairly young that I'd never be able to control him, because physically he would soon be stronger than me. He could hold-not LOCK-HOLD a door shut to the point that I could hardly get into a room by the time he was four. and now, at 8.5, he can lift me off the floor if he takes me by surprise-so if he wasn't a naturally gentle kid I'd be so screw**.
For us, we didn't let them cry for more than 15 minutes. If ours cried more than that, then they were not ready for bed. We were able to tell a pattern with the pretty quickly. GL!
I put "no time limit" because even if they cried for only 1 minute then I consider that CIO. If they cry when I put them in their cribs and then put themselves to sleep by crying then I consider that CIO. (Now that mine are older they rarely cry at all when they go in the cribs).
Oh dear...let's see, maybe 3 minutes or so and then I go in. When one of the twins started flipping in the night that was a rough week. Finally, I got to the point where I would watch her on the monitor and see if she could figure it out. I watched the clock and decided I would sit there for three minutes. She made it! If she hadn't, I would have been back in. I just don't have it in me. As another poster said, they can tell when something is wrong or when they are just fussing themselves back to sleep. I guess I should consider myself very lucky that our twins are pretty good sleepers.
QUOTE(mamabee718 @ Feb 6 2009, 10:02 PM) [snapback]1180181[/snapback] Wow...so many people said no time limit...does that mean the babies just cry and cry? yes - but not forever. they will eventually go to sleep. how long it takes depends on a number of factors - including how over-tired the baby/child is, how long they've been over-tired, how different the new bedtime routine is from the old one (for example, if you're switching from an hour long nursing/rocking/soothing session to a short bedtime wind down & then into the crib, that would likely take longer for baby to adapt to), the baby's tempermant, etc, etc. the first night we did sleep training with the girls, when we were switching them to their cribs from sleeping on me, they cried for just under 2 hours. but they've never even come close to that again. in some ways it was hard to listen to them, but on the other hand, it was kind of a relief to know i was finally going to be able to sleep on my own again. *shrug* it used to bother me how much people seemed to judge me for it, but i'm kind of over it now. i know it was the right choice for our family. period.
I voted no time limit because really it depends. When we were in the thick of it, there were times when I would go in and see if they lose their paci's or had a dirty diaper. If I had to pick them up to do so they were content and smiling. I did not see it as manipulation but rather that they didn't want to be in bed when it clearly was time to be in bed. I quickly realized the difference between their cries and figured out if they really needed me or if they just didn't want to be in bed or were overtired. I am glad we stayed consistent with it (although it was hard to listen to at times) and now they are fine. Hardly make a peep when going to bed again unless they do really need me. I don't think it was damaging to them at all since they are happy to wake up and now are pretty happy to go to bed. In fact dd runs to her room when she is ready for bed!!!
I consider CIO a sleep training method that teaches/allows a baby to fall asleep unassisted despite of some protest crying during the learning process. I did it with my twins when they were around 9 months old. We followed Ferber's method with the check-ins every so many minutes. It's important to remember that the checks are just to reassure the baby that you are still there and to reassure you that the baby is ok--mad--but ok. You shouldn't help the baby fall asleep during the checks by picking them up, etc. I chose no limit to crying because the goal is to get the baby to fall asleep by himself. It doesn't matter how much crying it takes. And I think quick checks are still CIO.
