Hi Gals - My g/g twins are 6 months old next week. We have been working really hard on regulating their sleep, and they now take great naps (swaddled), they sleep without the swaddle at night, and they put themselves to sleep in the evening without fussing for too long (they rarely all out wail at bedtime anymore). So, my question is...next step, sleeping through. One twin sleeps (7-4)...the other, my more high strung girlie, is up every 2-3 hours (she clearly doesn't need it as she has, on occasion slept through). So, last night, I left and slept at a friend's house (does this make me a bad mom?) They cried a LOT! One for 3 hours, one for 1 hour. I came home at 5:30 to feed them and the one that cried for 3 hours was at it again. I read Weisbluth and he says "as much as it takes"...but how much is too much... Today, they are the same little personalities...just tired. What do you think? Many thanks, Jo
QUOTE So, last night, I left and slept at a friend's house (does this make me a bad mom?) As long as someone was there with them, no it doesn't make you a bad mom. Consistency is the key.
I think you'll get a different answer from everyone. It's all up to what you feel is right. I've never done CIO. My ds slept through the night starting at 5 months while my DD didn't sleep through until 18 months. Personally I coulden't let a 6 month old cry for 3 hours. That seems really extreme to me.
QUOTE(KYsweetheart @ Jul 28 2007, 05:22 PM) [snapback]347444[/snapback] As long as someone was there with them, no it doesn't make you a bad mom. Consistency is the key. You're funny...of course someone was here...daddy was on duty!
If your kid can't calm down on her/his own for that long, then I'd abort CIO and try a more gentle approach. keep in mind that 6 mo oldbabies do not have object permanence, which means when you leave, they think you've left for good. I think CIO (regardless of what the books say) shouldn't be done til after 10 mos when a kid understands that you're going to come back. You may want to try and get your waker to eat more during the day so that she's not waking to eat. Teri D
I have to agree with the thought that 6 months is a bit young. I've just started CIO with my b/g twins and they are just over 11 months, and we just felt that the time was right. First night our son cried for 9 min. (we go in every 5 minutes to sooth them, then walk out). Second night: 7 min. Tonight he went down in 2 min. Our daughter is more of a 'fusser'... she went for half an hour the first night... 10 min the second and 4 min tonight. I know that everyone has different experiences.... and I am certainly NO expert, but in my personal experience, I found they were too young at 6 months... It was still hard to do for me at 11 months I wish you all the best... I was up constantly in the night with my girl... (what is it about those girls?).... and I'm just starting to sleep well again... ahhhh Jenn
I agree 6 months is too young and you literally let your baby cry for 3 hours straight??? That is hard for me to imagine or comprehend. Even an hour is too long, IMO.
I think its a very personal decision, and different for all your kids. My baby (4 months) has slept through the night since she was 2 months and she did a little CIO, just to wind down. I think you should go in comfort, leave, go in comfort, leave... in intervals that are comfortable to you... Give it a few days and then see where you are , (other than tired!!) Just letting them cry and cry stresses everyone out, dedicate some time to it, a couple weeks even, because once its done, its fabulous!
OK enough. I feel terrible...and judged...not by all of you, but by some of you. The three hours were not consecutive...not that I really should feel like I need to explain... I love my babies...want the best for them...was following sound advice (both in print, from my pediatrician, and from friends)...was working in the best interest of my whole family (including a 3 year old as we are all exhausted)...and wrote because I wanted clarification/support. I felt like it was too long to let her cry...I wasn't here (a fact that I am punishing myself appropriately for)...it isn't going to happen again. And, I won't be posting here again...lesson learned on both fronts. Thanks for your honesty... Jo
I just glanced at the other responses. Let me tell you...we did CIOat 5 1/2 months. Wish I did it at 5 months. 6 months is PERFECTLY FINE TO DO CIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont feel bad!!!!! After a few nights, my boys are the best sleepers in town! They love me to death and even after the beginning nights of CIO, the woke with the BIGGEST SMILES on their FACES. Please dont let the posts here discourage you from continuing to come here! PM me if you want! You needed a break and going to your friends was perfectly fine!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me add...my boys cried ALL night on and off for the first few nights!!!!! They were in no way damaged by this in any way!
Please do not feel bad. I've seen plenty of responses on this topic that support CIO at a younger age and lots of people who have had success. My boys were taking 2-3 hours every night to get to sleep and it was making them miserable the next day because they would go to bed so late. So my DH pushed us to try CIO when they were 6 months old (but only 4 months adjusted age). So we started with a consistent routine and then once that was set for a week started letting them cry after we had spent a while soothing them. The first few nights were very bad. The longest they cried was about 1.5 hours with a couple of little breaks in there. But after about 3 nights it went down to 10 mins. After 2 weeks they would literally roll over and go to sleep when I put them in their crib after the nightly routine. We are all so much happier now that the babies go to sleep by 7:30 pm every night. Heck -- I've even gone out to a movie for the first time in 7 months!! When we did CIO if they wake up again in the first few hours when we knew they weren't hungry yet we just let them cry again. Now sometimes I hear them and they cry out for maybe 2-3 mins and then right back to sleep. When they wake up at 4 am or so I know they are really hungry and I go to them for a feeding. They are still bf'ing so I'm not ready to cut this out yet. So don't feel bad and if you want to keep trying just give it a few days before you give up.
QUOTE(JCK @ Jul 29 2007, 12:36 AM) [snapback]348113[/snapback] OK enough. I feel terrible...and judged...not by all of you, but by some of you. The three hours were not consecutive...not that I really should feel like I need to explain... I love my babies...want the best for them...was following sound advice (both in print, from my pediatrician, and from friends)...was working in the best interest of my whole family (including a 3 year old as we are all exhausted)...and wrote because I wanted clarification/support. I felt like it was too long to let her cry...I wasn't here (a fact that I am punishing myself appropriately for)...it isn't going to happen again. And, I won't be posting here again...lesson learned on both fronts. Thanks for your honesty... Jo Oh my! I can't believe I didn't see this thread until now. I am so sorry that you feel judged. :hug99: I did CIO with Jake at 6 months. He cried off and on throughout the night, for the most part only 20 minutes at a time, but I feel lucky, as I know for some it is way worse! I feel absolutely horrible that your first experience here was not a good one. I hope you will give it one more chance, and find the support and friendship that most of us feel here. Please feel free to send me a Personal Message. :hug99:
Please don't feel judged. Sometimes others opinions differ from ours and when we're in a stressful situation - like trying to get these babies to just sleep for once - everything can sound worse than it is. I have experienced the same feelings here on occasion. It can be a true bummer!! Ok, now my two cents. I did CIO much earlier than anyone - 4.5 months. I too had a night where Emma cried off and on for a couple of HOURS. Cried for 20, slept for 30, cried for 10, slept for 45, you get it. I think you need to do what you feel comfortable with. CIO certainly worked for us at that age now she sleeps 10.5-11 hours straight through but it did take some work, and some heartache. I am SO SORRY that you felt like you were being judged. That is not a good feeling at all at this stage. We are here for you!! :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:
I can fully understand that you are more than ready for your kids to sleep throught the night. And I really believe that if you are strong enough to do CIO, that it is one of the quickest methods to have you kids sleep through. I did it with mine, but i would go in after the most 20 minutes, I did not say anything, i put a soother in and left. This only happened 3 or 4 times, and now they are usually asleep before the 20 minutes are over. They still do not always sleep through, but it is 90% better than it was. Be consistant, and definately keep going, the first couple of nights are the worst. Not everyone my agree with your decision, but it is yours to make, and I am sure you will do what is best for yourbabies!!
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by some of the responses on this thread. I didn't see them as judgemental, though if you're already beating yourself up for not being home (hon, moms need breaks too!), I can see why you might have viewed it that way. CIO is such a controversial subject, and I see no reason to add my opnion, since we didn't try it. I don't think you can know until you do it yourself and see how your children handle it. It's very tough, and some nights it takes nerves of steel to get through it, but lots of people have success stories along with very happy and healthy babies. Please don't be hard on yourself over this. It's a personal decision. :hug99:
I think that you are doing a fine job. I did CIO at 6 months with mine, both of them still CIO most times I put them down. Kevin still can go for 1 hour or more if I let him and I do, believe me. You should not in the slightest feel bad about doing it either. :hug99: Every baby is different and some babies are easy to learn to soothe and fall asleep on their one (like my eldest and Patrick) and other babies just are super stubborn and will have the hardest time learning this (like Kev). You just can't sit there and rock your kids to sleep forever! I would still be doing that at over 1 if I didn't let Kev CIO most nights and I would never get anything done. Moms need breaks and with twins those breaks are fewer and fewer! :hug99: You are doing a great job -- keep it up! I know it is hard.
You're not a bad mom, we all have our own techniques we use to deal with our children. What works for some may not work for others. You're children are definitely old enough for CIO, a pedi will tell you that. Mine sure will. :hug99: Please don't quit visiting TS, we are so very glad to have you.
QUOTE(JCK @ Jul 29 2007, 12:36 AM) [snapback]348113[/snapback] OK enough. I feel terrible...and judged...not by all of you, but by some of you. The three hours were not consecutive...not that I really should feel like I need to explain... Well, that's a big point that people would need to know in order to properly give you advice. Three hours in a row? Yes, that would be too much, IMHO. Three hours here and there? No, not too much. Personally, I did CIO in order to get Bea to sleep for the night at 5 1/2 months because nothing, and I mean nothing, would calm her down. She really didn't cry much, maybe 15 min and she was settled. I did CIO at 10 months with Ainsley for night wakings and to get her to sleep for the night. She did cry for an hour the first night, next night was maybe 30 min, then 15, then nothing. No, it's not wrong to leave for the night, as long as there is another responsible adult in the house. I'm sorry you felt judged. If you ask for opinions, not everyone is going to agree with you.
