CIO method advice

As I state in my topic description, this is not a debate about CIO. I personally don't care about opinions on the method, but am looking to hear from people who have advice on how to tackle the following situation with CIO. I do plan on using this method and respect those people who chose to do things different.

Our night time routine is such: We get home from work/day care right around 5pm, we do dinner, give baths every other night, get pjs on, play for about 20-30 minutes, read stories, nurse, and then go to bed at about 7pm.

DS has been in his own crib since about 5 mos. old. I had him sleeping with me from about 2 mos. until 5 mos. At about 6-7 months, I really started to pay attention to his "sleepy signs" and made sure to put him to bed as soon as I saw them (a little bit of HSHHC). We also allowed him to CIO for 20 minutes before we would go get him, but not more than 20 minutes.

DD was actually sleeping through the night at 2.5 months. At the same time I started putting DS in the bedroom with DD, I would often find them waking each other up and was nursing both to get to them back to sleep. DD was not easy to get back to sleep in the middle of the night, so I started bringing her to bed with me. I also started back to work full-time as a teacher right around the same time. It was just easier to bring her to bed and I was so exhausted that I did what worked at the time.

Since then, I usually get him to sleep then nurse her and hold her until she falls asleep. Then I put her down in her crib. She usually stays asleep, but wakes up right around midnight and won't go back to sleep in her own crib anymore. I am also not willing to deal with two crying kids at midnight when I have to be with middle school kids all day. So...I just grab her and pull her into bed with me. I don't nurse her in the middle of the night anymore, but she falls asleep instantly. Sometimes (and more often lately) she wakes up right when we put her in the crib and then won't go back to sleep, so I just lay with her in my bed (at 7-7:30pm). She usually falls asleep within about 10 minutes and then I go out into the family room to watch TV, work on the computer, get ready for the next day, etc.

DS has actually been sleeping through the night for about a month now. He learned how to pull himself up onto the side of his crib about a week and a half ago however, and now wakes in the middle of the night because he can't get himself down. I've been trying to work on helping him learn how to squat, but because we work full-time there is truly limited time to do this. We are doing what we can though. Anyway, he wakes at least twice a night now and the only way I've been able to get him back to sleep is to nurse him, which I stopped doing about two-three months ago. (Grrr...I so feel like I am going backwards with him!) For the last 4-5 nights, he's woken up at 4am and even though I've tried to nurse him to go back to sleep and then rock him to sleep, he still wakes up and starts crawling up the crib railing (screaming the whole time). I've just given up and pulled him into bed with me too.

My DH has been so worried about rolling over DD (actually more when she was younger than now), that he's resigned to sleeping on the couch. I honestly can't remember the last time we slept together in the same bed. Needless to say, this has all been really hard on our marriage. I think everyone's first year is, but I feel like I am losing the marriage battle and the only way to get him at least back in bed with me is to get her out.

So, spring break is literately starting on their 1st birthday (March 6th). I have that weekend, the next five days, and the following weekend to get them to learn how to sleep in the same room, in their own cribs, and to learn how to CIO. I figure the first few days will be hard, but I know that if I am not working I can sleep during the day when they nap (hopefully at the same time).

I'm looking for words of wisdom and support here. I'm also wondering if I should I ease DD back into the crib over the week? Or do I just make her go cold turkey? DS is willing to stand at the side of his crib for 45-50 minutes and scream. Do I just let him and wait for him to fall over and go to sleep? I would hope by then, he's figured out how to get himself down, but he's become so stubborn lately! Did anyone try this at one years old? Anything specific that helped you get through the first few nights?

Thank you in advance!!!

 

I'm in a different situation than you so my advice might not be the best (sorry my two sleep really well). I put my two in sleeping bags so it was always harder for them to stand up in them, when they could stand up in them they could also sit back down. He doesn't have too far to fall so he isn't going to hurt himself falling back on his mattress and it is just something he will have to figure out. Ear plugs ? I'm fairly strict with the sleeping thing, I just can't sleep well with a baby in my bed -- never could. I always waited a good 30 mins before responding to any cries. Now if they cry for more than 10 mins I know it is important.

Ok now for support... you know they need to sleep in their own bed, you know they have had enough food, rarely a chance they pooped but you can always smell that from the door, you need your sleep and this is your chance to get them into a schedule. (pep talk here) So not only CAN you do this.... you MUST do this. Each night on your holiday it is important to stick to your plan (whatever that is) and be determined that this is the best for you and them. Write down your plan which might help you stick to it even more.

I found with my one daughter that she did better when I just closed the door -- she'd have a cry and it was over. If I tried to console her she got more worked up. I dont' know if either of your two is like this but you could try that.

Other things I use include music and I put some "baby Vicks" rub which is just essential oils of lavender and rub a bit on their sleeping bags. I do this for naps as well, it triggers both smell and sound that it is bedtime.

Hey, good luck for March and who knows you might get it worked out before then ! Tell us how it turns out for you.

Heather

 

I did CIO with my 3 boys. I didn't go in at all once I put them to bed, as I found it made the crying worse. The key to CIO is consistency, so once you decide to do it, don't turn back or you will be basically starting over. Personally, during your break, I would put them both in their cribs, give them kisses and hugs, and not go in until the next morning. It will be difficult the first few nights, but after that it should get better and better. :hug:

 

QUOTE(Fireweed in AK @ Feb 2 2009, 01:50 AM) [snapback]1172343[/snapback]
As I state in my topic description, this is not a debate about CIO. I personally don't care about opinions on the method, but am looking to hear from people who have advice on how to tackle the following situation with CIO. I do plan on using this method and respect those people who chose to do things different.

Our night time routine is such: We get home from work/day care right around 5pm, we do dinner, give baths every other night, get pjs on, play for about 20-30 minutes, read stories, nurse, and then go to bed at about 7pm.

DS has been in his own crib since about 5 mos. old. I had him sleeping with me from about 2 mos. until 5 mos. At about 6-7 months, I really started to pay attention to his "sleepy signs" and made sure to put him to bed as soon as I saw them (a little bit of HSHHC). We also allowed him to CIO for 20 minutes before we would go get him, but not more than 20 minutes.

DD was actually sleeping through the night at 2.5 months. At the same time I started putting DS in the bedroom with DD, I would often find them waking each other up and was nursing both to get to them back to sleep. DD was not easy to get back to sleep in the middle of the night, so I started bringing her to bed with me. I also started back to work full-time as a teacher right around the same time. It was just easier to bring her to bed and I was so exhausted that I did what worked at the time.

Since then, I usually get him to sleep then nurse her and hold her until she falls asleep. Then I put her down in her crib. She usually stays asleep, but wakes up right around midnight and won't go back to sleep in her own crib anymore. I am also not willing to deal with two crying kids at midnight when I have to be with middle school kids all day. So...I just grab her and pull her into bed with me. I don't nurse her in the middle of the night anymore, but she falls asleep instantly. Sometimes (and more often lately) she wakes up right when we put her in the crib and then won't go back to sleep, so I just lay with her in my bed (at 7-7:30pm). She usually falls asleep within about 10 minutes and then I go out into the family room to watch TV, work on the computer, get ready for the next day, etc.

DS has actually been sleeping through the night for about a month now. He learned how to pull himself up onto the side of his crib about a week and a half ago however, and now wakes in the middle of the night because he can't get himself down. I've been trying to work on helping him learn how to squat, but because we work full-time there is truly limited time to do this. We are doing what we can though. Anyway, he wakes at least twice a night now and the only way I've been able to get him back to sleep is to nurse him, which I stopped doing about two-three months ago. (Grrr...I so feel like I am going backwards with him!) For the last 4-5 nights, he's woken up at 4am and even though I've tried to nurse him to go back to sleep and then rock him to sleep, he still wakes up and starts crawling up the crib railing (screaming the whole time). I've just given up and pulled him into bed with me too.

My DH has been so worried about rolling over DD (actually more when she was younger than now), that he's resigned to sleeping on the couch. I honestly can't remember the last time we slept together in the same bed. Needless to say, this has all been really hard on our marriage. I think everyone's first year is, but I feel like I am losing the marriage battle and the only way to get him at least back in bed with me is to get her out.

So, spring break is literately starting on their 1st birthday (March 6th). I have that weekend, the next five days, and the following weekend to get them to learn how to sleep in the same room, in their own cribs, and to learn how to CIO. I figure the first few days will be hard, but I know that if I am not working I can sleep during the day when they nap (hopefully at the same time).

I'm looking for words of wisdom and support here. I'm also wondering if I should I ease DD back into the crib over the week? Or do I just make her go cold turkey? DS is willing to stand at the side of his crib for 45-50 minutes and scream. Do I just let him and wait for him to fall over and go to sleep? I would hope by then, he's figured out how to get himself down, but he's become so stubborn lately! Did anyone try this at one years old? Anything specific that helped you get through the first few nights?

Thank you in advance!!!


I have always found this board to be incredibly supportive on CIO, so I'm sure you'll get good advice. DD always STTN on her own from about 3 months. DS didn't. We did CIO with him at 7 months with great success. We've had to use CIO to get through some of the obstacles you are mentioning - learning to stand and not being able to get down, teething disruptions, etc.

If I were you, I would just do extinction CIO. Put them in their cribs and leave them. You will have a rough first night, but then I think it will be easier. They are both able to STTN and have done it, so I think they will go back to it pretty easily. After a couple nights, they will be STTN like champs. Then, we have a rule that we do not even consider intervening if they wake up until after 10 minutes. They almost NEVER cry more than 5. We still have our occasional rough nights - last night they fussed for a few minutes when we put them down - but in general it goes really well in our house.

I would not necessarily wait until your spring break. I think the earlier you do it (after 6 months or so) the easier it goes. Rather than another month of instilling bad habits, I'd do it this coming weekend.

Good luck!!!!

 

Yikes, I can see why you are ready to do some CIO sleep training. It sounds like it's been rough going in the sleep department!

I think you need to be emotionally ready to do CIO before you start. You need to be strong so that you don't give in to their cries. If you aren't fully committed to it, you'll likely cave in and cause them more sleep problems by teaching them that if they cry long enough they'll get to sleep in mommy's bed, etc. If you can get emotionally ready to do it this coming weekend, I'd do it then. Basically, the sooner you do it, the easier it will be. Once they hit a year, they're going to be more stubborn and more set in their ways and they'll fight it that much harder.

Pesonally, I did Ferber's method where you go in to check on them in increasing intervals. The checks are supposed to reassure the baby that mom is still there, but really I think they are more for the parents. It allowed me to see that they were fine--mad--but fine. Other people find that going in just gets them more worked up. Personally, I wouldn't ease them into their cribs as they're nearly a year old. It's not like you have 5 month olds who have never slept in their cribs before. As mean as it might sound, they're going to be crying for a few days so you might as well make all the changes at once and get the crying over with, rather than spreading it out by making gradual changes.

 

QUOTE(Fireweed in AK @ Feb 2 2009, 12:50 AM) [snapback]1172343[/snapback]
I'm looking for words of wisdom and support here. I'm also wondering if I should I ease DD back into the crib over the week? Or do I just make her go cold turkey? DS is willing to stand at the side of his crib for 45-50 minutes and scream. Do I just let him and wait for him to fall over and go to sleep? I would hope by then, he's figured out how to get himself down, but he's become so stubborn lately! Did anyone try this at one years old? Anything specific that helped you get through the first few nights?

Thank you in advance!!!


:hug: You can do it! CIO is hard, but it works! I would just put DD back into the crib cold turkey. That is the method I use for most things. I think that if by "easing her" it means letting her in your bed on occassion then she is always going to want to be in your bed. I would just let your DS cry, he'll figure out how to sit down. I bet it won't take very long for them to learn either, I think CIO is harder on us than it is on them. The way I got through it was to shut my door so I couldn't hear the crying as loudly!

When the CIO is in progress talk to yourself and tell yourself to stay calm, that they are safe in their cribs and not in any pain. Remind yourself that in your house everyone needs sleep. Your marriage can not take a back seat to your children, 20 years from now your kids will be on their own (hopefully) but your DH will still be around! (hopefully)

GL and let us know how it goes!

 

Wow! Thank you ladies for your response. I know my post was super long, but I appreciate you "listening" and your advice.

I think you are all right and I should get this over with as soon as possible. Aimee, the comment about my kids not necessarily being with me in 20 years, but my husband will (or so I hope) put it all into perspective. Thank you!

I do work every day this week however and am going to a conference on Friday evening/all day Sat. Either way, I think I will start on Friday and just come home from the conference early to help DH put them to bed. In the meantime, I got a copy of Dr. Ferber's book and plan on reading through sections of it through the week.

Thank you again for your support and I look forward to telling you all how it goes!

 

I have done CIO with all 3 of my kiddos and it works great but you do have to be 100% committed to it for it to work. I would personally do extinction CIO from day 1 and it should only take about 3-4 days to see a difference. We don't turn any monitors on until 5am and it has worked great for our family. It is hard in the beginning but when you see the results it is so worth it esp for the kids who learn to sleep much better. Good luck!

 

I think you have gotten some great advice on here, I did not have to do CIO at night with our kiddos but at nap time we did. I would start them at once and as long as you know they are fed, changed and safe, let them go. It will be probably be rough for a couple of days but once they start to realize that this is how it's gonna be, they will adjust. Hang in there, Momma. Good luck and let us know how you make out!